"all i ask of you..."

what started out as a great weekend last friday turned into a nightmare sunday morning... DK and i got into another one of our "cold wars". i couldn't help myself. my, uhmmm... annoyance has been building since he showed up at eleven p.m. on my doorstep friday night. he came over early friday morning to drop his things. he told me he still had to go to school and will come back at around 8 at night. so come 8, i was waiting for him. i decided to to hold up dinner till he come home so we could eat together. so saw one film after another till he finally showed up at eleven, reeking of alcohol.grrrrr... i wanted to wring his bloody insensitive neck but decided against it thinking that his sleeping over rarely happens. why ruin it?

saturday came over and i was in high enough spirits to come go to work that night. spending the night in your lover's arms certainly does wonders to one's bodily humors...*wink*. so off i went to work. the next morning, sunday, i finally came face to face with the realization that i have a very insensitive pig for a boyfriend...

i came home sunday morning to see him watching Harry Potter. i asked him to buy us some breakfast. i was dead tired and hungry. i also had to drink my medicine. so i sat there and waited for him to move his ass... and i waited some more... and waited till i almost knocked my sleepy ass off my chair... i looked at him and he is engrossed as ever at the stupid movie... so i waited some more till the time came for me to drink my medication... i glanced at him and he was just lying there on the couch, watching a dumb film, not paying me the slightest attention. so i drank my 800mg antibiotic with an empty stomach and an emptier heart. my eyes clouded over the image of him scratching his ass, eyes glued to the T.V. i held back my tears and went upstairs to cry in my room...

he came to his senses and kept saying he's sorry. he didn't mean to be such a jerk and all...well, his apologies were all well and good but it doesn't cut ice from where i sit. nothing can change the horrid fact that he ignored me, a very sick me. Harry Potter got a lot more attention from him. maybe he could try get Harry Potter the next time he feels the urge for some lovin'. i can't believe that he could casually dismiss me like that... it was irritating, frustrating... painful...

it hurts because i have never treated him with the same disregard. i have gone out of my way each time he needed me. i don't ask him to return the favor. i just want to be loved and cared for by the person i love most...sometimes, i feel that is too much to ask...