deathwish

for more than 3 weeks now i have been experiencing constant headaches brought about by only god knows what... it's a real pain...literally.i've been to my opthalmologist and he said my vision couldn't be more perfect. my neurologist said it's stress and gave me some muscle relaxant. it didn't work. none of the things he gave me worked.

i'm scared...scared that what i wished for so much a couple of years ago, when i was depressed, lonely, and up to my neck in family troubles is about to come true:death

when i am rolling about, vomiting, and nauseous, i remember that time, about 5 or 8 years ago... i was lying on my bed, crying. my parents and sister just had another ugly fight. my mom tried to commit suicide by jumping off our second floor window. i felt so bad i wanted it all to end. i wanted to die. i wished i would die 'cause i thought that if i did, then maybe my family would stop fighting with each other.

i've always told my friends to be careful what they wish for 'cause it just might come true. don't know why i didn't take heed of that advice myself.

i'm scared... scared that my wish is finally coming true.