it's been a month since i last blogged. christmas has come and gone. new year is just a few days away... keith has started on his new job. he's enjoying it. i'm so happy for him.
we're still on for the wedding. yes, still pushing thru despite my family's annoyance, especially my mom's. i have realized three weeks ago, thru another horrific phone call with my mom, that they are against the impending marriage. why? i have no idea. it could be because they think i'm still too young. or maybe because they're scared. fear makes people say and do the stupidest things. we got into a fight about the invitations which have not been sent out and will not be sent out till a month before the wedding. and that is still 7 months away.
she wanted me to invite my father's relatives. the same people who mocked my family. the same people who talked behind my back. the very people who looked down on me and my family and called us names. the people who threatened to shoot my soon-to-be husband if he doesn't "shape up". i put my foot down and refused her request.
she told me she won't go then. she said i should be grateful because these people took me in; that i should forget the past and bury whatever cruel things they said and did. she said that it would be an embarrassment to her and my dad if they are the only ones to go to my wedding; it would be just an invitation, a "socially correct" gesture. pabalat-bunga lang. she even went on to say something to the effect of " you share their last name and it's important that they are also there."
well, i don't go for that crap. if i don't like someone, i don't like him. i won't go out of my way to perform a "socially correct" gesture to people i do not like. if the occasion calls for it, i could be civil towards them. but that occasion shouldn't be my wedding. i explained to her that the number of guests are at a minimum. it's because we are on a budget and that we want a small, intimate affair. only the people absolutely close to us would be there. i told her that my last name should not be an issue. if they want their last name back, then they could have it. besides, my last name will soon be changed.
she got nasty and said that if that's how i look at things then she would go to the nearest civil registry and have it changed to the "original" name i have. that did it. that just broke me. she keeps on saying that i should forget about my being adopted but then here she is, slapping it in front of my face during an argument i feel we shouldn't even be having.
fine. let's invite those good-for-nothing bastard and bitches. after all, i'm sure they will have the decency not to go. yah, right. i cried and cried the whole day. i sobered up just before going home. i don't want keith to know i've been crying the whole day. besides, i have to break the news to him about some uninvited guests being invited and i want to be able to say it right. on our way home, i broke down and told him the call i had with my mom. he hugged me and said " if they have to be invited, then we'll invite them. i'll be civil with them. you'll be civil with them. that's it."
i have to hand it to keith. everything seems so easy for him. everything is "ok, fine, let's get it on." he spoke with my mom the other day to greet them a merry christmas. i don't have the courage to speak with them yet. the last phone call was too much for me i guess. keith told her that i have a bad case of sore throat and cold which is very much true. at some point during their talk, keith called me to his side. i saw tears burning in his eyes. he mouthed the words "i love you" and hugged me close. i must have looked quizzical because he then pulled up his phone, opened it to write me a message, and wrote this down in between short answers to my mom: " your mom is ranting about the invitations. she is not happy about the wedding."
i hugged him back.
keith asked me if i was happy this christmas. i told him i was. i could be happier, really... but then again i got a few gifts from his family, my family is safe in bacolod, keith and i both have jobs and are safe and healthy, i have friends who love and care for me and showered me with gifts this holiday season (unlike some people i know who hardly got any!)...i have keith. i'm thankful... and happy... for all that.
keith and i have been losing valuable sleep over his job interviews and applications. nagkasabay-sabay kasi. he's determined to leave his current job (which sucks big time) and move on to better, greener pastures. i couldn't agree with him more. he was bent on landing himself a good, stable job that it just broke my heart to hear him say that he was denied yet again when he called me in the office yesterday afternoon.
Keith: i'm a bum baby. i can't get myself a job. i'm a bum.
Ice: aww c'mon. that's just one stupid company.you'll get another offer. and it'll be better than this one. you'll see.
Keith: hmp! to hell with them all! pinasa ko na nga pala resignation letter ko. wala na akong trabaho baby. i'm a bum.
he kept on saying that he's a bum all throughout the ride home. he bought me one of my fave cake and said that he doesn't have any money anymore. he bought me cake because he soon won't be able to give me anything. because he's a bum. *sigh*. like i frigging care...
we ate some of the cake and prepared to catch some zzz's. he asked me to look at the profile of the firm that turned him down. i sat next to him on the bed and opened the folder he offered to me. it read on top:
Below the referral form was another sheet of paper saying:
i was so surprised i cried and laughed at the same time.
Keith: i'm a bum baby. i can't get myself a job. i'm a bum.
Ice: aww c'mon. that's just one stupid company.you'll get another offer. and it'll be better than this one. you'll see.
Keith: hmp! to hell with them all! pinasa ko na nga pala resignation letter ko. wala na akong trabaho baby. i'm a bum.
he kept on saying that he's a bum all throughout the ride home. he bought me one of my fave cake and said that he doesn't have any money anymore. he bought me cake because he soon won't be able to give me anything. because he's a bum. *sigh*. like i frigging care...
we ate some of the cake and prepared to catch some zzz's. he asked me to look at the profile of the firm that turned him down. i sat next to him on the bed and opened the folder he offered to me. it read on top:
We are referring Keith Hidalgo to your clinic for a complete pre-employment medical exam.
Below the referral form was another sheet of paper saying:
Welcome to S****!
We are pleased to offer to you the following position and benefits...
i was so surprised i cried and laughed at the same time.
while in the midst of planning for my wedding, i applied for an open position here in the office. it's my 3rd, maybe 4th, application for a higher position this year. this time it's for QA. i do hope i land the promotion. i have always eyed the QA position but this wasn't available to us Level 1's before. now, the opportunity has come. and i've grabbed it of course. i do hope i get. really.
if i don't get it, well... it's either i'm a dumb, irresponsible employee (which i don't believe i am) or maybe management is dumb and irresponsible (which i believe they are at times). i am hoping against hope. i really want this. could you see me bleeding? it's how much i want to be in this position.
all the details for my wedding are set. we've saved up enough to pay for the church where the ceremony will be held. we're now saving up for the rest of the payments we need to make. somehow, i know we'll be able to pull this thru. somehow, some way... we will pull this thru.
and i'll make sure to ace that frigging interview for the QA position!
if i don't get it, well... it's either i'm a dumb, irresponsible employee (which i don't believe i am) or maybe management is dumb and irresponsible (which i believe they are at times). i am hoping against hope. i really want this. could you see me bleeding? it's how much i want to be in this position.
all the details for my wedding are set. we've saved up enough to pay for the church where the ceremony will be held. we're now saving up for the rest of the payments we need to make. somehow, i know we'll be able to pull this thru. somehow, some way... we will pull this thru.
and i'll make sure to ace that frigging interview for the QA position!
keith and i had a long talk last night. i was argumentative at the start of the conversation, then i bawled my eyes out, and then i feel asleep in his arms.
keith and i rarely have screaming matches. that's a good thing i suppose. i don't like screaming matches at all. and keith doesn't like them either. we discussed money matters, the wedding... he doesn't want to call it off. i admire him for his certainty. he is so sure of himself that nothing shakes him. absolutely nothing. he asked me if i want to get married now, like right now.
i said no.
his silence told me that wasn't the reply he was expecting. but i couldn't lie to him, not even to save his pride.
he hugged me tighter and asked me why. i said all the reasons i could think of. we're strapped for cash, i don't think we'd be able to pull it off, he hasn't reahed his goals yet and so have i, my nieces and nephews won't be there, etcetera, etcetera.
he said he just don't understand why i suddenly wanted to put a stop to everything when it was a mere few days ago i was ranting about how great the menu we have was. this whole ugly tricycle incident came up and bam! i want to call off everything.
i cried then. and he just held me all thru the night.
keith and i rarely have screaming matches. that's a good thing i suppose. i don't like screaming matches at all. and keith doesn't like them either. we discussed money matters, the wedding... he doesn't want to call it off. i admire him for his certainty. he is so sure of himself that nothing shakes him. absolutely nothing. he asked me if i want to get married now, like right now.
i said no.
his silence told me that wasn't the reply he was expecting. but i couldn't lie to him, not even to save his pride.
he hugged me tighter and asked me why. i said all the reasons i could think of. we're strapped for cash, i don't think we'd be able to pull it off, he hasn't reahed his goals yet and so have i, my nieces and nephews won't be there, etcetera, etcetera.
he said he just don't understand why i suddenly wanted to put a stop to everything when it was a mere few days ago i was ranting about how great the menu we have was. this whole ugly tricycle incident came up and bam! i want to call off everything.
i cried then. and he just held me all thru the night.
after that very bad phone call, i resumed my day as if it's like any other day. but thoughts were racing thru my head. like, what if keith and i just call the whole wedding off? i mean, we're obviously strapped for cash. his parents, although willing to provide for the venue and all the moral support they could offer, bless them, could not offer any monetary support. the same goes for my parents. and it's not like we're asking for money but it's so obvious to me that we do need to have more money. i'm afraid that the "simple" wedding we're planning to have is still going to cost us a lot.
and then i got to thinking about me not having a bank account of my own. still. i mean, isn't that a goal that i haven't achieved yet? and what about my plans of going out of the country? and studying a foreing language?
and what about my parents? suddenly, they are like these monsters. and what's that crap about my nieces and nephews not coming over to join the wedding? so it's just going to be just my mom and dad? bullshit! that's utter bullshit! why is it that they don't seem to be happy for me? why do i feel like they resent me? is it just me, with all my guilt at not being able to provide for them like what they have been asking me to? is it because they don't like the idea of me tying the knot?
i just had to talk with someone. and so i talked with prima. and she said that if i'll get married then it should be when and where i want to with the person that i want to do it with. she said i should just forget about what everybody thinks and stop and listen to what i think.
*sigh* if only it were that simple.
and then i got to thinking about me not having a bank account of my own. still. i mean, isn't that a goal that i haven't achieved yet? and what about my plans of going out of the country? and studying a foreing language?
and what about my parents? suddenly, they are like these monsters. and what's that crap about my nieces and nephews not coming over to join the wedding? so it's just going to be just my mom and dad? bullshit! that's utter bullshit! why is it that they don't seem to be happy for me? why do i feel like they resent me? is it just me, with all my guilt at not being able to provide for them like what they have been asking me to? is it because they don't like the idea of me tying the knot?
i just had to talk with someone. and so i talked with prima. and she said that if i'll get married then it should be when and where i want to with the person that i want to do it with. she said i should just forget about what everybody thinks and stop and listen to what i think.
*sigh* if only it were that simple.
my day started with several calls and text messages from my sister. i need to call my mom because they have something very important to tell me. and it has to be like NOW!
i called them and apparently they need money, about 24 thousand pesopesoses, to buy this secondhand tricycle. my mom said it's for her. a new business that she wants to put up. she'll buy the freakin' vehicle and have my sister's husband drive it. ok. not bad. where will i get the fucking 24 thousand pesopesoses though?
i do not have 24 thousand bucks. i only have about 5 thousand. and that money's for the wedding. ah yes, the wedding. it's coming up in july, by the way. but mom pooh-poohed and said that's still too far and that i shouldn't worry and that no, to save money, my beloved nieces and nephews shouldn't go at all. besides, they wouldn't be able to skip class on that so far off date. dad said that they really need the money like RIGHT NOW and that they need 24 freaking thousands. oh what? yah, i don't have any money on me. really. seriously. aw, that's too bad.mom butted in and said well, then we'll just have to figure out a way. yes, too bad keith and i only have 8 thousand to loan to you right now. oh yes, it's all right, you'll pay us by january. no problem. oh and you'll make sure to pay me by then because you don't want me to be fucking lacking in anything.
i agreed to sending them all the money keith and i have saved up for the wedding so far. i told them i'd send it as soon as i could. then my mom hung up. and i hung up. and i cried.
in all my 3 years working in a call center answering calls and talking with people from all walks of life, the phone call i had with my parents was the worse.
i called them and apparently they need money, about 24 thousand pesopesoses, to buy this secondhand tricycle. my mom said it's for her. a new business that she wants to put up. she'll buy the freakin' vehicle and have my sister's husband drive it. ok. not bad. where will i get the fucking 24 thousand pesopesoses though?
i do not have 24 thousand bucks. i only have about 5 thousand. and that money's for the wedding. ah yes, the wedding. it's coming up in july, by the way. but mom pooh-poohed and said that's still too far and that i shouldn't worry and that no, to save money, my beloved nieces and nephews shouldn't go at all. besides, they wouldn't be able to skip class on that so far off date. dad said that they really need the money like RIGHT NOW and that they need 24 freaking thousands. oh what? yah, i don't have any money on me. really. seriously. aw, that's too bad.mom butted in and said well, then we'll just have to figure out a way. yes, too bad keith and i only have 8 thousand to loan to you right now. oh yes, it's all right, you'll pay us by january. no problem. oh and you'll make sure to pay me by then because you don't want me to be fucking lacking in anything.
i agreed to sending them all the money keith and i have saved up for the wedding so far. i told them i'd send it as soon as i could. then my mom hung up. and i hung up. and i cried.
in all my 3 years working in a call center answering calls and talking with people from all walks of life, the phone call i had with my parents was the worse.
the gown
i've finally decided on a gown. after coursing thru theknot.com's huge collection of designers and gowns, i go right back to the gown that i have decided on a year ago.
it's simple and elegant. just the way i want it. i don't want to wear a gown with a ton of beadwork that will just weigh me down and make me look like it's the gown that's wearing me instead of the other way around.
*sigh*. it's so pretty...
keith and i are seriously considering not having a church wedding but a civil ceremony instead. money is tight these days and to spend a huge amount for a one-time affair seems foolish. the house in makati, where we will be spending most of our time, needs a few major repairs and we're thinking the money would be better spent on them. still... as angelo pointed out, we're getting married only once (hopefully!eheheheheh...) and it would definitely be better to have the wedding that we want.
hmmm...
can't we just elope and be done with it?...
hmmm...
can't we just elope and be done with it?...
crappy birthday to me...
crappy birthday to me...
crappy birthday, crappy birthday...
crappy birthday to me.
*sigh*. if it weren't for keith and a few good friends who cheered me today, my birthday would have gone down the toilet. i supposed i should be thankful that i got to have the day off... but then again... maybe some people should have told me beforehand that my going out of town for my birthday would be nothing but a pipe dream. grrr...
crappy birthday to me...
crappy birthday, crappy birthday...
crappy birthday to me.
*sigh*. if it weren't for keith and a few good friends who cheered me today, my birthday would have gone down the toilet. i supposed i should be thankful that i got to have the day off... but then again... maybe some people should have told me beforehand that my going out of town for my birthday would be nothing but a pipe dream. grrr...
i had a little chat with one of the newbies here in our team. apparently, she was once an officemate of my friend claire. not only was she an officemate, she also happens to be a confidante of claire's. she told me stories about how claire was at their office, her relationship with her husband and kids, her financial difficulty, her miscarriage... she told me things i didn't know. she spoke about incidents claire didn't tell me or laiza.
i saw claire a few months ago and i asked her if she was happy. she said it was difficult at times but she's happy. i took her word for it despite the heaviness in my heart. i felt her pain. the intangible connection we had that has sustained our relationship over the years has not been diminished by my resentment. i still feel her. i still feel for her. i looked into her beautiful eyes and saw thru the lie.
maybe she is happy amidst all the problems she has. we all have various levels of contentment and happiness. maybe she's happy with taking care of a husband and rearing children. maybe she's content with what she's doing with her life. maybe she's ok and i'm just thinking she's not because i think that having a husband and children at such a young age is inappropriate. i love her and what i wanted for her was to have a stable job and enjoy the fruits of her labor. i wanted her to enjoy having her own money. we both were always in need of cash when we were in school. we both wanted to get away from our parent's grasp, live freely and spend our money the way we see fit. i think she deserves better things that what she has now. i feel that she deserves someone better. but loving someone doesn't mean we know what's best for them or what makes them happy. i suppose it's time to let go of our broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. it's useless anyway. none of it will do anyone good.
she celebrated her 24th birthday last sunday, october 24. i was in the office and she doesn't have a cellphone so i wasn't able to greet her. i hope she had a happy birthday. a truly very happy birthday. i plan to ask her sometime soon. if she says she was then i'll take her word for it.
i saw claire a few months ago and i asked her if she was happy. she said it was difficult at times but she's happy. i took her word for it despite the heaviness in my heart. i felt her pain. the intangible connection we had that has sustained our relationship over the years has not been diminished by my resentment. i still feel her. i still feel for her. i looked into her beautiful eyes and saw thru the lie.
maybe she is happy amidst all the problems she has. we all have various levels of contentment and happiness. maybe she's happy with taking care of a husband and rearing children. maybe she's content with what she's doing with her life. maybe she's ok and i'm just thinking she's not because i think that having a husband and children at such a young age is inappropriate. i love her and what i wanted for her was to have a stable job and enjoy the fruits of her labor. i wanted her to enjoy having her own money. we both were always in need of cash when we were in school. we both wanted to get away from our parent's grasp, live freely and spend our money the way we see fit. i think she deserves better things that what she has now. i feel that she deserves someone better. but loving someone doesn't mean we know what's best for them or what makes them happy. i suppose it's time to let go of our broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. it's useless anyway. none of it will do anyone good.
she celebrated her 24th birthday last sunday, october 24. i was in the office and she doesn't have a cellphone so i wasn't able to greet her. i hope she had a happy birthday. a truly very happy birthday. i plan to ask her sometime soon. if she says she was then i'll take her word for it.
naiinis ako kay keith.
correction!
galit ako sa kanya.
hmp!
at hindi dahil sa nanakaw ang cellphone nya (na cellphone ko talaga dahil pinahiram ko sa kanya yon). galit ako kasi sinungaling sya. hmp! the nerve!!!
at sya pa ang may ganang mainis sa kin at sabihan ako na hindi ako nakakaintindi. hah! sya kaya ang maghintay buong magdamag para sa taong hindi naman pala darating. o kaya naman eh darating nga, lasing naman.
okey... okey. so he didn't ask me to wait up for him. but he called me at 3am, when i was slowly drifting to sleep and said that he'll be coming home. that he'll buy food and we'll eat together. so stupid little me decided to keep awake and wait.
and wait...
and wait some more...
ayan... gising na ang nanay nya tsaka kuya nya... ayan... umalis na kuya nya. hmmm... 4:30 na... umabot na siguro sya sa laguna... baka pabalik na sya ng muntinlupa... matawagan nga. ano ba ito? mga babaeng nagtatawanan lang naririnig ko... hmmm...
fine! matutulog na lang ako...
5am... uyyy... text... nasa bus na daw sya... grabe... 2 oras sya nag-instay ng bus? saan sya pupunta? sa pangasinan?...pipilitin ko matulog... promise!
515am...uyyy... si byron... o, nanakaw ang cellphone ni keith!... hah! karma. sinungaling kasi! ano ba naman kasi yung sabihin nya na iinom sila di ba? eh di hindi ko na sana sya hinintay at tinawagan. eh di hindi sana sya nagkukumahog na umuwi at sumakay ng bus. eh di sana nakapili sya ng bus na walang sakay na mandurukot (kung meron mang ganung bus sa metro manila!).
tapos ngayon sasabihin mo sa kin na hindi ako marunong umintindi?! baka ikaw... insensitive ka kasi. sabagay... dati na naman eh.
so ang ending... ang lalaking pakakasalan ko, insensitive!
hmmm... parang di ko feel yon... hmmm...
maybe we should call off the wedding...
hmmm...
correction!
galit ako sa kanya.
hmp!
at hindi dahil sa nanakaw ang cellphone nya (na cellphone ko talaga dahil pinahiram ko sa kanya yon). galit ako kasi sinungaling sya. hmp! the nerve!!!
at sya pa ang may ganang mainis sa kin at sabihan ako na hindi ako nakakaintindi. hah! sya kaya ang maghintay buong magdamag para sa taong hindi naman pala darating. o kaya naman eh darating nga, lasing naman.
okey... okey. so he didn't ask me to wait up for him. but he called me at 3am, when i was slowly drifting to sleep and said that he'll be coming home. that he'll buy food and we'll eat together. so stupid little me decided to keep awake and wait.
and wait...
and wait some more...
ayan... gising na ang nanay nya tsaka kuya nya... ayan... umalis na kuya nya. hmmm... 4:30 na... umabot na siguro sya sa laguna... baka pabalik na sya ng muntinlupa... matawagan nga. ano ba ito? mga babaeng nagtatawanan lang naririnig ko... hmmm...
fine! matutulog na lang ako...
5am... uyyy... text... nasa bus na daw sya... grabe... 2 oras sya nag-instay ng bus? saan sya pupunta? sa pangasinan?...pipilitin ko matulog... promise!
515am...uyyy... si byron... o, nanakaw ang cellphone ni keith!... hah! karma. sinungaling kasi! ano ba naman kasi yung sabihin nya na iinom sila di ba? eh di hindi ko na sana sya hinintay at tinawagan. eh di hindi sana sya nagkukumahog na umuwi at sumakay ng bus. eh di sana nakapili sya ng bus na walang sakay na mandurukot (kung meron mang ganung bus sa metro manila!).
tapos ngayon sasabihin mo sa kin na hindi ako marunong umintindi?! baka ikaw... insensitive ka kasi. sabagay... dati na naman eh.
so ang ending... ang lalaking pakakasalan ko, insensitive!
hmmm... parang di ko feel yon... hmmm...
maybe we should call off the wedding...
hmmm...
125lbs.
i am nine months away from the date we've set for the wedding. i have nine months to lose about 20 friggin' pounds. i need to or the gown might not fit. worse, i might end up looking like miss piggy on a wedding dress. or maybe a wedding dress with a pig. oink oink!
i weighed myself yesterday and surprise! surprise! i am 125lbs. crap! crap! crap!
i saw laiza last friday to hand over the cute, adorable kitten my supervisor gave me and the first words out of her mouth were: "what's wrong with you? are you pregnant?". cripes. everybody seems to think i am 'cause i am just so... big. fat. flabby. crap! crap! crap!
i am starting to get worried really. i wanna lose weight. i feel that this is also the reason why i haven't had my period yet. the preg kit returned a negative result and my ob just patted my hand and said not to worry. i am usually delayed and that might be just it. but what if i am not?!!
oh... i want to cry and scream all over the place. this must be pms. yah. the longest-running, most miserable pms ever. i'm fat. i feel bloated. i'm irritable. worse, i can't stop eating!!!
oh crap!
crap!crap!crap!
i weighed myself yesterday and surprise! surprise! i am 125lbs. crap! crap! crap!
i saw laiza last friday to hand over the cute, adorable kitten my supervisor gave me and the first words out of her mouth were: "what's wrong with you? are you pregnant?". cripes. everybody seems to think i am 'cause i am just so... big. fat. flabby. crap! crap! crap!
i am starting to get worried really. i wanna lose weight. i feel that this is also the reason why i haven't had my period yet. the preg kit returned a negative result and my ob just patted my hand and said not to worry. i am usually delayed and that might be just it. but what if i am not?!!
oh... i want to cry and scream all over the place. this must be pms. yah. the longest-running, most miserable pms ever. i'm fat. i feel bloated. i'm irritable. worse, i can't stop eating!!!
oh crap!
crap!crap!crap!
sunday night with keith
ice is leafing thru a dictionary. beside him is keith, playing diablo.
keith: hah! sige... bigyan mo ko ng kahit anong word dyan sa dictionary. i'm sure alam ko yan!
ice: sige. commodious.
keith: ha? ano yon?
mwahahahahaha!... i just love this guy...
keith: hah! sige... bigyan mo ko ng kahit anong word dyan sa dictionary. i'm sure alam ko yan!
ice: sige. commodious.
keith: ha? ano yon?
mwahahahahaha!... i just love this guy...
the saga
i am depressed.
i have been eating more then normal, sleeping more than usual. i can't get my ass off to do anything. even going to the bathroom to answer the call of nature seems such a task. i haven't blogged for ages... no doubt about it. i'm depressed. and this has nothing to do whatsoever with keith and our upcoming wedding. that's the only thing that's going for me right now. what's bugging me is work. it's no longer... uhmmm... fun? productive? interesting? all of the above?
it all started with my aspirations to be the next senior rep or team lead. i applied, was interviewed and was denied the position. it seems quick and painless but it's not like that at all. i applied knowing full well what i am up against. i had my head above my heart. i knew there's 50-50 chance that i'd get in. i gave the interview my best shot. but i suppose my best was not enough. management chose 3 people among the applicants to be the next senior reps and team lead. and i wasn't on the list.
i spoke to my manager about it. why wasn't i considered? he couldn't look me in the eye and tell it straight to my face. all i was asking was simple enough to my thinking. was it because my performance paled in comparison to the other applicants? was it because i am too "assertive"? am i pushy? what? why wasn't i up there with the other 2? what's wrong with me? it's like a break up scene. boy is breaking up with girl and girl is asking herself and the boy... what did i do wrong? why are you leaving me?
a day after speaking with my manager, i got an email from my supervisor. she said that i have shown great dependability and that i did great during the interview. she said i am a valued member of the team and that they would like to see me take on new challenges. ok. so i'm a valued team player and that i aced the interview. my question was still unanswered... why didn't i land the position?
i have been in the call center business as level one representative for 3 years now. whatever goals i have set for myself, whatever assignment i have been given by my team lead... i have fulfilled these duties. and i believe i have performed them well. otherwise, i would have been told so. i am eager for new tasks and responsibilities. work is becoming boring and i want to take on new challenges to liven it up. how can i if no one will give me the chance?
i suppose it's asking too much, to have a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful career at the same time. no one can have the best of both worlds, that's what they say. i'm not asking for that either way. i'm just surprised and saddened by the turn of events. knowing how my mind works, i'll be back up in no time. i just need to get over this phase.
i hope it's just a phase.
i have been eating more then normal, sleeping more than usual. i can't get my ass off to do anything. even going to the bathroom to answer the call of nature seems such a task. i haven't blogged for ages... no doubt about it. i'm depressed. and this has nothing to do whatsoever with keith and our upcoming wedding. that's the only thing that's going for me right now. what's bugging me is work. it's no longer... uhmmm... fun? productive? interesting? all of the above?
it all started with my aspirations to be the next senior rep or team lead. i applied, was interviewed and was denied the position. it seems quick and painless but it's not like that at all. i applied knowing full well what i am up against. i had my head above my heart. i knew there's 50-50 chance that i'd get in. i gave the interview my best shot. but i suppose my best was not enough. management chose 3 people among the applicants to be the next senior reps and team lead. and i wasn't on the list.
i spoke to my manager about it. why wasn't i considered? he couldn't look me in the eye and tell it straight to my face. all i was asking was simple enough to my thinking. was it because my performance paled in comparison to the other applicants? was it because i am too "assertive"? am i pushy? what? why wasn't i up there with the other 2? what's wrong with me? it's like a break up scene. boy is breaking up with girl and girl is asking herself and the boy... what did i do wrong? why are you leaving me?
a day after speaking with my manager, i got an email from my supervisor. she said that i have shown great dependability and that i did great during the interview. she said i am a valued member of the team and that they would like to see me take on new challenges. ok. so i'm a valued team player and that i aced the interview. my question was still unanswered... why didn't i land the position?
i have been in the call center business as level one representative for 3 years now. whatever goals i have set for myself, whatever assignment i have been given by my team lead... i have fulfilled these duties. and i believe i have performed them well. otherwise, i would have been told so. i am eager for new tasks and responsibilities. work is becoming boring and i want to take on new challenges to liven it up. how can i if no one will give me the chance?
i suppose it's asking too much, to have a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful career at the same time. no one can have the best of both worlds, that's what they say. i'm not asking for that either way. i'm just surprised and saddened by the turn of events. knowing how my mind works, i'll be back up in no time. i just need to get over this phase.
i hope it's just a phase.
ang mundo ko ngayon ay umiikot lang sa maliit kong kwarto. ayoko na lumabas at makihalubilo sa mga kapitbahay. wala naman silang kwenta lahat. wala rin ako balak kausapin ang kapatid ko. kasi wala rin naman sya kwenta kausap. lagi lang akong nasa kwarto ko. nagbabasa, nanunod ng tv, naglilinis, namamalantsa, nagpaplano ng mga kung anu-ano.
mahirap pero tinatyaga ko na lang. sa looban namin, matira ang matibay. ang pikon ay talo, ang mahina ang loob ay kawawa. hindi ako pikon at ayokong panghinaan ng loob. kelangan ko ipaglaban ang sa nararapat para sa akin. ayokong pa-api dahil hindi talaga ako papa-api.
kaya eto ako, nakatigil sa loob ng aking munting mundo. naghihintay ng pagkakataon. nanalangin na sana dumating ang araw na umayos ang lahat.
mahirap pero tinatyaga ko na lang. sa looban namin, matira ang matibay. ang pikon ay talo, ang mahina ang loob ay kawawa. hindi ako pikon at ayokong panghinaan ng loob. kelangan ko ipaglaban ang sa nararapat para sa akin. ayokong pa-api dahil hindi talaga ako papa-api.
kaya eto ako, nakatigil sa loob ng aking munting mundo. naghihintay ng pagkakataon. nanalangin na sana dumating ang araw na umayos ang lahat.
semi-productive
another semi-productive day in the office.
i am surfing, surfing and surfing...thinking, thinking and thinking. all for the coming wedding of course. ^_^ besides, i really don't feel like working. i'd much rather browse thru thousands of webpages bearing wedding gowns than go thru tens of emails.
the word is out. i am not going to be future senior rep or team lead. it is to be expected. as much as i would like to say more regarding this matter, i would rather keep mum about it. i don't want to dwell on the whys and the how comes and the buts... i don't want to think about management and their logic and their management style, if ever they have one.
i'll keep my thoughts to myself and to the few people i trust. things will come around, i'm sure. i'll once again get my groove back. for now, i'll allow myself the luxury of getting over the disappointment of being overlooked by management. for now, i'll give myself all the time to look for the perfect gown, set plans for the wedding i will star in next year.
on to the next gown...
i am surfing, surfing and surfing...thinking, thinking and thinking. all for the coming wedding of course. ^_^ besides, i really don't feel like working. i'd much rather browse thru thousands of webpages bearing wedding gowns than go thru tens of emails.
the word is out. i am not going to be future senior rep or team lead. it is to be expected. as much as i would like to say more regarding this matter, i would rather keep mum about it. i don't want to dwell on the whys and the how comes and the buts... i don't want to think about management and their logic and their management style, if ever they have one.
i'll keep my thoughts to myself and to the few people i trust. things will come around, i'm sure. i'll once again get my groove back. for now, i'll allow myself the luxury of getting over the disappointment of being overlooked by management. for now, i'll give myself all the time to look for the perfect gown, set plans for the wedding i will star in next year.
on to the next gown...
my notebook
i saw the notebook with chin and gayle. the movie was great and the company i was with even more. i am glad to have spent time with them. i missed chin... and gayle too even though we haven't been friends as long as she and chin have. they have offered valuable pieces of advice and i have once again come to them for enlightment. i am standing in the door of marriage and i badly need help.
so here comes 2 of my friends to the rescue. both single mothers, one not having been married and the other one, separated from the one she married. and there i was sitting smack in the midle of them. a single, attached woman of 23, thinking if she will marry her first love. or not.
both of them agree that i shouldn't get married right now. gayle, swearing she is not bitter over marriage, said that i should wait it out. i am young and there are still a lot of opportunities waiting for me. hmmm...true.
chin, on the other hand, also swearing she is not bitter over eternal coupledom, said that she doesn't mind seeing me married to keith really. she is concerned though that marriage might hamper my indivudual growth. she fears that i have not yet reached my full potential and that if i get married this early on in my life, i might not ever reach that. hmmm... interesting concept. and i have to agree with chin.
we decided to watch the movie after that little chat. as we were going around the mall, goofing around, questions were filling up in the back of my head. do i really want to get married? why am i so afraid? do i want to give up this, my single-blessedness? am i ready to give it up?
then i saw the notebook. all 3 of us bawled our eyes out. and i came to a realization. like allie, i know in my heart that what keith and i have is for real. this is a love that is for keeps. oh, i know that i could still go on without him. he doesn't complete me. but if i lose him, everything would never be the same for me. at one point in the movie, gayle leaned over and asked me: "do you see you and keith doing the same, loving each other till you are old and gray?". YES. no buts or ifs about it. YES.
i have come to a decision. finally.
so here comes 2 of my friends to the rescue. both single mothers, one not having been married and the other one, separated from the one she married. and there i was sitting smack in the midle of them. a single, attached woman of 23, thinking if she will marry her first love. or not.
both of them agree that i shouldn't get married right now. gayle, swearing she is not bitter over marriage, said that i should wait it out. i am young and there are still a lot of opportunities waiting for me. hmmm...true.
chin, on the other hand, also swearing she is not bitter over eternal coupledom, said that she doesn't mind seeing me married to keith really. she is concerned though that marriage might hamper my indivudual growth. she fears that i have not yet reached my full potential and that if i get married this early on in my life, i might not ever reach that. hmmm... interesting concept. and i have to agree with chin.
we decided to watch the movie after that little chat. as we were going around the mall, goofing around, questions were filling up in the back of my head. do i really want to get married? why am i so afraid? do i want to give up this, my single-blessedness? am i ready to give it up?
then i saw the notebook. all 3 of us bawled our eyes out. and i came to a realization. like allie, i know in my heart that what keith and i have is for real. this is a love that is for keeps. oh, i know that i could still go on without him. he doesn't complete me. but if i lose him, everything would never be the same for me. at one point in the movie, gayle leaned over and asked me: "do you see you and keith doing the same, loving each other till you are old and gray?". YES. no buts or ifs about it. YES.
i have come to a decision. finally.
wedding bells without the bells
the subject of marriage has come up a couple of times now within the past 3 weeks.
i first heard it from my mom. i was pouring my rage over the recent events in our pesky neighborhood when she segued to my relationship with keith.
mama: sigurado ka na ba dyan kay keith? sya na ba talaga?
ako: OO naman!
o di ba?! with conviction pa! just like that. walang halong pag-aatubili o pag-aalinlangan. alam kong si keith na. wala nang iba pang lalaki ang pu-pwede dahil si keith lang ang mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako ng bilang ako ng walang hinihinging kapalit o kung anupaman.
mama: eh kung ganyan rin lang kasi na nagsasama na kayo... bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal?
ako: ehhh...
good quesstion! let me get back to you on that one!*wink*... sa totoo lang, malayo pa sa isip ko ang kasal. oo, nagpaplano na kami ni keith. we even have decided on a date already. july 7, 2007. that would be our 5th year aniversary. that is about 3 years away and that is how far i would like it to be.
my mom suggested that maybe we should start thinking about getting married.kahit yung sa huwes lang. kung sigurado na rin lang kami sa isa't isa at nagsasama na kami... ano ba naman yung ikasal kami sa huwes para matigil na ang tsismis at kung ano-anu pa?
then came keith's mother. she asked keith what our plans were and keith was more than happy and proud to tell his parents what we have thought of so far. his mother's reply was: " july 7, 2007?! ang tagal naman?! bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal na lang muna sa huwes? tapos sa 2007 yung sa simbahan?"
siyempre nagkamot lang ng ulo si keith.
pero kinikilig kami pareho. as in. lalo na si keith. his eyes were twinkling and he was practically glowing (that is if a guy could glow, or maybe it was just light bouncing off his bald head). he is so happy that both sides would want to see us married off to each other. and i am happy too but i have a feeling my signifant other hasn't thought about what comes in a marriage. after the cake has bene cut and we have said our "i dos", reality steps in. and reality could be ugly. could our 2 year relationship withstand the pressure?
i am suddenly afraid. so very afraid.
i first heard it from my mom. i was pouring my rage over the recent events in our pesky neighborhood when she segued to my relationship with keith.
mama: sigurado ka na ba dyan kay keith? sya na ba talaga?
ako: OO naman!
o di ba?! with conviction pa! just like that. walang halong pag-aatubili o pag-aalinlangan. alam kong si keith na. wala nang iba pang lalaki ang pu-pwede dahil si keith lang ang mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako ng bilang ako ng walang hinihinging kapalit o kung anupaman.
mama: eh kung ganyan rin lang kasi na nagsasama na kayo... bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal?
ako: ehhh...
good quesstion! let me get back to you on that one!*wink*... sa totoo lang, malayo pa sa isip ko ang kasal. oo, nagpaplano na kami ni keith. we even have decided on a date already. july 7, 2007. that would be our 5th year aniversary. that is about 3 years away and that is how far i would like it to be.
my mom suggested that maybe we should start thinking about getting married.kahit yung sa huwes lang. kung sigurado na rin lang kami sa isa't isa at nagsasama na kami... ano ba naman yung ikasal kami sa huwes para matigil na ang tsismis at kung ano-anu pa?
then came keith's mother. she asked keith what our plans were and keith was more than happy and proud to tell his parents what we have thought of so far. his mother's reply was: " july 7, 2007?! ang tagal naman?! bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal na lang muna sa huwes? tapos sa 2007 yung sa simbahan?"
siyempre nagkamot lang ng ulo si keith.
pero kinikilig kami pareho. as in. lalo na si keith. his eyes were twinkling and he was practically glowing (that is if a guy could glow, or maybe it was just light bouncing off his bald head). he is so happy that both sides would want to see us married off to each other. and i am happy too but i have a feeling my signifant other hasn't thought about what comes in a marriage. after the cake has bene cut and we have said our "i dos", reality steps in. and reality could be ugly. could our 2 year relationship withstand the pressure?
i am suddenly afraid. so very afraid.
limelights, high sights, rumors and more sighs
it's been 3 weeks since i last blogged and so many things have happened i don't even know how to begin pouring my heart out. i'll start off with my submitting my application for the post of team lead last august 17. yes. i did submit my resume complete with cover letter. i was interviewed for the position sometime last week. i think it went well. i gave it my very best. it would be a disappointment if i don't bag it but i won't be all that heartbroken. my heart above my head, i went into the interview intending to give my best and i did. if that doesn't impress them, well... other doors will open for me, i'm sure. besides, i came in late for the 3rd time this pay period so i can kiss that dream bye-bye. *sigh*
this brings us on to the next topic. keith and me and our "living together" situation. right now, we're spending the week at his parents' and it is such a pain in my schedule. his family is great but their place is just too far from where i work. hence, the 2 instances of tardiness that i will have to explain once again. but maybe this time i won't have to explain. the company'll just hand in the memo. as usual. *sigh*
anyway, my sister and her husband are now back together. i'm happy but i could definitely be a lot happier. so will my mother be if they just go back to the province and look after their children. still no job for my brother-in-law and my sister is still at it, selling burgers and stuff. this despite the fight she has been having with her dear cousin and neighbor. nagtalo sila ng dakila naming kapitbahay dahil gusto na ihiwalay ng kapatid ko ang tindahan nya sa tindahan ng kapitbahay namin. sukat ba namang murahin ang kapatid ko at sabihin nyang walang pakinabang ang ate ko. hay!!!
as if the turmoil i am experiencing at work and at home isn't enough, my sister told me our little neighborhood is not at all too happy with me and keith living in the same house. oo, na para bang ang gagaling nila at wala silang nagagawang mali. god save me from hypocrites!!! walang humpay ang mga bibig ng mga hitad kong kamag-anak sa kakatsimisan sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng kapatid ko. my neighbors don't need reality tv. they already have me and my sister. this is living in a fishbowl at its worst. walang ibang pinag-uusapan sa looban namin kung hindi bakit si keith dun nakatira sa min, bakit hindi raw ako nabubuntis, bakit mga bakla daw ang pinatitira ko sa bahay. ang tanging sagot ko ay: pakialam nyo!?! up yours all of you friggin' sons of bitches!!!
doon tumitira si keith sa bahay kasi malapit yon sa opisina nya. isa pa, alam ng parents ko na sa bahay nila tumutuloy si keith. his parents also know he stays ay place. so what's the problem?! that we aren't married?! oh please! at hindi ako nabubuntis kasi nagko-kontrol kami. do they think that keith and i are mindless enough to just jump into bed together without thinking about precaution?! if they do, they're a lot more dumber than i thought. bakla ang pinatitira ko sa bahay kasi bakla ang mga kaibigan ko. at ano ngayon kung bakla sila?! this has only served to confirm what i have thought of weeks ago. my dear neighbors/relatives connived and conspired to make geisha and his boyfriend go away. sinulsulan nga nila ang ate ko. hmp!
at ang pasimuno siguro ng panunulsol na iyan ay ang magaling kong tiyuhin kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ng tatay ko. por dios! ke tatanda na eh tsismis pa rin ang inaatupag. bakit ba hindi na lang mga buhay nila ang busisiin nila at hindi buhay ko at ng pamilya ko? i really wouldn't have mind all this racket if it weren't for the same uncle threatening keith. he told my sister to tell me that he doesn't approve of keith and that he is noisy. susme! isang beses lang nagkakatok si keih sa bahay ng alanganing oras. and that was because he left his keys. sabi pa ng demonyo kong tiyo, mag-ingat daw si keith at baka barilin na lang daw nya minsan. Putangina! Ano kala nya sa boyfriend ko, kuting?!
i could only shake my head in anger and disgust. how dare this people. sino sila para humusga at magbanta? ang tiyo kong yan... hah! may kalalagyan sya pag nagkataon. ipapa-blotter ko na sya para kung ano't anuman eh may record na sya. does he think that i will let him get away with that? i am too smart for dumbasses like him. like all of them.
sigh. sigh. and more sighs. thru all this keith hugged me and kissed me and said everything will be all right. my greatest fear right now is not the memo at work, not my sister or her husband. it's keith. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. it pains me to admit this, but i think it would be best if he moves back to his parents. but i don't think he would... *sigh*
this brings us on to the next topic. keith and me and our "living together" situation. right now, we're spending the week at his parents' and it is such a pain in my schedule. his family is great but their place is just too far from where i work. hence, the 2 instances of tardiness that i will have to explain once again. but maybe this time i won't have to explain. the company'll just hand in the memo. as usual. *sigh*
anyway, my sister and her husband are now back together. i'm happy but i could definitely be a lot happier. so will my mother be if they just go back to the province and look after their children. still no job for my brother-in-law and my sister is still at it, selling burgers and stuff. this despite the fight she has been having with her dear cousin and neighbor. nagtalo sila ng dakila naming kapitbahay dahil gusto na ihiwalay ng kapatid ko ang tindahan nya sa tindahan ng kapitbahay namin. sukat ba namang murahin ang kapatid ko at sabihin nyang walang pakinabang ang ate ko. hay!!!
as if the turmoil i am experiencing at work and at home isn't enough, my sister told me our little neighborhood is not at all too happy with me and keith living in the same house. oo, na para bang ang gagaling nila at wala silang nagagawang mali. god save me from hypocrites!!! walang humpay ang mga bibig ng mga hitad kong kamag-anak sa kakatsimisan sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng kapatid ko. my neighbors don't need reality tv. they already have me and my sister. this is living in a fishbowl at its worst. walang ibang pinag-uusapan sa looban namin kung hindi bakit si keith dun nakatira sa min, bakit hindi raw ako nabubuntis, bakit mga bakla daw ang pinatitira ko sa bahay. ang tanging sagot ko ay: pakialam nyo!?! up yours all of you friggin' sons of bitches!!!
doon tumitira si keith sa bahay kasi malapit yon sa opisina nya. isa pa, alam ng parents ko na sa bahay nila tumutuloy si keith. his parents also know he stays ay place. so what's the problem?! that we aren't married?! oh please! at hindi ako nabubuntis kasi nagko-kontrol kami. do they think that keith and i are mindless enough to just jump into bed together without thinking about precaution?! if they do, they're a lot more dumber than i thought. bakla ang pinatitira ko sa bahay kasi bakla ang mga kaibigan ko. at ano ngayon kung bakla sila?! this has only served to confirm what i have thought of weeks ago. my dear neighbors/relatives connived and conspired to make geisha and his boyfriend go away. sinulsulan nga nila ang ate ko. hmp!
at ang pasimuno siguro ng panunulsol na iyan ay ang magaling kong tiyuhin kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ng tatay ko. por dios! ke tatanda na eh tsismis pa rin ang inaatupag. bakit ba hindi na lang mga buhay nila ang busisiin nila at hindi buhay ko at ng pamilya ko? i really wouldn't have mind all this racket if it weren't for the same uncle threatening keith. he told my sister to tell me that he doesn't approve of keith and that he is noisy. susme! isang beses lang nagkakatok si keih sa bahay ng alanganing oras. and that was because he left his keys. sabi pa ng demonyo kong tiyo, mag-ingat daw si keith at baka barilin na lang daw nya minsan. Putangina! Ano kala nya sa boyfriend ko, kuting?!
i could only shake my head in anger and disgust. how dare this people. sino sila para humusga at magbanta? ang tiyo kong yan... hah! may kalalagyan sya pag nagkataon. ipapa-blotter ko na sya para kung ano't anuman eh may record na sya. does he think that i will let him get away with that? i am too smart for dumbasses like him. like all of them.
sigh. sigh. and more sighs. thru all this keith hugged me and kissed me and said everything will be all right. my greatest fear right now is not the memo at work, not my sister or her husband. it's keith. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. it pains me to admit this, but i think it would be best if he moves back to his parents. but i don't think he would... *sigh*
my sister's husband came over to our place yesterday... no. i won't start on my sister. not today. i want to give myself a break. i'll be putting all my family worries on the back burner for now. i'm thinking about the vacant positions available for the taking in the office. should i go for it? should i wait it out?
my heart palpitates just thinking about sending in my resume. i want to be the next senior rep or team lead here in the office. i know that i'll be able to do the job real well but... i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll be measured and weighed and found lacking. i'm scared that i won't be able to fulfill my superiors' expectations. my head will definitely be above my heart when i go for either senior rep or tl position. i know that i am not the only worthy candidate. in fact, there are a lot of reps here that would probably fit the bill better... but oh! i really want it...
let me pause in silence for a little soul-searching...
my heart palpitates just thinking about sending in my resume. i want to be the next senior rep or team lead here in the office. i know that i'll be able to do the job real well but... i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll be measured and weighed and found lacking. i'm scared that i won't be able to fulfill my superiors' expectations. my head will definitely be above my heart when i go for either senior rep or tl position. i know that i am not the only worthy candidate. in fact, there are a lot of reps here that would probably fit the bill better... but oh! i really want it...
let me pause in silence for a little soul-searching...
i don't feel like doing anything today. i don't want to work. i don't want to read. i don't want to watch anything. i just want to sit and stare and think. my head is filled with thoughts of what i want to do, what i need to do, what i can do and what i can't. i feel like it's about ready to explode. my head is tired and all i want to do today is to sit and stare and listen to my heart.
i want to stay still and hear my heart beat. i want to listen to its thoughts and what it's trying to say. i want to know if it's still happy. if it's as tired beating as my mind is tired of thinking.
there are so many things i want done but i can't seem to find the energy or dedication to finish them. all my goals seem to have gone farther from me instead of closer. i could do what i want but what i truly long for i can't even begin to start.
sad thoughts. my head and my heart, filled with sad thoughts and unfulfilled longings. all sad thoughts. no wonder i don't want to think anymore. i don't want to do anything anymore.
i am stuck once again with no luck at finding the back door.
i want to stay still and hear my heart beat. i want to listen to its thoughts and what it's trying to say. i want to know if it's still happy. if it's as tired beating as my mind is tired of thinking.
there are so many things i want done but i can't seem to find the energy or dedication to finish them. all my goals seem to have gone farther from me instead of closer. i could do what i want but what i truly long for i can't even begin to start.
sad thoughts. my head and my heart, filled with sad thoughts and unfulfilled longings. all sad thoughts. no wonder i don't want to think anymore. i don't want to do anything anymore.
i am stuck once again with no luck at finding the back door.
umalis na si geisha sa bahay. kanina lang. inaway sila ng magaling kong ate. and all the while that they were getting crap from my sister, i was getting the same from her thru text messages.
sabi ni ate bastos daw dahil gabi na eh ang ingay-ingay pa daw. kesyo yung mga sapatos eh diretso lang hanggang kwarto. kesyo ang ingay pag umaakyat sa hagdanan kahit na alam na maynatutulog... o sige na. sige na... so maingay sila, magulo at mahilig manood ng tv hanggang madaling araw. eh ok lang naman yon di ba? kasi gising sila hanggang madaling araw eh. yung mga sapatos naman eh wala na kami dapat pakialam kung iakyat dun sa kwarto nila. they are renting that room so they could do anything they please with that room. labas na kami doon. isa pa, hindi naman kasi sya dapat nandito eh.
that's the main point. she shouldn't be bothered by any of geisha's habits because she isn't supposed to be staying long in the house. she should be back to bacolod by now. but she opted to leave her kids and stay here despite knowing there is no place for her to sleep here. and now she's creating such a riot.
ang ayos at linis ng bahay bago sya dumating. ngayon ang dumi-dumi na. at wag nya sabihin na kasalanan nina geisha yun dahil mga kaldero at gamit nya ang nakakalat sa kusina at banyo. tingin ko nagawa lang sya ng dahilan para umalis sina geisha. masama man sa loob ko, pinaalis ko na sila kesa naman pag-initan pan ng hudas kong kapatid. alam ko naman na gusto ng maldita kong kapatid na umalis sina giesha para sya naman ang matulog dun sa kwarto nung mga yon. o siguro, may nakausap sya na kasundo nya na magre-renta dun sa kabilang kwarto.
hay! stress talaga!!!
i don't want to be paranoid but knowing how my sister's devious mind works, she will soon have me and keith packing. yep. no doubt about that. susulsulan sya ng mga demonyo naming kamag-anak na paalisin ako at tulad ng ginawa nya kina geisha, maghahabi sya ng kwento sa nanay ko. magrereklamo ng kesyo ganito at ganun ako. well, we won't be sisters if i don't have a devious mind myself. panahon na para ipahati ang lupa namin sa makati. o siguro dapat ibenta na lang. at tingnan natin kung san sya tatakbo pag wala na talaga syang matitirhan dito. pasensyahan kami pareho.
sabi ni ate bastos daw dahil gabi na eh ang ingay-ingay pa daw. kesyo yung mga sapatos eh diretso lang hanggang kwarto. kesyo ang ingay pag umaakyat sa hagdanan kahit na alam na maynatutulog... o sige na. sige na... so maingay sila, magulo at mahilig manood ng tv hanggang madaling araw. eh ok lang naman yon di ba? kasi gising sila hanggang madaling araw eh. yung mga sapatos naman eh wala na kami dapat pakialam kung iakyat dun sa kwarto nila. they are renting that room so they could do anything they please with that room. labas na kami doon. isa pa, hindi naman kasi sya dapat nandito eh.
that's the main point. she shouldn't be bothered by any of geisha's habits because she isn't supposed to be staying long in the house. she should be back to bacolod by now. but she opted to leave her kids and stay here despite knowing there is no place for her to sleep here. and now she's creating such a riot.
ang ayos at linis ng bahay bago sya dumating. ngayon ang dumi-dumi na. at wag nya sabihin na kasalanan nina geisha yun dahil mga kaldero at gamit nya ang nakakalat sa kusina at banyo. tingin ko nagawa lang sya ng dahilan para umalis sina geisha. masama man sa loob ko, pinaalis ko na sila kesa naman pag-initan pan ng hudas kong kapatid. alam ko naman na gusto ng maldita kong kapatid na umalis sina giesha para sya naman ang matulog dun sa kwarto nung mga yon. o siguro, may nakausap sya na kasundo nya na magre-renta dun sa kabilang kwarto.
hay! stress talaga!!!
i don't want to be paranoid but knowing how my sister's devious mind works, she will soon have me and keith packing. yep. no doubt about that. susulsulan sya ng mga demonyo naming kamag-anak na paalisin ako at tulad ng ginawa nya kina geisha, maghahabi sya ng kwento sa nanay ko. magrereklamo ng kesyo ganito at ganun ako. well, we won't be sisters if i don't have a devious mind myself. panahon na para ipahati ang lupa namin sa makati. o siguro dapat ibenta na lang. at tingnan natin kung san sya tatakbo pag wala na talaga syang matitirhan dito. pasensyahan kami pareho.
ang bilis ng panahon. mga tatlong linggo na rin ang kapatid ko dito sa maynila. sa loob ng 3 linggong iyon nagawa nyang makapag-ayos ng negosyo nya at maibenta ang halos lahat ng gamit sa bahay namin. yung tv rack, yung washing machine (na tita ni keith ang bumili), yung kabinet, pati na yung sofa set na regalo sa nanay ko binenta nya. grabe nga daw makabenta ng gamit ang kapatid ko eh sabi ni keith. parang hikahos na hikahos daw sa pera. eh hindi nga ba?! anyway, she was able to send money to her kids and she even got her daughter a cellphone. it's not bad... not bad at all...
PERO ang dumi ng bahay. as in! nagkalat ang mga gamit ng kapatid ko sa sala. yung mga pinaglutuan nya ng tinda nya eh umaabot hanggang sa may hagdanan at banyo namin. hay! ang banyo!isang malaking EWWW!!! tulad ng nakagawian ng ate ko eh iniiwan lang nya yung hinubad nya dun. keber na may kasama syang hindi nya kamag-anak sa bahay!
oh well... some things never change. my sister is too set in her ways to EVER change them. she will never listen to my mom or to me or my dad. she will never learn to accept her mistakes but would rather blame it on others. but i'm happy that she's trying to stand up on her own and provide for her children. maybe i shouldn't be too quick in my judgment. maybe she will change for the better.
i hope so. for my darling nieces' and nephew's sake. i hope so.
but i won't hold my breath...
PERO ang dumi ng bahay. as in! nagkalat ang mga gamit ng kapatid ko sa sala. yung mga pinaglutuan nya ng tinda nya eh umaabot hanggang sa may hagdanan at banyo namin. hay! ang banyo!isang malaking EWWW!!! tulad ng nakagawian ng ate ko eh iniiwan lang nya yung hinubad nya dun. keber na may kasama syang hindi nya kamag-anak sa bahay!
oh well... some things never change. my sister is too set in her ways to EVER change them. she will never listen to my mom or to me or my dad. she will never learn to accept her mistakes but would rather blame it on others. but i'm happy that she's trying to stand up on her own and provide for her children. maybe i shouldn't be too quick in my judgment. maybe she will change for the better.
i hope so. for my darling nieces' and nephew's sake. i hope so.
but i won't hold my breath...
i have finally gotten my wish. i am no longer living all by myself in my parent's too-big-for-one-person house. i now have keith with me and my good friend geisha as a roomie. it's all a dream come true...*sigh*
until my sister came from bacolod last week.
STRESS!!!!!!!!!!
grabeh... as in!!! mahal ko ang kapatid ko pero mas mahal ko sya pag malayo sya sa kin. we've never been that close to begin with. we have an eight-year gap. i am the sibling she didn't want to have. she regards me as "the favored one". she has this little habits that i just can't tolerate. for me to expect the 2 of us to live in harmony is preposterous.
pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? andito na sya eh. she was all quiet and i think, depressed, over the recent break-up she had with her husband. this is not the first time this happened. but i think this may be the last. the husband has packed up and left without a word to her about what they're gonna do with the kids. both of them assumed, i suppose, that my mom and dad are gonna live forever and provide for their children. *sigh*
STRESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so ngayon, unti-unti nyang ibinebenta ang mga gamit na ipinundar nya sa tulong ng perang padala ng asawa nya nung nasa Saudi Arabia pa ito. ok fine. gamit naman nila yon. pero pareho kaming nanghihinayang ni keith. mahirap magpundar ng gamit sa panahon ngayon. tapos ganun-ganun lang ibebenta... tsk!tsk!tsk! at sabi ng ate ko gusto daw nyang magmini-business sa baranggay namin. at wala na rin syang balak balikan ang mga anak nya sa bacolod. kaya naman daw alagaan ng nanay ko yung mga anak nya eh. 60 mahigit na nanay ko... pag-aalagain nya ng apat na bata?!?
STRESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
until my sister came from bacolod last week.
STRESS!!!!!!!!!!
grabeh... as in!!! mahal ko ang kapatid ko pero mas mahal ko sya pag malayo sya sa kin. we've never been that close to begin with. we have an eight-year gap. i am the sibling she didn't want to have. she regards me as "the favored one". she has this little habits that i just can't tolerate. for me to expect the 2 of us to live in harmony is preposterous.
pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? andito na sya eh. she was all quiet and i think, depressed, over the recent break-up she had with her husband. this is not the first time this happened. but i think this may be the last. the husband has packed up and left without a word to her about what they're gonna do with the kids. both of them assumed, i suppose, that my mom and dad are gonna live forever and provide for their children. *sigh*
STRESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so ngayon, unti-unti nyang ibinebenta ang mga gamit na ipinundar nya sa tulong ng perang padala ng asawa nya nung nasa Saudi Arabia pa ito. ok fine. gamit naman nila yon. pero pareho kaming nanghihinayang ni keith. mahirap magpundar ng gamit sa panahon ngayon. tapos ganun-ganun lang ibebenta... tsk!tsk!tsk! at sabi ng ate ko gusto daw nyang magmini-business sa baranggay namin. at wala na rin syang balak balikan ang mga anak nya sa bacolod. kaya naman daw alagaan ng nanay ko yung mga anak nya eh. 60 mahigit na nanay ko... pag-aalagain nya ng apat na bata?!?
STRESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
new template?
hay!!! hindi ko na lang talaga alam ang gagawin ko...
may bago na kong template... promise! meron na talaga. hindi ko lang matapos-tapos. grrr...
i am once again at the end of my tether. pray for me...
may bago na kong template... promise! meron na talaga. hindi ko lang matapos-tapos. grrr...
i am once again at the end of my tether. pray for me...
peach roses
second year anniversary namin ni keith kahapon...
grabe... dalawang taon na pala kaming naglolokohan... charing! heeheheheh... sino nga ba ang mag-aakala na aabot kami ng ganito katagal?! kahit ako eh nag-alangan din. i still have doubts if he's actually the one for me or not. pero tingin ko sya na talaga eh. as in!
nagkita kami kahapon. syempre. anniv eh. kumain kami sa subway sa may shangri-la. tuwang-tuwa ako kasi feeling beauty queen ako habang hawak-hawak ko yung bigay nya sa king roses. 3 peach roses. peach para naman daw maiba. ang sweet noh?!? i was so touched by his gesture. kasi starting pa lang sa trabaho ang bf ko eh... so syempre, ala pang pera. tilad ng dati, mega-tipid na naman siya mabilhan lang ako ng "luho" ko. ehehhehe...
kumpleto na sana katuwaan ko kung hindi lang nya sinabi sa kin na ninakaw lang nya yung roses...
gusto ko na talaga umiyak habang palakad kami pabalik sa opisina. hindi ko na nga hinawakan yung bulaklak eh. di bale nang walang roses o kung wala syang gift sa kin. wag lang sya magnakaw! sus! di ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa kanya o ihahampas ko sa kanya yung roses eh. at gusto nya pa dalhin ko sa office at ipagyabang yung nakaw nya na roses!eeewwww... no way!
paakyat na ako sa office nung sinabi nya sa kin :"Hoy gaga kunin mo na 'to! mahal din ang bili ko dyan sa flower shop!"
grrr!!!...
grabe... dalawang taon na pala kaming naglolokohan... charing! heeheheheh... sino nga ba ang mag-aakala na aabot kami ng ganito katagal?! kahit ako eh nag-alangan din. i still have doubts if he's actually the one for me or not. pero tingin ko sya na talaga eh. as in!
nagkita kami kahapon. syempre. anniv eh. kumain kami sa subway sa may shangri-la. tuwang-tuwa ako kasi feeling beauty queen ako habang hawak-hawak ko yung bigay nya sa king roses. 3 peach roses. peach para naman daw maiba. ang sweet noh?!? i was so touched by his gesture. kasi starting pa lang sa trabaho ang bf ko eh... so syempre, ala pang pera. tilad ng dati, mega-tipid na naman siya mabilhan lang ako ng "luho" ko. ehehhehe...
kumpleto na sana katuwaan ko kung hindi lang nya sinabi sa kin na ninakaw lang nya yung roses...
gusto ko na talaga umiyak habang palakad kami pabalik sa opisina. hindi ko na nga hinawakan yung bulaklak eh. di bale nang walang roses o kung wala syang gift sa kin. wag lang sya magnakaw! sus! di ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa kanya o ihahampas ko sa kanya yung roses eh. at gusto nya pa dalhin ko sa office at ipagyabang yung nakaw nya na roses!eeewwww... no way!
paakyat na ako sa office nung sinabi nya sa kin :"Hoy gaga kunin mo na 'to! mahal din ang bili ko dyan sa flower shop!"
grrr!!!...
it's been a hell of a month!
yep... been thru so much i didn't even have time to blog. no time to even change my layout. grrr... *sigh* it's one of the perils of living on your own. you don't have much time for anything. your days are filled with going to and from work , paying your bills, cleaning the house, doing your laundry... on top of that i also have to be loving girlfriend, caring friend, and concerned daughter...
i feel ready to replace wonderwoman.
yep... been thru so much i didn't even have time to blog. no time to even change my layout. grrr... *sigh* it's one of the perils of living on your own. you don't have much time for anything. your days are filled with going to and from work , paying your bills, cleaning the house, doing your laundry... on top of that i also have to be loving girlfriend, caring friend, and concerned daughter...
i feel ready to replace wonderwoman.
too close for comfort?
some days i feel all alone. most days, i feel like keith is all i have. it is both funny and sad to note that it is a matter of fact. keith is all i have. or is it just all me?
he is my friend, my boyfriend, my lover, my houseboy, my cook,my electrician, my adviser, my shock absorber... the list is getting longer everyday. it's frightening because it only goes to show that i,little ms.independent is fast becoming damsel in distress.
sometimes, i can't help but wonder if it is him i miss or something else. i love him... yeah... no doubt about that. but i don't think it's normal to miss someone 24/7. especially if that someone has been your boyfriend for 2 years now... today i resolve to stop spending the weekends over at his place. i know i made this vow a couple of months ago and failed miserably. the awful truth is that i don't have any place to spend the weekends in but his place. and we go back to the funny and sad piece of fact... keith is all i have.
he is my friend, my boyfriend, my lover, my houseboy, my cook,my electrician, my adviser, my shock absorber... the list is getting longer everyday. it's frightening because it only goes to show that i,little ms.independent is fast becoming damsel in distress.
sometimes, i can't help but wonder if it is him i miss or something else. i love him... yeah... no doubt about that. but i don't think it's normal to miss someone 24/7. especially if that someone has been your boyfriend for 2 years now... today i resolve to stop spending the weekends over at his place. i know i made this vow a couple of months ago and failed miserably. the awful truth is that i don't have any place to spend the weekends in but his place. and we go back to the funny and sad piece of fact... keith is all i have.
back in the city
we are finally back in manila. boy! am i just so glad i have my feet settled on land. i had recurring visions of titanic while we were on open sea. it was the worst ride i ever had in a ship. it was the pits. we were stuck in the docks for a whole night because of a brewing storm. we sailed out yesterday morning and i thought we would be up for a leisurely trip back to the city. i was dead wrong.
anyway, it's been a hectic first day back in "civilization".ha-ha! we were greeted with the news that keith's brother is now the proud father of a bouncing baby girl. we hurried over to the hospital to see their little bundle of joy. i can't help but feel a little envious. not that i want to have a kid of my own already but i feel envious about them having their own baby and them living together 24/7 and being married and all. i don't know... this must be a "ship-lag" or something...
keith is fussing like crazy over the baby. hmmm... i wonder if he wants to have a baby of his won now...hmmm
anyway, it's been a hectic first day back in "civilization".ha-ha! we were greeted with the news that keith's brother is now the proud father of a bouncing baby girl. we hurried over to the hospital to see their little bundle of joy. i can't help but feel a little envious. not that i want to have a kid of my own already but i feel envious about them having their own baby and them living together 24/7 and being married and all. i don't know... this must be a "ship-lag" or something...
keith is fussing like crazy over the baby. hmmm... i wonder if he wants to have a baby of his won now...hmmm
back to the city
we went swimming on a white sand beach today. despite the fact that my dad can't come because he had to tend to the little piggery he and my mom have got going and my sister and niece, sam, pulling that little beach drama everybody had fun. most especially keith and i. we rarely get to swim in beaches so this was pure pleasure.nice!
i was happy to see my mom and my sister's brood enjoying themselves. it warms my heart to see them all smiling and happy. i wish it would always be this way for them but that would just not be possible. happiness is treasured and sought after because of its rarity. if it comes our way all too often, we will never appreciate its presence. so i suppose, this is all for the best.
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. a part of me suddenly just don't want to go. we have to leave early in the morning and here i am... typing away in front of the computer. i can't sleep. i want to stay here and look after my parents and my nieces and nephews. my parents are getting older and i feel that they should start taking it a little easy. having my sister and her kids live with them isn't helping. *sigh* i love them all so much, even my trouble-making sister. if it's only possible to take care of them and still live my own life...
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. i'll kiss and tightly hug each of my adorable nieces and nephews. i'll kiss my mom and my dad and hug my sister and her husband. they will wave goodbye at me from the gate along with a piece of my heart...
i was happy to see my mom and my sister's brood enjoying themselves. it warms my heart to see them all smiling and happy. i wish it would always be this way for them but that would just not be possible. happiness is treasured and sought after because of its rarity. if it comes our way all too often, we will never appreciate its presence. so i suppose, this is all for the best.
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. a part of me suddenly just don't want to go. we have to leave early in the morning and here i am... typing away in front of the computer. i can't sleep. i want to stay here and look after my parents and my nieces and nephews. my parents are getting older and i feel that they should start taking it a little easy. having my sister and her kids live with them isn't helping. *sigh* i love them all so much, even my trouble-making sister. if it's only possible to take care of them and still live my own life...
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. i'll kiss and tightly hug each of my adorable nieces and nephews. i'll kiss my mom and my dad and hug my sister and her husband. they will wave goodbye at me from the gate along with a piece of my heart...
we went up a mountain today. it was the mountain that is right in front of my mom's house. you would think that since the mountain is looming in front of us everyday, it would be close and eary enough to climb. wrong!
it took as an hour to get to the top and another hour and a half to get down. it's actually a little easier to climb because there are little steps carved on its sides now. the first time i climbed it, which was what? i guess some 6 or 8 years ago, the men would throw down a rope for the ladies to use. the mountain was steep and slippery. it still is but thanks to well-trodden path by the locals, there was no need for the rope.
ok... since i can't stand to see my mom in tears off we went to her little sister's place. it was a grueling 4 hours travel over rough, dry roads. when we got there, i said hello to everyone and kissed and hugged everyone. i behaved like the good little girl my mom raised me to be. i was a bit surprised when both my biological parents did not recognize me. my mom never failed to show them pictures of me when i was growing up. i even heard that they hung my graduation picture in their living room. that must have been fabrication because my face has not changed much over the years and they can't recognize me? don't they see the family resemblance?
oh well... my mom and her sister who happens to be my biological mom finally cried and hugged each other. they were insisting on us spending a night there but i don't feel like i belong there. i felt that i would only hurt them if i stay there longer. my biological family would only see how different i am from them. so we said our goodbyes and spent another gureling 2 hour ride on a motorbike. yep. keith, my mom, me and my younger brother all on one motorbike driving thru rough terrain on a starless night.
this has been a day that i would as soon likely forget.
it took as an hour to get to the top and another hour and a half to get down. it's actually a little easier to climb because there are little steps carved on its sides now. the first time i climbed it, which was what? i guess some 6 or 8 years ago, the men would throw down a rope for the ladies to use. the mountain was steep and slippery. it still is but thanks to well-trodden path by the locals, there was no need for the rope.
ok... since i can't stand to see my mom in tears off we went to her little sister's place. it was a grueling 4 hours travel over rough, dry roads. when we got there, i said hello to everyone and kissed and hugged everyone. i behaved like the good little girl my mom raised me to be. i was a bit surprised when both my biological parents did not recognize me. my mom never failed to show them pictures of me when i was growing up. i even heard that they hung my graduation picture in their living room. that must have been fabrication because my face has not changed much over the years and they can't recognize me? don't they see the family resemblance?
oh well... my mom and her sister who happens to be my biological mom finally cried and hugged each other. they were insisting on us spending a night there but i don't feel like i belong there. i felt that i would only hurt them if i stay there longer. my biological family would only see how different i am from them. so we said our goodbyes and spent another gureling 2 hour ride on a motorbike. yep. keith, my mom, me and my younger brother all on one motorbike driving thru rough terrain on a starless night.
this has been a day that i would as soon likely forget.
my mother finally had the long overdue house blessing. the house looked great. the food was perfect. Both my parents are happy and at peace. i know it sounds weird but this is the first time i ever saw my mom and dad look so "settled in". when they were living in the city, they've always talked about getting away from the all the family bickering and squabbles. now they have finally did got away from it all.
another worry off my list.
another worry off my list.
clean house
my 4th day on leave. my 3rd day here at my parent's semi-grand house.
everybody's all preparing for the big event on wednesday. the long awaited house blessing is finally going to happen. keith and i decided to clean the house and rearrange the furniture. the house badly needed it. since my parents are into hog-raising, they no longer can't be bothered to clean up the place. besides, with 4 kids running around... why bother?
my mother seems to like keith enough. she likes him enough to talk about weddings. and for some reason, keith is only too happy to oblige her. we were folding clothes on the second floor sitting area when she went up and asked if we have enough time to pull this event off. keith assured her that there is enough time to get everything done. my mom, out of the blue, said to me in a tearful voice:" i am happy to see you and keith. i know that if you settle down with him, you will be in good hands. "
oh mom! i just so love you... and you just have no idea how good keith's hands are.*wink*
everybody's all preparing for the big event on wednesday. the long awaited house blessing is finally going to happen. keith and i decided to clean the house and rearrange the furniture. the house badly needed it. since my parents are into hog-raising, they no longer can't be bothered to clean up the place. besides, with 4 kids running around... why bother?
my mother seems to like keith enough. she likes him enough to talk about weddings. and for some reason, keith is only too happy to oblige her. we were folding clothes on the second floor sitting area when she went up and asked if we have enough time to pull this event off. keith assured her that there is enough time to get everything done. my mom, out of the blue, said to me in a tearful voice:" i am happy to see you and keith. i know that if you settle down with him, you will be in good hands. "
oh mom! i just so love you... and you just have no idea how good keith's hands are.*wink*
home sweet home
after a long and winding trip, we finally docked in bacolod. our arrival was a few hours delayed due to a storm and my sister drove me nuts. i wonder if there ever will be a time when we stop rubbing each other the wrong way. *sigh*
to cut a long story short, we got to my mom and dad's little farm. i wish i could also have cut the trip short the same way i did in the re-telling of my great adventure, but sadly, keith and i had to endure 4 hours of travel on smooth, rocky, semi-rocky roads of negros occidental. i was surprised at how big my mom's house was. it used to be a small, humble nipa hut. it is now a 3 bedroom, 2-storey concrete abode. i was also taken aback at how big my nieces and nephews have grown. the youngest, jordan, has gone from chubby to fat. i have a bad feeling the kid is overweight but there is simply nothing my mom could do about that. jordan throws a fit each time they tell him to lessen his food intake. elleine and jessamyn are turning to be 2 pretty sisters. they both have grown tall. jessamyn is almost as tall as i am. and she is only an incoming 6th grader! carlo, i am happy to note, has become more behaved and responsible. oh my darling little babies! they are all growing so fast...
my mom has gotten thin. the same goes for dad. they have aged a lot since the last time i saw them. well, with my sister living with them that is no surprise. but i sensed that despite the day-to-day problems and obstacles, they are happy. when all is said and done, the have the peace of mind here that they do not have in our place in manila. my grandfather, mom's dad, is still strong and goes about his daily routine without missing a beat. he is now 87 and counting...
i took in a deep breath of the sweet-smelling air. it feels great to be home.
to cut a long story short, we got to my mom and dad's little farm. i wish i could also have cut the trip short the same way i did in the re-telling of my great adventure, but sadly, keith and i had to endure 4 hours of travel on smooth, rocky, semi-rocky roads of negros occidental. i was surprised at how big my mom's house was. it used to be a small, humble nipa hut. it is now a 3 bedroom, 2-storey concrete abode. i was also taken aback at how big my nieces and nephews have grown. the youngest, jordan, has gone from chubby to fat. i have a bad feeling the kid is overweight but there is simply nothing my mom could do about that. jordan throws a fit each time they tell him to lessen his food intake. elleine and jessamyn are turning to be 2 pretty sisters. they both have grown tall. jessamyn is almost as tall as i am. and she is only an incoming 6th grader! carlo, i am happy to note, has become more behaved and responsible. oh my darling little babies! they are all growing so fast...
my mom has gotten thin. the same goes for dad. they have aged a lot since the last time i saw them. well, with my sister living with them that is no surprise. but i sensed that despite the day-to-day problems and obstacles, they are happy. when all is said and done, the have the peace of mind here that they do not have in our place in manila. my grandfather, mom's dad, is still strong and goes about his daily routine without missing a beat. he is now 87 and counting...
i took in a deep breath of the sweet-smelling air. it feels great to be home.
sailing away
day two of my so-called vacation leave and i am still soooooooo stressed out. i already had a facial, shopped, and saw Van Helsing with keith last night. but still, i am all tense and jittery. i am thinking of just calling the whole thing off and stay at home for the whole week or so.
i got out of the office early morning yesterday and immediately went hunting for the stuff my mom told me to bring. i was so tired running around, getting this and that for my family that i promptly fell asleep when i got home at noon. keith then came over and we went to the mall. i had my much-needed facial(my face was plain breaking out!!). then we saw the special effects-ridden movie Van Helsing. it was good, yeah. but forgettable. i was entertained. uh-huh. but there is this hole in the plot and too many fantastic scenes that without a doubt, van helsing existed only in a person's imagination.
so we went home after the late movie. i checked and made sure i had everything i need for the trip. We left for the pier at 7am in the morning. i went all over the house, making sure everything is unplugged. i made sure the door is locked twice. talk about paranoia. we got to the pier and sat for about an hour and a half when the ship started boarding. there was chaos all around us. people got up and all headed towards the boarding area as if the ship is going to sail away without them. the man seated behind us got up and bent over to get his suitcase. keith and i could hardly care but man was wearing this huge knapsack on his back. he hit keith on the head when he bent over to get his suitcase. keith let out a loud expletive and turned to give the guy a good glare. this cracked me up. while the two of them were busy thinking about having a fight there and then, i was laughing my head off.
this trip may prove to be the most tressful i have ever had, but it sure is gonna be one hell of a ride...
i got out of the office early morning yesterday and immediately went hunting for the stuff my mom told me to bring. i was so tired running around, getting this and that for my family that i promptly fell asleep when i got home at noon. keith then came over and we went to the mall. i had my much-needed facial(my face was plain breaking out!!). then we saw the special effects-ridden movie Van Helsing. it was good, yeah. but forgettable. i was entertained. uh-huh. but there is this hole in the plot and too many fantastic scenes that without a doubt, van helsing existed only in a person's imagination.
so we went home after the late movie. i checked and made sure i had everything i need for the trip. We left for the pier at 7am in the morning. i went all over the house, making sure everything is unplugged. i made sure the door is locked twice. talk about paranoia. we got to the pier and sat for about an hour and a half when the ship started boarding. there was chaos all around us. people got up and all headed towards the boarding area as if the ship is going to sail away without them. the man seated behind us got up and bent over to get his suitcase. keith and i could hardly care but man was wearing this huge knapsack on his back. he hit keith on the head when he bent over to get his suitcase. keith let out a loud expletive and turned to give the guy a good glare. this cracked me up. while the two of them were busy thinking about having a fight there and then, i was laughing my head off.
this trip may prove to be the most tressful i have ever had, but it sure is gonna be one hell of a ride...
the miracle i was hoping for came. my vacation leave was approved.
now i feel so rotten because i've been a very bad girl. well... maybe not that bad. i suppose bad habits really do die hard. i've been late 5 times for the last 2 and a half weeks which warrants a memo as per company policy. and i am getting a memo. if not now, then soon. i guess, this is a little wake up call for me. i'm going downhill in my attendance again and that is not the way to go. i have big plans for myself this year and getting a memo anytime soon is a big disappointment for me. but i have no one to blame but my lazy ass. so there!
i was screaming mad at keith a few hours ago. i might have been a little cruel to him, after all, he is still suffering from the blow of not making it to the board passer's list but i am just so irritated with his indecisiveness. he can't give me a straight answer each time i ask him if he'll be coming with me to bacolod to see my family or not. he has a couple of job prospects lined up right now. This is very good for him because between now and the next board exam in november, he wants to make some moolah to support himself. there's nothing wrong with that really but we had this trip planned months ago. i feel like he wants to back out but just can't tell me how. well i just wish he would tell it to me straight. i am buying the tickets tomorrow and i find it a complete waste of time to buy tickets for him and request for it to be refunded later on when he is unable to go because he's got a job already. i just wish to god he would make up his mind and end my misery. i do hope he goes with me but if he can't there's nothing i can do about it. i'll just go as i planned early this year and try not to be miserable during my entire vacation.
so my miracle did come. i do hope god will send me another one real soon.
now i feel so rotten because i've been a very bad girl. well... maybe not that bad. i suppose bad habits really do die hard. i've been late 5 times for the last 2 and a half weeks which warrants a memo as per company policy. and i am getting a memo. if not now, then soon. i guess, this is a little wake up call for me. i'm going downhill in my attendance again and that is not the way to go. i have big plans for myself this year and getting a memo anytime soon is a big disappointment for me. but i have no one to blame but my lazy ass. so there!
i was screaming mad at keith a few hours ago. i might have been a little cruel to him, after all, he is still suffering from the blow of not making it to the board passer's list but i am just so irritated with his indecisiveness. he can't give me a straight answer each time i ask him if he'll be coming with me to bacolod to see my family or not. he has a couple of job prospects lined up right now. This is very good for him because between now and the next board exam in november, he wants to make some moolah to support himself. there's nothing wrong with that really but we had this trip planned months ago. i feel like he wants to back out but just can't tell me how. well i just wish he would tell it to me straight. i am buying the tickets tomorrow and i find it a complete waste of time to buy tickets for him and request for it to be refunded later on when he is unable to go because he's got a job already. i just wish to god he would make up his mind and end my misery. i do hope he goes with me but if he can't there's nothing i can do about it. i'll just go as i planned early this year and try not to be miserable during my entire vacation.
so my miracle did come. i do hope god will send me another one real soon.
i went to the bank yesterday to encash a check. the bank required 3 IDs and i only had two on me when i got there so i went back to my place. i went upstairs, took out my big envelope of "important stuff" and rummaged for my new NBI clearance. i found it... right next to nhell's picture.
i took out the picture and stared at nhell's face long and hard. just like before, each time i came across something that reminded me of him - a picture, a place, a song - a thousand what if's and what could have been's floated thru my head. we could have made it. we could have worked it out. he's a good guy... he really is. he sings real well too. he's also one hell of a great kisser. yeah. no doubt about it. i'm no kiss and tell but i just have to say, this guy's real good at locking lips with a girl. he made me want him real bad.
but keith, although not as good as nhell in the smooching department, far exceeds him in making someone want something. the first time we ever kissed, i not only wanted keith real bad... keith made me want him with me for life.
having come to that conclusion, i sighed. i tore up all of nhell's photos into little bits and threw them in the trash can. no more reminiscing. no more thinking of what might have been and what could have been. my sould has found what it was looking for.
i took out the picture and stared at nhell's face long and hard. just like before, each time i came across something that reminded me of him - a picture, a place, a song - a thousand what if's and what could have been's floated thru my head. we could have made it. we could have worked it out. he's a good guy... he really is. he sings real well too. he's also one hell of a great kisser. yeah. no doubt about it. i'm no kiss and tell but i just have to say, this guy's real good at locking lips with a girl. he made me want him real bad.
but keith, although not as good as nhell in the smooching department, far exceeds him in making someone want something. the first time we ever kissed, i not only wanted keith real bad... keith made me want him with me for life.
having come to that conclusion, i sighed. i tore up all of nhell's photos into little bits and threw them in the trash can. no more reminiscing. no more thinking of what might have been and what could have been. my sould has found what it was looking for.
so it's like this...
you applied your vacation leave 3 months before you take off to the province to see your mom who you haven't seen for four years. you got a fairly good raise in your pay and your salary loan was recently approved. so you have all the moolah saved up for the trip and you're ready to buy your tickets and all. your sked's all set up for the coming month. everything's been set up real nice and all you're waiting for is approval from the big bosses.
then you accumulate more than the allowed number of lates per month. you either will get a verbal warning, a memo, or a lot worse than that... your leave will not be approved after all.
well... shit happens.
i've always believed that little miracles happen everyday. i am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that a miracle will come my way soon.
you applied your vacation leave 3 months before you take off to the province to see your mom who you haven't seen for four years. you got a fairly good raise in your pay and your salary loan was recently approved. so you have all the moolah saved up for the trip and you're ready to buy your tickets and all. your sked's all set up for the coming month. everything's been set up real nice and all you're waiting for is approval from the big bosses.
then you accumulate more than the allowed number of lates per month. you either will get a verbal warning, a memo, or a lot worse than that... your leave will not be approved after all.
well... shit happens.
i've always believed that little miracles happen everyday. i am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that a miracle will come my way soon.
keith is going to start his 2-day engineering licensure exams tomorrow. i feel more anxious and nervous than he is. i kept asking him during the weekend if he's feeling nervous or excited. he just shrugged each time and said he can't wait to get it all over with. he pored over 5 years worth of notes and lectures for the past 6 months in preparation for this major event. and now he can't wait to go thru it all and "empty his memory bin" as he would like to put it.
i can't wait for the exams to be over. i can't wait to see the results. i don't think i'll be able to truly relax until i see keith's name on the board passer's list. argghhh!!!
i can't wait for the exams to be over. i can't wait to see the results. i don't think i'll be able to truly relax until i see keith's name on the board passer's list. argghhh!!!
today is good friday.
and some dumb guy walking in my opposite direction just tried to grab my breasts while i was hurrying down the street towards my office. luckily, i was not walking fast enough not to notice his hand coming up and going for my boobies. i slapped the jerk's hand away and walked as fast as i could. the guy went on walking as well and when i looked back i saw him leering at me. i wanted to give him the good ol' dirty finger but as we were the only two people on the street, my common sense took over.
i was so shook up and startled i almost cried. but being the sane, mature young woman that in am, aside from a minute or two away from getting late for work, i fought the tears. i got into the office in time, i called keith to tell him i'm all ok, logged in and took calls.
life goes on...
and some dumb guy walking in my opposite direction just tried to grab my breasts while i was hurrying down the street towards my office. luckily, i was not walking fast enough not to notice his hand coming up and going for my boobies. i slapped the jerk's hand away and walked as fast as i could. the guy went on walking as well and when i looked back i saw him leering at me. i wanted to give him the good ol' dirty finger but as we were the only two people on the street, my common sense took over.
i was so shook up and startled i almost cried. but being the sane, mature young woman that in am, aside from a minute or two away from getting late for work, i fought the tears. i got into the office in time, i called keith to tell him i'm all ok, logged in and took calls.
life goes on...
1yr.9mos.
keith gave me a card with the following message:
"the generous, loving things you say and do are so much a part of you that sometimes i neglect to point out how much i appreciate each and every one. but i do.
you'd probably be amazed to realize all the things i notice. like the energy you put into keeping all the everyday things running smoothly. the "no big deal" way you take things in stride when something unexpected comes up, and the upbeat way you approach whatever it is that each day brings us.
and you still find time to let me know how much i'm loved.
you do all these things so naturally that i've come to count on them. and although they are familiar to me, they will never be taken for granted. i'm one lucky soul. and i won't let me forget it. today, i want you to see it spelled out and make sure you know it, too."
on the blank side of the card he wrote:
"took me a long time choosing the perfect card i want to give you. and this is it. got nothing more to say. it said it all!!! that's what i thought. it still left me something to say which i'm sure you know what that is. ^_^ "
*sigh* why do i even wonder why i love him?!? *sigh*
"the generous, loving things you say and do are so much a part of you that sometimes i neglect to point out how much i appreciate each and every one. but i do.
you'd probably be amazed to realize all the things i notice. like the energy you put into keeping all the everyday things running smoothly. the "no big deal" way you take things in stride when something unexpected comes up, and the upbeat way you approach whatever it is that each day brings us.
and you still find time to let me know how much i'm loved.
you do all these things so naturally that i've come to count on them. and although they are familiar to me, they will never be taken for granted. i'm one lucky soul. and i won't let me forget it. today, i want you to see it spelled out and make sure you know it, too."
on the blank side of the card he wrote:
"took me a long time choosing the perfect card i want to give you. and this is it. got nothing more to say. it said it all!!! that's what i thought. it still left me something to say which i'm sure you know what that is. ^_^ "
*sigh* why do i even wonder why i love him?!? *sigh*
fresh start
our office moved to a new building this week. i think it's all for the better. the workstations are bigger and amenities such as restrooms and pantries are all accessble from within our work area. we are using new computers as well and the internet connection couldn't be more faster. we have to go 44 floors down though to smoke. yep. it's an ear deafening slow descend from where we're located. it's all compensated by the wonderful view of a large chunk of manila though. not bad, really. not bad at all.
this transition to a better working environment has somewhat taken me up from my sudden fall into melanchloy. i remember saying to keith sometime last week that i will try to be more selfish than i normally am. i know that sounds absolutely rotten but everyone who truly knows me is aware of the fact that i am a true-blue hedonist. i only want to "live, love and eat" as famous chef wolfgang puck would say. starting today, i refuse to think of anyone or anything else but myself. i would only think about me, me, me. i refuse to worry about my close friends who couldn't be more farther away from me than they are now. i no longer want to be bothered by my mother's problems or my sister's frustrations and issues. i love them and sympathize with them and i would help them if i could. but since i am miles away from them, there really isn't much help i could offer other than a sympathetic ear and a few pieces of advice. i have finally realized that no matter how much i worry over my parents' or my friends' problems, it doesn't change the fact that i am not the person who would be able to resolve their issues.
i feel like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. i finally have a reason to smile...
this transition to a better working environment has somewhat taken me up from my sudden fall into melanchloy. i remember saying to keith sometime last week that i will try to be more selfish than i normally am. i know that sounds absolutely rotten but everyone who truly knows me is aware of the fact that i am a true-blue hedonist. i only want to "live, love and eat" as famous chef wolfgang puck would say. starting today, i refuse to think of anyone or anything else but myself. i would only think about me, me, me. i refuse to worry about my close friends who couldn't be more farther away from me than they are now. i no longer want to be bothered by my mother's problems or my sister's frustrations and issues. i love them and sympathize with them and i would help them if i could. but since i am miles away from them, there really isn't much help i could offer other than a sympathetic ear and a few pieces of advice. i have finally realized that no matter how much i worry over my parents' or my friends' problems, it doesn't change the fact that i am not the person who would be able to resolve their issues.
i feel like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. i finally have a reason to smile...
i visited my friend's blog today and found out she spent the weekend at boracay. i felt happy then bitchy then sad. all in the minute or 2 that it took me to finish reading her most current posts.
i'm happy that she is getting out more often. she seems to be doing well. i'm glad that she is beginning to live and enjoy life. god knows she how hard the past years had been for her. it's time that she experience the good life and i'm trult happy for her. but i can't help but feel cheated and sad. i guess it's bacause i've always thought that we'll be going to fabulous places together. me, her, and another close friend that we have. i have always been invited to go to all sorts of beaches and hang outs by my office friends but i would always decline. i didn't want to go to some beach and be with them, all the while wishing i was with my best friends instead. i always told i'll be going to all these beaches and bars and discos with 2 of the most important people in my life. so it was ok if i missed it. in the end, it was not meant to be. oh well. *sigh*
i know it's wrong for me to bitch about her going to a beatiful place and having fun. none of this is her fault. she didn't tell me to miss out on all those company gimmicks. it was wrong for me to expect anything. in all my wisdom, i failed to remember that things don't happen the way we want them to. i'll keep that in my mind from now on.
i'm happy that she is getting out more often. she seems to be doing well. i'm glad that she is beginning to live and enjoy life. god knows she how hard the past years had been for her. it's time that she experience the good life and i'm trult happy for her. but i can't help but feel cheated and sad. i guess it's bacause i've always thought that we'll be going to fabulous places together. me, her, and another close friend that we have. i have always been invited to go to all sorts of beaches and hang outs by my office friends but i would always decline. i didn't want to go to some beach and be with them, all the while wishing i was with my best friends instead. i always told i'll be going to all these beaches and bars and discos with 2 of the most important people in my life. so it was ok if i missed it. in the end, it was not meant to be. oh well. *sigh*
i know it's wrong for me to bitch about her going to a beatiful place and having fun. none of this is her fault. she didn't tell me to miss out on all those company gimmicks. it was wrong for me to expect anything. in all my wisdom, i failed to remember that things don't happen the way we want them to. i'll keep that in my mind from now on.
i am glad that i am alive and breathing, with no part of my face or body scarred or hurt. i am happy to have spent two nights in keith's arms and three whole days in his company. i am relieved that my house has not been ravaged by the fire that recently hit our neighborhood. i am happy that my sss loan was approved. i am touched that keith's aunt was kind enough to take me in on their small flat while i am waiting for electricity to return on our neighborhood. i have been blessed yet i can't find any reason for me to smile today. none at all.
i want to lie down and rest. i want to close my eyes and sleep my cares away. i want to take off my armor and show everybody that i'm only human after all. i am as vulnerable and weak as the next person is. i am tired of keeping up my facade of strength and self-sufficiency. i want to cry. i want to weep until my eyes dry up and i can't shed any more tears. i want to cry and cry and cry until all my tears have washed away the emptiness and longing in my heart...and maybe then i would find a reason to smile again.
i want to lie down and rest. i want to close my eyes and sleep my cares away. i want to take off my armor and show everybody that i'm only human after all. i am as vulnerable and weak as the next person is. i am tired of keeping up my facade of strength and self-sufficiency. i want to cry. i want to weep until my eyes dry up and i can't shed any more tears. i want to cry and cry and cry until all my tears have washed away the emptiness and longing in my heart...and maybe then i would find a reason to smile again.
big girls don't cry.
i repeatedly told this to myself as i walked from one hospital lab to the other. breathe in... breathe out... don't worry ice. you're a big girl. you can do this. the pain will go away. inhale... exhale... this i said to myself while being prodded and poked by my ob-gyne. i didn't know how hard my knees were shaking until i got off the bed and walked outside of my doctor's office. thankfully, i was able to find myself an empty bench in a quiet corner next to my doctor's room. inhale...exhale...everything's going to be all right. there's nothing to worry about... you'll be fine... i assured myself as i waited for the results of my lab exam. finally, i was told i could go home and rest. my doctor will be seeing me again sometime next week to discuss my medication.
i lit up a cigarette as soon as i got out of the hospital. i just hate hospitals and clinics. I hate it as much as I hate airports. Maybe a lot more. There's a chance you could get reunited with a love one on an airport somewhere. On a hospital, they're usually bound to never come back. Death is silent, sudden, and final. I hate to be reminded of my mortality. Ihate visist to doctors and dentists as well. I hate having to be at the mercy and expertise of someone whose life expectancy could probably be a lot lower than mine. I hate how hospitals smell. And i most especially hate going there alone.
i barely was able to finish my cigarette. I was wrong to think that smoking would calm me and take my mind off the nagging pain in my abdomen. not even having lunch with keith shortly afterwards helped to alleviate the pain. i was happy to be with him again but that happiness bordered more on relief. i have someone to spend the day with for a change. it was then that i realized my abdomen was no longer hurting that much. there is still that insistent pain, but it was far from physical. i realized that my heart was hurting as well... it has been hurting all along...
i repeatedly told this to myself as i walked from one hospital lab to the other. breathe in... breathe out... don't worry ice. you're a big girl. you can do this. the pain will go away. inhale... exhale... this i said to myself while being prodded and poked by my ob-gyne. i didn't know how hard my knees were shaking until i got off the bed and walked outside of my doctor's office. thankfully, i was able to find myself an empty bench in a quiet corner next to my doctor's room. inhale...exhale...everything's going to be all right. there's nothing to worry about... you'll be fine... i assured myself as i waited for the results of my lab exam. finally, i was told i could go home and rest. my doctor will be seeing me again sometime next week to discuss my medication.
i lit up a cigarette as soon as i got out of the hospital. i just hate hospitals and clinics. I hate it as much as I hate airports. Maybe a lot more. There's a chance you could get reunited with a love one on an airport somewhere. On a hospital, they're usually bound to never come back. Death is silent, sudden, and final. I hate to be reminded of my mortality. Ihate visist to doctors and dentists as well. I hate having to be at the mercy and expertise of someone whose life expectancy could probably be a lot lower than mine. I hate how hospitals smell. And i most especially hate going there alone.
i barely was able to finish my cigarette. I was wrong to think that smoking would calm me and take my mind off the nagging pain in my abdomen. not even having lunch with keith shortly afterwards helped to alleviate the pain. i was happy to be with him again but that happiness bordered more on relief. i have someone to spend the day with for a change. it was then that i realized my abdomen was no longer hurting that much. there is still that insistent pain, but it was far from physical. i realized that my heart was hurting as well... it has been hurting all along...
living alone is not all that it's cut out to be. i know i've mentioned this once or twice now in my blog. i guess, despite having lived all by myself for a couple of years now, i haven't really gotten the hang of it yet. although i appreciate having some time for myself and the freedom to do as i please, i crave companionship more than ever. there are times when i dread going home because i know only a silent house will be welcoming me. i almost want to cry when monday comes in because it means i would be back to my empty house. i will once again be entombed in silence. weekdays would always drag by, till it's weekend again and keith will finally be coming over to visit me. then, i feel i am alive again. i am once again part of humanity.
time and again, it has been proven that we will miss that one thing only if it is no longer with us. all i ever wanted when i was still sharing the house with my parents and my sister's brood was to get away from it all. i wanted some peace and quiet. i wanted to hear myself think for a change and not listen to my 4 year old nephew's tearful scream. so i would always be out of the house. hanging out in bars or in coffeeshops, trying to hear the piece of me i am losing connection with. then my parents had to move out and stay in bacolod. permanently. shortly after, my sister and her brood followed suit. now i am all alone. i finally have the peace and quiet i have been asking for the longest time. i could hear myself think and i have found that piece of me i seem to have lost with all that noise. i relished the silence for the longest time.
until the silence slowly became deafening. i woke up to an empty house one day and realized that silence is all i seem to have now. i find myself wanting to hang out someplace, like the malls or the parks, where there are lots of people. suddenly, i wanted to be surrounded with noise and chaos. i wanted to hear laughter and see kids running around and people talking with each other. when i am at keith's, i am reminded of how much i miss my family, something i thought was never going to happen. but i miss them. i really do.
so i got what i wanted but somehow, amazingly, i crave for that which i was only too happy to give up before.
time and again, it has been proven that we will miss that one thing only if it is no longer with us. all i ever wanted when i was still sharing the house with my parents and my sister's brood was to get away from it all. i wanted some peace and quiet. i wanted to hear myself think for a change and not listen to my 4 year old nephew's tearful scream. so i would always be out of the house. hanging out in bars or in coffeeshops, trying to hear the piece of me i am losing connection with. then my parents had to move out and stay in bacolod. permanently. shortly after, my sister and her brood followed suit. now i am all alone. i finally have the peace and quiet i have been asking for the longest time. i could hear myself think and i have found that piece of me i seem to have lost with all that noise. i relished the silence for the longest time.
until the silence slowly became deafening. i woke up to an empty house one day and realized that silence is all i seem to have now. i find myself wanting to hang out someplace, like the malls or the parks, where there are lots of people. suddenly, i wanted to be surrounded with noise and chaos. i wanted to hear laughter and see kids running around and people talking with each other. when i am at keith's, i am reminded of how much i miss my family, something i thought was never going to happen. but i miss them. i really do.
so i got what i wanted but somehow, amazingly, i crave for that which i was only too happy to give up before.
no white flag
for eliza... happy birthday. this is for you and claire as well. ten years of friendship and counting. it's too late for me to give up on a relationship that has sustained me thru most of life's hardships. cheers on your 24th birthday!
and for keith. i will never give up on you and our love.
WHITE FLAG
-Dido
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up in surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble. I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules that "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet which I'm sure we will
All I was then Will be there still
I'll let it pass And hold my tongue
And you will think That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
i won't ever put my hands up in surrender. "there will be no white flag above my door." i love you guys... and i always will.
and for keith. i will never give up on you and our love.
WHITE FLAG
-Dido
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up in surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble. I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules that "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet which I'm sure we will
All I was then Will be there still
I'll let it pass And hold my tongue
And you will think That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
i won't ever put my hands up in surrender. "there will be no white flag above my door." i love you guys... and i always will.
no more weekends with keith
keith told me that he needs to focus on his coming board exam in april. he is not contented with the way his review classes and virtual exams are going. hence, no more weekends for the two of us.
i wouldn't hear none of it at first. i mean, we only see each other and spend time together on the weekends. and now, we won't have that. what am i gonna do on weekends?!
well, i could always go out with my friends. i could dance the night away and drink myself to a stupor. i could also spend the whole day lounging in the mall, probably watch a movie or two. i could also shop. this is probably some teener's dream weekend. it used to be my dream too but not anymore. i've outgrown wild parties, late night outs, and mall-hopping.
i have the money to do all these and more. but it's not what i want. i want to be with keith. i want keith. *sob!*
i wouldn't hear none of it at first. i mean, we only see each other and spend time together on the weekends. and now, we won't have that. what am i gonna do on weekends?!
well, i could always go out with my friends. i could dance the night away and drink myself to a stupor. i could also spend the whole day lounging in the mall, probably watch a movie or two. i could also shop. this is probably some teener's dream weekend. it used to be my dream too but not anymore. i've outgrown wild parties, late night outs, and mall-hopping.
i have the money to do all these and more. but it's not what i want. i want to be with keith. i want keith. *sob!*
november
this is what people born in november are like according to the spam mail i got today:
Has a lot of ideas.(uhm.. yah, i think this is why i have a blog!) Difficult to fathom.(not really.i'm easy to figure out. if you're smart enough... eheheeheh.)Thinks forward.(like thinking about the future?nah...i don't think about something that's about to happen.i think about what i need to deal with now.) Unique and brilliant.(yes!definitely!heheheeh...) Extraordinary ideas.(haven't invented anything yet. we'll see.) Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance.(i'm not into any psychic crap...) Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets.(this is a trait that i sure have. it irks most of my friends especially keith.heheheeh...) Always thinking. (aren't all people?)Less talkative but amiable.(this depends on the people i'm with...) Brave and generous. Patient.(i am... up to a certain point...) Stubborn and hard-hearted.(i can be...if i want to...) If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises.(this is so NOT true...) High-spirited. Well-built and tough. (i am WELL-built and although i could be tough, on certain occasions, i could be soft...just ask keith...*wink*) Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. (if this means pretty, well, that's why they call me diosa around this parts...) Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.(i am able to. if i put my mind to it...) Unpredictable.
Has a lot of ideas.(uhm.. yah, i think this is why i have a blog!) Difficult to fathom.(not really.i'm easy to figure out. if you're smart enough... eheheeheh.)Thinks forward.(like thinking about the future?nah...i don't think about something that's about to happen.i think about what i need to deal with now.) Unique and brilliant.(yes!definitely!heheheeh...) Extraordinary ideas.(haven't invented anything yet. we'll see.) Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance.(i'm not into any psychic crap...) Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets.(this is a trait that i sure have. it irks most of my friends especially keith.heheheeh...) Always thinking. (aren't all people?)Less talkative but amiable.(this depends on the people i'm with...) Brave and generous. Patient.(i am... up to a certain point...) Stubborn and hard-hearted.(i can be...if i want to...) If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises.(this is so NOT true...) High-spirited. Well-built and tough. (i am WELL-built and although i could be tough, on certain occasions, i could be soft...just ask keith...*wink*) Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. (if this means pretty, well, that's why they call me diosa around this parts...) Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.(i am able to. if i put my mind to it...) Unpredictable.
drama!
minsan, nakakainis na lang talaga. the frustration and disappointment is enough to drive me to tears.
but i resolve not to cry. tama na ang daang luhang naiyak ko para sa inyo. sabihin nyo nga sa kin,masama ba akong kaibigan?ibinigay ko ang lahat ng pwede kong ibigay. kulang pa rin ba yon? kulang pa ba ang pagmamahal at pang-unawa na binibigay ko sa inyo para ako naman ang unawain nyo?
hindi ako nanunumbat. ang masakit lang talaga eh, sa mahigit sampung taon nating pagsasama, mukhang hindi nyo pa rin ako kilala. ika nga nila, di nyo pa rin huli ang kiliti ko. it's so sad for me to realize that in all the years that we have been together, you never really knew me.
nung araw na nag-talo tayo dahil sa ginawa mo sa bahay namin, nag-text ka. sabi mo "i'll always be here for you". you told me that you'll always be my friend. o eh nasan ka ngayon?bakit hindi ka makalapit sa kin?ni hindi ka nga nagte-text eh. ayaw mo rin makipagkita. then you're going to come out and say i've given up on you?
walang nagbago sa kin. walang nagbago sa pagtingin ko sa iyo. ikaw ang nagbago, ikaw ang lumayo. *sigh*. i am just wasting my breath here. panahon na siguro para tanggapin ko na wala na kayo sa piling ko. hindi ko na aaksayahin ang oras ko na puntahan kayo o tawagan kayo "to patch things up". walang nagbago sa kin. hindi nagbago ang pagtingin ko sa inyo. kayo ang lumayo, kayo ang nagbago.
but i resolve not to cry. tama na ang daang luhang naiyak ko para sa inyo. sabihin nyo nga sa kin,masama ba akong kaibigan?ibinigay ko ang lahat ng pwede kong ibigay. kulang pa rin ba yon? kulang pa ba ang pagmamahal at pang-unawa na binibigay ko sa inyo para ako naman ang unawain nyo?
hindi ako nanunumbat. ang masakit lang talaga eh, sa mahigit sampung taon nating pagsasama, mukhang hindi nyo pa rin ako kilala. ika nga nila, di nyo pa rin huli ang kiliti ko. it's so sad for me to realize that in all the years that we have been together, you never really knew me.
nung araw na nag-talo tayo dahil sa ginawa mo sa bahay namin, nag-text ka. sabi mo "i'll always be here for you". you told me that you'll always be my friend. o eh nasan ka ngayon?bakit hindi ka makalapit sa kin?ni hindi ka nga nagte-text eh. ayaw mo rin makipagkita. then you're going to come out and say i've given up on you?
walang nagbago sa kin. walang nagbago sa pagtingin ko sa iyo. ikaw ang nagbago, ikaw ang lumayo. *sigh*. i am just wasting my breath here. panahon na siguro para tanggapin ko na wala na kayo sa piling ko. hindi ko na aaksayahin ang oras ko na puntahan kayo o tawagan kayo "to patch things up". walang nagbago sa kin. hindi nagbago ang pagtingin ko sa inyo. kayo ang lumayo, kayo ang nagbago.
You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others.
Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.
i took a shower today and was aghast to see how fat i've become.
this shouldn't have been a surprise to me anymore since i've stopped fitting into my fave jeans last year. i've known and felt for some time now that i am fat but the realization didn't really hit me until i saw the naked truth. my only thought, as i stared at myself wearing nothing but my birthday suit, was "Ewww..."
i think i should start going to the gym now.really.my migraine's getting worse and i'm becoming more lethargic every day. i think it's all because i'm going a "little" overweight. yes. i should go to the gym.
now if only i could get my ass off my bed long enough to go there...hmmm...
"houston... we have a problem."
this shouldn't have been a surprise to me anymore since i've stopped fitting into my fave jeans last year. i've known and felt for some time now that i am fat but the realization didn't really hit me until i saw the naked truth. my only thought, as i stared at myself wearing nothing but my birthday suit, was "Ewww..."
i think i should start going to the gym now.really.my migraine's getting worse and i'm becoming more lethargic every day. i think it's all because i'm going a "little" overweight. yes. i should go to the gym.
now if only i could get my ass off my bed long enough to go there...hmmm...
"houston... we have a problem."
i went to naomi's blog and was surprised to see that she made an entry just a few days ago. i am happy to know that she is a lot more stronger now and more able to take on the world's challenges.
it's been a couple of months now since we last spoke with each other. we did send each other a couple of text messages over that period of time, but our messages are stilted and awkward, like we've got something stuck on our throats. it felt like we had something to say but didn't really want to say it. i am reluctant to admit that i may have been a little too harsh on her the last time we spoke with each other. but i am not taking back any of the things i told her. at that time, i felt that what she needed is a good bang in the head instead of a good lay. and i gave her exactly a what for after what she did. and of course, she stopped texting me after that.*LOL*
sometimes, i feel that she is never thankful for having a life. i know, i know... she is SO overburdened with her family's problems. but like what i always tell her, nobody said that she should carry her cross all the time. i think even jesus fell down while carrying his cross and stopped for a while to get a breather. the way i see it is, she refuses to take her life as it is. she keeps on carrying on, sad and miserable, always thinking about her family's issues and never about what's bothering her. well, shalom and i always thought she's too emotional for her own good. i feel that there are some things that she can't fully accept and that is what's dragging her down. oh well... it's her life and i'm just her friend. no matter what i say, she'll be living it the way she sees fit.
i really should stop meddling in my friends' businesses, but then what kind of a friend will i be if i don't meddle? i love them and i will do everything to make them happy. i am glad that naomi is happily moving along. i don't care if we don't speak with each other forever, just as long as she's ok and happy.
" if i can change the world, i would be the sunlight in your universe. you would think my love is really something good, baby if i could, change the world."
it's been a couple of months now since we last spoke with each other. we did send each other a couple of text messages over that period of time, but our messages are stilted and awkward, like we've got something stuck on our throats. it felt like we had something to say but didn't really want to say it. i am reluctant to admit that i may have been a little too harsh on her the last time we spoke with each other. but i am not taking back any of the things i told her. at that time, i felt that what she needed is a good bang in the head instead of a good lay. and i gave her exactly a what for after what she did. and of course, she stopped texting me after that.*LOL*
sometimes, i feel that she is never thankful for having a life. i know, i know... she is SO overburdened with her family's problems. but like what i always tell her, nobody said that she should carry her cross all the time. i think even jesus fell down while carrying his cross and stopped for a while to get a breather. the way i see it is, she refuses to take her life as it is. she keeps on carrying on, sad and miserable, always thinking about her family's issues and never about what's bothering her. well, shalom and i always thought she's too emotional for her own good. i feel that there are some things that she can't fully accept and that is what's dragging her down. oh well... it's her life and i'm just her friend. no matter what i say, she'll be living it the way she sees fit.
i really should stop meddling in my friends' businesses, but then what kind of a friend will i be if i don't meddle? i love them and i will do everything to make them happy. i am glad that naomi is happily moving along. i don't care if we don't speak with each other forever, just as long as she's ok and happy.
" if i can change the world, i would be the sunlight in your universe. you would think my love is really something good, baby if i could, change the world."
getting my groove back
it's been a very busy week for me. calls, calls, calls! but funny enough i am happy to have moved to another team. eventhough i am still level one rep, i am once again facing a whole new load of information to feast my brains on. it's a little nerve-wracking, especially when i make a boo-boo. but my colleagues are supportive and helpful enough. my thoughts of moving on to another company seem to be but a thing of the past. i've found my niche and once again, i am more than content to sit on it for a couple more months.
never thought i'd feel this way, but work is exciting once more...and i hope i'll still be feeling this way a month or 2 from now. wish me luck!
never thought i'd feel this way, but work is exciting once more...and i hope i'll still be feeling this way a month or 2 from now. wish me luck!
on two different email accounts i have received an email from shalom, one of my best friends for the longest time, asking me to help her remember my birthday. i'm sure that this is one of those automated emails from a site that offers a "birthday alarm" service. but just the same, it's a little unnerving for me to get this from a person who has known me for more than 10 years. my birthday is on All Saint's Day. it happens right after Halloween. how many people can a person know in their entire lifetime that celebrates their birthday on All Saint's Day?!?
i'm not making this a big issue. after all, i'm pretty sure that being a very busy working mom and wife is enough to make her forget everybody's birthday. i just can't help but be both saddened nd alarmed by it all. me being me, i'm thinking, as i sat there looking at the subject "help me remember your birthday" or something of the like, that maybe we have been "estranged" for so long that she needs to be reminded of certain things about me now.
valentine's day is fast approaching. i would like to invite her and naomi on a girl's night out like we always did way back when. all three of us would go out and have fun on valentine's day for every year since all three of us met and became friends. but keith and i are going out of town to go to his uncle's funeral. naomi's most likely busy. she doesn't even bother to text these days. and shalom, well... i don't think she could spare time away from her hubby and kids.*sigh* so i guess there won't be a girl's night out on valentine's day this year. maybe next year. i'll keep my fingers crossed on this one as well and i'll keep edna st.vincent millay's words in mind:
life must go on though good men die. life must go on... i forget just why.
i'm not making this a big issue. after all, i'm pretty sure that being a very busy working mom and wife is enough to make her forget everybody's birthday. i just can't help but be both saddened nd alarmed by it all. me being me, i'm thinking, as i sat there looking at the subject "help me remember your birthday" or something of the like, that maybe we have been "estranged" for so long that she needs to be reminded of certain things about me now.
valentine's day is fast approaching. i would like to invite her and naomi on a girl's night out like we always did way back when. all three of us would go out and have fun on valentine's day for every year since all three of us met and became friends. but keith and i are going out of town to go to his uncle's funeral. naomi's most likely busy. she doesn't even bother to text these days. and shalom, well... i don't think she could spare time away from her hubby and kids.*sigh* so i guess there won't be a girl's night out on valentine's day this year. maybe next year. i'll keep my fingers crossed on this one as well and i'll keep edna st.vincent millay's words in mind:
a night to remember
imagine this: a roomful of scented candles, a dozen roses, sumptuous vegetarian pasta with garlic bread, and julia fordham softly crooning in the background...
heavenly right? romantic? definitely!and that was exactly how i spent saturday night. with keith.*wink*
i may be down and sick during the weekend but i sure had some great good-lovin' which ensured that i would be up and about for the coming workweek. sometimes, i feel like i live for the weekends. when i would be able to just kick up my heels and relax, do whatever i want and sleep in keith's arms. but i am hoping that this would all change now that i am being trained for new tasks. maybe this is what i need to get my groove back on work. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
heavenly right? romantic? definitely!and that was exactly how i spent saturday night. with keith.*wink*
i may be down and sick during the weekend but i sure had some great good-lovin' which ensured that i would be up and about for the coming workweek. sometimes, i feel like i live for the weekends. when i would be able to just kick up my heels and relax, do whatever i want and sleep in keith's arms. but i am hoping that this would all change now that i am being trained for new tasks. maybe this is what i need to get my groove back on work. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
as if!
on any "normal" day, this result would have made me swoon. but not today. not today.
You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anything
cheesy look really hot(like sliding down stairs
on a shield shooting arrows or wearing pointy
ears for example). Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anything
cheesy look really hot(like sliding down stairs
on a shield shooting arrows or wearing pointy
ears for example). Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
standstill
evidently, i am in no mood to write.
my head is about ready to explode. i am swimming in a pool of thoughts and i am about to drown. recent events have all piled up and decisions that should have been made yesterday are still waiting to be deliberated tomorrow. i am at a crossroads and i don't have any idea what path to take. robert frost took the one that was less traveled by and it all made the difference to him. i wonder if it would be for me...
*sigh.*
my head is about ready to explode. i am swimming in a pool of thoughts and i am about to drown. recent events have all piled up and decisions that should have been made yesterday are still waiting to be deliberated tomorrow. i am at a crossroads and i don't have any idea what path to take. robert frost took the one that was less traveled by and it all made the difference to him. i wonder if it would be for me...
*sigh.*
the problem with having a blog is that you are putting your life in the spotlight. you are making known to everybody what's going on with your life, how you're coping with things, what your plans are, what you're coming to grips with. you tell the readers of your online diary what your thoughts are about things, about what you do everyday and why you do them. but a person can only explain so much. when you have a blog, you put yourself under a microscope and as you and your readers peer thru the lens and examine your totality and individuality... well, you could only hope that they see you in a good light.
i am surprised that the subject of my impending departure was brought up during a one-on-one session with my team lead. news certainly has a way of going around in an office. not even a handful of people know that i plan to leave. i don't even have my mind made up if i will leave. until i come to a decision, everybody can just hold their breaths and their comments. nothing is set in stone.
i am surprised that the subject of my impending departure was brought up during a one-on-one session with my team lead. news certainly has a way of going around in an office. not even a handful of people know that i plan to leave. i don't even have my mind made up if i will leave. until i come to a decision, everybody can just hold their breaths and their comments. nothing is set in stone.
i've sent my resume to my former account manager.
i've taken the leap and i could only hope that i would land in secure gound. i told bam that there is no guarantee that i'd be accepted for the job so maybe all this talk is for nothing. but then again, i know i'm good. (hehehheehehe...*wink*). i may not have been promoted at my current work but i've never failed to impress people during interview. so maybe... maybe i'll make it and then again, maybe i won't.
i don't ask for signs. but if i ace the interview and offered the job... well, maybe...
i've taken the leap and i could only hope that i would land in secure gound. i told bam that there is no guarantee that i'd be accepted for the job so maybe all this talk is for nothing. but then again, i know i'm good. (hehehheehehe...*wink*). i may not have been promoted at my current work but i've never failed to impress people during interview. so maybe... maybe i'll make it and then again, maybe i won't.
i don't ask for signs. but if i ace the interview and offered the job... well, maybe...
i was offered a job today by my former account manager.
the salary is higher of course with added perks like access to an exclusive fitness club and shuttle service. what caught my attention is the fact that if i do try out for this new company and get accepted, i will be part of their pioneer team. this would mean that after a couple of months, when the company has added on more reps and have expanded, i would be first in line for a higher position.
to say i was tempted is putting it mildly.
what made me think twice is the location the new company is building on. it's miles away from where i live and the journey would be tedious to say the least. also, it's a new company and there is no guarantee that their foundation is strong enough to ensure success. but the promise of a higher position is pulling on me real strong...
ah! choices, choices! i am not sure if i'm ready to take this leap. i'm not sure if i'm prepared to leave my comfort zone and throw away everything i've worked for in my current company in the wind.i am feeling that this new endeavor might not be worth taking the risk...ah!choices, choices...
the salary is higher of course with added perks like access to an exclusive fitness club and shuttle service. what caught my attention is the fact that if i do try out for this new company and get accepted, i will be part of their pioneer team. this would mean that after a couple of months, when the company has added on more reps and have expanded, i would be first in line for a higher position.
to say i was tempted is putting it mildly.
what made me think twice is the location the new company is building on. it's miles away from where i live and the journey would be tedious to say the least. also, it's a new company and there is no guarantee that their foundation is strong enough to ensure success. but the promise of a higher position is pulling on me real strong...
ah! choices, choices! i am not sure if i'm ready to take this leap. i'm not sure if i'm prepared to leave my comfort zone and throw away everything i've worked for in my current company in the wind.i am feeling that this new endeavor might not be worth taking the risk...ah!choices, choices...
ready for the good times
the start of the year, though at first thrilling and exciting, is slowly turning in a very ugly head. my sister's husband got laid off, meaning my heroic mom will come in and save them from economic tragedy. i, on the other hand, is up to my neck in bills. yes. bills, bils, bills! my world is becoming a routine of receiving bills and paying bills. another sore spot is work. i am slowly losing enthusiasm for it. i feel that the job i have is not going to take me anywhere nor will it prove itself to be a stable source of income.
but i am not gonna argue nor will i lose hope. i still have one or two blessings i am happy to count everyday. i still have a roof above my head. i am alive, breathing, with no missing limbs or scarred skin. i still have my friends. i love my family and they love me. i am able to play sims when i'm at the office. i love keith and he loves me. yah... i have keith.
so let's get it on!
Ready for the Good Times
-Shakira-
I don't wanna clear the cobwebs from my head Time will bring them back I bet
So if you hear me say that I believe in love Don't make me feel ashamed
I used to sing the saddest songs And while in the meantime roaches used to climb my Door
Falling back down to the floor I used to read survival guides When my world was full of seven legged cats
But here I am with eight more lives
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Ready to get it on
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Now that I'm not alone
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
You know It
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
You better not
Ignore it
I don't wanna look at fashion magazines While someone does my nails
Sitting here watching other people live Frozen by the fear to fail
Cause, everyday there's a war to fight And if I win or lose never mind
As long as you're my shelter every night I used to cry against a wall
But now I've got a shoulder that I can lean on Swear to me you won't be gone
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Ready to get it on
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Now that I'm not alone
but i am not gonna argue nor will i lose hope. i still have one or two blessings i am happy to count everyday. i still have a roof above my head. i am alive, breathing, with no missing limbs or scarred skin. i still have my friends. i love my family and they love me. i am able to play sims when i'm at the office. i love keith and he loves me. yah... i have keith.
so let's get it on!
Ready for the Good Times
-Shakira-
I don't wanna clear the cobwebs from my head Time will bring them back I bet
So if you hear me say that I believe in love Don't make me feel ashamed
I used to sing the saddest songs And while in the meantime roaches used to climb my Door
Falling back down to the floor I used to read survival guides When my world was full of seven legged cats
But here I am with eight more lives
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Ready to get it on
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Now that I'm not alone
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
You know It
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
You better not
Ignore it
I don't wanna look at fashion magazines While someone does my nails
Sitting here watching other people live Frozen by the fear to fail
Cause, everyday there's a war to fight And if I win or lose never mind
As long as you're my shelter every night I used to cry against a wall
But now I've got a shoulder that I can lean on Swear to me you won't be gone
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Ready to get it on
I'm ready for the good times
I'm ready for the good times
Now that I'm not alone
i have finally gotten my blouse back.
after going from one mall to the other, keith and i were finally able to get the same one he bought me for christmas. we took it to the laundromat and they reimbursed the money we paid for it. the new blouse does not fit quite like the old one did. *sigh*. some things just can't be replaced or reimbursed.
on a happy note, i was finally able to install the superstar expansion pack for the sims. it's currently my "hot property" for the moment. so gotta say bye for now while i play around!*wink*
after going from one mall to the other, keith and i were finally able to get the same one he bought me for christmas. we took it to the laundromat and they reimbursed the money we paid for it. the new blouse does not fit quite like the old one did. *sigh*. some things just can't be replaced or reimbursed.
on a happy note, i was finally able to install the superstar expansion pack for the sims. it's currently my "hot property" for the moment. so gotta say bye for now while i play around!*wink*
laundry service gone wrong
i am in a hellish mood tonight.
i just finished speaking with the manager of the laundromat who did my laundry this weekend. to say that i am annoyed is an understatement. i am in a killing rage. the goddamned establishment lost the blouse keith gave to me for christmas. hear me roooaaar!!!!
the frigging manager didn't even know that i had been complaining all over the laundromat during the weekend. DUH! some manager. no wonder one of her washers lost my blouse. or maybe they didn't lose it. maybe one of her dumb employees took off with it seeing that it was new. damn! i was confident that everything was being handled professionally. i was even telling keith's dad a few days ago how convenient it is to just take your dirty laundry and have it washed by professional cleaners. well i guess i'm dead wrong on that score.
they told me that i could buy any blouse i like to replace the one they say i insist as missing (grrrr... @#%$&@!) and would reimburse me for the fee. they said that they are doing this so they wouldn't lose a customer. hello!!! tough luck! after all this brouhaha they won't ever see my face again. i was so frustrated last saturday when i first found out the blouse was missing that burst into tears. i have never imagined that something convenient could turn out to be one of the most harrowing experiences of your life.
i just finished speaking with the manager of the laundromat who did my laundry this weekend. to say that i am annoyed is an understatement. i am in a killing rage. the goddamned establishment lost the blouse keith gave to me for christmas. hear me roooaaar!!!!
the frigging manager didn't even know that i had been complaining all over the laundromat during the weekend. DUH! some manager. no wonder one of her washers lost my blouse. or maybe they didn't lose it. maybe one of her dumb employees took off with it seeing that it was new. damn! i was confident that everything was being handled professionally. i was even telling keith's dad a few days ago how convenient it is to just take your dirty laundry and have it washed by professional cleaners. well i guess i'm dead wrong on that score.
they told me that i could buy any blouse i like to replace the one they say i insist as missing (grrrr... @#%$&@!) and would reimburse me for the fee. they said that they are doing this so they wouldn't lose a customer. hello!!! tough luck! after all this brouhaha they won't ever see my face again. i was so frustrated last saturday when i first found out the blouse was missing that burst into tears. i have never imagined that something convenient could turn out to be one of the most harrowing experiences of your life.
sims is becoming my favorite game after diablo 1 and 2. i know, i know... these are all passé what with all the million games we have now. but i just so love how you can create a person, model it after you or whoever it is you want to be and set it out on a reality-based game. and i so love the furnitures and wallpapers and all the other cool stuff you could add to create the house of your dreams...
i find it all amazing, especially the part where you have to make friends and maintain them or else you get depressed. when you neglect to speak with a sim you have already been friends with you get a message saying something like " you have lost a family friend. friends are like plants that you need to water everyday or else they wither. a call might help renew the relationship."
when i first saw that message it struck a chord in me. it sounds kinda stupid for you to let a game get to you like that. i guess it's because i don't have much friends right now. when i say friend, i mean those that know me and those that i have been able to count on throughout my life. it seems i don't have much of them anymore. i have fallen out with the 2 good friends i had in college. well, we never had that much in common really but they were still great companions. then i had this "sort of" falling out with naomi and shalom, my two best friends in the whole wide world. i am missing nemo like hell but of course she's got a baby to look after and all.
i am happy to have made friends with angelo, bang-bang, and bam-bam but it's not just the same being apart from your original circle of friends. i am very grateful to have keith around yet still... you get the empty feeling from time to time.
the game is truly amazing. it shows you how real life can get. it isn't easy to win.
i find it all amazing, especially the part where you have to make friends and maintain them or else you get depressed. when you neglect to speak with a sim you have already been friends with you get a message saying something like " you have lost a family friend. friends are like plants that you need to water everyday or else they wither. a call might help renew the relationship."
when i first saw that message it struck a chord in me. it sounds kinda stupid for you to let a game get to you like that. i guess it's because i don't have much friends right now. when i say friend, i mean those that know me and those that i have been able to count on throughout my life. it seems i don't have much of them anymore. i have fallen out with the 2 good friends i had in college. well, we never had that much in common really but they were still great companions. then i had this "sort of" falling out with naomi and shalom, my two best friends in the whole wide world. i am missing nemo like hell but of course she's got a baby to look after and all.
i am happy to have made friends with angelo, bang-bang, and bam-bam but it's not just the same being apart from your original circle of friends. i am very grateful to have keith around yet still... you get the empty feeling from time to time.
the game is truly amazing. it shows you how real life can get. it isn't easy to win.
2004
another year... another beginning... another clean slate to write my whole life all over.
i am full of plans, which is a first since i usually drift along during the first month of the year... waiting for fate to take over and dictate my destiny. but this year, i am taking charge!
it's been a long time since i relished the thought of a new year looming ahead of me. i am thrilled at the thought of the coming days unfolding themselves before me. knowing that keith will be by my side the whole time adds more to the excitement. i can't wait...
i am full of plans, which is a first since i usually drift along during the first month of the year... waiting for fate to take over and dictate my destiny. but this year, i am taking charge!
it's been a long time since i relished the thought of a new year looming ahead of me. i am thrilled at the thought of the coming days unfolding themselves before me. knowing that keith will be by my side the whole time adds more to the excitement. i can't wait...
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