1. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? naluis
2. WHAT KIND OF PANTS ARE YOU WEARING AND WHAT COLOR? i'm wearing a denim dress today :p
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? into deep
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? sinigang na manok ( cooked by my beloved keith... ^_^ )
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? hello!!! purple of course
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? cold! brrr....
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? one of my company's endless clients
9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? the eyes
10. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? very much AWAKE... eheheheh
11. FAVORITE DRINKS? iced tea, coke, green mango shake
12. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINKS? tequila! ehehhehe... and mule, and vodka, and erg...
13. FAVORITE SPORTS? swimming, badminton... and i looove to watch synchronized swimming
14. HAIR COLOR? black... but i'm gonna have it changed to chestnut brown soon
15. EYE COLOR? brown
16. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? no but if i did, the color would be amethyst *wink*
17. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES? just 1.. and she's eight years older than i am
18. FAVORITE MONTH? november
19. FAVORITE FOOD? chicken and pasta!
20. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
21. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? everyday is my favorite day...
22. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? depends on who i'm going to ask out
23. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING MOVIES BETTER? happy endings
24. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer!!!
25. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs AND kisses
26. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate
27. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? of course!
28. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? anne rice, like water for chocolate, house of fog... lots!
29. WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER (Also DESKTOP)? Kill Bill
30. FAVORITE BOARD GAMES? monopoly, scrabble
31. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? slept in keith's arms
32. FAVORITE SMELLS? keith's scent,the smell of the coming rain, the tangy scent of the sea
33. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? keith and my family
34. FAVORITE ALBUM TITLE? shades of purple by M2M... hahhahaaa...
35. EVER BREAK SOMEONE'S HEART? yes
36. DO YOU SMOKE? IF YES, PLEASE ELABORATE: yes... i just can't take the stress in my job
37. WHAT ARE YOUR WORST QUALITIES? vindictive bitch
38. WHAT ARE YOUR BEST QUALITIES? ask keith... ahahahhhaaa...
39. HAVE ANY NICKNAMES? ice, charlie, cecilia
40. WHEN DID YOU LAST "GET SOME?" sunday, the 28th
41. ARE YOU HAPPY? not happy... just content
42. ARE YOU HORNY? not right now... but give me 5 minutes on keith's lap and i will be... hehehehhehee...
the wedding
i swear that i have never been so orange in all my life.
it was the first time that i was a bridesmaid at a wedding. i was excited at first, but a week before the wedding, i lost all enthusiasm for it. that was about the time that i saw the gown the bridesmaids will be wearing. it was so orange... and i'm so brown... do you get the picture?
anyway, keith was able to convince (actually, it was more like forced) me to wear the gown. and surprise, surprise! i didn't die. and the people in our neighborhood were practically blinded by my beauty as i stormed out of our house to catch the cab that took us to the church. it was pretty much your typical wedding except of course i was a bridesmaid and keith was this gorgeous groomsman. he looked positively dashing in his barong tagalog.*sigh*. just looking at him made me wish that we were the ones getting married and not his brother.
sometimes, i get to thinking that my relationship with him will just go on and on for years until finally he ends up marrying someone else... i know, i know... my paranoia is getting all worked up again but hey... i'm only human. besides, it's an all too familiar sob story. but just like what i said to the newly-wed couple when i met them at the reception... i am wishing for the very best.
it was the first time that i was a bridesmaid at a wedding. i was excited at first, but a week before the wedding, i lost all enthusiasm for it. that was about the time that i saw the gown the bridesmaids will be wearing. it was so orange... and i'm so brown... do you get the picture?
anyway, keith was able to convince (actually, it was more like forced) me to wear the gown. and surprise, surprise! i didn't die. and the people in our neighborhood were practically blinded by my beauty as i stormed out of our house to catch the cab that took us to the church. it was pretty much your typical wedding except of course i was a bridesmaid and keith was this gorgeous groomsman. he looked positively dashing in his barong tagalog.*sigh*. just looking at him made me wish that we were the ones getting married and not his brother.
sometimes, i get to thinking that my relationship with him will just go on and on for years until finally he ends up marrying someone else... i know, i know... my paranoia is getting all worked up again but hey... i'm only human. besides, it's an all too familiar sob story. but just like what i said to the newly-wed couple when i met them at the reception... i am wishing for the very best.
just got out of the usual staff meeting that we have every wednesday... (yes, i am in the office right now. it is business as usual for us.> and i am very pleased with the news that was imparted to us working class people. first off, we don't have to go to work later tonight (yey!). second, i came eleventh in the overall performance rating for our team.
i am mightily pleased.
things are looking up...
i can't wait for the new year...
i am mightily pleased.
things are looking up...
i can't wait for the new year...
so what do you do when a close friend of yours who did something horrible to you sends you an SMS message saying something like " you don't need me anymore but i will be just right here if you will."? wouldn't that just freak you out?!
well, it definitely got me running around in circles for a time.
but having thought about it over the weekend, i have realized that what she meant was that i am no longer paying her any attention. i am no longer calling her or texting her asking her to spend some time with me. i guess she thought she no longer mattered.
on the contrary, i am missing my small tight-knit circle of friends. i am missing their company and oftentimes find myself thinking it would be fun to spend a day with them instead of with keith. but as soon as i thought about it, i immediately erase the notion. a lot of things has happened. a lot has changed. i feel that i have been hurt and disappointed by their antics so many times, i have just about given up on them. i am just so full of bitterness right now. this alone is reason enough to stay away from them. they have been witnesses to my sharp tongue. i don't want them to be the victims of it this time...
so what do you do when loved-ones fall short of your expectations? what do you do when they do something horrible to you? you accept them of course. and love them just the same, maybe even more. and i love them. they still matter.it's just that it's not all too easy for me to accept the fact that things aren't like before. i'm finding it difficult to know that they are not who i thought they were...
they used to be my refuge. yes, i was definitely shit without them. but now, day after day, with all of them so far away...i am finding refuge within myself.
well, it definitely got me running around in circles for a time.
but having thought about it over the weekend, i have realized that what she meant was that i am no longer paying her any attention. i am no longer calling her or texting her asking her to spend some time with me. i guess she thought she no longer mattered.
on the contrary, i am missing my small tight-knit circle of friends. i am missing their company and oftentimes find myself thinking it would be fun to spend a day with them instead of with keith. but as soon as i thought about it, i immediately erase the notion. a lot of things has happened. a lot has changed. i feel that i have been hurt and disappointed by their antics so many times, i have just about given up on them. i am just so full of bitterness right now. this alone is reason enough to stay away from them. they have been witnesses to my sharp tongue. i don't want them to be the victims of it this time...
so what do you do when loved-ones fall short of your expectations? what do you do when they do something horrible to you? you accept them of course. and love them just the same, maybe even more. and i love them. they still matter.it's just that it's not all too easy for me to accept the fact that things aren't like before. i'm finding it difficult to know that they are not who i thought they were...
they used to be my refuge. yes, i was definitely shit without them. but now, day after day, with all of them so far away...i am finding refuge within myself.
Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!
This may be hard for you to swallow, but you and your guy might not last
At least not forever. He's somewhere between Mr. Right... and Mr. Right Now
No doubt your guy is a great catch - and generally good to you
The odds are, however, that someone better is out there!
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the sad thing about all this is that i don't want someone better... i want him.
i am annoyed with keith.
i was hoping that he would be dropping by my place this afternoon. well, thank god i didn't hold my breath. 'cause if i did, i won't be here ranting and raving now.
i absolutely hate it when i get all my hopes up and then wham! it was all for nothing.
ok. so maybe it's not keith's fault. this is all my fault.
once again, i am falling down that pit of dependency. though i find it lonely to be on my own, well, i'd rather be alone than continually depend on someone. if there is any lesson i've learned in life, it is that no matter how many friends you have or how much your family loves you, it's not right to depend on any of them. because sooner or later, life is gonna screw you up. and you'll be as you always have been. alone.
so i don't like depending on people. then keith came along. and i got into this routine of relying on him. glorying on the idea that for the first time, i have someone i can lean on. but, as usual, life steps in and i realize that i am becoming more and more of a burden to him. he has his review and his family to think about. he doesn't need someone like me slowing him down.
i would leave him now if only i could. i would set him free from carrying me around if only i could be unselfish enugh. but i just can't.
and maybe that's why, once again, i am acting like a goddamned irrational bitch.
i miss him. i am just dying to see him. but silly me, i won't. i have got to get out of this pit. i have got to stand up and be whole... without him.
i was hoping that he would be dropping by my place this afternoon. well, thank god i didn't hold my breath. 'cause if i did, i won't be here ranting and raving now.
i absolutely hate it when i get all my hopes up and then wham! it was all for nothing.
ok. so maybe it's not keith's fault. this is all my fault.
once again, i am falling down that pit of dependency. though i find it lonely to be on my own, well, i'd rather be alone than continually depend on someone. if there is any lesson i've learned in life, it is that no matter how many friends you have or how much your family loves you, it's not right to depend on any of them. because sooner or later, life is gonna screw you up. and you'll be as you always have been. alone.
so i don't like depending on people. then keith came along. and i got into this routine of relying on him. glorying on the idea that for the first time, i have someone i can lean on. but, as usual, life steps in and i realize that i am becoming more and more of a burden to him. he has his review and his family to think about. he doesn't need someone like me slowing him down.
i would leave him now if only i could. i would set him free from carrying me around if only i could be unselfish enugh. but i just can't.
and maybe that's why, once again, i am acting like a goddamned irrational bitch.
i miss him. i am just dying to see him. but silly me, i won't. i have got to get out of this pit. i have got to stand up and be whole... without him.
i am feeling that something big is going to happen... something monumental...
no, i'm not going to get pregnant...
no, it's not the impending end of my current water crisis...
no, it's not winning in the lottery, thereby ending my destitution...
it's something to do with work...
i feel tension in the office, something is definitely going on...
i feel like if i'm not on my toes, i'd be getting the boot sooner than i thought.
i hope this is all just paranoia.
no, i'm not going to get pregnant...
no, it's not the impending end of my current water crisis...
no, it's not winning in the lottery, thereby ending my destitution...
it's something to do with work...
i feel tension in the office, something is definitely going on...
i feel like if i'm not on my toes, i'd be getting the boot sooner than i thought.
i hope this is all just paranoia.
i am at this very moment an aspiring webmistress...
yup... iam currently, with the help of my beloved officemate, angelo, attempting to create a website dedicated to my unpublished poems. yes, a great endeavor. i know... and i am just so excited!
wish me luck! hopefully, i will be able to commit enough patience to see this project to the finish. and hopefully, with the grace of god, i will be able to stop myself from laboring over the design and look of the webpage as i did with this blog. *wink*
yup... iam currently, with the help of my beloved officemate, angelo, attempting to create a website dedicated to my unpublished poems. yes, a great endeavor. i know... and i am just so excited!
wish me luck! hopefully, i will be able to commit enough patience to see this project to the finish. and hopefully, with the grace of god, i will be able to stop myself from laboring over the design and look of the webpage as i did with this blog. *wink*
my roomie and dear friend geisha's dad passed away yesterday. and i don't kow if getting the following email from a friend of mine is fate or coincidental. at first it got me a little spooked... then it made me *almost* cry. read on...
Nagising na lang ako isang umaga, naramdaman ko parang may kulang.Kumain ako ng almusal, nakausap ko na lahat ng tao sa bahay, pero bakit ganito, parang ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Pumasok ako sa school. Nag-iisip pa rin. Muntik na nga ako matisod sa kakaisip lang nito. Tinanong na ko ng mga katrabaho ko, ano ba meron sa kin, bakit ang tamlay ko. Sabi ko hindi ko alam, di ko maintindihan.
Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na parang may malaking butas sa sarili mo? Tipong merong kailangang makapuno?
Yun ang nararamdaman ko nung araw na yun. Gusto ko nang sumigaw. Magwala. Malay ko ba kung ano lang ito. Pero hindi ko ginawa, hindi naman dapat.
Mga bandang tanghalian, tumawag sya. Lam mo na... Siya. Yung lalaking minahal ko buong buhay ko pero iniwan ako para sa ibang tao. Wala lang nangumusta lang. Labas daw kami pagkatapos ng class. Nag-isip ako ng mabuti, kung papayag ako o hindi. Naisip ko, ano ba namang masama. Nasa malayo naman nagtatrabaho ang girlfriend nya, parang malalaman, di ba?
Natapos ang araw, sobrang excited ako. Sinundo nya ako sa school. Kumain kami. Nag-usap. Binalik ang nakaraan. Sabi ko na lang wag nang pag-usapan. May buhay na sya, masaya na rin ako sa buhay ko. Kaibigan na lang ang maibibigay ko. Ang drama pa nga, sabi niya mahal pa daw nya ako. Ikumpara ba 'ko sa bago! Mas mabait daw ako, mas understanding...
Sabi ko nga , "Aba eh bakit sa 'kin mo sinasabi yan, ano ito bolahan?!"
Natawa lang sya kahit hindi nakakatawa. Nainis nga ako, di ko na lang pinakita.
Pero kahit na nag-uusap kami nandun pa rin yung malaking butas, nararamdaman ko pa rin. Hanggang naisip ko baka kulang lang ako sa pagtawag sa kanya. Siguro naman alam nyo kung sino yun.
Naglalakad na kami pauwi, papunta sa auto nya. Nakalimutan ko kahit sandali ang kulang na nararamdaman. Napatawa pa ko sa mga biro nya. Napalo ko pa nga sa kakatawa.
Biglang nag-ring ang cellphone ko.
Kapatid nya, umiiyak.
Sabi ko "Bakit? Kasama ko kuya mo, pauwi na kami..."
Bigla syang natahimik, tinanong ko kung bakit at dahan- dahan nyang sinabi...
"Pa'no nangyari yun e si kuya nadisgrasya. na total wreck sasakyan nya. Ate, patay na sya..."
Nabigla ako.
Hindi ko maintindihan, pano nangyari na patay na sya e kasama ko pa, pag harap ko sa likod ko, nandun pa sya, ganun pa rin suot nya pero duguan na...
Napaluha ako.
Ngumiti lang sya at sinabi na, "Naramdaman mo na ba yung pakiramdam na parang may kulang, hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit?"
Napa-oo na lang ako habang patuloy na lumuluha...
"papunta ako sa iyo ngayon, dahil gusto kong sabihin na ikaw pala yun, 'yung kulang sa buhay ko...Gusto ko sana na magpakasal tayo...Pero di ba sabi ko naman sayo kahit anong mangyari, gusto ko bago ako mamatay ikaw ang asa tabi ko..."
Tapos bigla syang nawala.
Bumigat lalo ang pakiramdam ko, napa-upo ako sa lapag. Wala na lang akong magawa kung hindi umiyak. Bakit kung kailan lahat ng sinabi nya tama sa pandinig ko, hangin na lang ang lahat ng ito...
i don't know who wrote this so i am unable to give proper credit to the author. it was just one of thos emails that get spammed to everybody. i just hope to god that this is not a true story or based from true story. although, when you think about it, art ofen imitates real life.
again, i am reminded of how important it is to always, always say and show people how much they mean to me. even if it sounds mushy. even if it's the same three words i say over and over again. 'cause i just don't know when it might be too late for either of us to even say it.
Nagising na lang ako isang umaga, naramdaman ko parang may kulang.Kumain ako ng almusal, nakausap ko na lahat ng tao sa bahay, pero bakit ganito, parang ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Pumasok ako sa school. Nag-iisip pa rin. Muntik na nga ako matisod sa kakaisip lang nito. Tinanong na ko ng mga katrabaho ko, ano ba meron sa kin, bakit ang tamlay ko. Sabi ko hindi ko alam, di ko maintindihan.
Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na parang may malaking butas sa sarili mo? Tipong merong kailangang makapuno?
Yun ang nararamdaman ko nung araw na yun. Gusto ko nang sumigaw. Magwala. Malay ko ba kung ano lang ito. Pero hindi ko ginawa, hindi naman dapat.
Mga bandang tanghalian, tumawag sya. Lam mo na... Siya. Yung lalaking minahal ko buong buhay ko pero iniwan ako para sa ibang tao. Wala lang nangumusta lang. Labas daw kami pagkatapos ng class. Nag-isip ako ng mabuti, kung papayag ako o hindi. Naisip ko, ano ba namang masama. Nasa malayo naman nagtatrabaho ang girlfriend nya, parang malalaman, di ba?
Natapos ang araw, sobrang excited ako. Sinundo nya ako sa school. Kumain kami. Nag-usap. Binalik ang nakaraan. Sabi ko na lang wag nang pag-usapan. May buhay na sya, masaya na rin ako sa buhay ko. Kaibigan na lang ang maibibigay ko. Ang drama pa nga, sabi niya mahal pa daw nya ako. Ikumpara ba 'ko sa bago! Mas mabait daw ako, mas understanding...
Sabi ko nga , "Aba eh bakit sa 'kin mo sinasabi yan, ano ito bolahan?!"
Natawa lang sya kahit hindi nakakatawa. Nainis nga ako, di ko na lang pinakita.
Pero kahit na nag-uusap kami nandun pa rin yung malaking butas, nararamdaman ko pa rin. Hanggang naisip ko baka kulang lang ako sa pagtawag sa kanya. Siguro naman alam nyo kung sino yun.
Naglalakad na kami pauwi, papunta sa auto nya. Nakalimutan ko kahit sandali ang kulang na nararamdaman. Napatawa pa ko sa mga biro nya. Napalo ko pa nga sa kakatawa.
Biglang nag-ring ang cellphone ko.
Kapatid nya, umiiyak.
Sabi ko "Bakit? Kasama ko kuya mo, pauwi na kami..."
Bigla syang natahimik, tinanong ko kung bakit at dahan- dahan nyang sinabi...
"Pa'no nangyari yun e si kuya nadisgrasya. na total wreck sasakyan nya. Ate, patay na sya..."
Nabigla ako.
Hindi ko maintindihan, pano nangyari na patay na sya e kasama ko pa, pag harap ko sa likod ko, nandun pa sya, ganun pa rin suot nya pero duguan na...
Napaluha ako.
Ngumiti lang sya at sinabi na, "Naramdaman mo na ba yung pakiramdam na parang may kulang, hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit?"
Napa-oo na lang ako habang patuloy na lumuluha...
"papunta ako sa iyo ngayon, dahil gusto kong sabihin na ikaw pala yun, 'yung kulang sa buhay ko...Gusto ko sana na magpakasal tayo...Pero di ba sabi ko naman sayo kahit anong mangyari, gusto ko bago ako mamatay ikaw ang asa tabi ko..."
Tapos bigla syang nawala.
Bumigat lalo ang pakiramdam ko, napa-upo ako sa lapag. Wala na lang akong magawa kung hindi umiyak. Bakit kung kailan lahat ng sinabi nya tama sa pandinig ko, hangin na lang ang lahat ng ito...
i don't know who wrote this so i am unable to give proper credit to the author. it was just one of thos emails that get spammed to everybody. i just hope to god that this is not a true story or based from true story. although, when you think about it, art ofen imitates real life.
again, i am reminded of how important it is to always, always say and show people how much they mean to me. even if it sounds mushy. even if it's the same three words i say over and over again. 'cause i just don't know when it might be too late for either of us to even say it.
this is me...
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
alone again, naturally...
mahirap pala ang mag-isa...
habang palapit nang palapit ang pasko...habang palamig nang palamig ang gabi... habang patuloy ang tila walang-hanggan kong pag-iigib ng tubig araw-araw... habang pahirap nang pahirap ang paghahanap ko ng bagong water pump... lalo kong naiisip na hindi pala madali ang mag-isa... hindi pala masaya tulad ng inaakala ko noon.
wala akong ibang inisip noong nag-aaral pa ko kundi ang makatapos at masuportahan ang sarili ko. gusto ko maging isang "independent career girl". ang taray no?! hah! ang hirap pala... sa umpisa, nakakatuwa. wala kasing nakikialam sa yo, walang magsasabi kung anong oras ka uuwi at kung sino lang ang pwede mong patuluyin sa bahay mo.... tuwang-tuwa ako dahil hindi na ko umaasa sa magulang ko. kaya ko nang mabuhay ng mag-isa.
kaya ko, pero hindi pala sya ganun kadali...
nakakapagod palang umasa sa sarili mo. pag may krisis, sarili mo lang ang aasahan mo. walang ibang tutulong sa'yo kundi ikaw lang. kahit pa sabihin mo na may mga kaibigan at nobyo kang aalalay sa yo... hindi lahat ng oras nandyan sila kasi may mga sarili rin silang buhay. may mga sariling alalahanin at krisis. mag-isa kang uuwi sa bahay mo, mag-isa kang matutulog sa malaki mong kama, mag-isa kang kakain nga hapunan o tanghalian...
i am strong and am getting stronger with each challenge i surpass. i am living by myself, living the life that i have dreamed of for so long. but the fact remains that.. i could have been happier otherwise.
habang palapit nang palapit ang pasko...habang palamig nang palamig ang gabi... habang patuloy ang tila walang-hanggan kong pag-iigib ng tubig araw-araw... habang pahirap nang pahirap ang paghahanap ko ng bagong water pump... lalo kong naiisip na hindi pala madali ang mag-isa... hindi pala masaya tulad ng inaakala ko noon.
wala akong ibang inisip noong nag-aaral pa ko kundi ang makatapos at masuportahan ang sarili ko. gusto ko maging isang "independent career girl". ang taray no?! hah! ang hirap pala... sa umpisa, nakakatuwa. wala kasing nakikialam sa yo, walang magsasabi kung anong oras ka uuwi at kung sino lang ang pwede mong patuluyin sa bahay mo.... tuwang-tuwa ako dahil hindi na ko umaasa sa magulang ko. kaya ko nang mabuhay ng mag-isa.
kaya ko, pero hindi pala sya ganun kadali...
nakakapagod palang umasa sa sarili mo. pag may krisis, sarili mo lang ang aasahan mo. walang ibang tutulong sa'yo kundi ikaw lang. kahit pa sabihin mo na may mga kaibigan at nobyo kang aalalay sa yo... hindi lahat ng oras nandyan sila kasi may mga sarili rin silang buhay. may mga sariling alalahanin at krisis. mag-isa kang uuwi sa bahay mo, mag-isa kang matutulog sa malaki mong kama, mag-isa kang kakain nga hapunan o tanghalian...
i am strong and am getting stronger with each challenge i surpass. i am living by myself, living the life that i have dreamed of for so long. but the fact remains that.. i could have been happier otherwise.
You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
all i want for christmas...
hay, pasko na... eto ako, stressed and depressed dahil sira pa rin ang water pump namin hanggang ngayon. pinakamasakit sa lahat eh thousands of pesoseses na naubos ko, hindi pa rin sya gawa. kaya while having my facial yesterday eh mega-tsika ako sa aking mother dear na umuwi muna dito to look into our pump... hay!paubos na kabang-yaman ko, marami pa ring bills na dapat bayaran... independence is not all that it's cut out to be.
i have always wanted to live by myself. no parents and siblings to tell me what to do. no screaming nieces and nephews. all peace, quiet, and time for myself... i forgot that freedom doesn't come without a price. since i am now little ms.independent, i have to do my own laundry, cook, clean the house, and play landlady to my mother's tenants. arghh!!!
in the great words of doña meng:"i am destitute." i have been saving up what little i could salvage from my salary for the grand vacation DK and I would be having on January in Bacolod. Now, with all the spending that has been going on over my blasted water pump, the possibility of ever leaving manila is bleak. *sigh*
john lennon wasn't kidding when he said that life is what happens when all of us are busy making plans.
oh well... paubos man ang pera ko, at least may papa pa rin ako. DK has been a source of strength for me. i wouldn't know what i would do without him. he asked me a couple of days ago what i wanted for christmas. hmmmm... to be honest, i can't think of anything that i want for christmas. marami na kong damit, makakabili naman ako ng sarili kong gamit... what i want is peace of mind. i want financial stability and security. i want a guarantee that DK and I would be together forever. kung meron mang makakapagsabi kung san ko makukuha ang mga ito, please lang...email me.
i have always wanted to live by myself. no parents and siblings to tell me what to do. no screaming nieces and nephews. all peace, quiet, and time for myself... i forgot that freedom doesn't come without a price. since i am now little ms.independent, i have to do my own laundry, cook, clean the house, and play landlady to my mother's tenants. arghh!!!
in the great words of doña meng:"i am destitute." i have been saving up what little i could salvage from my salary for the grand vacation DK and I would be having on January in Bacolod. Now, with all the spending that has been going on over my blasted water pump, the possibility of ever leaving manila is bleak. *sigh*
john lennon wasn't kidding when he said that life is what happens when all of us are busy making plans.
oh well... paubos man ang pera ko, at least may papa pa rin ako. DK has been a source of strength for me. i wouldn't know what i would do without him. he asked me a couple of days ago what i wanted for christmas. hmmmm... to be honest, i can't think of anything that i want for christmas. marami na kong damit, makakabili naman ako ng sarili kong gamit... what i want is peace of mind. i want financial stability and security. i want a guarantee that DK and I would be together forever. kung meron mang makakapagsabi kung san ko makukuha ang mga ito, please lang...email me.
hindi totoo ito!!!
HOUDINI:
You start with high hopes, quickly gain lots of
readers and admirers - just to suddenly vanish,
never to be heard of.
What kind of blogger are you?
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divine discontent
once again, i am thinking... no.. i am going to have my blog's look changed.
i know, i know... i am getting pretty much annoyed about this too. it's a pain to have to change my blog's skin all the time. but i am only human. despite my being a goddess and all (*wink*), i remain human. and to be human is to be eternally discontented. we are happy but we are not content. we think, therefore... we are.
so, once again i am on the scout for a suitable skin for my blog. most of my friends told me that they don't like the new look at all so...*sigh*.
UPDATE: due to insistent public demand, my old template is back. this is all for the meantime of course.
i know, i know... i am getting pretty much annoyed about this too. it's a pain to have to change my blog's skin all the time. but i am only human. despite my being a goddess and all (*wink*), i remain human. and to be human is to be eternally discontented. we are happy but we are not content. we think, therefore... we are.
so, once again i am on the scout for a suitable skin for my blog. most of my friends told me that they don't like the new look at all so...*sigh*.
UPDATE: due to insistent public demand, my old template is back. this is all for the meantime of course.
finally! after playing dress-up with my blog, i have found the one that actually fits! i'm still not satisfied with the pic and the top could use something... hmmm... my creative juices are just a-flowing!
by the way, i have moved from tag-board to chatterbox. it was something i had to do. the tagboard won't fit in my new slim skin... hehehehehehe *wink*
by the way, i have moved from tag-board to chatterbox. it was something i had to do. the tagboard won't fit in my new slim skin... hehehehehehe *wink*
bakit tahimik ang diosa...
kasi abalang-abala sa pagbusisi ng blogst... once again, i am on the prowl for the one, the skin that will suit me... wish me luck!...
back from my short respite, i am feeling so up, up, up!!! there is nothing but a great weekend to rev up your week...
november 1, your dear goddess celebrated her birthday with her beloved and his relatives... it was a happy event. we went swimming of course. ^_^ this is one of the few truly happy birthdays that i had. when i was a kid i absolutely hated my birthday. don't ask me why. my birthday is on november 1. i think that fact explains it all.
i am now officially 23.
funny but i feel a lot older than that. i feel like i've been thru so much already. i never thought that i would reach this age. i never thought i'd have a job, or be able to actually live by myself and survive. it didn't occur to me that i'd be in a relationship, that i'd be able to handle it, that i'd be fighting for it, compromising for it... i didn't know i'd fall in love.
looking back, i could only feel nostalgia and gratitude for the One Up There who never gives up on me and keeps on sending me gifts. whether it's my birthday or not.
november 1, your dear goddess celebrated her birthday with her beloved and his relatives... it was a happy event. we went swimming of course. ^_^ this is one of the few truly happy birthdays that i had. when i was a kid i absolutely hated my birthday. don't ask me why. my birthday is on november 1. i think that fact explains it all.
i am now officially 23.
funny but i feel a lot older than that. i feel like i've been thru so much already. i never thought that i would reach this age. i never thought i'd have a job, or be able to actually live by myself and survive. it didn't occur to me that i'd be in a relationship, that i'd be able to handle it, that i'd be fighting for it, compromising for it... i didn't know i'd fall in love.
looking back, i could only feel nostalgia and gratitude for the One Up There who never gives up on me and keeps on sending me gifts. whether it's my birthday or not.
after my post about best friends landed with the resounding crash of a grand piano, there is nothing between us tres marias but silence. a loud deafening silence...
this is for the better i suppose since this will keep me from further saying something on the issue. some things really are better left unsaid. on the other hand, bitter feelings should be brought to light and addressed before they cause further rift. this is why i felt the need to be true to myself and say what i have been wanting to say to her for the longest time...
i am not happy with the choices she has made. i feel that this brought about the sticky , maddening situation we find ourselves in. sometimes, i feel that a part of me has been taken and i guess this is true... she has been spirited away from me and no matter what i do she will never come back...
yes... new experiences bring about a new set of priorities. we all have to grow and at some point, the one path where we all walked on would branch out to give way to these fresh encounters. yes... in the long run, at some point or another we would find ourselves absolutely alone. still, it helps to know that there would always be people you could fall back on...
i thought that she would be that person. no matter what happens, she would be there for me. she would always be my voice of reason, my refuge. but things are different now. it's a tough pill to swallow but there it is. stuck in my throat, bringing tears to my eyes. no matter how we all wish things are the same, the choices she has made for herself won't allow us to go back and pretend this nightmare never happened...
i am ending this all with a heavy heart and a sigh. none of what i said will change anything...her husband won't suddenly welcome us in their home. she won't instantly get free time and spend it with us guilt-free. her baby won't miraculously be in the pink of health...i am sorry if any of these hurt her... but maybe, instead, she should aknowledge my pain...
i am not closing my doors nor have i developed an aversion to her. though the times have changed, my love fore her and my support as her friend remain the same. if she can't be my refuge... then i can be hers...
i do not need to let go of her anymore... sadly, she has left me long before i reached for her and realized it's a dream i've been clinging to all along....
this is for the better i suppose since this will keep me from further saying something on the issue. some things really are better left unsaid. on the other hand, bitter feelings should be brought to light and addressed before they cause further rift. this is why i felt the need to be true to myself and say what i have been wanting to say to her for the longest time...
i am not happy with the choices she has made. i feel that this brought about the sticky , maddening situation we find ourselves in. sometimes, i feel that a part of me has been taken and i guess this is true... she has been spirited away from me and no matter what i do she will never come back...
yes... new experiences bring about a new set of priorities. we all have to grow and at some point, the one path where we all walked on would branch out to give way to these fresh encounters. yes... in the long run, at some point or another we would find ourselves absolutely alone. still, it helps to know that there would always be people you could fall back on...
i thought that she would be that person. no matter what happens, she would be there for me. she would always be my voice of reason, my refuge. but things are different now. it's a tough pill to swallow but there it is. stuck in my throat, bringing tears to my eyes. no matter how we all wish things are the same, the choices she has made for herself won't allow us to go back and pretend this nightmare never happened...
i am ending this all with a heavy heart and a sigh. none of what i said will change anything...her husband won't suddenly welcome us in their home. she won't instantly get free time and spend it with us guilt-free. her baby won't miraculously be in the pink of health...i am sorry if any of these hurt her... but maybe, instead, she should aknowledge my pain...
i am not closing my doors nor have i developed an aversion to her. though the times have changed, my love fore her and my support as her friend remain the same. if she can't be my refuge... then i can be hers...
i do not need to let go of her anymore... sadly, she has left me long before i reached for her and realized it's a dream i've been clinging to all along....
kaya pala...
people, hindi ko 'to sinadya... promise! ito talaga ang lumabas na resulta...so, i guess... despite my average looks and above-average wit and intelligence, i truly am... a goddess...
You are a goddess!
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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You are a goddess!
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
hmm... this must explain my affinity with Anne Rice's novels and Blade...
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.
"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."
Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.
As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.
"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."
Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.
As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
we are the best of friends...
people oftentimes referred to us as twins. we were inseparable. always together, thru thick and thin. anything that happened to her, eventually happened to me. our birthdays are just a week apart so both of us are scorpios. people always said we look alike despite the fact that i look like you typical filipina, and she, an Indian beauty.
we were so close that i found it hard to imagine there would come a time that we would part ways. i've always thought that we would grow together. we would both finish school, get jobs, start our career and tour the world together. i thought then , that husbands and babies would come much later. after all, we are just beginning to live our lives.
we are the best of friends...
sooner than everyone thought, she got pregnant and married to the father of her child. she was twenty, just graduated from college... i didn't want to go to her wedding because i didn't want her to get married. i thought it's ok to have the baby for now and wait till her boyfriend's got a good, steady job. but off to the altar she went and now she's 24, married with 2 kids.
a lot of things has happened to me that i wanted to share with her, just like before. but we hardly see each other now... i drown myself with my work and my boyfriend... she has her family to take care of now...i want to spend time with her like before and talk about anything and everything under the sun, just walk around the mall or sit on a cafe without a care in the world... i want her and me and laiza and nina to go to the beach together, have fun and hang around like the good old days...
yah.. those were the good, old days... things change and people change along with them... new experiences bring on a new set of priorities... i knew on the day she took her marriage vows that our paths would be parted from now on...
we were the best of friends...
people oftentimes referred to us as twins. we were inseparable. always together, thru thick and thin. anything that happened to her, eventually happened to me. our birthdays are just a week apart so both of us are scorpios. people always said we look alike despite the fact that i look like you typical filipina, and she, an Indian beauty.
we were so close that i found it hard to imagine there would come a time that we would part ways. i've always thought that we would grow together. we would both finish school, get jobs, start our career and tour the world together. i thought then , that husbands and babies would come much later. after all, we are just beginning to live our lives.
we are the best of friends...
sooner than everyone thought, she got pregnant and married to the father of her child. she was twenty, just graduated from college... i didn't want to go to her wedding because i didn't want her to get married. i thought it's ok to have the baby for now and wait till her boyfriend's got a good, steady job. but off to the altar she went and now she's 24, married with 2 kids.
a lot of things has happened to me that i wanted to share with her, just like before. but we hardly see each other now... i drown myself with my work and my boyfriend... she has her family to take care of now...i want to spend time with her like before and talk about anything and everything under the sun, just walk around the mall or sit on a cafe without a care in the world... i want her and me and laiza and nina to go to the beach together, have fun and hang around like the good old days...
yah.. those were the good, old days... things change and people change along with them... new experiences bring on a new set of priorities... i knew on the day she took her marriage vows that our paths would be parted from now on...
we were the best of friends...
ang halik ng diosa
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
the hidden side of me...
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're
an Angel!
Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did
you always
behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the
hell outta
people with your attitude, but no doubt your church
is real happy
with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the
negative,
after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do
charity work.
Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You
just make the rest
of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the
rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra
cookie or something.
However - congratulations on being the most pure,
of the entire human race.
?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
the siren...
| I am the Siren A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play - by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release form the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy. Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and ungraspable. Like the sea, the Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown. |
What Type of Seducer are You?
created by
polite_society kaya pala sila nabibighani sa 'kin... bwahaahahahaha!
for taltos
"Boy you reminded me of putting this things into words and save them for a rainy day. Your shameful heart and sinful soul, Oh I'm amazed by you and all that you are...Your devious ways,you do the work of the dark forces in this world and you're real, Oh yes you are..."
ethan hawke's character in Gattaca said that he never realized how far he was from his dream when he was but standing just right beside it. similarly, i have never realized how much i wanted you till you were but inches from me. you're just right there for me to touch but a huge wall couldn't have separated us more than the silence we have chosen to surround ourselves. neither of us wants to say anything about what we've talked about so casually a couple of days ago. neither of us wants to look the either in the eye, for fear of being given away by the passion one of us might find there.
"You really knew right from the start, How to work your way to my heart. And then you pulled the trigger, Shot me where I'm the weakest. You're a disgrace, to the human race With your pretty face. Your devious ways you do the work of dark forces in this world And you're evil...oh yes you are..."
the age-old dilemma of loving someone but being attracted to another could be resolved by walking along only one path. i chose love over lust. i am happy with my choice but a thousand what-ifs are racing thru my head. each time i glance your way, i ask myself: what if?...
"Damned, you're one man I just can't stand. You're Damned, you built your castle on the sand... you're Damned, how could i ever want you for my man? I've lost you now...So why do I care?"
ethan hawke's character in Gattaca said that he never realized how far he was from his dream when he was but standing just right beside it. similarly, i have never realized how much i wanted you till you were but inches from me. you're just right there for me to touch but a huge wall couldn't have separated us more than the silence we have chosen to surround ourselves. neither of us wants to say anything about what we've talked about so casually a couple of days ago. neither of us wants to look the either in the eye, for fear of being given away by the passion one of us might find there.
"You really knew right from the start, How to work your way to my heart. And then you pulled the trigger, Shot me where I'm the weakest. You're a disgrace, to the human race With your pretty face. Your devious ways you do the work of dark forces in this world And you're evil...oh yes you are..."
the age-old dilemma of loving someone but being attracted to another could be resolved by walking along only one path. i chose love over lust. i am happy with my choice but a thousand what-ifs are racing thru my head. each time i glance your way, i ask myself: what if?...
"Damned, you're one man I just can't stand. You're Damned, you built your castle on the sand... you're Damned, how could i ever want you for my man? I've lost you now...So why do I care?"
kung ako ay libre...
eto ang nabungaran ko sa dyaryong libre kanina...
scorpio: tumakbo ka man... hindi ka na nya hahabulin.
aquarius: hanggang tingin ka na lang... hindi na sya mapapasaiyo.
so! hindi talaga pu-pwede. hindi ko na ipipilit at baka dumugo pa. mahirap ang pinupwersa ang mga bagay-bagay eh. may sasakit at sasakit, may masasaktan at masasaktan. kaya pala hindi mo na ko kinikibo... nahihiya ka ba sa mga pinagsasasabi mo nung mga nakaraang araw? hah! dapat lang noh... although i was definitely flattered i was not the least bit happy with what you want me to be in your life... fubu... fuck-buddy... oh, wag mo na i-deny. yun din naman ang labas ko eh kung pumayag ako sa gusto mo... hay! pero i was so tempted... ang cute mo kasi eh...
ngunit nanaig ang dakila kong pagmamahal para sa aking sinisinta... hay! kung di ko lang sya talaga mahal... kung libre lang ako eh wala sanang problema... kaya ngayon eh dinedema mo na ko... kasi hanggang tingin ka na lang dahil hindi ako mapapasaiyo...
at ako?
singtulin man ng mrt ang takbo ko... keber na habulin mo ko...
scorpio: tumakbo ka man... hindi ka na nya hahabulin.
aquarius: hanggang tingin ka na lang... hindi na sya mapapasaiyo.
so! hindi talaga pu-pwede. hindi ko na ipipilit at baka dumugo pa. mahirap ang pinupwersa ang mga bagay-bagay eh. may sasakit at sasakit, may masasaktan at masasaktan. kaya pala hindi mo na ko kinikibo... nahihiya ka ba sa mga pinagsasasabi mo nung mga nakaraang araw? hah! dapat lang noh... although i was definitely flattered i was not the least bit happy with what you want me to be in your life... fubu... fuck-buddy... oh, wag mo na i-deny. yun din naman ang labas ko eh kung pumayag ako sa gusto mo... hay! pero i was so tempted... ang cute mo kasi eh...
ngunit nanaig ang dakila kong pagmamahal para sa aking sinisinta... hay! kung di ko lang sya talaga mahal... kung libre lang ako eh wala sanang problema... kaya ngayon eh dinedema mo na ko... kasi hanggang tingin ka na lang dahil hindi ako mapapasaiyo...
at ako?
singtulin man ng mrt ang takbo ko... keber na habulin mo ko...
boys will be boys
bakit ka ganyan?! kulang pa ba ang binigay kong pagmamahal, kalinga at atensyon para pagsalitaan mo ko ng ganyan? kulang pa ba lahat ng sakripisyo, ng sama ng loob? kulang pa ba ang pag-ibig na binibigay ko sa'yo para isipin mong iiwan kita at sasama ko sa iba? mukha ba kong pokpok para isipin mong konting kalabit lang ng lalaki eh bibigay ako? kung pokpok ako eh gasgas na sana ko nung nakuha mo ko... pero alam mong ikaw lang. ikaw lang ang mahal ko... at hindi kita iiwan ng paganun-ganun lang....
isa ka pa... sumasabay ka sa boypren kong isa't kalahating engot!... feeling mo ba eh bibigay ako sa paanyaya mo? sorry. casual sex has never been my thing. oo, brutal ako magsalita. i'm loud but i know my limits. i'm sorry but i have never given myself for free. not even to someone with such a pretty face as yours. sayang ka talaga... laki ng panghihinayang ko sa'yo... crush kita eh. i guess, looks really do deceive...
ang boypren kong mahal insecure... ikaw naman sobrang secure! hay! bakit ba kayong mga lalake eh ganyan?! at kami pang mga babae sinasabihan n'yong mahirap ispelengin ha!*sigh*
isa ka pa... sumasabay ka sa boypren kong isa't kalahating engot!... feeling mo ba eh bibigay ako sa paanyaya mo? sorry. casual sex has never been my thing. oo, brutal ako magsalita. i'm loud but i know my limits. i'm sorry but i have never given myself for free. not even to someone with such a pretty face as yours. sayang ka talaga... laki ng panghihinayang ko sa'yo... crush kita eh. i guess, looks really do deceive...
ang boypren kong mahal insecure... ikaw naman sobrang secure! hay! bakit ba kayong mga lalake eh ganyan?! at kami pang mga babae sinasabihan n'yong mahirap ispelengin ha!*sigh*
taguan
sige... laro tayo... ikaw, ako at ang "friend" mo... taguan tayo... ang mahuli, syempre, taya... unahan kayong mahuli ako. yan, eh kung papahuli nga ako...
sige... landian tayo... ikaw at ako lang... kasi wala kamo "friend" mo eh... madali naman ako kausap. harutin mo ko, tingnan mo kung harutin kita... tingnan mo kung patulan kita...
bilib din talaga ko sa'yo... lakas ng appeal mo, promise!... kaya, sige... laro tayo...tingnan natin kung magkahulihan tayo ng loob. tandaan mo lang na walang pikunan 'to. tandaan mo lang na may boyfriend ako...
type mo din ako?! o, kala ko ba eh "friend" mo lang ang may gusto sa'kin? bakit ngayon eh nakiki-ride ka?
ahh.. kasi wala sya...okay... sex? ano kamo? ah... yan ba ang gusto mo?hmmmm...cute ka... type kita...
sige... pag-iisipan ko...
sige... landian tayo... ikaw at ako lang... kasi wala kamo "friend" mo eh... madali naman ako kausap. harutin mo ko, tingnan mo kung harutin kita... tingnan mo kung patulan kita...
bilib din talaga ko sa'yo... lakas ng appeal mo, promise!... kaya, sige... laro tayo...tingnan natin kung magkahulihan tayo ng loob. tandaan mo lang na walang pikunan 'to. tandaan mo lang na may boyfriend ako...
type mo din ako?! o, kala ko ba eh "friend" mo lang ang may gusto sa'kin? bakit ngayon eh nakiki-ride ka?
ahh.. kasi wala sya...okay... sex? ano kamo? ah... yan ba ang gusto mo?hmmmm...cute ka... type kita...
sige... pag-iisipan ko...
all apologies
i didn't mean for you to read his text message. i didn't mean to keep this from you. it's just that i know you will take this the wrong way... so what's the point of telling you? either way you'll be mad. just like you are right now...
you embarrassed me twice now. all because some guy told me he and his friend are attracted to me sexually. that is not my fault . i know i am not beautiful and i am not sexy. so don't blame me if they see me as a "sexual goddess" despite my dark skin, plain face, and bloated body. i didn't ask him to IM me and tell me all sorts of things about him and his friend. i didn't want any of this and didn't mean for this to happen...
i truly am sorry.
i'm sorry if i keep on thinking that i'm not your priority. i'm sorry i'm demanding. i'm sorry i keep begging for your attention and time. i'm sorry i kept this from you. i'm sorry i made you mad...
i'm sorry i can't stop myself from texting him back. i'm sorry i kept replying to his IM. i'm sorry i'm flattered by his attentions. i'm sorry i'm thrilled by his words. i'm sorry for thinking about him all the time. i'm sorry i like him... i'm sorry i never told him about you...
i'm so very sorry...
you embarrassed me twice now. all because some guy told me he and his friend are attracted to me sexually. that is not my fault . i know i am not beautiful and i am not sexy. so don't blame me if they see me as a "sexual goddess" despite my dark skin, plain face, and bloated body. i didn't ask him to IM me and tell me all sorts of things about him and his friend. i didn't want any of this and didn't mean for this to happen...
i truly am sorry.
i'm sorry if i keep on thinking that i'm not your priority. i'm sorry i'm demanding. i'm sorry i keep begging for your attention and time. i'm sorry i kept this from you. i'm sorry i made you mad...
i'm sorry i can't stop myself from texting him back. i'm sorry i kept replying to his IM. i'm sorry i'm flattered by his attentions. i'm sorry i'm thrilled by his words. i'm sorry for thinking about him all the time. i'm sorry i like him... i'm sorry i never told him about you...
i'm so very sorry...
Introducing: Taltos
nakakagulat ka. hindi ko alam na ganyan ka pala... makulit, nakakatuwa, nasa loob ang kulo. hay! nabuhay na namang magmuli ang paghanga ko sa'yo. and cute-cute mo talaga! dati pa crush na kita kaya lang may girlfriend ka nun eh... tsaka may boyfriend ako. ngayon, libreng-libre ka na. wala na kayo eh. pero kami pa rin ni boyfriend, stronger than ever.
ano?! sexually attracted ang "friend" mo sa kin?hus! baka ikaw lang yon!... ahahhaahha...apollo ba kamo ang pangalan nya? talaga lang ha... ako naman si venus... ahahahahahaha...
tuwang-tuwa ako makipag-usap sa'yo. nakakakilig... crush kasi kita eh. pihadong manlalaki butas ng ilong ng boyfriend ko sa galit pag nalaman n'ya 'to pero ala ko pakialam. bakit? di na ba ako pwede magka-crush??? crush lang naman eh. tsaka hindi naman ako ang tipo mo di ba? yung "friend" mo lang ang may gusto sa 'kin.
ha?!ano number ko? pinatatanong ng friend mo kung open-minded ako sa sex?! aba... iba na 'ata ito ah. oo. open-minded ako sa sex. pag-uusapan lang naman pala eh. at eto nga pala number ko. textmates? oo, bah! textmates lang naman pala eh...
uuwi ka na? sige... kita-kits na lang ha.
hay! ang cute mo talaga! u make me so kilig!!!
ano?! sexually attracted ang "friend" mo sa kin?hus! baka ikaw lang yon!... ahahhaahha...apollo ba kamo ang pangalan nya? talaga lang ha... ako naman si venus... ahahahahahaha...
tuwang-tuwa ako makipag-usap sa'yo. nakakakilig... crush kasi kita eh. pihadong manlalaki butas ng ilong ng boyfriend ko sa galit pag nalaman n'ya 'to pero ala ko pakialam. bakit? di na ba ako pwede magka-crush??? crush lang naman eh. tsaka hindi naman ako ang tipo mo di ba? yung "friend" mo lang ang may gusto sa 'kin.
ha?!ano number ko? pinatatanong ng friend mo kung open-minded ako sa sex?! aba... iba na 'ata ito ah. oo. open-minded ako sa sex. pag-uusapan lang naman pala eh. at eto nga pala number ko. textmates? oo, bah! textmates lang naman pala eh...
uuwi ka na? sige... kita-kits na lang ha.
hay! ang cute mo talaga! u make me so kilig!!!
big girls don't cry
i hate going to hospitals. i hate going to clinics. i hate having to see a doctor, especially a dentist. i hate sitting on a cold chair, talking with a complete stranger about whatever problems you are having. that's why i want someone with me. i want you with me.
you are my strength, my refuge. despite that little voice in my head saying "c'mon ice, you can do this. you're tough. you don't need him.", i still would ask you each time i have an appointment with the doctor to come with me. out of the ten times i asked you, you refused 6 times.
that hurt.
and now, i am going to find myself once again walking by myself towards my doctor's clinic, saying to myself "it's ok. everything is going to be all right." i'll clasp my hands together because yours won't be there for me to reach and cling to. i'd sigh and wish it was you who was comforting me and not myself.
i'm tough and i'd be able to go thru this alone. i've been thru meaner, scarier situations alone and have survived. but sometimes... sometimes i wish there was someone with me to hold my hand and say " don't worry. it's gonna be all right. "
you are my strength, my refuge. despite that little voice in my head saying "c'mon ice, you can do this. you're tough. you don't need him.", i still would ask you each time i have an appointment with the doctor to come with me. out of the ten times i asked you, you refused 6 times.
that hurt.
and now, i am going to find myself once again walking by myself towards my doctor's clinic, saying to myself "it's ok. everything is going to be all right." i'll clasp my hands together because yours won't be there for me to reach and cling to. i'd sigh and wish it was you who was comforting me and not myself.
i'm tough and i'd be able to go thru this alone. i've been thru meaner, scarier situations alone and have survived. but sometimes... sometimes i wish there was someone with me to hold my hand and say " don't worry. it's gonna be all right. "
the cost of love
trish, xbox, pie, biba and i were happily chatting our working hours away, discussing everything from the latest office rumors to the mundane details of everyday survival. the importance of regular visits to an ob-gyne came up and it is at this time that trish suddenly said that the cost of love is too high for us women...
this made me stop and think: is it really?
love, of course, is invaluable. therefore, one cannot simply put a price on it and sell it off (although, i've always heard of stories such as these...). But when you think about the time, the money, the gifts...doesn't all those add up to the cost of loving someone? you stand there naked, giving everything that you could:your life, your money, your heart, your body, your everything... all in the name of love.
these thoughts made me realize that i am so very much different from the person i was before i feel into the romantic abyss. the way i act and dress are still the same. i am still me but not quite... some of my views regarding certain issues have changed and i have come to learn the meaning of "compromise".
jLo said love don't cost a thing. he certainly wouldn't have to keep me iced and i wouldn't spend his cash. i don't certainly want to drive his benz and i don't need a floss. even if he's broke, i'd still love him... and that is going to cost me.
this made me stop and think: is it really?
love, of course, is invaluable. therefore, one cannot simply put a price on it and sell it off (although, i've always heard of stories such as these...). But when you think about the time, the money, the gifts...doesn't all those add up to the cost of loving someone? you stand there naked, giving everything that you could:your life, your money, your heart, your body, your everything... all in the name of love.
these thoughts made me realize that i am so very much different from the person i was before i feel into the romantic abyss. the way i act and dress are still the same. i am still me but not quite... some of my views regarding certain issues have changed and i have come to learn the meaning of "compromise".
jLo said love don't cost a thing. he certainly wouldn't have to keep me iced and i wouldn't spend his cash. i don't certainly want to drive his benz and i don't need a floss. even if he's broke, i'd still love him... and that is going to cost me.
roughly a year and a half ago, on my first day of training for the company i'm currently working for, i felt this sudden urge to go online and chat. i used to be a chat addict. i was driven to meet people online, hoping that one of them would be him.
but after my half-baked relationship with nhell, i totally lost my taste for romance. i once again became this cynical bitch who thought that love and hearts are only great for selling hallmark cards. then that night, april 29th... i met this guy online. his nickname caught my attention: keith_is_cute.
the rest is history....
but after my half-baked relationship with nhell, i totally lost my taste for romance. i once again became this cynical bitch who thought that love and hearts are only great for selling hallmark cards. then that night, april 29th... i met this guy online. his nickname caught my attention: keith_is_cute.
the rest is history....
bakit ba may mga tao na 'pag nag-away sila ng dyowa nya eh sa iba ibinubunton? tulad nitong ka-opisina ko. broken-hearted daw sya eh. well, mukha naman. but not because she's broken-hearted means she should break other people's hearts as well!
lahat ng tao pinuna nya. sinabihan nya ng mali ang ganito sa ginawa, dapat ganun ang sinabi mo. sobrang subsob sya sa trabaho. she is drowning herself with work in the hopes that this will distract her from what she is missing with all her heart, her "sweetie".
yuck!
i am not perfect. neither is she. i guess it's only normal that when you feel bad you want to take it out on the next person. i have matured enough to know that this should not be so. her being a force to reckon with in our team should know that as well. she is handling a group of adults, not children.
hay naku!*sigh*... bahala na sya sa buhay nya. matanda na sya eh. at ako eh medyo may edad na rin... so since i'm more in a position to understand... ok. i'll understand her.
on the condition that i will never come to her for anything ever again.
hmp!
lahat ng tao pinuna nya. sinabihan nya ng mali ang ganito sa ginawa, dapat ganun ang sinabi mo. sobrang subsob sya sa trabaho. she is drowning herself with work in the hopes that this will distract her from what she is missing with all her heart, her "sweetie".
yuck!
i am not perfect. neither is she. i guess it's only normal that when you feel bad you want to take it out on the next person. i have matured enough to know that this should not be so. her being a force to reckon with in our team should know that as well. she is handling a group of adults, not children.
hay naku!*sigh*... bahala na sya sa buhay nya. matanda na sya eh. at ako eh medyo may edad na rin... so since i'm more in a position to understand... ok. i'll understand her.
on the condition that i will never come to her for anything ever again.
hmp!
bati na kami ni DK... but i am far from feeling well. it's not because i'm harboring any ill-feelings for him still but rather, i've been hit with a couple of toxic stuff lately. i was suffering from a bad case of LBM when i found out that P broke up with her boyfriend of ten years... she was crying all over the office... ='(... and then i had to take two days off at work 'cause i busted my throat real bad...
so DK, being the sweet boyfriend that he is, stayed over my place to play nurse...but despite that i still feel bad because my throat hurts and i feel for P...
on a positive note though, i have finished up the modifications on our team blog. i am just so good at this!
so DK, being the sweet boyfriend that he is, stayed over my place to play nurse...but despite that i still feel bad because my throat hurts and i feel for P...
on a positive note though, i have finished up the modifications on our team blog. i am just so good at this!
nag-away kami ni DK kagabi...
sya kasi eh... parang ala na syang gana kausapin ako. yun bang kausap mo sya pero ala syang "amor" na magkwento. ewan ko ba kung dala lang 'to ng hormonal imbalance ko o ano... pero hindi sya dating ganito...i feel taken for granted. he is secure with the knowledge that no matter what happens, i'll always be there for him. the question is not if i'll jump when he says "jump" but how high i'll jump when he says so. sadly, i do not have the same luxury. i cannot take him for granted becuase i know that i could lose him at any moment. call me paranoid or whatever but that's how much i value him and his presence in my life. kahit sanlaksang "i love you" pa ang sabihin nya... kahit ilang beses nya ulitin na hindi nya ko iiwan... pwedeng bukas magbago ang ihip ng hangin... baka bukas hindi na nya ko mahal... baka bukas, kunin na sya ng tadhana sa kin...
bakit ganon ang mga lalake? sa umpisa sobrang caring, attentive... pero pag matagal na kayo parang it all becomes a routine. my friends say this is only normal, a phase all couples go thru, that the solution is up to the couple. a relationship is a mutual commitment. people who are in a relationship work together to solve their problems, to keep the ball rolling... to keep the flames alive. in a perfect world, this may all be true.
hindi perpekto ang mundo kaya hind rin perpekto ang mga tao. kaya wala ring perpektong relasyon.... kaya rin ba ganun ang mga lalaki at ganito ang mga babae?...siguro...
sana tumawag na sya... i miss him na eh...*sigh*
sya kasi eh... parang ala na syang gana kausapin ako. yun bang kausap mo sya pero ala syang "amor" na magkwento. ewan ko ba kung dala lang 'to ng hormonal imbalance ko o ano... pero hindi sya dating ganito...i feel taken for granted. he is secure with the knowledge that no matter what happens, i'll always be there for him. the question is not if i'll jump when he says "jump" but how high i'll jump when he says so. sadly, i do not have the same luxury. i cannot take him for granted becuase i know that i could lose him at any moment. call me paranoid or whatever but that's how much i value him and his presence in my life. kahit sanlaksang "i love you" pa ang sabihin nya... kahit ilang beses nya ulitin na hindi nya ko iiwan... pwedeng bukas magbago ang ihip ng hangin... baka bukas hindi na nya ko mahal... baka bukas, kunin na sya ng tadhana sa kin...
bakit ganon ang mga lalake? sa umpisa sobrang caring, attentive... pero pag matagal na kayo parang it all becomes a routine. my friends say this is only normal, a phase all couples go thru, that the solution is up to the couple. a relationship is a mutual commitment. people who are in a relationship work together to solve their problems, to keep the ball rolling... to keep the flames alive. in a perfect world, this may all be true.
hindi perpekto ang mundo kaya hind rin perpekto ang mga tao. kaya wala ring perpektong relasyon.... kaya rin ba ganun ang mga lalaki at ganito ang mga babae?...siguro...
sana tumawag na sya... i miss him na eh...*sigh*
life is just so full of possibilities. therefore, each day we face limitless options.
should i go to work or not? should i take a shower or not? should i do this or not?.... choices, choices, choices... life is one grand mall where we move about, brush against each other while we are shopping for choices.
i've been thinking about switching jobs. should i make the move or no?... i didn't really want to be in the career i am now, but for some reason.. maybe, by force of habit... i have come to accept the kind of work that i have. i'm not happy with it but to some extent, i am contented with what i'm doing for a living.
lately, that doesn't seem to be enough.*sigh*
should i go to work or not? should i take a shower or not? should i do this or not?.... choices, choices, choices... life is one grand mall where we move about, brush against each other while we are shopping for choices.
i've been thinking about switching jobs. should i make the move or no?... i didn't really want to be in the career i am now, but for some reason.. maybe, by force of habit... i have come to accept the kind of work that i have. i'm not happy with it but to some extent, i am contented with what i'm doing for a living.
lately, that doesn't seem to be enough.*sigh*
x marks the spot...
i already had a feeling that i'm gonna see someone i don't wanna see on my to DK's school. and see her i did, while i was watching my beloved wolf down his share of our lasagna, she walked past us... looking at rows upon rows of pastries and desserts...
TINA. DK"s ex. ugh... thank goodness i was already done with my dinner. i would have lost all appetite at the sight of her...
i am not bitter. nope. i am mad... because she has this sickening ability of making me feel second-rate... that i am second-best... and looking at her, walking pretty as you please down the aisle towards the counter i noticed that she's thin. so thin. a lot thinner than i saw her last. great. now i feel not only second-rate, i feel fat and bloated and sooooooo sick of her...
i finally made a vow, as i saw her go out of the restaurant, that i am going to diet and exercise till i am, god-willing, the sexiest woman to ever walk this darn planet!hah!
nemo once asked me asked me if i'll be ever over TINA. yes, i will i said to her... when she's six feet under.
and NO i am not bitter.
TINA. DK"s ex. ugh... thank goodness i was already done with my dinner. i would have lost all appetite at the sight of her...
i am not bitter. nope. i am mad... because she has this sickening ability of making me feel second-rate... that i am second-best... and looking at her, walking pretty as you please down the aisle towards the counter i noticed that she's thin. so thin. a lot thinner than i saw her last. great. now i feel not only second-rate, i feel fat and bloated and sooooooo sick of her...
i finally made a vow, as i saw her go out of the restaurant, that i am going to diet and exercise till i am, god-willing, the sexiest woman to ever walk this darn planet!hah!
nemo once asked me asked me if i'll be ever over TINA. yes, i will i said to her... when she's six feet under.
and NO i am not bitter.
cute mouse clock
i have casperbooh13 of blogskins to thank for the cute, little mousy thing. it kinda makes you feel dizzy 'cause there's that thing on the outside that goes round and round... but it's cool altogether... thanks casperbooh!!!
no. this new template is not it but i'm sticking with this one on the basis that the less complicated, the better. if i hadn't gotten attached to this darn image, then i would have gotten the perfect skin for this blog. i don't think i would even have changed the way this blog looked like if i haven't grown attached to this picture.
anyway... the less time i have to edit my blog template, the more time i have to write on my blog. what's the use of a perfect-looking blogsite if it doesn't have any content on it, right?...
*sigh*. so i'm sticking with this one... for now.
anyway... the less time i have to edit my blog template, the more time i have to write on my blog. what's the use of a perfect-looking blogsite if it doesn't have any content on it, right?...
*sigh*. so i'm sticking with this one... for now.
still under construction... =(
i know i don't have much of a following but for the few friends who are religiously visiting my blog, i apologize for the inconvenience. i have tried my hand at dreamweaver and failed. albeit, not miserabley, but i failed just the same...
i am trying a couple of blogskins and hopefully, one will be it.
this is proving to be such a harrowing experience. pretty much like trying to find mr.right in time for christmas so you wouldn't spend the holidays out on the cold...
i am trying a couple of blogskins and hopefully, one will be it.
this is proving to be such a harrowing experience. pretty much like trying to find mr.right in time for christmas so you wouldn't spend the holidays out on the cold...
under construction
my blogsite is undergoing a major over-haul. i am so excited... please visit the soon-to-be eternal child of nocturne blogsite... *_*
Q and A
am i or am i not?... that is the question. should we or shouldn't we? could we or couldn't we?so many questions but the answers are so few so the song goes. but in our case, there are hardly any answers. in fact, there are none.
it's because we're scared. we keep asking questions, looking for signs. but the answers have always been there, staring us at the face. we see them but refuse to recognize them. because we're scared.
we're scared to face the truth, afraid of what the answers will bring. we're frightened by the decisions we have to make once we've come face to face with the awful reality that won't go away.
we are waiting for the sign. holding our breaths for the inevitable. wishing, hoping and praying with all our might that it isn't just around the corner after all...
neo was right. the problem is choice.
we start our day by choosing whether to get up and go to work or spend the day sleeping. we then decide if we are going to stick with the pinstriped suit or the black and white ensemble. then we think about whether we will take the bus or the train. later on we opt to have lunch at the office canteen instead of at mcdonald's. come nighttime, we think about whether we will go out and unwind or go straight home to sleep.
a bigger problem though would be if you can't make a choice. you're stuck, frustrated because you can't make up your mind. you can't move to the next square 'cause you don't know whether you will move to the square on your right or that one on your left.
bottom line: the problem is choice.
deathwish
i'm scared...scared that what i wished for so much a couple of years ago, when i was depressed, lonely, and up to my neck in family troubles is about to come true:death
when i am rolling about, vomiting, and nauseous, i remember that time, about 5 or 8 years ago... i was lying on my bed, crying. my parents and sister just had another ugly fight. my mom tried to commit suicide by jumping off our second floor window. i felt so bad i wanted it all to end. i wanted to die. i wished i would die 'cause i thought that if i did, then maybe my family would stop fighting with each other.
i've always told my friends to be careful what they wish for 'cause it just might come true. don't know why i didn't take heed of that advice myself.
i'm scared... scared that my wish is finally coming true.
"bakit mo ko love?"
i would always put this question to him. i don't know why. maybe because i'm 50% obsessive-compulsive. maybe i'm insecure. maybe because i want to be sure. maybe i just need to know.
i was speaking with Uree the other day about this growing habit of mine and she told me that it's ok. apparently, she is into the same habit. she said that it's because feelings are not constant. pretty much like people. people change so emotions change along with them... she has a good point. but for whatever reason, i would find myself asking him this question from time to time:"bakit mo ko love?". it was like i was waiting for him to say something that i wanted to hear. i want to hear his reasons for loving me (as if i have my own!) but at the same time wanting him to say that he just does.
i know. stupid isn't it?
the last time i asked him this he hugged me tight, smiled, kissed the tip of my nose, looked straight into my eyes and said: "kasi pango ka..."
that was all i needed to hear...
=============================
my blogs have acquired little attention these days...
between my work, my boyfriend and my incurable headaches, i sadly admit i don't have much time for it. but all that's about to change.
now.
between my work, my boyfriend and my incurable headaches, i sadly admit i don't have much time for it. but all that's about to change.
now.
someday i'll know...
sometimes, i find myself thinking about nhell...
i wonder how he is doing in, if he has found himself a new flame, if he has finally evolved into a self-supporting, responsible young man... i wonder how things might have been if i didn't break my relations with him. would he have gone back to europe? would he have changed for the better? would i still have met DK?...
infinite possibilities. life is just so full of limitless could-have-beens and should-have-beens...
just a few days ago, i was driving myself insane trying to look up his contact information. i have changed my number and i was not able to inform him. i felt the need to know how he is and how he's doing.no. i'm not hanging on to him. i have lost any sort of romantic inclination to him. it's just that, i want to know how he is...
contrary to what i have been telling my family and friends, DK is not my first boyfriend. nhell was. but ours was such a brief relationship, just barely 3 months. i ended it because i was tired of his antics. i always knew that my relationship with him wouldn't last. he resides in sweden. he was on vacation here when i met him. i never saw the two of us growing old together. hell, i hardly saw any future for us as a couple. i broke up with him a couple of days after my 22nd birthday. i shed some tears, yes... but my heart was not that broken really. there was just this immense sadness at the thought that at some point we'll cross paths again and i'd se him exactly in the same conditon i left him. living an irresponsible, happy-go-lucky life.
he was still calling and texting me right before i changed my number. he said that he is studying some language. i told him before he went back to europe that i'd be hoping he becomes something, that he'll be able to stand on his own two feet because his mom won't be alive forever to support him. i really hope he would turn his life around...
it was all bittersweet. he would never admit it but i know that he loved me. he probably still does... or maybe i hold a special place in his heart... maybe on the same exact spot i hold him in mine...
walkin' in the sun...
"when I opened up my eyes today, felt the sun shining on my face. it became so clear to me that everything is goin my way.I feel like there’s no limit to what I can see..."
the past week has been full of blessings and good fortune. i was awarded perfect attendance. (ehem.. ehem..) my manager almost wept with joy. it was truly a shining moment...
DK went with me to my gynecologist. repressed issues were brought to light, discussed, and resolved. our love is more stronger than ever before. (parang yung kay dao ming si at shan tsai... =D...) just last saturday, i went shopping with his parents and aunt... this is a sign... (pag-ibig talaga ito!!!)
bills are being paid. financial matters are stable. i have bought the phone that i've been crushin' on for months. naomi is on her way to recovery. nemo is doing okay in her pregnancy. my parents, nieces, nephews, sister and brother are all in good health...
"got rid of fears that were holding me, my endless possibilities has the whole world opened up for me.that’s why I’m feeling I’m feeling so good I knew I would been taking care of myself like I should cause not one thing can bring me down. nothing in this world gonna turn me around..."
i have never been religious and all... but Someone up there loves me... *wink*
the past week has been full of blessings and good fortune. i was awarded perfect attendance. (ehem.. ehem..) my manager almost wept with joy. it was truly a shining moment...
DK went with me to my gynecologist. repressed issues were brought to light, discussed, and resolved. our love is more stronger than ever before. (parang yung kay dao ming si at shan tsai... =D...) just last saturday, i went shopping with his parents and aunt... this is a sign... (pag-ibig talaga ito!!!)
bills are being paid. financial matters are stable. i have bought the phone that i've been crushin' on for months. naomi is on her way to recovery. nemo is doing okay in her pregnancy. my parents, nieces, nephews, sister and brother are all in good health...
"got rid of fears that were holding me, my endless possibilities has the whole world opened up for me.that’s why I’m feeling I’m feeling so good I knew I would been taking care of myself like I should cause not one thing can bring me down. nothing in this world gonna turn me around..."
i have never been religious and all... but Someone up there loves me... *wink*
things are looking up.
i am battling with my habitual tardiness and i am pleased to see that i am on the winning side. i have finally cornered DK and made him choose which way we would go with the birth control issue. i have taken baby steps to lose weight and i am slowly getting my finances in order.
it feels great to know that you are in control of your life.
i am battling with my habitual tardiness and i am pleased to see that i am on the winning side. i have finally cornered DK and made him choose which way we would go with the birth control issue. i have taken baby steps to lose weight and i am slowly getting my finances in order.
it feels great to know that you are in control of your life.
"with a smile..."
"lift your head, baby don't be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way... we'll get by with a smile. you can't win at everything but you can try...
i used to sing this song to myself during highschool over and over again each time depression defeats me. hearing it recently brought back memories: good ones, bad ones, funny ones, tearful ones. it made me come to realize that i have come a long way. despite my fears of not ever going anywhere, of not having goals for myself, of not being able to cure my chronic irks and habits... i have come a long way from that girl who used to cry herself to sleep.
the girl who liked to keep to herself and her books, with her ugly teeth and uglier hair has grown to be a mature, sensual, attractive young woman. i look at the mirror and stare at her eyes.inspite of the fears and liabilities and failures she stares back at me with a confident gleam on her eyes and a self-assured smile on the full lips she used to hate.
yes... i have come a long way indeed.
"but don't let it bring you down and turn your face into a frown, we'll get along with a li'l prayer and a song... lift your head. baby don't be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way. we'll get by with a smile, now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye..."
in a snitch
wow.xbox has a date with her beau tonight. neat...she deserves a break from all the hassles at work. me... i'm just gonna stay at home and contemplate on this hellish week.
i was late again monday night. as if that wasn't enough, i was late again last night. boy! am i really gonna get it this time. i am just waiting for the axe to fall. the sooner the better. the anxiety is killing me.
and i am disappointed. sorely disappointed with myself.
time and again i have tried. and failed. i just don't know what do about this chronic problem i have. i have tried setting the alarm clock an hour before i should wake up. i have limited my shower time to down ten minutes. i think about what i'm going to wear for my next shift before i sleep. i have given up eating dinner. i have started taking the blasted train.*sigh* i just don't know why it's not working...
i haven't tried switching jobs yet. could this be the solution to my gnawing predicament? hmmm... i wonder....
at a standstill...
i am still smitten with dao ming si... and DK remains at the top of my-not-so-favorite-people list.
he has been so attentive these days as he always is when i am irritated with him. he keeps calling me and asking me how i am doing and he never forgets to say "i love you". these only serve to annoy me all the more.
what is more frustrating to note is the fact that i don't know how to get across this bridge that i find myself in. i want to explain myself to him, to let him know what i feel and why i got mad... but i just don't know how or when to start. though i am adept at expressing my opinion, i am a very inarticulate with my emotions. it's something i am not in the habit of doing.
so here i am, comtemplating whether to spend the day with him or not. twiddling my thumbs, thinking of how i could get across my true meaning to an unfeeling clout i happen to love with all my heart.
that last thought is the most unsettling of all. i love him and there is no getting around or running away from it...
he has been so attentive these days as he always is when i am irritated with him. he keeps calling me and asking me how i am doing and he never forgets to say "i love you". these only serve to annoy me all the more.
what is more frustrating to note is the fact that i don't know how to get across this bridge that i find myself in. i want to explain myself to him, to let him know what i feel and why i got mad... but i just don't know how or when to start. though i am adept at expressing my opinion, i am a very inarticulate with my emotions. it's something i am not in the habit of doing.
so here i am, comtemplating whether to spend the day with him or not. twiddling my thumbs, thinking of how i could get across my true meaning to an unfeeling clout i happen to love with all my heart.
that last thought is the most unsettling of all. i love him and there is no getting around or running away from it...
one Dao Ming Si for take home pls!!!
oo. alam ko. ang jologs ko. eh ano ngayon?! hindi lang naman ako ang patay na patay sa kanya ah. ako at sanlaksang pinoy, chinoy, intsik,malay... buong kababaihan ng asya naaning sa kanya noh... kaya ano ngayon kung i krass him??? ang cute nya kasi. at mayaman pa. alam ko na sa mundo lang sya ng puting tabing nabubuhay, binibigyang-buhay ni jerry yan ng chakang boy band (mga lalaki nga ba sila???) na F4. pero wala akong pakialam... siya ang dream boy ko!!! =D
may pagka-brusko sya. arogante at kadalasan eh masungit. pero lalaking-lalaki ang tikas at tindig nya. talagang alam mong ipagtatanggol ka kung sakaling may umagrabyado sa'yo. may paninindigan sya at hindi sya nahihiya na ipakita at aminin ang tunay nyang nararamdaman. hindi sya agad sumusuko. higit sa lahat, pinahahalagahan nya ang babaing pinakamamahal nya. at may fashion sense sya!
hay!!!kung si dj alvaro type ang lalaking maginoo pero medyo bastos... ako type ko yung brusko't nambubugbog... ng halik!!!
ang cute-cute nya talaga. sobrang ganda ng hair nya! (ehem.. ehem...) mayaman sya ha pero di sya kuripot. akalain mong bigyan nya ng kung anu-ano ito'ng engot na shancai na 'to. ipinasyal nya sa kung saan-saang lugar. super-kakakilig talaga sya!!! at eto pa nakaka-tumbling sa lahat ng 'yan... virgin pa sya. o ang taray di ba??! kasi sabi nya gusto nya makipag-make love lang sa babaing mahal nya. o da ba?! hindi pa sya manyak tulad ng ibang lalaki dyan (ehem! ehem!)... talagang malinis ang kanyang intensyon kay eng-eng na shancai...
sayang at hanggang panaginip lang sya. i bet na wala na talagang lalaki na tulad ni Dao Ming Si sa totoong buhay. kung meron man eh malamang na taken na sya or worse... bading sya.
ang sarap sigurong makatagpo ng tulad nya. yung tulad nya'ng tatayo sa harap mo at sasabihing "i will not be able to go on without you";yung hindi mahihiyang tumingin ng diretso sa mga mata mo at sabihing "mahal kita.mahal na mahal kita." isang lalaki na mamahalin ka ng higit sa lahat at higit kanino man, ipagtatanggol ka sa kahit na sino maski sa magulang nya; yung papangaralan at pangangalagaan ka. ang sarap sigurong mahalin ng isang tulad nya. nakakapanghinayang talaga kasi hanggang panaginip na lang sya...
"all i ask of you..."
what started out as a great weekend last friday turned into a nightmare sunday morning... DK and i got into another one of our "cold wars". i couldn't help myself. my, uhmmm... annoyance has been building since he showed up at eleven p.m. on my doorstep friday night. he came over early friday morning to drop his things. he told me he still had to go to school and will come back at around 8 at night. so come 8, i was waiting for him. i decided to to hold up dinner till he come home so we could eat together. so saw one film after another till he finally showed up at eleven, reeking of alcohol.grrrrr... i wanted to wring his bloody insensitive neck but decided against it thinking that his sleeping over rarely happens. why ruin it?
saturday came over and i was in high enough spirits to come go to work that night. spending the night in your lover's arms certainly does wonders to one's bodily humors...*wink*. so off i went to work. the next morning, sunday, i finally came face to face with the realization that i have a very insensitive pig for a boyfriend...
i came home sunday morning to see him watching Harry Potter. i asked him to buy us some breakfast. i was dead tired and hungry. i also had to drink my medicine. so i sat there and waited for him to move his ass... and i waited some more... and waited till i almost knocked my sleepy ass off my chair... i looked at him and he is engrossed as ever at the stupid movie... so i waited some more till the time came for me to drink my medication... i glanced at him and he was just lying there on the couch, watching a dumb film, not paying me the slightest attention. so i drank my 800mg antibiotic with an empty stomach and an emptier heart. my eyes clouded over the image of him scratching his ass, eyes glued to the T.V. i held back my tears and went upstairs to cry in my room...
he came to his senses and kept saying he's sorry. he didn't mean to be such a jerk and all...well, his apologies were all well and good but it doesn't cut ice from where i sit. nothing can change the horrid fact that he ignored me, a very sick me. Harry Potter got a lot more attention from him. maybe he could try get Harry Potter the next time he feels the urge for some lovin'. i can't believe that he could casually dismiss me like that... it was irritating, frustrating... painful...
it hurts because i have never treated him with the same disregard. i have gone out of my way each time he needed me. i don't ask him to return the favor. i just want to be loved and cared for by the person i love most...sometimes, i feel that is too much to ask...
this thing called love
in the 12 months that i have been with DK, i discovered that a relationship's life hangs by the amount of patience and consideration lover's are willing to give it. no relationship is perfect because nobody is perfect. the success of a couple's togetherness would depend on how much they are willing to give of themselves to achieve that success. after seeing my paramour spit on the street like he could care less (and he really could hardly care), scratch his ass, and pick his nose, i would have to say that i definitely have given much to the success of our affair. i have put up with his ex and his often-times deplorable fashion sense. i have taken cared of him when he was so inebriated he hardly knew his name and i have been patient as a saint when he was doing his best imitation of a sick bear. if this isn't love, then i don't know what is...
love can be so funny somtimes. it can make anything and everything ok; love can just change the way you look at a person, at things going around you; it can move you to do things you wouldn't normally do and to come up with ideas you would never have thought...i find it amazing and weird all at the same time how this thing called love affect us so. of all emotions felt by human beings, i think its love that moves us to greatness. not anger or sorrow but passion... a burning desire creates within us the need to be...
i find it also equally funny that the emotion that raises us to greatness is the same emotion that weakens most of the members of our race...
the first is always the beginning...
july 7 i celebrated my first year anniversary with DK. i have reached a milestone... =D... and all of my friends agree. most of them could hardly believe i was able to be attached to a person this long and not grow bored with him. yep... definitely a milestone.
last week has been all fun and i certainly don't want any rain on my parade but i noticed something sunday night as i was having dinner with my beloved beau. i was getting more and more anxious about his casual treatment on the matter of birth control and why i had to raise this specific issue during dinner i don't know. but i had already blurted it out so... he merely looked at me, shrugged, then tried to shift my attention to the sandwich he was chowing down. his apparent lack of interest on how we should take on contraception is alarming. i know i said once that i would love to have his kid... but i didn't mean now.
why is it that men always seem to rely on the women to take care of contraception? it's irritating how they would blab about not wanting to have a child now then have "unsafe sex" minutes later. contraception should be a couple's responsibility. not just the woman's.
sometimes i find myself wishing i had never given in to my wants despite the fact that i have absolutely no regrets. though nothing could compare to the pleasure that i find in his lovemaking i should have been content with doing everything but the girl. but i have been too weak to deny the call of the flesh. no matter how i wish it, we can no longer go back to just holding hands...
the big O
my college theology prof once said to us that sex is the highest form of expression of love.
i thought it was all baloney.
sex is sex. men, women, homosexuals, and bisexuals do it all the time at all places in all positions. birth control is a commercial trade the same way sex is a trade. porn movies can hardly be called romantic. so how can something so common and banal be the supreme expression of affection?
when you become so enamored to another being that you live and breathe him.; when you want to be with him every hour of every day; when you feel for him so much it hurts; when you succumb to the maddening feeling and give youself up for his pleasure... sex is no longer just sex.
lovers start with a kiss, then a hug, then they begin a most wonderful, amorous exploration of each other's being.. they start the mating dance... and at the end, when the apex has been reached... they stare into each other's eyes and steal a glance at eternity... for one brief moment, they discover why lust and love are almost synonymous...
"with thy body, i thee worship..."
nemo... swimming down the aisle???
i caught up with nemo yesterday and she told me that her family would like to see her wed to Sars and that there might actually be a wedding. that is if she decides to marry him. i think she will. she loves the guy!
i was utterly rendered speechless. yes, it was one of those special moments when i absolutely was left with nothing to say. i was too shocked for words...
i know, i know. my bad. i'm being the usual know-it-all bitch. what was i supposed to say? congratulations? i mean, nemo is like a sister to me and i wouldn't want my sister to be tied to a man who keeps changing his mind every five minutes. it's a scary thought you know. i could just imagine him going thru all the wedding preparations with zeal and then suddenly, right on their wedding ceremony, he balks and says 'i need time for myself'. jeez!
but nemo is just so happy these days. everything is going OK in her life and that doesn't happen often...so i reached for her hand, squeezed it. i smiled and said "that's nice..."
yes i know... it' s a purple explosion!
but everybody knows i'm a purple freak! i like all shades of purple... lavender, violet,lilac... you name it...
anyway, this whole pre-marital sex thing i have going on with my beau is driving me nuts. just last night, i scoured the net for information on intercourse during a woman's "time of the month" and the chances of her getting pregnant if she does have sexual contact during her period. (now you know what i've been up to these past few days *wink*)i swear, i am losing my sense of inner peace. and all for what?... great sex... hiiihiiihhi.. =D
i checked jar-jar's what's missing in my life list and i have to say that i agree with her, 3 out of four. i definitely need a definite mission in my life. as for self-fulfillment... well... i'm contented with what i have but i guess i'd only know if i'm fulfilled if i've gone thru my mission and succeeded, right? i already have a very loving, caring partner who, hopefully, would last thru my life but i truly would like to have a baby.
yes. a baby.
i know, i know... times are hard and it's difficult to raise a child when you're not financially stable but... i love children! and i would love to have DK's baby.*sigh*
i think i'm done for.
anyway, this whole pre-marital sex thing i have going on with my beau is driving me nuts. just last night, i scoured the net for information on intercourse during a woman's "time of the month" and the chances of her getting pregnant if she does have sexual contact during her period. (now you know what i've been up to these past few days *wink*)i swear, i am losing my sense of inner peace. and all for what?... great sex... hiiihiiihhi.. =D
i checked jar-jar's what's missing in my life list and i have to say that i agree with her, 3 out of four. i definitely need a definite mission in my life. as for self-fulfillment... well... i'm contented with what i have but i guess i'd only know if i'm fulfilled if i've gone thru my mission and succeeded, right? i already have a very loving, caring partner who, hopefully, would last thru my life but i truly would like to have a baby.
yes. a baby.
i know, i know... times are hard and it's difficult to raise a child when you're not financially stable but... i love children! and i would love to have DK's baby.*sigh*
i think i'm done for.
do you know where you're going to...?
isn't it nice to feel that you are not alone after all? after reading jar-jar's post, i felt relieved to know that there is another person on the planet who has sentiments similar to mine.
unlike jar-jar though, i am not afraid to grow up. i do not shun my responsibilites although it would be nice to get away from it all once in a while. i've always believed that forever is a joke. i'm not scared to go thru life's journey alone even if that surely will be a long, lonely journey.but i'm afraid that despite the journey, i have not gotten to anywhere at all.
that is what's truly scary... and that's something i don't want to happen to me.
unlike jar-jar though, i am not afraid to grow up. i do not shun my responsibilites although it would be nice to get away from it all once in a while. i've always believed that forever is a joke. i'm not scared to go thru life's journey alone even if that surely will be a long, lonely journey.but i'm afraid that despite the journey, i have not gotten to anywhere at all.
that is what's truly scary... and that's something i don't want to happen to me.
very high hopes...*wink*
i spent the day with DK... *sigh*
we attended the christening of his high school pal's son this morning. we dropped by his mom's office then went back to my place and we took a nice, cozy afternoon nap in each other's arms. we are just soooo in love!
the only thing that troubles me these days is work. i feel that i am going nowhere. i feel that i am stagnating in my job. and i am not saying this because i am about to be suspended. no, its not the impending suspension that makes me think and say this. although i have to admit that being suspended worries me. i mean, who wants to work without pay?
i've always had this nagging feeling that i belong somewhere. that i have done the best i could here. i want to move on and do something else aside from what i am doing now. i remember telling naomi the other day that despite the what my life might seem to be, i am not going anywhere. and part of the problem, or maybe the very source of the problem, is that i don't know where i am going. she texted me yesterday saying that in spite of what i think about my life, i really have everything going. she told me i'm in the 'right path'... hmmm... that didn't take care of my worries.
so with my roomie Geisha's urging's, i sent my resume to a training group. i am hoping to become something. i am hoping, wishing, praying that this is what i've been looking for all along... i'm keeping my fingers crossed... wish me luck!*wink*
we attended the christening of his high school pal's son this morning. we dropped by his mom's office then went back to my place and we took a nice, cozy afternoon nap in each other's arms. we are just soooo in love!
the only thing that troubles me these days is work. i feel that i am going nowhere. i feel that i am stagnating in my job. and i am not saying this because i am about to be suspended. no, its not the impending suspension that makes me think and say this. although i have to admit that being suspended worries me. i mean, who wants to work without pay?
i've always had this nagging feeling that i belong somewhere. that i have done the best i could here. i want to move on and do something else aside from what i am doing now. i remember telling naomi the other day that despite the what my life might seem to be, i am not going anywhere. and part of the problem, or maybe the very source of the problem, is that i don't know where i am going. she texted me yesterday saying that in spite of what i think about my life, i really have everything going. she told me i'm in the 'right path'... hmmm... that didn't take care of my worries.
so with my roomie Geisha's urging's, i sent my resume to a training group. i am hoping to become something. i am hoping, wishing, praying that this is what i've been looking for all along... i'm keeping my fingers crossed... wish me luck!*wink*
i had it coming... she had it coming...
after a much needed break from all the crazy baloney here at work, i am back again. with a vengeance.
i came in 15 minutes late. and oh boy, am i gonna get it this time. i'm really gonna get it. i was talking to DK on the phone a while ago telling him how disappointing this is for me. time and again i have told myself repeatedly to get over this habit but i just can't. and that is all the more disappointing. oh well... i'm in high hopes of getting into a new job. hopefully a nice career change for me... i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
nemo and the rest of the team left for the company picnic this morning. i am just so bitter about it, that was before i read the note nemo left me. her pain is all over the darn note. she wouldn't appreciate my saying this but i knew Sars is going to pull the same stunt he's been doing for months. just 3 days ago, 3 friggin' days ago, nemo was happily chatting away saying that Sars has changed his mind and wants to keep her and nemo jr. after all. i just knew he'll be changing his tune soon. and he did.
i told nemo i have no comment at this time. i'll probably never say something concerning her and Sars and their impending child.
i can't believe i came back. just for this...
i came in 15 minutes late. and oh boy, am i gonna get it this time. i'm really gonna get it. i was talking to DK on the phone a while ago telling him how disappointing this is for me. time and again i have told myself repeatedly to get over this habit but i just can't. and that is all the more disappointing. oh well... i'm in high hopes of getting into a new job. hopefully a nice career change for me... i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
nemo and the rest of the team left for the company picnic this morning. i am just so bitter about it, that was before i read the note nemo left me. her pain is all over the darn note. she wouldn't appreciate my saying this but i knew Sars is going to pull the same stunt he's been doing for months. just 3 days ago, 3 friggin' days ago, nemo was happily chatting away saying that Sars has changed his mind and wants to keep her and nemo jr. after all. i just knew he'll be changing his tune soon. and he did.
i told nemo i have no comment at this time. i'll probably never say something concerning her and Sars and their impending child.
i can't believe i came back. just for this...
if they need to crash and burn...
naomi came to visit me today. i had the whole day off since my shift starts late at night.
she came over. i took one look at her and knew that she has changed. we exchanged our usual kisses nad hugs, she sat down and i notcied the weight she gained during the time we have not seen each other. she told me that she is now seeing a psychiatrist regularly shortly after suffering her nervous breakdown. i encouraged her to keep it up, to stop taking life's jokes too seriously. i warned her that this might become a cycle she didn't want, that this might be her undoing... she laughed impishly and said that she is hoping that this is her road to recovery.
i hope so too.
honestly, i am bothered to see naomi this way. she is quieter, has become more introverted and repressed. she laughs with me, but i see that the laughter never reaches her eyes. there are shadows there that are hidden by the calming drugs she has been prescribed. i fear for her... we have always teased her as a loony. this time, i'm afraid it might just be the case. i don't fear for myself. i love and care for her as much as i have before. in fact, i miss her... i terribly miss the old, crazy naomi...
i have recently decided to finally shut my sarcastic, witty mouth up when it comes to nemo and her plight. i don't think i am doing much in easing her pain. sometimes, i feel that i am adding more to it instead of the other way around. it is hard for me to shut up and not voice out what i deem as the only truth. it is painful for me to douse her clouds of hope with my witty cycnicism.
she cornered me today and excitedly told me that she and sars have worked everything out. sars has finally accepted the fact that she is intent on keeping the baby. i smiled and told her "good". it was on the tip of my tongue to say "i hope this time, he's keen on keeping his word. even for just a week." i kept the silly smile on my face and went on with work.
DK told me that this is affecting me more than necessary. i have begun to notice that he's right. it is affecting me a lot more than anybody would think possible. i am becoming frustrated with what i see as an endless quest to win back a lost loved-one. i am hoping the best for her but that guy she has given her heart, body, life and soul is a man that was never hers from the very start. i believe in fairytales, of happy-ever-afters... i am wishing, hoping, praying.. that after all this farce, they would be together. they would become a family in the truest sense of the word. but the reality is he left her and not even the gift of a new life will make him give up anything for her or make him stay with her. i hope i am wrong on this score. for her and her li'l one's sake.
he has broken his word to her numerous times, what's another more excuse or two?
i have said my piece to her. she knows where she stands. she knows my stand on this matter. she is the closest thing to a big sister that i could have. she has given me a lot. i am not turning my back on her on her time of need.
but i am not her savior. i am not her keeper. i am not leaving her nor will i stop listening to her.
i am merely silencing myself. i will save the both of us the pain of hearing from a sharp, truthful tongue.
nemo's amazing party!...
nemo threw a send-off party for dear dr.ed last saturday. he is going to the Big Apple to fulfill his one great American dream: be a Physical Therapist. all the Nocturnal peeps were there to cheer him on in this great endeavor, including headmistress Java. the only one missing was The Supermodel who sent us a text message saying she's caught on a very important photoshoot. even the Brat was there. rumor has it that she abandoned her own barbecue gig. well, we all share the opinin that the barbeuce wasn't that roastin'. i brought my boyfriend DK with me thinking that he would be a huge help if ever yours truly gets too much to drink. well, he could've been a huge help if he didn't get drunk first.
everybody digged sir ceasar's 'pantyliner' drink, a mixture of rhum and crushed ice. don't ask who joined DK in his merry stupor. they're too many to name. ask who didn't.
i couldn't even begin to imagine how i was able to bring him home and to his senses. much thanks goes to Xbox and her boyfriend and fellow gamer The Friar. they provided transportation for me and my dead-drunk beau.
i wasn't really pissed with DK. i just thought he'd be able to handle his drink like he always told me. i guess, there really is a first time for eveything.
anyway, he wasn't the only one drunk. most of the people there was. everybody really had a blast! and we enjoyed putting dr.ed on the spotlight by asking him to give us a farewell speech. he was sooooo drunk he couldn't put a single coherent sentence together. hahahahahaha...
i'm going to miss him...
everybody digged sir ceasar's 'pantyliner' drink, a mixture of rhum and crushed ice. don't ask who joined DK in his merry stupor. they're too many to name. ask who didn't.
i couldn't even begin to imagine how i was able to bring him home and to his senses. much thanks goes to Xbox and her boyfriend and fellow gamer The Friar. they provided transportation for me and my dead-drunk beau.
i wasn't really pissed with DK. i just thought he'd be able to handle his drink like he always told me. i guess, there really is a first time for eveything.
anyway, he wasn't the only one drunk. most of the people there was. everybody really had a blast! and we enjoyed putting dr.ed on the spotlight by asking him to give us a farewell speech. he was sooooo drunk he couldn't put a single coherent sentence together. hahahahahaha...
i'm going to miss him...
weekend at last!!!
ah yes.. weekend. the entire team is happy and ecstatic today. one is because most of us will be taking our day-offs. two is because a fight is going on between two reps. it just has everybody on the know agog.
we will be giving Dr.Ed a farewell/send off party tonight. the venue for the event is real close to Shalom's house so i might drop by. catch up on things.
ahh.. i just feel oh-so-wonderful! weekend!!!
we will be giving Dr.Ed a farewell/send off party tonight. the venue for the event is real close to Shalom's house so i might drop by. catch up on things.
ahh.. i just feel oh-so-wonderful! weekend!!!
blog fever!!!
the team has caught the blog fever.
i just spent the last 2 hours editing the site and notifying the people involved. i hope all of them decides to join the caravan.
i'm so excited!!! hahaahhah...
how sweet it is to be loved by you...
DK's mom insisted i sleep on their bedroom when i came to visit DK yesterday morning. they knew i just got off work so they were very concerned about my health. i was deeply moved. DK told me I was the only one ever to be asked by his parents to sleep on their bed. he was so darn happy over that fact. so was i. hehehehehehe....that was a sign. his parents must truly like me.
just before i feel asleep (on DK's parents' bed...*wink*), DK told me that he would stop saying 'i love you' to me after he graduates. i asked why and he whispered in my ear that he's gonna start saying 'will you marry me' to me. i felt so loved and thrilled my toes curled.
is it a wonder why i love him so much?...*sigh*
just before i feel asleep (on DK's parents' bed...*wink*), DK told me that he would stop saying 'i love you' to me after he graduates. i asked why and he whispered in my ear that he's gonna start saying 'will you marry me' to me. i felt so loved and thrilled my toes curled.
is it a wonder why i love him so much?...*sigh*
Peyups get-together!
the online community i'm in is hosting a get-together this friday. i am just so psyched to go!!! one of the regulars there went so fas as to give me his cellphone number so i could confirm with him whether i'm going or not. how sweet!
i just don't know who i'm going to bring with me. i mean, i don't know these people personally and i haven't even met them so i need to have someone with me when i go. i can't bring DK along 'cause he's not really that, uhmmm.. 'supportive' about my being a member of this particular online group. i was propositioned there thrice by some of the perverted members they have there so, DK wouldn't be so excited about going there. truth of the matter is he made me swear i won't login to the site ever... but i just couldn't help myself so...
i can't bring naomi either. she just suffered from a nervous breakdown. i don't think she's up to any socializing these days. i actually haven't heard from her for a long time. hmmm... hibernating will do her good. i hope that when she comes out of her cave, she'll not only be feeling better but looking a lot fairer than she's been all her life... hehehehheheh...
i can't bring nemo or xbox or biba... i don't think any of them will be up to it... and i just don't have the guts to go alone....
arghhhhhh... i'm such a coward!
i just don't know who i'm going to bring with me. i mean, i don't know these people personally and i haven't even met them so i need to have someone with me when i go. i can't bring DK along 'cause he's not really that, uhmmm.. 'supportive' about my being a member of this particular online group. i was propositioned there thrice by some of the perverted members they have there so, DK wouldn't be so excited about going there. truth of the matter is he made me swear i won't login to the site ever... but i just couldn't help myself so...
i can't bring naomi either. she just suffered from a nervous breakdown. i don't think she's up to any socializing these days. i actually haven't heard from her for a long time. hmmm... hibernating will do her good. i hope that when she comes out of her cave, she'll not only be feeling better but looking a lot fairer than she's been all her life... hehehehheheh...
i can't bring nemo or xbox or biba... i don't think any of them will be up to it... and i just don't have the guts to go alone....
arghhhhhh... i'm such a coward!
nemo is pregnant.
i remember about a month ago we were kidding around about her missed period. she was thinking of the what ifs... what if i get pregnant, what would Sars do? would he marry me?...
it was on the tip of my tongue to say 'as if!' with all the conviction i could muster... but i happen to love my sexy ass so i shut up and laughed with her.
now i am crying with her. all night long.
last week, when she told Sars she was pregnant, Sars came over the office and took her out to dinner. he told her he is so happy to be a dad and that he's so excited and all. nemo was practically beaming at me, such a happy fish. i was smiling at her, happy that she is happy. but at the back of my head was the thought that at some point Sars would get coldfeet and and get confused again and be forced to leave nemo under the pretext that he 'needs time for himself'. jerk!
well, well, well... how time flies. he buckled when he saw firsthand the life he and nemo made during nemo's ultrasound. he cried and told nemo to get rid of it (could he be any more of an ass than he already is???). nemo, bloated and upset, suggested maybe they should toss coin: heads and the baby stays, tails and the baby goes.
nemo is intent in keeping the baby. it's going to be a nightmare for her thru and thru. but she's strong. i feel her pain and i could only shake my head just thinking about what lies ahead for her. i know she'll make it thru this nightmare.
as for Sars... i could only pity him. it must be hard for one like him to be eternally confused and lost. always searching but never finding what he's looking for. maybe he does find it but he changes his mind and searches for another or maybe he doesn't really know what he's looking for...tsk...tsk... what an idiot!
it was on the tip of my tongue to say 'as if!' with all the conviction i could muster... but i happen to love my sexy ass so i shut up and laughed with her.
now i am crying with her. all night long.
last week, when she told Sars she was pregnant, Sars came over the office and took her out to dinner. he told her he is so happy to be a dad and that he's so excited and all. nemo was practically beaming at me, such a happy fish. i was smiling at her, happy that she is happy. but at the back of my head was the thought that at some point Sars would get coldfeet and and get confused again and be forced to leave nemo under the pretext that he 'needs time for himself'. jerk!
well, well, well... how time flies. he buckled when he saw firsthand the life he and nemo made during nemo's ultrasound. he cried and told nemo to get rid of it (could he be any more of an ass than he already is???). nemo, bloated and upset, suggested maybe they should toss coin: heads and the baby stays, tails and the baby goes.
nemo is intent in keeping the baby. it's going to be a nightmare for her thru and thru. but she's strong. i feel her pain and i could only shake my head just thinking about what lies ahead for her. i know she'll make it thru this nightmare.
as for Sars... i could only pity him. it must be hard for one like him to be eternally confused and lost. always searching but never finding what he's looking for. maybe he does find it but he changes his mind and searches for another or maybe he doesn't really know what he's looking for...tsk...tsk... what an idiot!
wedding plans?!?...
DK and i celebrated our 11th monthsary last june 7th.
i find it amazing that we have gotten this far and from the looks of it, we'll be getting a lot farther than we are now. i am just so... happy! hahahah...
another thing i find amazing is the fact that we got to talk about marriage that day. and i didn't even cringe when he said the word 'marriage'. hmmm.. this truly must be love... i mean, just the thought of walking down the aisle and promising to take a man to be my husband till the day i die is enough to send shivers down my spine. yet there i was, describing to him the kind of wedding gown i want to wear....
now, here i am... a couple of days after, browsing for the gown, the flowers, the cake...
this is definitely LOVE...*sigh*
sick of tired... *wink*
Biba told me early tonight that she is resigning from her current position. she said that she is (and i quote) sick of tired about everything that has been going on in the office. my take on that is why become one of the best if you weren't planning to stick around long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labors? i mean, she happens to be one of the very best we have on the floor... she is until she decided to take her merry time getting to the office as late as she could get... and now she's ranting 'cause she's under evaluation...
i used to have the same sentiments but then i got to thinking that maybe it's time i take this challenge. you know...make myself a better person by facing the issues we are having on the team head on...so i'm giving myself till the end of my contract, which is a mere four months, to make the most of my stay here. a lot can happen in a happen in a week, what more in four months?...
still alive!
yes... yes... i'm back from the dead.. yep... and aren't i just so full of stories! i'll probably be making a couple of logs today...
first off...i was given a memo sometime last week due to my excessive tardiness. well... i don't think i would be me if i'm not fashionably late from time to time... of course that's not something i could use an excuse so i wrote something to the effect of i left early but still got in late because blah blah blah... it's either i write something or face some sort of sanction so there...
anyway, everybody in the office was in a rucus over the new policies being implemented. the management is suddenly pulling in the reins in the hopes that they could still prevent the disaster which, i hate to say, is upon the whole account/team... oh well...
Biba is just so full of angst and frustrations thsese days. she got some sort of performance evaluation which prohibits her from coming to work late as well as absenting from work for the next 2 months. the minute she got the 'white paper', she went over to my desk and started ranting off about this work killing her and sucking her dry. i definitely could relate...
later that night i found out from Xbox that Biba got that evaluation plan crap 'cause she was able to beat my record of 'excessive tardiness'. apparently, Biba is close to getting fired over this fact. i quote anjelica huston in ever after:' well, well, well... what have we here?'
indecent proposal...
i was speaking yesterday with TY, a guy i met on this online community over the phone.
he told me lotsa stories about the casual sex thing he has going on and even went so far as to 'incite' the wild woman in me to join him for a rendezvous. he was nice and sounded real sexy on the phone. hmmm.. tempting but sadly, i am in no mood to indulge him.
i proudly told him that i am very much in-love with my DK and i am not on the look-out for an extra 'partner'. i went so far as to tell him that casual sex is not for me and might never be for me. i know myself and i am not one to traipse about, going from one man to the next. he replied by saying'isn't it also part of knowing yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do?'...some men just don't give up.
hmmmm... he might have a point though, so i told him that i will accommodate him only after i have agreed to bungee-jump off a cliff. we then said our good-bye's and talk-to-you-tommorrows...
he sent me a message today asking if a day has changed (he used the word 'altered') my mindset. i promptly told him a day is not enough to change the mindset of a grown woman. i sent my reply to him and promptly deleted his number.
some men just won't give up.
he told me lotsa stories about the casual sex thing he has going on and even went so far as to 'incite' the wild woman in me to join him for a rendezvous. he was nice and sounded real sexy on the phone. hmmm.. tempting but sadly, i am in no mood to indulge him.
i proudly told him that i am very much in-love with my DK and i am not on the look-out for an extra 'partner'. i went so far as to tell him that casual sex is not for me and might never be for me. i know myself and i am not one to traipse about, going from one man to the next. he replied by saying'isn't it also part of knowing yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do?'...some men just don't give up.
hmmmm... he might have a point though, so i told him that i will accommodate him only after i have agreed to bungee-jump off a cliff. we then said our good-bye's and talk-to-you-tommorrows...
he sent me a message today asking if a day has changed (he used the word 'altered') my mindset. i promptly told him a day is not enough to change the mindset of a grown woman. i sent my reply to him and promptly deleted his number.
some men just won't give up.
me and my boyfriend... always me and my boyfriend
my boyfriend DK and i were together the whole day yesterday... i made love with him, cooked for him, swam with him, went to the mall with him, had dinner with him, made love with him again...
by the time he went home i was already in la-la land... love just tires you out..
and this is one of the reasons why i fear the words 'marry' and 'marriage'. Whenever i hear somebody say they are 'tying the knot', i always think either the bride-to-be or groom-to-be is getting that knot tied around her or his neck...
i could have been happier
this has got to be one of the cheesiest, mushiest post i've ever read... and i am deeply touched... promise!
now if only she would leave that good-for-nothing jerk and move on... either that or i should get used to seeing her miserable day after blasted day...this is one of those times when i wish i have the power to rule over the world and dictate how each and everyone would interact or something...
but i'm just a mere human being slaving off in the wee hours of the morning... what could i do?
nemo and i have talked about this for so many times it's just coming out my ears. i'm actually wondering why it hasn't come out of hers... or maybe it did got out of her ears and that's the reason why she isn't getting it...
maybe she has a hearing problem that i didn't know about...
ain't love just grand eh? it doesn't only make you blind... it makes you deaf as well...
now if only she would leave that good-for-nothing jerk and move on... either that or i should get used to seeing her miserable day after blasted day...this is one of those times when i wish i have the power to rule over the world and dictate how each and everyone would interact or something...
but i'm just a mere human being slaving off in the wee hours of the morning... what could i do?
nemo and i have talked about this for so many times it's just coming out my ears. i'm actually wondering why it hasn't come out of hers... or maybe it did got out of her ears and that's the reason why she isn't getting it...
maybe she has a hearing problem that i didn't know about...
ain't love just grand eh? it doesn't only make you blind... it makes you deaf as well...
i just found out from my close friend Naomi that our long-time friend Shalom is pregnant. again.
not that i have anything against her being pregnant and all. i've always thought of babies as little blessings. but when you're married to a guy who can't keep a job, has a 9th month-old baby girl who is yet to be baptized, and working for a company you'd rather not work for but pays you a pretty good salary... being on the family way for the second time seems to be more of an inconvenience...hmmm...
i have not spoken with my pal Shalom for a long time. not since the time she borrowed money from me. and that was months ago. i am beginning to think that she is not going to see me or contact me till she has the money to pay what she owes me. in light of the recent news, i think that will be a long, long time....
not that i have anything against her being pregnant and all. i've always thought of babies as little blessings. but when you're married to a guy who can't keep a job, has a 9th month-old baby girl who is yet to be baptized, and working for a company you'd rather not work for but pays you a pretty good salary... being on the family way for the second time seems to be more of an inconvenience...hmmm...
i have not spoken with my pal Shalom for a long time. not since the time she borrowed money from me. and that was months ago. i am beginning to think that she is not going to see me or contact me till she has the money to pay what she owes me. in light of the recent news, i think that will be a long, long time....
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