after that very bad phone call, i resumed my day as if it's like any other day. but thoughts were racing thru my head. like, what if keith and i just call the whole wedding off? i mean, we're obviously strapped for cash. his parents, although willing to provide for the venue and all the moral support they could offer, bless them, could not offer any monetary support. the same goes for my parents. and it's not like we're asking for money but it's so obvious to me that we do need to have more money. i'm afraid that the "simple" wedding we're planning to have is still going to cost us a lot.

and then i got to thinking about me not having a bank account of my own. still. i mean, isn't that a goal that i haven't achieved yet? and what about my plans of going out of the country? and studying a foreing language?

and what about my parents? suddenly, they are like these monsters. and what's that crap about my nieces and nephews not coming over to join the wedding? so it's just going to be just my mom and dad? bullshit! that's utter bullshit! why is it that they don't seem to be happy for me? why do i feel like they resent me? is it just me, with all my guilt at not being able to provide for them like what they have been asking me to? is it because they don't like the idea of me tying the knot?

i just had to talk with someone. and so i talked with prima. and she said that if i'll get married then it should be when and where i want to with the person that i want to do it with. she said i should just forget about what everybody thinks and stop and listen to what i think.

*sigh* if only it were that simple.