ang mundo ko ngayon ay umiikot lang sa maliit kong kwarto. ayoko na lumabas at makihalubilo sa mga kapitbahay. wala naman silang kwenta lahat. wala rin ako balak kausapin ang kapatid ko. kasi wala rin naman sya kwenta kausap. lagi lang akong nasa kwarto ko. nagbabasa, nanunod ng tv, naglilinis, namamalantsa, nagpaplano ng mga kung anu-ano.
mahirap pero tinatyaga ko na lang. sa looban namin, matira ang matibay. ang pikon ay talo, ang mahina ang loob ay kawawa. hindi ako pikon at ayokong panghinaan ng loob. kelangan ko ipaglaban ang sa nararapat para sa akin. ayokong pa-api dahil hindi talaga ako papa-api.
kaya eto ako, nakatigil sa loob ng aking munting mundo. naghihintay ng pagkakataon. nanalangin na sana dumating ang araw na umayos ang lahat.
semi-productive
another semi-productive day in the office.
i am surfing, surfing and surfing...thinking, thinking and thinking. all for the coming wedding of course. ^_^ besides, i really don't feel like working. i'd much rather browse thru thousands of webpages bearing wedding gowns than go thru tens of emails.
the word is out. i am not going to be future senior rep or team lead. it is to be expected. as much as i would like to say more regarding this matter, i would rather keep mum about it. i don't want to dwell on the whys and the how comes and the buts... i don't want to think about management and their logic and their management style, if ever they have one.
i'll keep my thoughts to myself and to the few people i trust. things will come around, i'm sure. i'll once again get my groove back. for now, i'll allow myself the luxury of getting over the disappointment of being overlooked by management. for now, i'll give myself all the time to look for the perfect gown, set plans for the wedding i will star in next year.
on to the next gown...
i am surfing, surfing and surfing...thinking, thinking and thinking. all for the coming wedding of course. ^_^ besides, i really don't feel like working. i'd much rather browse thru thousands of webpages bearing wedding gowns than go thru tens of emails.
the word is out. i am not going to be future senior rep or team lead. it is to be expected. as much as i would like to say more regarding this matter, i would rather keep mum about it. i don't want to dwell on the whys and the how comes and the buts... i don't want to think about management and their logic and their management style, if ever they have one.
i'll keep my thoughts to myself and to the few people i trust. things will come around, i'm sure. i'll once again get my groove back. for now, i'll allow myself the luxury of getting over the disappointment of being overlooked by management. for now, i'll give myself all the time to look for the perfect gown, set plans for the wedding i will star in next year.
on to the next gown...
my notebook
i saw the notebook with chin and gayle. the movie was great and the company i was with even more. i am glad to have spent time with them. i missed chin... and gayle too even though we haven't been friends as long as she and chin have. they have offered valuable pieces of advice and i have once again come to them for enlightment. i am standing in the door of marriage and i badly need help.
so here comes 2 of my friends to the rescue. both single mothers, one not having been married and the other one, separated from the one she married. and there i was sitting smack in the midle of them. a single, attached woman of 23, thinking if she will marry her first love. or not.
both of them agree that i shouldn't get married right now. gayle, swearing she is not bitter over marriage, said that i should wait it out. i am young and there are still a lot of opportunities waiting for me. hmmm...true.
chin, on the other hand, also swearing she is not bitter over eternal coupledom, said that she doesn't mind seeing me married to keith really. she is concerned though that marriage might hamper my indivudual growth. she fears that i have not yet reached my full potential and that if i get married this early on in my life, i might not ever reach that. hmmm... interesting concept. and i have to agree with chin.
we decided to watch the movie after that little chat. as we were going around the mall, goofing around, questions were filling up in the back of my head. do i really want to get married? why am i so afraid? do i want to give up this, my single-blessedness? am i ready to give it up?
then i saw the notebook. all 3 of us bawled our eyes out. and i came to a realization. like allie, i know in my heart that what keith and i have is for real. this is a love that is for keeps. oh, i know that i could still go on without him. he doesn't complete me. but if i lose him, everything would never be the same for me. at one point in the movie, gayle leaned over and asked me: "do you see you and keith doing the same, loving each other till you are old and gray?". YES. no buts or ifs about it. YES.
i have come to a decision. finally.
so here comes 2 of my friends to the rescue. both single mothers, one not having been married and the other one, separated from the one she married. and there i was sitting smack in the midle of them. a single, attached woman of 23, thinking if she will marry her first love. or not.
both of them agree that i shouldn't get married right now. gayle, swearing she is not bitter over marriage, said that i should wait it out. i am young and there are still a lot of opportunities waiting for me. hmmm...true.
chin, on the other hand, also swearing she is not bitter over eternal coupledom, said that she doesn't mind seeing me married to keith really. she is concerned though that marriage might hamper my indivudual growth. she fears that i have not yet reached my full potential and that if i get married this early on in my life, i might not ever reach that. hmmm... interesting concept. and i have to agree with chin.
we decided to watch the movie after that little chat. as we were going around the mall, goofing around, questions were filling up in the back of my head. do i really want to get married? why am i so afraid? do i want to give up this, my single-blessedness? am i ready to give it up?
then i saw the notebook. all 3 of us bawled our eyes out. and i came to a realization. like allie, i know in my heart that what keith and i have is for real. this is a love that is for keeps. oh, i know that i could still go on without him. he doesn't complete me. but if i lose him, everything would never be the same for me. at one point in the movie, gayle leaned over and asked me: "do you see you and keith doing the same, loving each other till you are old and gray?". YES. no buts or ifs about it. YES.
i have come to a decision. finally.
wedding bells without the bells
the subject of marriage has come up a couple of times now within the past 3 weeks.
i first heard it from my mom. i was pouring my rage over the recent events in our pesky neighborhood when she segued to my relationship with keith.
mama: sigurado ka na ba dyan kay keith? sya na ba talaga?
ako: OO naman!
o di ba?! with conviction pa! just like that. walang halong pag-aatubili o pag-aalinlangan. alam kong si keith na. wala nang iba pang lalaki ang pu-pwede dahil si keith lang ang mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako ng bilang ako ng walang hinihinging kapalit o kung anupaman.
mama: eh kung ganyan rin lang kasi na nagsasama na kayo... bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal?
ako: ehhh...
good quesstion! let me get back to you on that one!*wink*... sa totoo lang, malayo pa sa isip ko ang kasal. oo, nagpaplano na kami ni keith. we even have decided on a date already. july 7, 2007. that would be our 5th year aniversary. that is about 3 years away and that is how far i would like it to be.
my mom suggested that maybe we should start thinking about getting married.kahit yung sa huwes lang. kung sigurado na rin lang kami sa isa't isa at nagsasama na kami... ano ba naman yung ikasal kami sa huwes para matigil na ang tsismis at kung ano-anu pa?
then came keith's mother. she asked keith what our plans were and keith was more than happy and proud to tell his parents what we have thought of so far. his mother's reply was: " july 7, 2007?! ang tagal naman?! bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal na lang muna sa huwes? tapos sa 2007 yung sa simbahan?"
siyempre nagkamot lang ng ulo si keith.
pero kinikilig kami pareho. as in. lalo na si keith. his eyes were twinkling and he was practically glowing (that is if a guy could glow, or maybe it was just light bouncing off his bald head). he is so happy that both sides would want to see us married off to each other. and i am happy too but i have a feeling my signifant other hasn't thought about what comes in a marriage. after the cake has bene cut and we have said our "i dos", reality steps in. and reality could be ugly. could our 2 year relationship withstand the pressure?
i am suddenly afraid. so very afraid.
i first heard it from my mom. i was pouring my rage over the recent events in our pesky neighborhood when she segued to my relationship with keith.
mama: sigurado ka na ba dyan kay keith? sya na ba talaga?
ako: OO naman!
o di ba?! with conviction pa! just like that. walang halong pag-aatubili o pag-aalinlangan. alam kong si keith na. wala nang iba pang lalaki ang pu-pwede dahil si keith lang ang mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako ng bilang ako ng walang hinihinging kapalit o kung anupaman.
mama: eh kung ganyan rin lang kasi na nagsasama na kayo... bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal?
ako: ehhh...
good quesstion! let me get back to you on that one!*wink*... sa totoo lang, malayo pa sa isip ko ang kasal. oo, nagpaplano na kami ni keith. we even have decided on a date already. july 7, 2007. that would be our 5th year aniversary. that is about 3 years away and that is how far i would like it to be.
my mom suggested that maybe we should start thinking about getting married.kahit yung sa huwes lang. kung sigurado na rin lang kami sa isa't isa at nagsasama na kami... ano ba naman yung ikasal kami sa huwes para matigil na ang tsismis at kung ano-anu pa?
then came keith's mother. she asked keith what our plans were and keith was more than happy and proud to tell his parents what we have thought of so far. his mother's reply was: " july 7, 2007?! ang tagal naman?! bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal na lang muna sa huwes? tapos sa 2007 yung sa simbahan?"
siyempre nagkamot lang ng ulo si keith.
pero kinikilig kami pareho. as in. lalo na si keith. his eyes were twinkling and he was practically glowing (that is if a guy could glow, or maybe it was just light bouncing off his bald head). he is so happy that both sides would want to see us married off to each other. and i am happy too but i have a feeling my signifant other hasn't thought about what comes in a marriage. after the cake has bene cut and we have said our "i dos", reality steps in. and reality could be ugly. could our 2 year relationship withstand the pressure?
i am suddenly afraid. so very afraid.
limelights, high sights, rumors and more sighs
it's been 3 weeks since i last blogged and so many things have happened i don't even know how to begin pouring my heart out. i'll start off with my submitting my application for the post of team lead last august 17. yes. i did submit my resume complete with cover letter. i was interviewed for the position sometime last week. i think it went well. i gave it my very best. it would be a disappointment if i don't bag it but i won't be all that heartbroken. my heart above my head, i went into the interview intending to give my best and i did. if that doesn't impress them, well... other doors will open for me, i'm sure. besides, i came in late for the 3rd time this pay period so i can kiss that dream bye-bye. *sigh*
this brings us on to the next topic. keith and me and our "living together" situation. right now, we're spending the week at his parents' and it is such a pain in my schedule. his family is great but their place is just too far from where i work. hence, the 2 instances of tardiness that i will have to explain once again. but maybe this time i won't have to explain. the company'll just hand in the memo. as usual. *sigh*
anyway, my sister and her husband are now back together. i'm happy but i could definitely be a lot happier. so will my mother be if they just go back to the province and look after their children. still no job for my brother-in-law and my sister is still at it, selling burgers and stuff. this despite the fight she has been having with her dear cousin and neighbor. nagtalo sila ng dakila naming kapitbahay dahil gusto na ihiwalay ng kapatid ko ang tindahan nya sa tindahan ng kapitbahay namin. sukat ba namang murahin ang kapatid ko at sabihin nyang walang pakinabang ang ate ko. hay!!!
as if the turmoil i am experiencing at work and at home isn't enough, my sister told me our little neighborhood is not at all too happy with me and keith living in the same house. oo, na para bang ang gagaling nila at wala silang nagagawang mali. god save me from hypocrites!!! walang humpay ang mga bibig ng mga hitad kong kamag-anak sa kakatsimisan sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng kapatid ko. my neighbors don't need reality tv. they already have me and my sister. this is living in a fishbowl at its worst. walang ibang pinag-uusapan sa looban namin kung hindi bakit si keith dun nakatira sa min, bakit hindi raw ako nabubuntis, bakit mga bakla daw ang pinatitira ko sa bahay. ang tanging sagot ko ay: pakialam nyo!?! up yours all of you friggin' sons of bitches!!!
doon tumitira si keith sa bahay kasi malapit yon sa opisina nya. isa pa, alam ng parents ko na sa bahay nila tumutuloy si keith. his parents also know he stays ay place. so what's the problem?! that we aren't married?! oh please! at hindi ako nabubuntis kasi nagko-kontrol kami. do they think that keith and i are mindless enough to just jump into bed together without thinking about precaution?! if they do, they're a lot more dumber than i thought. bakla ang pinatitira ko sa bahay kasi bakla ang mga kaibigan ko. at ano ngayon kung bakla sila?! this has only served to confirm what i have thought of weeks ago. my dear neighbors/relatives connived and conspired to make geisha and his boyfriend go away. sinulsulan nga nila ang ate ko. hmp!
at ang pasimuno siguro ng panunulsol na iyan ay ang magaling kong tiyuhin kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ng tatay ko. por dios! ke tatanda na eh tsismis pa rin ang inaatupag. bakit ba hindi na lang mga buhay nila ang busisiin nila at hindi buhay ko at ng pamilya ko? i really wouldn't have mind all this racket if it weren't for the same uncle threatening keith. he told my sister to tell me that he doesn't approve of keith and that he is noisy. susme! isang beses lang nagkakatok si keih sa bahay ng alanganing oras. and that was because he left his keys. sabi pa ng demonyo kong tiyo, mag-ingat daw si keith at baka barilin na lang daw nya minsan. Putangina! Ano kala nya sa boyfriend ko, kuting?!
i could only shake my head in anger and disgust. how dare this people. sino sila para humusga at magbanta? ang tiyo kong yan... hah! may kalalagyan sya pag nagkataon. ipapa-blotter ko na sya para kung ano't anuman eh may record na sya. does he think that i will let him get away with that? i am too smart for dumbasses like him. like all of them.
sigh. sigh. and more sighs. thru all this keith hugged me and kissed me and said everything will be all right. my greatest fear right now is not the memo at work, not my sister or her husband. it's keith. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. it pains me to admit this, but i think it would be best if he moves back to his parents. but i don't think he would... *sigh*
this brings us on to the next topic. keith and me and our "living together" situation. right now, we're spending the week at his parents' and it is such a pain in my schedule. his family is great but their place is just too far from where i work. hence, the 2 instances of tardiness that i will have to explain once again. but maybe this time i won't have to explain. the company'll just hand in the memo. as usual. *sigh*
anyway, my sister and her husband are now back together. i'm happy but i could definitely be a lot happier. so will my mother be if they just go back to the province and look after their children. still no job for my brother-in-law and my sister is still at it, selling burgers and stuff. this despite the fight she has been having with her dear cousin and neighbor. nagtalo sila ng dakila naming kapitbahay dahil gusto na ihiwalay ng kapatid ko ang tindahan nya sa tindahan ng kapitbahay namin. sukat ba namang murahin ang kapatid ko at sabihin nyang walang pakinabang ang ate ko. hay!!!
as if the turmoil i am experiencing at work and at home isn't enough, my sister told me our little neighborhood is not at all too happy with me and keith living in the same house. oo, na para bang ang gagaling nila at wala silang nagagawang mali. god save me from hypocrites!!! walang humpay ang mga bibig ng mga hitad kong kamag-anak sa kakatsimisan sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng kapatid ko. my neighbors don't need reality tv. they already have me and my sister. this is living in a fishbowl at its worst. walang ibang pinag-uusapan sa looban namin kung hindi bakit si keith dun nakatira sa min, bakit hindi raw ako nabubuntis, bakit mga bakla daw ang pinatitira ko sa bahay. ang tanging sagot ko ay: pakialam nyo!?! up yours all of you friggin' sons of bitches!!!
doon tumitira si keith sa bahay kasi malapit yon sa opisina nya. isa pa, alam ng parents ko na sa bahay nila tumutuloy si keith. his parents also know he stays ay place. so what's the problem?! that we aren't married?! oh please! at hindi ako nabubuntis kasi nagko-kontrol kami. do they think that keith and i are mindless enough to just jump into bed together without thinking about precaution?! if they do, they're a lot more dumber than i thought. bakla ang pinatitira ko sa bahay kasi bakla ang mga kaibigan ko. at ano ngayon kung bakla sila?! this has only served to confirm what i have thought of weeks ago. my dear neighbors/relatives connived and conspired to make geisha and his boyfriend go away. sinulsulan nga nila ang ate ko. hmp!
at ang pasimuno siguro ng panunulsol na iyan ay ang magaling kong tiyuhin kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ng tatay ko. por dios! ke tatanda na eh tsismis pa rin ang inaatupag. bakit ba hindi na lang mga buhay nila ang busisiin nila at hindi buhay ko at ng pamilya ko? i really wouldn't have mind all this racket if it weren't for the same uncle threatening keith. he told my sister to tell me that he doesn't approve of keith and that he is noisy. susme! isang beses lang nagkakatok si keih sa bahay ng alanganing oras. and that was because he left his keys. sabi pa ng demonyo kong tiyo, mag-ingat daw si keith at baka barilin na lang daw nya minsan. Putangina! Ano kala nya sa boyfriend ko, kuting?!
i could only shake my head in anger and disgust. how dare this people. sino sila para humusga at magbanta? ang tiyo kong yan... hah! may kalalagyan sya pag nagkataon. ipapa-blotter ko na sya para kung ano't anuman eh may record na sya. does he think that i will let him get away with that? i am too smart for dumbasses like him. like all of them.
sigh. sigh. and more sighs. thru all this keith hugged me and kissed me and said everything will be all right. my greatest fear right now is not the memo at work, not my sister or her husband. it's keith. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. it pains me to admit this, but i think it would be best if he moves back to his parents. but i don't think he would... *sigh*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)