so what do you do when a close friend of yours who did something horrible to you sends you an SMS message saying something like " you don't need me anymore but i will be just right here if you will."? wouldn't that just freak you out?!


well, it definitely got me running around in circles for a time.


but having thought about it over the weekend, i have realized that what she meant was that i am no longer paying her any attention. i am no longer calling her or texting her asking her to spend some time with me. i guess she thought she no longer mattered.


on the contrary, i am missing my small tight-knit circle of friends. i am missing their company and oftentimes find myself thinking it would be fun to spend a day with them instead of with keith. but as soon as i thought about it, i immediately erase the notion. a lot of things has happened. a lot has changed. i feel that i have been hurt and disappointed by their antics so many times, i have just about given up on them. i am just so full of bitterness right now. this alone is reason enough to stay away from them. they have been witnesses to my sharp tongue. i don't want them to be the victims of it this time...


so what do you do when loved-ones fall short of your expectations? what do you do when they do something horrible to you? you accept them of course. and love them just the same, maybe even more. and i love them. they still matter.it's just that it's not all too easy for me to accept the fact that things aren't like before. i'm finding it difficult to know that they are not who i thought they were...


they used to be my refuge. yes, i was definitely shit without them. but now, day after day, with all of them so far away...i am finding refuge within myself.