after my post about best friends landed with the resounding crash of a grand piano, there is nothing between us tres marias but silence. a loud deafening silence...

this is for the better i suppose since this will keep me from further saying something on the issue. some things really are better left unsaid. on the other hand, bitter feelings should be brought to light and addressed before they cause further rift. this is why i felt the need to be true to myself and say what i have been wanting to say to her for the longest time...

i am not happy with the choices she has made. i feel that this brought about the sticky , maddening situation we find ourselves in. sometimes, i feel that a part of me has been taken and i guess this is true... she has been spirited away from me and no matter what i do she will never come back...

yes... new experiences bring about a new set of priorities. we all have to grow and at some point, the one path where we all walked on would branch out to give way to these fresh encounters. yes... in the long run, at some point or another we would find ourselves absolutely alone. still, it helps to know that there would always be people you could fall back on...

i thought that she would be that person. no matter what happens, she would be there for me. she would always be my voice of reason, my refuge. but things are different now. it's a tough pill to swallow but there it is. stuck in my throat, bringing tears to my eyes. no matter how we all wish things are the same, the choices she has made for herself won't allow us to go back and pretend this nightmare never happened...

i am ending this all with a heavy heart and a sigh. none of what i said will change anything...her husband won't suddenly welcome us in their home. she won't instantly get free time and spend it with us guilt-free. her baby won't miraculously be in the pink of health...i am sorry if any of these hurt her... but maybe, instead, she should aknowledge my pain...

i am not closing my doors nor have i developed an aversion to her. though the times have changed, my love fore her and my support as her friend remain the same. if she can't be my refuge... then i can be hers...

i do not need to let go of her anymore... sadly, she has left me long before i reached for her and realized it's a dream i've been clinging to all along....