keith and i had a long talk last night. i was argumentative at the start of the conversation, then i bawled my eyes out, and then i feel asleep in his arms.

keith and i rarely have screaming matches. that's a good thing i suppose. i don't like screaming matches at all. and keith doesn't like them either. we discussed money matters, the wedding... he doesn't want to call it off. i admire him for his certainty. he is so sure of himself that nothing shakes him. absolutely nothing. he asked me if i want to get married now, like right now.

i said no.

his silence told me that wasn't the reply he was expecting. but i couldn't lie to him, not even to save his pride.

he hugged me tighter and asked me why. i said all the reasons i could think of. we're strapped for cash, i don't think we'd be able to pull it off, he hasn't reahed his goals yet and so have i, my nieces and nephews won't be there, etcetera, etcetera.

he said he just don't understand why i suddenly wanted to put a stop to everything when it was a mere few days ago i was ranting about how great the menu we have was. this whole ugly tricycle incident came up and bam! i want to call off everything.

i cried then. and he just held me all thru the night.