125lbs.

i am nine months away from the date we've set for the wedding. i have nine months to lose about 20 friggin' pounds. i need to or the gown might not fit. worse, i might end up looking like miss piggy on a wedding dress. or maybe a wedding dress with a pig. oink oink!

i weighed myself yesterday and surprise! surprise! i am 125lbs. crap! crap! crap!

i saw laiza last friday to hand over the cute, adorable kitten my supervisor gave me and the first words out of her mouth were: "what's wrong with you? are you pregnant?". cripes. everybody seems to think i am 'cause i am just so... big. fat. flabby. crap! crap! crap!

i am starting to get worried really. i wanna lose weight. i feel that this is also the reason why i haven't had my period yet. the preg kit returned a negative result and my ob just patted my hand and said not to worry. i am usually delayed and that might be just it. but what if i am not?!!

oh... i want to cry and scream all over the place. this must be pms. yah. the longest-running, most miserable pms ever. i'm fat. i feel bloated. i'm irritable. worse, i can't stop eating!!!

oh crap!

crap!crap!crap!