living alone is not all that it's cut out to be. i know i've mentioned this once or twice now in my blog. i guess, despite having lived all by myself for a couple of years now, i haven't really gotten the hang of it yet. although i appreciate having some time for myself and the freedom to do as i please, i crave companionship more than ever. there are times when i dread going home because i know only a silent house will be welcoming me. i almost want to cry when monday comes in because it means i would be back to my empty house. i will once again be entombed in silence. weekdays would always drag by, till it's weekend again and keith will finally be coming over to visit me. then, i feel i am alive again. i am once again part of humanity.


time and again, it has been proven that we will miss that one thing only if it is no longer with us. all i ever wanted when i was still sharing the house with my parents and my sister's brood was to get away from it all. i wanted some peace and quiet. i wanted to hear myself think for a change and not listen to my 4 year old nephew's tearful scream. so i would always be out of the house. hanging out in bars or in coffeeshops, trying to hear the piece of me i am losing connection with. then my parents had to move out and stay in bacolod. permanently. shortly after, my sister and her brood followed suit. now i am all alone. i finally have the peace and quiet i have been asking for the longest time. i could hear myself think and i have found that piece of me i seem to have lost with all that noise. i relished the silence for the longest time.


until the silence slowly became deafening. i woke up to an empty house one day and realized that silence is all i seem to have now. i find myself wanting to hang out someplace, like the malls or the parks, where there are lots of people. suddenly, i wanted to be surrounded with noise and chaos. i wanted to hear laughter and see kids running around and people talking with each other. when i am at keith's, i am reminded of how much i miss my family, something i thought was never going to happen. but i miss them. i really do.


so i got what i wanted but somehow, amazingly, i crave for that which i was only too happy to give up before.