i had a little chat with one of the newbies here in our team. apparently, she was once an officemate of my friend claire. not only was she an officemate, she also happens to be a confidante of claire's. she told me stories about how claire was at their office, her relationship with her husband and kids, her financial difficulty, her miscarriage... she told me things i didn't know. she spoke about incidents claire didn't tell me or laiza.

i saw claire a few months ago and i asked her if she was happy. she said it was difficult at times but she's happy. i took her word for it despite the heaviness in my heart. i felt her pain. the intangible connection we had that has sustained our relationship over the years has not been diminished by my resentment. i still feel her. i still feel for her. i looked into her beautiful eyes and saw thru the lie.

maybe she is happy amidst all the problems she has. we all have various levels of contentment and happiness. maybe she's happy with taking care of a husband and rearing children. maybe she's content with what she's doing with her life. maybe she's ok and i'm just thinking she's not because i think that having a husband and children at such a young age is inappropriate. i love her and what i wanted for her was to have a stable job and enjoy the fruits of her labor. i wanted her to enjoy having her own money. we both were always in need of cash when we were in school. we both wanted to get away from our parent's grasp, live freely and spend our money the way we see fit. i think she deserves better things that what she has now. i feel that she deserves someone better. but loving someone doesn't mean we know what's best for them or what makes them happy. i suppose it's time to let go of our broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. it's useless anyway. none of it will do anyone good.

she celebrated her 24th birthday last sunday, october 24. i was in the office and she doesn't have a cellphone so i wasn't able to greet her. i hope she had a happy birthday. a truly very happy birthday. i plan to ask her sometime soon. if she says she was then i'll take her word for it.