Main Entry: Displaced Person

Main Entry: displaced person
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: individual forced to leave his or her native country or home; To move or shift from the usual place or position, especially to force to leave a homeland, i. e. millions of refugees who were displaced by the war.
Synonyms: DP, D.P., exile, expatriate, man without a country, persona non grata, stateless person, unacceptable person, undesirable,aimless, confused, cool, discontinuous, disordered, displaced, disunited, divided, far out, fitful, fuzzy, inchoate, incoherent, incohesive, irrational, loose, muddled, rambling, separated, spaced out, spacey, spasmodic, split, unattached, unconnected, unorganized

and the list goes on to about 14 other more entries for the word displaced. and yes, mari, i could figure it out.

a good friend of mine said that i could do whatever the hell i like with my life so long that i am happy. that whether i choose to move back in with darth, or if i run around in circles moving from one house to another, or if i shift from one job to next, or if i choose to slit my throat... it's fine. so long as i would be happy.

am i happy? some days, i am. do i choose to be unhappy some days? no. but if you are living in a roach and rat infested tiny house with no company but your books and a small radio, you would definitely feel a little blue. when you get to thinking about what you had then (which was a lot) and what you have now (which is very little), i'm sure you'd feel a little sad about about the way things turned out. why do i choose to live in squalid little house? because i have pride. i do not want to bother anyone for any more help and a little squalid house is all i can afford now, so it's what i'm going to have to settle for and live in.

everything in life is a choice. how true. that's exactly what neo said: "the problem is choice." i am now in the midst of choosing between what i want, what i am getting and what i am willing to settle for. now, do i really have a choice?

what i want most is to be able to stand on my own two feet without having to rely on anybody because what i hate most is asking anybody for help. i don't like owing anyone anything. what i am getting right now is help from the person who hurt me the most and from a few friends i consider as family. right now, i don't want their help but i am settling with seeking their assistance because i don't have any other way to survive but to take what is freely offered.

a lot of people will disagree when i say i have not lost my self-respect. but it was my self-respect that carried me along from breaking it off with him to making tiny steps to move on. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have killed myself four months ago. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have been conveniently living in his house while i am still out of a job, regardless of the fact that he supposedly loves someone else. why did i take him back? because i believe that someone you have given your everything to is worth giving a second chance.

we all have one life to live. one heaven or one hell. am i living my life the way Bathala sees fit? let's see: i engage in pre-marital sex; i have a dirty mind and a dirtier mouth; i smoke a lot; i drink a lot;i forget to keep in touch with my friends and family; and the list of my sins go on. i know i make Bathala cringe but i also know that somehow, someway, i make Him proud. I'm sure that when He sees me, He shrugs and says:"there goes cecille, ever so strong, just keeping the stride despite all the burden. there she goes loving everyone, passionately and unconditionally."

=================
misplaced

adj 1: put in the wrong place or position; "She was penalized for a spelling mistake or a misplaced accent" 2: lost temporarily; as especially put in an unaccustomed or forgotten place; "the mislaid hat turned up eventually"; "misplaced tickets" [syn: mislaid]

i am no longer displaced. just misplaced. and i am working bit by bit to regain my rightful place. anyone can come and judge me, make fun or talk about what happened to me. but please... before you pass judgment, before you say anything, make sure you have gone thru what i have gone thru: no job, no house, no family, no boyfriend, no money. and then... go fish and figure.

i saw K in the office yesterday. i spoke with her. i felt so totally "wala lang". as in. she may be prettier, sexier, richer. she may be in a far better state than i am in. she may even still have darth's affection. yeah... at times i envy her so much it hurts. i even told darth how much i envy her. i said " it would be nice for someone to love me so much he would give up everything for me." yeah. it would be nice to find such a man...

anyway, she may be all that i could want. but i dare say that i am not so lost myself. i am cute in my own right. i am strong, a woman in a class of my own. i am smart with smarter friends who love me, care for me, and help me when i am down and out. she may have his affection until now. i could care less. i have the man. i have had his love for three years now. i am the woman he has promised forever to. i am the girl who's wearing the ring. most importantly, i never had to steal him from anyone. he was all mine to take. and he still is mine.

she was a nightmare i have woken up from. to have my beloved darth by my side when i woke up is a bonus. she was a wake up call for both of us. it taught me and darth to value each other, to take better care of our relationship and not take each other for granted.

i never thought i would learn so much from such a harrowing experience. but i am glad. i have woken up from the nightmare. i am wide awake.and regardless of whether i have my man next to me or not, i am moving on.

the first step is always the most difficult.

i just called my TL and told him that i'm resigning. i feel bad because he's been very nice. but i don't feel bad that i've resigned from work. i'm actually relieved. it's not really for me. what's the sense of trying to be good at something your heart is just not into?

i'm scared though. i'm scared that i might end up without a job. i'm scared of running out of money. but i have to take the risk. sometimes, like what keith said, you have to take the risk and know.

*sigh* it's going to be difficult for the next few weeks. i have to learn to hold on tight to my money. i have to learn to stick to the budget. chin said: we'll make it work. yeah. i have to make it work.

i have a house now. i'm sharing it with my new friend, sam. rent is low and the house is ok. i would prefer to be in a better neighborhood, in a better house.but beggars can't be choosers right? i'm thankful i have a roof above my head. it'll do for now.

i won't start with my new work till october. i really hope it pushes thru. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. it's a better job with better pay.

and i have a house to live in now.

things are finally taking a turn for the better.