i told my best friend the other day that it's sad but i would prefer to be a mistress than a wife.
she said... "naman..." like i didn't mean it and that i was just kidding.
but i was serious. that's what makes it sad.
why?
he asked thru SMS : " why did you marry a piece of crap like me then? why did you marry a piece of crap? "
i was crying while i replied: "because i love you."
i was crying while i replied: "because i love you."
boo bear
this is the little girl i had to eat kiamoy for. the reason i was hit in the head with a big desk calendar. the little girl i pushed around in her pink barbie bike. she made me dance to High 5. made me fall in love with the backyardigans. she made me sing with barney.
we took those quiet walks in the early mornings... we played all those afternoons... and she made me forget my heart was broken.
i took to reading books about dra. margarita holmes a few months back, right after darth and i got married. we were staying at his aunt's place at that time where there was dsl connection which i needed for my wfh job. there were all of these books about religion, architecture (his aunt is an architect), hobbies, crafts... and golly, dra. holmes' books about sex and health. wow!
so i read them all and i just love her matter-of-fact writing. she explains all the technicalites with just enough humour and wit. it's entertaining, educational and funny all at the same time. below is my favorite of all her pieces of advice. it's for a young man named mark who broke up with his beloved girlfriend of three years. the girl dumped him for another man and he thought it was bad karma for him. this is part of what dra.holmes had to say:
ahhh... no wonder i've done what i did last year...
so i read them all and i just love her matter-of-fact writing. she explains all the technicalites with just enough humour and wit. it's entertaining, educational and funny all at the same time. below is my favorite of all her pieces of advice. it's for a young man named mark who broke up with his beloved girlfriend of three years. the girl dumped him for another man and he thought it was bad karma for him. this is part of what dra.holmes had to say:
think about what you had and ask yourself if it wasn't worth it. you had a good three years in which it seemed you were in heaven. you had terrific sex, not because of technical proficiency or some sophisticated gadgetry you picked up in europe or somewhere, but because the two of you really connected, heart to heart and soul to soul.
you had three wonderful years with her. that is three years more than most people have in their entire lives.
dr.ethel person, a psychologist-psychiatrist, wrote one of the truest things about romantic love in her book Dreams of Love and Other Fateful Encounters. She said that love transforms us. it makes us better, braver people, able to transcend petty concerns, able to stand up to situations we would ordinarily just let pass. this and not how long it lasts or whether it ends up in marriage is the essence of romantic love. this is what makes it so valuable. and when we're particularly blessed, as you seem to be (i shall tell you why later on), the transformation lasts way after the love has gone.
what was karmic were the three years that were so good, not the time after that was so bad. and these years were because, sometime in your life you "must've done something good."
the british author jeanette winterson says it in another way: " however it is debased or misinterpreted, love is a redemptive feature. to focus on one individual so that their desires become superior to yours is a very cleansing experience." (London Times, London,1992).
"do you want me to tell you something really subversive?" erica jong asks in her book how to save your own life(1997). "love is everything it's cracked up to be. that's why people are so cynical about it... it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."
and the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. how true mark. how very true. but you didn't, you see. you didn't hold back and play it safe. you took the risk, dared to plunge, and went right into the fracas. and now you are suffering a bit from the aftermath. like your friends, i too, wish you didn't have to.
but think about it a minute. if that is the price you had to pay for those three years, wouldn't you do it all over again? wasn't it worth it all?
ahhh... no wonder i've done what i did last year...
i just wanted to share to the rest of the world the wonderful photos of the smile co. ^_^
big thanks to them for taking those gorgeous pictures of our pre-nup and wedding! and for the insightful write-up too. =D
"this is what we do, we fight! i'm not afraid to hurt your feelings you tell me when i'm being a son of a bitch and i tell you when your being a pain in the ass with a 99 percent rebate rate that you'll be a pain in the ass again. it's not going to be easy. it's going to be very dificult. but i'm willing to do that just to be with you everyday of my life because i want you... all of you." - the notebook
-from darth 11:30AM
*sigh*. some days, it is so difficult to love you. god only knows why i put up with it all... why i've put up with all our issues for 4 years now... god only knows why, despite our arguments, insecurities, issues, i've agreed to marry you.
i want to regret decisions i have made... but like you, i think regrets are only for losers and fools. and i am neither. to regret decisions i have made is short of saying i have never been happy with you and that i was wrong in choosing to be with you. that wouldn't be fair and true because i am happy to be with you when you're not being an ass like these days...
maybe i'm just tired... tired of cooking, cleaning, washing... i'm tired of waiting on you all the time... i'm tired of seeing you treat your friends like royalty while you just watch me slave away doing household chores. some days, i am so tired i could just fall dead. but it doesn't seem to matter to you... i don't think you even notice...
i'm fed up and i want to leave... and what do you do? you send me messages like that qoute. you turn all sweet and attentive, doing this and that for me. when i give you the cold shoulder, you pout like the big baby that you are and look hurt. you say that i always make you feel like you don't do anything right. well... you always make me feel taken for granted. and i have had enough of this vicious cycle.
i want to regret decisions i have made... but like you, i think regrets are only for losers and fools. and i am neither. to regret decisions i have made is short of saying i have never been happy with you and that i was wrong in choosing to be with you. that wouldn't be fair and true because i am happy to be with you when you're not being an ass like these days...
maybe i'm just tired... tired of cooking, cleaning, washing... i'm tired of waiting on you all the time... i'm tired of seeing you treat your friends like royalty while you just watch me slave away doing household chores. some days, i am so tired i could just fall dead. but it doesn't seem to matter to you... i don't think you even notice...
i'm fed up and i want to leave... and what do you do? you send me messages like that qoute. you turn all sweet and attentive, doing this and that for me. when i give you the cold shoulder, you pout like the big baby that you are and look hurt. you say that i always make you feel like you don't do anything right. well... you always make me feel taken for granted. and i have had enough of this vicious cycle.
when the storm milenyo hit manila last september 28, darth and i were among the unlucky people trapped inside the Mall of Asia.
i saw booths practically ripped off from where they stood and rolled and lifted all over the SM parking lot. chairs and tables skidded this way and that. papers, shards of glass and broken metal were swirling along in the strong winds. darth wanted to make a dash for it but i was cautious (and yes, frightened) and preferred to stick it out inside the mall.
we waited it out a bit and when the winds have let up a little we decided to run for it. we ran across the parking lot over to the side of the SM office buildings. we caught a bus then got off at MIA road. we were so wet from walking in the rain no cab would give us a ride. so off we walked back to baclaran.
while walking towards baclaran, cold and miserable from the rain, darth turned to me and side: "well, i guess this is really it huh. this is the worst of all the trials we have to go thru... god, i can't even keep you from getting wet. look at us. we're miserable. "
i smiled, caught his hand in mine and sang in reply: "oohhh... how i love the rainy days, walking hand in hand with the one i love.ooohhh... how i love the rainy days in a happy way i feel inside..."
he pinched my nose, pulled me closer to him, and we kept walking on...
i saw booths practically ripped off from where they stood and rolled and lifted all over the SM parking lot. chairs and tables skidded this way and that. papers, shards of glass and broken metal were swirling along in the strong winds. darth wanted to make a dash for it but i was cautious (and yes, frightened) and preferred to stick it out inside the mall.
we waited it out a bit and when the winds have let up a little we decided to run for it. we ran across the parking lot over to the side of the SM office buildings. we caught a bus then got off at MIA road. we were so wet from walking in the rain no cab would give us a ride. so off we walked back to baclaran.
while walking towards baclaran, cold and miserable from the rain, darth turned to me and side: "well, i guess this is really it huh. this is the worst of all the trials we have to go thru... god, i can't even keep you from getting wet. look at us. we're miserable. "
i smiled, caught his hand in mine and sang in reply: "oohhh... how i love the rainy days, walking hand in hand with the one i love.ooohhh... how i love the rainy days in a happy way i feel inside..."
he pinched my nose, pulled me closer to him, and we kept walking on...
darth came home kinda late from an officemate's party. he was swaying a little, sweating, reeking slightly of beer. he was tipsy, or maybe downright drunk, to say the following to me:
he went further on to say:
he then turned to look me in the eyes and said, " i love you. "
then... he fell asleep.
i told maya today that he should make a choice. he would not want to be in the same position i found myself in before. i told him i chose you because you fought for me. you knew what you wanted and you stayed with me. i appreciate that very much.
he went further on to say:
yes. some days i think about what if i ended up with her. then we wouldn't be together. i think about other women in the office. special, better women. and what if? then you and i wouldn't be together. everyone is susceptible (yes, in his tipsy or drunken state he was able to use this word. amazing! =D ) to it, i guess. but we are together. we are happy. you are my wife. my little miss. we only have one life. and i only have one wife.
he then turned to look me in the eyes and said, " i love you. "
then... he fell asleep.
my bittersweet symphony
the bride was late for her wedding.
to no fault of hers. the rental car took its sweet time in picking her up at the hotel. but everyone, including the nervous groom, thought that she had decided to leave him at the altar. it would be fitting revenge given what happened to them last year. but no. that issue has long been settled between them. she was just fashionably late. she usually is for everything else in her life. why not at her own wedding?
the bride had nothing to look forward to in her wedding. she's been saying so to her best friends weeks before it was set to take place. her parents weren't able to make it due to financial difficulties. money was tight. she and her fiance were not seeing eye to eye anymore. some anonymous person was stalking her blog telling her to think twice about trying the knot. her migraine was back full force. worse of all, one of her best friend's sister died the same day her fiance's grandmother was rushed to the hospital and was buried the same day as her wedding day. yes. absolutely nothing to look forward to.
the bride wanted nothing more but to wallow in misery and despair. the wedding was costing her too much. it has cost her a very good friend. but she saw how another friend worked hard to make sure she has a place to stay the night before the wedding. she made sure the bride's beauty kit was in order. she gave the bride tips on how to slim down, told her what cream to put in her underarm so it'll be at its whitest and smoothest on her big day, threatened the anonymous stalker at the bride's blog to extinction, and plain told her to "chillax" while they were having their nails done and their eyelashes permed. her godmother and godfather volunteered themselves to walk her down the aisle in place of her parents. her fiance was up to his neck in debt to pay for the wedding. everything has been paid for her. everything has been done for her. her other friends, those who have never stepped foot in alabang their whole lives waved at her from the pew they occupied at the church. the wedding was at eight in the morning and everyone woke up early, dressed in their best and went to her wedding. she looked around her and everybody was busy trying to make this one, momentous event in her life truly happy and beautiful. and she just didn't have the heart to break theirs by screaming to hell with the wedding.
so... she quit crying and smoking in the corner of the car. she got out of the bridal car. straightened her wedding gown and took the arm her handsome godfather offered to her. her godmother took her other arm and the three of them walked down the aisle. her groom looked so happy and relieved to take her hand at the altar. she said her vows, smiled and posed for pictures. she smiled some more at the reception, wined, dined, laughed, joked and took part in the good time everyone was having.
at the end of the day, the bride told her groom how she didn't quite expect the wedding to turn out so wonderfully. but it did. it was one of the best days in her life. it was the happiest and the saddest. the most bittersweet. she remembered what her friend told her... happiness is always a trade off. the bride thought the price she paid for the happiness she had on her wedding day was pretty steep. but choices had been made and there was no going back.
she looked at the wedding ring on her finger and sighed. try as she might, things will never be the same for her...
to no fault of hers. the rental car took its sweet time in picking her up at the hotel. but everyone, including the nervous groom, thought that she had decided to leave him at the altar. it would be fitting revenge given what happened to them last year. but no. that issue has long been settled between them. she was just fashionably late. she usually is for everything else in her life. why not at her own wedding?
the bride had nothing to look forward to in her wedding. she's been saying so to her best friends weeks before it was set to take place. her parents weren't able to make it due to financial difficulties. money was tight. she and her fiance were not seeing eye to eye anymore. some anonymous person was stalking her blog telling her to think twice about trying the knot. her migraine was back full force. worse of all, one of her best friend's sister died the same day her fiance's grandmother was rushed to the hospital and was buried the same day as her wedding day. yes. absolutely nothing to look forward to.
the bride wanted nothing more but to wallow in misery and despair. the wedding was costing her too much. it has cost her a very good friend. but she saw how another friend worked hard to make sure she has a place to stay the night before the wedding. she made sure the bride's beauty kit was in order. she gave the bride tips on how to slim down, told her what cream to put in her underarm so it'll be at its whitest and smoothest on her big day, threatened the anonymous stalker at the bride's blog to extinction, and plain told her to "chillax" while they were having their nails done and their eyelashes permed. her godmother and godfather volunteered themselves to walk her down the aisle in place of her parents. her fiance was up to his neck in debt to pay for the wedding. everything has been paid for her. everything has been done for her. her other friends, those who have never stepped foot in alabang their whole lives waved at her from the pew they occupied at the church. the wedding was at eight in the morning and everyone woke up early, dressed in their best and went to her wedding. she looked around her and everybody was busy trying to make this one, momentous event in her life truly happy and beautiful. and she just didn't have the heart to break theirs by screaming to hell with the wedding.
so... she quit crying and smoking in the corner of the car. she got out of the bridal car. straightened her wedding gown and took the arm her handsome godfather offered to her. her godmother took her other arm and the three of them walked down the aisle. her groom looked so happy and relieved to take her hand at the altar. she said her vows, smiled and posed for pictures. she smiled some more at the reception, wined, dined, laughed, joked and took part in the good time everyone was having.
at the end of the day, the bride told her groom how she didn't quite expect the wedding to turn out so wonderfully. but it did. it was one of the best days in her life. it was the happiest and the saddest. the most bittersweet. she remembered what her friend told her... happiness is always a trade off. the bride thought the price she paid for the happiness she had on her wedding day was pretty steep. but choices had been made and there was no going back.
she looked at the wedding ring on her finger and sighed. try as she might, things will never be the same for her...
happy sad
pwede ka ba maging masaya at malungkot ng sabay?
ako oo.
nang makita ko ang anak nya, sobrang saya ko. kamukhang-kamukha nya. ilong pa lang, hindi na maitatanggi. heheheehee...
nang makita ko kung sino ang ina na bumuhat sa anak nya nalungkot ako. bakit sya pa?
pero andito na eh... ano pa ba ang pwedeng magawa.
masaya ko dahil nagka-baby na siya sa wakas. malungkot dahil alam ko na hindi nya makukuha ang alam kong talagang gusto nya.
ako oo.
nang makita ko ang anak nya, sobrang saya ko. kamukhang-kamukha nya. ilong pa lang, hindi na maitatanggi. heheheehee...
nang makita ko kung sino ang ina na bumuhat sa anak nya nalungkot ako. bakit sya pa?
pero andito na eh... ano pa ba ang pwedeng magawa.
masaya ko dahil nagka-baby na siya sa wakas. malungkot dahil alam ko na hindi nya makukuha ang alam kong talagang gusto nya.
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