Payong Bob Ong for the day:

Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.

true. kaya sa haba man ng prusisyon... tantya ko... sa hiwalayan din ang tuloy.

so far away

your heart

from my heart.

right next to mine

yours is a hundred miles away.


i'm tired of running.

i'm tired of starting

but never reaching.

going after is getting boring.


i leave everything behind.

no longer blind.


i let go.

Rm 534 Bed4

my birthday passed without so much fanfare. on my end, that is. people were everywhere, buying candles and flowers, going to cemeteries to visit their dearly departed. some were chilling out in malls. others went out of town, making visiting their dead an excuse to go out of the city.

i spent my big day at the hospital, caring for my sick grandmother. as i turned another year older... eherm... "wiser"... i have never been aware of my own mortality. looking after my grandmother, sharing the room with other sick, elderly people, i realized no matter how much we cover up our age, the inevitable will catch up with us. change and death are the only certainty in life. no matter how we've lived our lives, or how long, or how happy... we are all bound to a certain end.

this thought lead to another until i have realized that my birthdays are becoming more and more blah as the years go by. i'll make sure to have some party or other next year... i'd like to have at least a few birthday bashes before it's too late for me to have them.

sabi nga nila... walang beer sa langit. ^_^

i threw away every letter and card i gave him the other day.

looking back, i can't find anything to explain my action. i just got up that night, went to the box where i kept those treasured mementos. i took time sorting them out, deciding which i would keep and which ones to throw. i placed the discarded declarations of undying love along with our photos together in a plastic bag. i went downstairs and left the bag outside the door. the garbage collector will take care of it in the morning.

i got back inside the house and locked the door. i felt like going back outside to get them, put them back where they used to kept. but i held my ground. they are no longer important to you. or to me.

every word written on those cards were written with all the love i had to give. to me they were meaningful promises that i have held up to all these years. but you are right, all beautiful things lose their significance over time.

as you have lost my significance. so have i lost yours.

could someone answer these questions:

what comes after motherhood?
after raising a child to the best of one's ability, what comes next?
what happens to the mother once the child is out of the nest?
what now?
what then?

i have realized the other day that everyone, my closest friends included, would always think of me as both a fool and a joke, by taking him back.

no one will let me forget that "tragic incident" that befell on me some... what?... 2 or 3 years ago.

it's something i have to accept.

everyday, i have to live with that memory. everyday, i would be reminded of that. the sooner i accept all the better for everyone i guess...

and now, i will just have to watch and pretend... let everyone think i am busy, happy, content. i will sigh, glance across the room and see my daughter playing and giggling to herself.

i will do anything for my daughter. times are tough. but i will brave it and put a smile on my face just to see her smile back at me.

-- Someday --

by: nina

Someday you're gonna realize
One day you'll see this through my eyes
By then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know...
You don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can tell
I'm down,and i'm not doin'well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday ...