ang mundo ko ngayon ay umiikot lang sa maliit kong kwarto. ayoko na lumabas at makihalubilo sa mga kapitbahay. wala naman silang kwenta lahat. wala rin ako balak kausapin ang kapatid ko. kasi wala rin naman sya kwenta kausap. lagi lang akong nasa kwarto ko. nagbabasa, nanunod ng tv, naglilinis, namamalantsa, nagpaplano ng mga kung anu-ano.
mahirap pero tinatyaga ko na lang. sa looban namin, matira ang matibay. ang pikon ay talo, ang mahina ang loob ay kawawa. hindi ako pikon at ayokong panghinaan ng loob. kelangan ko ipaglaban ang sa nararapat para sa akin. ayokong pa-api dahil hindi talaga ako papa-api.
kaya eto ako, nakatigil sa loob ng aking munting mundo. naghihintay ng pagkakataon. nanalangin na sana dumating ang araw na umayos ang lahat.
semi-productive
another semi-productive day in the office.
i am surfing, surfing and surfing...thinking, thinking and thinking. all for the coming wedding of course. ^_^ besides, i really don't feel like working. i'd much rather browse thru thousands of webpages bearing wedding gowns than go thru tens of emails.
the word is out. i am not going to be future senior rep or team lead. it is to be expected. as much as i would like to say more regarding this matter, i would rather keep mum about it. i don't want to dwell on the whys and the how comes and the buts... i don't want to think about management and their logic and their management style, if ever they have one.
i'll keep my thoughts to myself and to the few people i trust. things will come around, i'm sure. i'll once again get my groove back. for now, i'll allow myself the luxury of getting over the disappointment of being overlooked by management. for now, i'll give myself all the time to look for the perfect gown, set plans for the wedding i will star in next year.
on to the next gown...
i am surfing, surfing and surfing...thinking, thinking and thinking. all for the coming wedding of course. ^_^ besides, i really don't feel like working. i'd much rather browse thru thousands of webpages bearing wedding gowns than go thru tens of emails.
the word is out. i am not going to be future senior rep or team lead. it is to be expected. as much as i would like to say more regarding this matter, i would rather keep mum about it. i don't want to dwell on the whys and the how comes and the buts... i don't want to think about management and their logic and their management style, if ever they have one.
i'll keep my thoughts to myself and to the few people i trust. things will come around, i'm sure. i'll once again get my groove back. for now, i'll allow myself the luxury of getting over the disappointment of being overlooked by management. for now, i'll give myself all the time to look for the perfect gown, set plans for the wedding i will star in next year.
on to the next gown...
my notebook
i saw the notebook with chin and gayle. the movie was great and the company i was with even more. i am glad to have spent time with them. i missed chin... and gayle too even though we haven't been friends as long as she and chin have. they have offered valuable pieces of advice and i have once again come to them for enlightment. i am standing in the door of marriage and i badly need help.
so here comes 2 of my friends to the rescue. both single mothers, one not having been married and the other one, separated from the one she married. and there i was sitting smack in the midle of them. a single, attached woman of 23, thinking if she will marry her first love. or not.
both of them agree that i shouldn't get married right now. gayle, swearing she is not bitter over marriage, said that i should wait it out. i am young and there are still a lot of opportunities waiting for me. hmmm...true.
chin, on the other hand, also swearing she is not bitter over eternal coupledom, said that she doesn't mind seeing me married to keith really. she is concerned though that marriage might hamper my indivudual growth. she fears that i have not yet reached my full potential and that if i get married this early on in my life, i might not ever reach that. hmmm... interesting concept. and i have to agree with chin.
we decided to watch the movie after that little chat. as we were going around the mall, goofing around, questions were filling up in the back of my head. do i really want to get married? why am i so afraid? do i want to give up this, my single-blessedness? am i ready to give it up?
then i saw the notebook. all 3 of us bawled our eyes out. and i came to a realization. like allie, i know in my heart that what keith and i have is for real. this is a love that is for keeps. oh, i know that i could still go on without him. he doesn't complete me. but if i lose him, everything would never be the same for me. at one point in the movie, gayle leaned over and asked me: "do you see you and keith doing the same, loving each other till you are old and gray?". YES. no buts or ifs about it. YES.
i have come to a decision. finally.
so here comes 2 of my friends to the rescue. both single mothers, one not having been married and the other one, separated from the one she married. and there i was sitting smack in the midle of them. a single, attached woman of 23, thinking if she will marry her first love. or not.
both of them agree that i shouldn't get married right now. gayle, swearing she is not bitter over marriage, said that i should wait it out. i am young and there are still a lot of opportunities waiting for me. hmmm...true.
chin, on the other hand, also swearing she is not bitter over eternal coupledom, said that she doesn't mind seeing me married to keith really. she is concerned though that marriage might hamper my indivudual growth. she fears that i have not yet reached my full potential and that if i get married this early on in my life, i might not ever reach that. hmmm... interesting concept. and i have to agree with chin.
we decided to watch the movie after that little chat. as we were going around the mall, goofing around, questions were filling up in the back of my head. do i really want to get married? why am i so afraid? do i want to give up this, my single-blessedness? am i ready to give it up?
then i saw the notebook. all 3 of us bawled our eyes out. and i came to a realization. like allie, i know in my heart that what keith and i have is for real. this is a love that is for keeps. oh, i know that i could still go on without him. he doesn't complete me. but if i lose him, everything would never be the same for me. at one point in the movie, gayle leaned over and asked me: "do you see you and keith doing the same, loving each other till you are old and gray?". YES. no buts or ifs about it. YES.
i have come to a decision. finally.
wedding bells without the bells
the subject of marriage has come up a couple of times now within the past 3 weeks.
i first heard it from my mom. i was pouring my rage over the recent events in our pesky neighborhood when she segued to my relationship with keith.
mama: sigurado ka na ba dyan kay keith? sya na ba talaga?
ako: OO naman!
o di ba?! with conviction pa! just like that. walang halong pag-aatubili o pag-aalinlangan. alam kong si keith na. wala nang iba pang lalaki ang pu-pwede dahil si keith lang ang mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako ng bilang ako ng walang hinihinging kapalit o kung anupaman.
mama: eh kung ganyan rin lang kasi na nagsasama na kayo... bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal?
ako: ehhh...
good quesstion! let me get back to you on that one!*wink*... sa totoo lang, malayo pa sa isip ko ang kasal. oo, nagpaplano na kami ni keith. we even have decided on a date already. july 7, 2007. that would be our 5th year aniversary. that is about 3 years away and that is how far i would like it to be.
my mom suggested that maybe we should start thinking about getting married.kahit yung sa huwes lang. kung sigurado na rin lang kami sa isa't isa at nagsasama na kami... ano ba naman yung ikasal kami sa huwes para matigil na ang tsismis at kung ano-anu pa?
then came keith's mother. she asked keith what our plans were and keith was more than happy and proud to tell his parents what we have thought of so far. his mother's reply was: " july 7, 2007?! ang tagal naman?! bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal na lang muna sa huwes? tapos sa 2007 yung sa simbahan?"
siyempre nagkamot lang ng ulo si keith.
pero kinikilig kami pareho. as in. lalo na si keith. his eyes were twinkling and he was practically glowing (that is if a guy could glow, or maybe it was just light bouncing off his bald head). he is so happy that both sides would want to see us married off to each other. and i am happy too but i have a feeling my signifant other hasn't thought about what comes in a marriage. after the cake has bene cut and we have said our "i dos", reality steps in. and reality could be ugly. could our 2 year relationship withstand the pressure?
i am suddenly afraid. so very afraid.
i first heard it from my mom. i was pouring my rage over the recent events in our pesky neighborhood when she segued to my relationship with keith.
mama: sigurado ka na ba dyan kay keith? sya na ba talaga?
ako: OO naman!
o di ba?! with conviction pa! just like that. walang halong pag-aatubili o pag-aalinlangan. alam kong si keith na. wala nang iba pang lalaki ang pu-pwede dahil si keith lang ang mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako ng bilang ako ng walang hinihinging kapalit o kung anupaman.
mama: eh kung ganyan rin lang kasi na nagsasama na kayo... bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal?
ako: ehhh...
good quesstion! let me get back to you on that one!*wink*... sa totoo lang, malayo pa sa isip ko ang kasal. oo, nagpaplano na kami ni keith. we even have decided on a date already. july 7, 2007. that would be our 5th year aniversary. that is about 3 years away and that is how far i would like it to be.
my mom suggested that maybe we should start thinking about getting married.kahit yung sa huwes lang. kung sigurado na rin lang kami sa isa't isa at nagsasama na kami... ano ba naman yung ikasal kami sa huwes para matigil na ang tsismis at kung ano-anu pa?
then came keith's mother. she asked keith what our plans were and keith was more than happy and proud to tell his parents what we have thought of so far. his mother's reply was: " july 7, 2007?! ang tagal naman?! bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal na lang muna sa huwes? tapos sa 2007 yung sa simbahan?"
siyempre nagkamot lang ng ulo si keith.
pero kinikilig kami pareho. as in. lalo na si keith. his eyes were twinkling and he was practically glowing (that is if a guy could glow, or maybe it was just light bouncing off his bald head). he is so happy that both sides would want to see us married off to each other. and i am happy too but i have a feeling my signifant other hasn't thought about what comes in a marriage. after the cake has bene cut and we have said our "i dos", reality steps in. and reality could be ugly. could our 2 year relationship withstand the pressure?
i am suddenly afraid. so very afraid.
limelights, high sights, rumors and more sighs
it's been 3 weeks since i last blogged and so many things have happened i don't even know how to begin pouring my heart out. i'll start off with my submitting my application for the post of team lead last august 17. yes. i did submit my resume complete with cover letter. i was interviewed for the position sometime last week. i think it went well. i gave it my very best. it would be a disappointment if i don't bag it but i won't be all that heartbroken. my heart above my head, i went into the interview intending to give my best and i did. if that doesn't impress them, well... other doors will open for me, i'm sure. besides, i came in late for the 3rd time this pay period so i can kiss that dream bye-bye. *sigh*
this brings us on to the next topic. keith and me and our "living together" situation. right now, we're spending the week at his parents' and it is such a pain in my schedule. his family is great but their place is just too far from where i work. hence, the 2 instances of tardiness that i will have to explain once again. but maybe this time i won't have to explain. the company'll just hand in the memo. as usual. *sigh*
anyway, my sister and her husband are now back together. i'm happy but i could definitely be a lot happier. so will my mother be if they just go back to the province and look after their children. still no job for my brother-in-law and my sister is still at it, selling burgers and stuff. this despite the fight she has been having with her dear cousin and neighbor. nagtalo sila ng dakila naming kapitbahay dahil gusto na ihiwalay ng kapatid ko ang tindahan nya sa tindahan ng kapitbahay namin. sukat ba namang murahin ang kapatid ko at sabihin nyang walang pakinabang ang ate ko. hay!!!
as if the turmoil i am experiencing at work and at home isn't enough, my sister told me our little neighborhood is not at all too happy with me and keith living in the same house. oo, na para bang ang gagaling nila at wala silang nagagawang mali. god save me from hypocrites!!! walang humpay ang mga bibig ng mga hitad kong kamag-anak sa kakatsimisan sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng kapatid ko. my neighbors don't need reality tv. they already have me and my sister. this is living in a fishbowl at its worst. walang ibang pinag-uusapan sa looban namin kung hindi bakit si keith dun nakatira sa min, bakit hindi raw ako nabubuntis, bakit mga bakla daw ang pinatitira ko sa bahay. ang tanging sagot ko ay: pakialam nyo!?! up yours all of you friggin' sons of bitches!!!
doon tumitira si keith sa bahay kasi malapit yon sa opisina nya. isa pa, alam ng parents ko na sa bahay nila tumutuloy si keith. his parents also know he stays ay place. so what's the problem?! that we aren't married?! oh please! at hindi ako nabubuntis kasi nagko-kontrol kami. do they think that keith and i are mindless enough to just jump into bed together without thinking about precaution?! if they do, they're a lot more dumber than i thought. bakla ang pinatitira ko sa bahay kasi bakla ang mga kaibigan ko. at ano ngayon kung bakla sila?! this has only served to confirm what i have thought of weeks ago. my dear neighbors/relatives connived and conspired to make geisha and his boyfriend go away. sinulsulan nga nila ang ate ko. hmp!
at ang pasimuno siguro ng panunulsol na iyan ay ang magaling kong tiyuhin kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ng tatay ko. por dios! ke tatanda na eh tsismis pa rin ang inaatupag. bakit ba hindi na lang mga buhay nila ang busisiin nila at hindi buhay ko at ng pamilya ko? i really wouldn't have mind all this racket if it weren't for the same uncle threatening keith. he told my sister to tell me that he doesn't approve of keith and that he is noisy. susme! isang beses lang nagkakatok si keih sa bahay ng alanganing oras. and that was because he left his keys. sabi pa ng demonyo kong tiyo, mag-ingat daw si keith at baka barilin na lang daw nya minsan. Putangina! Ano kala nya sa boyfriend ko, kuting?!
i could only shake my head in anger and disgust. how dare this people. sino sila para humusga at magbanta? ang tiyo kong yan... hah! may kalalagyan sya pag nagkataon. ipapa-blotter ko na sya para kung ano't anuman eh may record na sya. does he think that i will let him get away with that? i am too smart for dumbasses like him. like all of them.
sigh. sigh. and more sighs. thru all this keith hugged me and kissed me and said everything will be all right. my greatest fear right now is not the memo at work, not my sister or her husband. it's keith. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. it pains me to admit this, but i think it would be best if he moves back to his parents. but i don't think he would... *sigh*
this brings us on to the next topic. keith and me and our "living together" situation. right now, we're spending the week at his parents' and it is such a pain in my schedule. his family is great but their place is just too far from where i work. hence, the 2 instances of tardiness that i will have to explain once again. but maybe this time i won't have to explain. the company'll just hand in the memo. as usual. *sigh*
anyway, my sister and her husband are now back together. i'm happy but i could definitely be a lot happier. so will my mother be if they just go back to the province and look after their children. still no job for my brother-in-law and my sister is still at it, selling burgers and stuff. this despite the fight she has been having with her dear cousin and neighbor. nagtalo sila ng dakila naming kapitbahay dahil gusto na ihiwalay ng kapatid ko ang tindahan nya sa tindahan ng kapitbahay namin. sukat ba namang murahin ang kapatid ko at sabihin nyang walang pakinabang ang ate ko. hay!!!
as if the turmoil i am experiencing at work and at home isn't enough, my sister told me our little neighborhood is not at all too happy with me and keith living in the same house. oo, na para bang ang gagaling nila at wala silang nagagawang mali. god save me from hypocrites!!! walang humpay ang mga bibig ng mga hitad kong kamag-anak sa kakatsimisan sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng kapatid ko. my neighbors don't need reality tv. they already have me and my sister. this is living in a fishbowl at its worst. walang ibang pinag-uusapan sa looban namin kung hindi bakit si keith dun nakatira sa min, bakit hindi raw ako nabubuntis, bakit mga bakla daw ang pinatitira ko sa bahay. ang tanging sagot ko ay: pakialam nyo!?! up yours all of you friggin' sons of bitches!!!
doon tumitira si keith sa bahay kasi malapit yon sa opisina nya. isa pa, alam ng parents ko na sa bahay nila tumutuloy si keith. his parents also know he stays ay place. so what's the problem?! that we aren't married?! oh please! at hindi ako nabubuntis kasi nagko-kontrol kami. do they think that keith and i are mindless enough to just jump into bed together without thinking about precaution?! if they do, they're a lot more dumber than i thought. bakla ang pinatitira ko sa bahay kasi bakla ang mga kaibigan ko. at ano ngayon kung bakla sila?! this has only served to confirm what i have thought of weeks ago. my dear neighbors/relatives connived and conspired to make geisha and his boyfriend go away. sinulsulan nga nila ang ate ko. hmp!
at ang pasimuno siguro ng panunulsol na iyan ay ang magaling kong tiyuhin kasama ang nakatatandang kapatid ng tatay ko. por dios! ke tatanda na eh tsismis pa rin ang inaatupag. bakit ba hindi na lang mga buhay nila ang busisiin nila at hindi buhay ko at ng pamilya ko? i really wouldn't have mind all this racket if it weren't for the same uncle threatening keith. he told my sister to tell me that he doesn't approve of keith and that he is noisy. susme! isang beses lang nagkakatok si keih sa bahay ng alanganing oras. and that was because he left his keys. sabi pa ng demonyo kong tiyo, mag-ingat daw si keith at baka barilin na lang daw nya minsan. Putangina! Ano kala nya sa boyfriend ko, kuting?!
i could only shake my head in anger and disgust. how dare this people. sino sila para humusga at magbanta? ang tiyo kong yan... hah! may kalalagyan sya pag nagkataon. ipapa-blotter ko na sya para kung ano't anuman eh may record na sya. does he think that i will let him get away with that? i am too smart for dumbasses like him. like all of them.
sigh. sigh. and more sighs. thru all this keith hugged me and kissed me and said everything will be all right. my greatest fear right now is not the memo at work, not my sister or her husband. it's keith. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. it pains me to admit this, but i think it would be best if he moves back to his parents. but i don't think he would... *sigh*
my sister's husband came over to our place yesterday... no. i won't start on my sister. not today. i want to give myself a break. i'll be putting all my family worries on the back burner for now. i'm thinking about the vacant positions available for the taking in the office. should i go for it? should i wait it out?
my heart palpitates just thinking about sending in my resume. i want to be the next senior rep or team lead here in the office. i know that i'll be able to do the job real well but... i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll be measured and weighed and found lacking. i'm scared that i won't be able to fulfill my superiors' expectations. my head will definitely be above my heart when i go for either senior rep or tl position. i know that i am not the only worthy candidate. in fact, there are a lot of reps here that would probably fit the bill better... but oh! i really want it...
let me pause in silence for a little soul-searching...
my heart palpitates just thinking about sending in my resume. i want to be the next senior rep or team lead here in the office. i know that i'll be able to do the job real well but... i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll be measured and weighed and found lacking. i'm scared that i won't be able to fulfill my superiors' expectations. my head will definitely be above my heart when i go for either senior rep or tl position. i know that i am not the only worthy candidate. in fact, there are a lot of reps here that would probably fit the bill better... but oh! i really want it...
let me pause in silence for a little soul-searching...
i don't feel like doing anything today. i don't want to work. i don't want to read. i don't want to watch anything. i just want to sit and stare and think. my head is filled with thoughts of what i want to do, what i need to do, what i can do and what i can't. i feel like it's about ready to explode. my head is tired and all i want to do today is to sit and stare and listen to my heart.
i want to stay still and hear my heart beat. i want to listen to its thoughts and what it's trying to say. i want to know if it's still happy. if it's as tired beating as my mind is tired of thinking.
there are so many things i want done but i can't seem to find the energy or dedication to finish them. all my goals seem to have gone farther from me instead of closer. i could do what i want but what i truly long for i can't even begin to start.
sad thoughts. my head and my heart, filled with sad thoughts and unfulfilled longings. all sad thoughts. no wonder i don't want to think anymore. i don't want to do anything anymore.
i am stuck once again with no luck at finding the back door.
i want to stay still and hear my heart beat. i want to listen to its thoughts and what it's trying to say. i want to know if it's still happy. if it's as tired beating as my mind is tired of thinking.
there are so many things i want done but i can't seem to find the energy or dedication to finish them. all my goals seem to have gone farther from me instead of closer. i could do what i want but what i truly long for i can't even begin to start.
sad thoughts. my head and my heart, filled with sad thoughts and unfulfilled longings. all sad thoughts. no wonder i don't want to think anymore. i don't want to do anything anymore.
i am stuck once again with no luck at finding the back door.
umalis na si geisha sa bahay. kanina lang. inaway sila ng magaling kong ate. and all the while that they were getting crap from my sister, i was getting the same from her thru text messages.
sabi ni ate bastos daw dahil gabi na eh ang ingay-ingay pa daw. kesyo yung mga sapatos eh diretso lang hanggang kwarto. kesyo ang ingay pag umaakyat sa hagdanan kahit na alam na maynatutulog... o sige na. sige na... so maingay sila, magulo at mahilig manood ng tv hanggang madaling araw. eh ok lang naman yon di ba? kasi gising sila hanggang madaling araw eh. yung mga sapatos naman eh wala na kami dapat pakialam kung iakyat dun sa kwarto nila. they are renting that room so they could do anything they please with that room. labas na kami doon. isa pa, hindi naman kasi sya dapat nandito eh.
that's the main point. she shouldn't be bothered by any of geisha's habits because she isn't supposed to be staying long in the house. she should be back to bacolod by now. but she opted to leave her kids and stay here despite knowing there is no place for her to sleep here. and now she's creating such a riot.
ang ayos at linis ng bahay bago sya dumating. ngayon ang dumi-dumi na. at wag nya sabihin na kasalanan nina geisha yun dahil mga kaldero at gamit nya ang nakakalat sa kusina at banyo. tingin ko nagawa lang sya ng dahilan para umalis sina geisha. masama man sa loob ko, pinaalis ko na sila kesa naman pag-initan pan ng hudas kong kapatid. alam ko naman na gusto ng maldita kong kapatid na umalis sina giesha para sya naman ang matulog dun sa kwarto nung mga yon. o siguro, may nakausap sya na kasundo nya na magre-renta dun sa kabilang kwarto.
hay! stress talaga!!!
i don't want to be paranoid but knowing how my sister's devious mind works, she will soon have me and keith packing. yep. no doubt about that. susulsulan sya ng mga demonyo naming kamag-anak na paalisin ako at tulad ng ginawa nya kina geisha, maghahabi sya ng kwento sa nanay ko. magrereklamo ng kesyo ganito at ganun ako. well, we won't be sisters if i don't have a devious mind myself. panahon na para ipahati ang lupa namin sa makati. o siguro dapat ibenta na lang. at tingnan natin kung san sya tatakbo pag wala na talaga syang matitirhan dito. pasensyahan kami pareho.
sabi ni ate bastos daw dahil gabi na eh ang ingay-ingay pa daw. kesyo yung mga sapatos eh diretso lang hanggang kwarto. kesyo ang ingay pag umaakyat sa hagdanan kahit na alam na maynatutulog... o sige na. sige na... so maingay sila, magulo at mahilig manood ng tv hanggang madaling araw. eh ok lang naman yon di ba? kasi gising sila hanggang madaling araw eh. yung mga sapatos naman eh wala na kami dapat pakialam kung iakyat dun sa kwarto nila. they are renting that room so they could do anything they please with that room. labas na kami doon. isa pa, hindi naman kasi sya dapat nandito eh.
that's the main point. she shouldn't be bothered by any of geisha's habits because she isn't supposed to be staying long in the house. she should be back to bacolod by now. but she opted to leave her kids and stay here despite knowing there is no place for her to sleep here. and now she's creating such a riot.
ang ayos at linis ng bahay bago sya dumating. ngayon ang dumi-dumi na. at wag nya sabihin na kasalanan nina geisha yun dahil mga kaldero at gamit nya ang nakakalat sa kusina at banyo. tingin ko nagawa lang sya ng dahilan para umalis sina geisha. masama man sa loob ko, pinaalis ko na sila kesa naman pag-initan pan ng hudas kong kapatid. alam ko naman na gusto ng maldita kong kapatid na umalis sina giesha para sya naman ang matulog dun sa kwarto nung mga yon. o siguro, may nakausap sya na kasundo nya na magre-renta dun sa kabilang kwarto.
hay! stress talaga!!!
i don't want to be paranoid but knowing how my sister's devious mind works, she will soon have me and keith packing. yep. no doubt about that. susulsulan sya ng mga demonyo naming kamag-anak na paalisin ako at tulad ng ginawa nya kina geisha, maghahabi sya ng kwento sa nanay ko. magrereklamo ng kesyo ganito at ganun ako. well, we won't be sisters if i don't have a devious mind myself. panahon na para ipahati ang lupa namin sa makati. o siguro dapat ibenta na lang. at tingnan natin kung san sya tatakbo pag wala na talaga syang matitirhan dito. pasensyahan kami pareho.
ang bilis ng panahon. mga tatlong linggo na rin ang kapatid ko dito sa maynila. sa loob ng 3 linggong iyon nagawa nyang makapag-ayos ng negosyo nya at maibenta ang halos lahat ng gamit sa bahay namin. yung tv rack, yung washing machine (na tita ni keith ang bumili), yung kabinet, pati na yung sofa set na regalo sa nanay ko binenta nya. grabe nga daw makabenta ng gamit ang kapatid ko eh sabi ni keith. parang hikahos na hikahos daw sa pera. eh hindi nga ba?! anyway, she was able to send money to her kids and she even got her daughter a cellphone. it's not bad... not bad at all...
PERO ang dumi ng bahay. as in! nagkalat ang mga gamit ng kapatid ko sa sala. yung mga pinaglutuan nya ng tinda nya eh umaabot hanggang sa may hagdanan at banyo namin. hay! ang banyo!isang malaking EWWW!!! tulad ng nakagawian ng ate ko eh iniiwan lang nya yung hinubad nya dun. keber na may kasama syang hindi nya kamag-anak sa bahay!
oh well... some things never change. my sister is too set in her ways to EVER change them. she will never listen to my mom or to me or my dad. she will never learn to accept her mistakes but would rather blame it on others. but i'm happy that she's trying to stand up on her own and provide for her children. maybe i shouldn't be too quick in my judgment. maybe she will change for the better.
i hope so. for my darling nieces' and nephew's sake. i hope so.
but i won't hold my breath...
PERO ang dumi ng bahay. as in! nagkalat ang mga gamit ng kapatid ko sa sala. yung mga pinaglutuan nya ng tinda nya eh umaabot hanggang sa may hagdanan at banyo namin. hay! ang banyo!isang malaking EWWW!!! tulad ng nakagawian ng ate ko eh iniiwan lang nya yung hinubad nya dun. keber na may kasama syang hindi nya kamag-anak sa bahay!
oh well... some things never change. my sister is too set in her ways to EVER change them. she will never listen to my mom or to me or my dad. she will never learn to accept her mistakes but would rather blame it on others. but i'm happy that she's trying to stand up on her own and provide for her children. maybe i shouldn't be too quick in my judgment. maybe she will change for the better.
i hope so. for my darling nieces' and nephew's sake. i hope so.
but i won't hold my breath...
i have finally gotten my wish. i am no longer living all by myself in my parent's too-big-for-one-person house. i now have keith with me and my good friend geisha as a roomie. it's all a dream come true...*sigh*
until my sister came from bacolod last week.
STRESS!!!!!!!!!!
grabeh... as in!!! mahal ko ang kapatid ko pero mas mahal ko sya pag malayo sya sa kin. we've never been that close to begin with. we have an eight-year gap. i am the sibling she didn't want to have. she regards me as "the favored one". she has this little habits that i just can't tolerate. for me to expect the 2 of us to live in harmony is preposterous.
pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? andito na sya eh. she was all quiet and i think, depressed, over the recent break-up she had with her husband. this is not the first time this happened. but i think this may be the last. the husband has packed up and left without a word to her about what they're gonna do with the kids. both of them assumed, i suppose, that my mom and dad are gonna live forever and provide for their children. *sigh*
STRESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so ngayon, unti-unti nyang ibinebenta ang mga gamit na ipinundar nya sa tulong ng perang padala ng asawa nya nung nasa Saudi Arabia pa ito. ok fine. gamit naman nila yon. pero pareho kaming nanghihinayang ni keith. mahirap magpundar ng gamit sa panahon ngayon. tapos ganun-ganun lang ibebenta... tsk!tsk!tsk! at sabi ng ate ko gusto daw nyang magmini-business sa baranggay namin. at wala na rin syang balak balikan ang mga anak nya sa bacolod. kaya naman daw alagaan ng nanay ko yung mga anak nya eh. 60 mahigit na nanay ko... pag-aalagain nya ng apat na bata?!?
STRESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
until my sister came from bacolod last week.
STRESS!!!!!!!!!!
grabeh... as in!!! mahal ko ang kapatid ko pero mas mahal ko sya pag malayo sya sa kin. we've never been that close to begin with. we have an eight-year gap. i am the sibling she didn't want to have. she regards me as "the favored one". she has this little habits that i just can't tolerate. for me to expect the 2 of us to live in harmony is preposterous.
pero ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? andito na sya eh. she was all quiet and i think, depressed, over the recent break-up she had with her husband. this is not the first time this happened. but i think this may be the last. the husband has packed up and left without a word to her about what they're gonna do with the kids. both of them assumed, i suppose, that my mom and dad are gonna live forever and provide for their children. *sigh*
STRESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so ngayon, unti-unti nyang ibinebenta ang mga gamit na ipinundar nya sa tulong ng perang padala ng asawa nya nung nasa Saudi Arabia pa ito. ok fine. gamit naman nila yon. pero pareho kaming nanghihinayang ni keith. mahirap magpundar ng gamit sa panahon ngayon. tapos ganun-ganun lang ibebenta... tsk!tsk!tsk! at sabi ng ate ko gusto daw nyang magmini-business sa baranggay namin. at wala na rin syang balak balikan ang mga anak nya sa bacolod. kaya naman daw alagaan ng nanay ko yung mga anak nya eh. 60 mahigit na nanay ko... pag-aalagain nya ng apat na bata?!?
STRESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
new template?
hay!!! hindi ko na lang talaga alam ang gagawin ko...
may bago na kong template... promise! meron na talaga. hindi ko lang matapos-tapos. grrr...
i am once again at the end of my tether. pray for me...
may bago na kong template... promise! meron na talaga. hindi ko lang matapos-tapos. grrr...
i am once again at the end of my tether. pray for me...
peach roses
second year anniversary namin ni keith kahapon...
grabe... dalawang taon na pala kaming naglolokohan... charing! heeheheheh... sino nga ba ang mag-aakala na aabot kami ng ganito katagal?! kahit ako eh nag-alangan din. i still have doubts if he's actually the one for me or not. pero tingin ko sya na talaga eh. as in!
nagkita kami kahapon. syempre. anniv eh. kumain kami sa subway sa may shangri-la. tuwang-tuwa ako kasi feeling beauty queen ako habang hawak-hawak ko yung bigay nya sa king roses. 3 peach roses. peach para naman daw maiba. ang sweet noh?!? i was so touched by his gesture. kasi starting pa lang sa trabaho ang bf ko eh... so syempre, ala pang pera. tilad ng dati, mega-tipid na naman siya mabilhan lang ako ng "luho" ko. ehehhehe...
kumpleto na sana katuwaan ko kung hindi lang nya sinabi sa kin na ninakaw lang nya yung roses...
gusto ko na talaga umiyak habang palakad kami pabalik sa opisina. hindi ko na nga hinawakan yung bulaklak eh. di bale nang walang roses o kung wala syang gift sa kin. wag lang sya magnakaw! sus! di ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa kanya o ihahampas ko sa kanya yung roses eh. at gusto nya pa dalhin ko sa office at ipagyabang yung nakaw nya na roses!eeewwww... no way!
paakyat na ako sa office nung sinabi nya sa kin :"Hoy gaga kunin mo na 'to! mahal din ang bili ko dyan sa flower shop!"
grrr!!!...
grabe... dalawang taon na pala kaming naglolokohan... charing! heeheheheh... sino nga ba ang mag-aakala na aabot kami ng ganito katagal?! kahit ako eh nag-alangan din. i still have doubts if he's actually the one for me or not. pero tingin ko sya na talaga eh. as in!
nagkita kami kahapon. syempre. anniv eh. kumain kami sa subway sa may shangri-la. tuwang-tuwa ako kasi feeling beauty queen ako habang hawak-hawak ko yung bigay nya sa king roses. 3 peach roses. peach para naman daw maiba. ang sweet noh?!? i was so touched by his gesture. kasi starting pa lang sa trabaho ang bf ko eh... so syempre, ala pang pera. tilad ng dati, mega-tipid na naman siya mabilhan lang ako ng "luho" ko. ehehhehe...
kumpleto na sana katuwaan ko kung hindi lang nya sinabi sa kin na ninakaw lang nya yung roses...
gusto ko na talaga umiyak habang palakad kami pabalik sa opisina. hindi ko na nga hinawakan yung bulaklak eh. di bale nang walang roses o kung wala syang gift sa kin. wag lang sya magnakaw! sus! di ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa kanya o ihahampas ko sa kanya yung roses eh. at gusto nya pa dalhin ko sa office at ipagyabang yung nakaw nya na roses!eeewwww... no way!
paakyat na ako sa office nung sinabi nya sa kin :"Hoy gaga kunin mo na 'to! mahal din ang bili ko dyan sa flower shop!"
grrr!!!...
it's been a hell of a month!
yep... been thru so much i didn't even have time to blog. no time to even change my layout. grrr... *sigh* it's one of the perils of living on your own. you don't have much time for anything. your days are filled with going to and from work , paying your bills, cleaning the house, doing your laundry... on top of that i also have to be loving girlfriend, caring friend, and concerned daughter...
i feel ready to replace wonderwoman.
yep... been thru so much i didn't even have time to blog. no time to even change my layout. grrr... *sigh* it's one of the perils of living on your own. you don't have much time for anything. your days are filled with going to and from work , paying your bills, cleaning the house, doing your laundry... on top of that i also have to be loving girlfriend, caring friend, and concerned daughter...
i feel ready to replace wonderwoman.
too close for comfort?
some days i feel all alone. most days, i feel like keith is all i have. it is both funny and sad to note that it is a matter of fact. keith is all i have. or is it just all me?
he is my friend, my boyfriend, my lover, my houseboy, my cook,my electrician, my adviser, my shock absorber... the list is getting longer everyday. it's frightening because it only goes to show that i,little ms.independent is fast becoming damsel in distress.
sometimes, i can't help but wonder if it is him i miss or something else. i love him... yeah... no doubt about that. but i don't think it's normal to miss someone 24/7. especially if that someone has been your boyfriend for 2 years now... today i resolve to stop spending the weekends over at his place. i know i made this vow a couple of months ago and failed miserably. the awful truth is that i don't have any place to spend the weekends in but his place. and we go back to the funny and sad piece of fact... keith is all i have.
he is my friend, my boyfriend, my lover, my houseboy, my cook,my electrician, my adviser, my shock absorber... the list is getting longer everyday. it's frightening because it only goes to show that i,little ms.independent is fast becoming damsel in distress.
sometimes, i can't help but wonder if it is him i miss or something else. i love him... yeah... no doubt about that. but i don't think it's normal to miss someone 24/7. especially if that someone has been your boyfriend for 2 years now... today i resolve to stop spending the weekends over at his place. i know i made this vow a couple of months ago and failed miserably. the awful truth is that i don't have any place to spend the weekends in but his place. and we go back to the funny and sad piece of fact... keith is all i have.
back in the city
we are finally back in manila. boy! am i just so glad i have my feet settled on land. i had recurring visions of titanic while we were on open sea. it was the worst ride i ever had in a ship. it was the pits. we were stuck in the docks for a whole night because of a brewing storm. we sailed out yesterday morning and i thought we would be up for a leisurely trip back to the city. i was dead wrong.
anyway, it's been a hectic first day back in "civilization".ha-ha! we were greeted with the news that keith's brother is now the proud father of a bouncing baby girl. we hurried over to the hospital to see their little bundle of joy. i can't help but feel a little envious. not that i want to have a kid of my own already but i feel envious about them having their own baby and them living together 24/7 and being married and all. i don't know... this must be a "ship-lag" or something...
keith is fussing like crazy over the baby. hmmm... i wonder if he wants to have a baby of his won now...hmmm
anyway, it's been a hectic first day back in "civilization".ha-ha! we were greeted with the news that keith's brother is now the proud father of a bouncing baby girl. we hurried over to the hospital to see their little bundle of joy. i can't help but feel a little envious. not that i want to have a kid of my own already but i feel envious about them having their own baby and them living together 24/7 and being married and all. i don't know... this must be a "ship-lag" or something...
keith is fussing like crazy over the baby. hmmm... i wonder if he wants to have a baby of his won now...hmmm
back to the city
we went swimming on a white sand beach today. despite the fact that my dad can't come because he had to tend to the little piggery he and my mom have got going and my sister and niece, sam, pulling that little beach drama everybody had fun. most especially keith and i. we rarely get to swim in beaches so this was pure pleasure.nice!
i was happy to see my mom and my sister's brood enjoying themselves. it warms my heart to see them all smiling and happy. i wish it would always be this way for them but that would just not be possible. happiness is treasured and sought after because of its rarity. if it comes our way all too often, we will never appreciate its presence. so i suppose, this is all for the best.
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. a part of me suddenly just don't want to go. we have to leave early in the morning and here i am... typing away in front of the computer. i can't sleep. i want to stay here and look after my parents and my nieces and nephews. my parents are getting older and i feel that they should start taking it a little easy. having my sister and her kids live with them isn't helping. *sigh* i love them all so much, even my trouble-making sister. if it's only possible to take care of them and still live my own life...
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. i'll kiss and tightly hug each of my adorable nieces and nephews. i'll kiss my mom and my dad and hug my sister and her husband. they will wave goodbye at me from the gate along with a piece of my heart...
i was happy to see my mom and my sister's brood enjoying themselves. it warms my heart to see them all smiling and happy. i wish it would always be this way for them but that would just not be possible. happiness is treasured and sought after because of its rarity. if it comes our way all too often, we will never appreciate its presence. so i suppose, this is all for the best.
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. a part of me suddenly just don't want to go. we have to leave early in the morning and here i am... typing away in front of the computer. i can't sleep. i want to stay here and look after my parents and my nieces and nephews. my parents are getting older and i feel that they should start taking it a little easy. having my sister and her kids live with them isn't helping. *sigh* i love them all so much, even my trouble-making sister. if it's only possible to take care of them and still live my own life...
tomorrow, keith and i will leave for manila. i'll kiss and tightly hug each of my adorable nieces and nephews. i'll kiss my mom and my dad and hug my sister and her husband. they will wave goodbye at me from the gate along with a piece of my heart...
we went up a mountain today. it was the mountain that is right in front of my mom's house. you would think that since the mountain is looming in front of us everyday, it would be close and eary enough to climb. wrong!
it took as an hour to get to the top and another hour and a half to get down. it's actually a little easier to climb because there are little steps carved on its sides now. the first time i climbed it, which was what? i guess some 6 or 8 years ago, the men would throw down a rope for the ladies to use. the mountain was steep and slippery. it still is but thanks to well-trodden path by the locals, there was no need for the rope.
ok... since i can't stand to see my mom in tears off we went to her little sister's place. it was a grueling 4 hours travel over rough, dry roads. when we got there, i said hello to everyone and kissed and hugged everyone. i behaved like the good little girl my mom raised me to be. i was a bit surprised when both my biological parents did not recognize me. my mom never failed to show them pictures of me when i was growing up. i even heard that they hung my graduation picture in their living room. that must have been fabrication because my face has not changed much over the years and they can't recognize me? don't they see the family resemblance?
oh well... my mom and her sister who happens to be my biological mom finally cried and hugged each other. they were insisting on us spending a night there but i don't feel like i belong there. i felt that i would only hurt them if i stay there longer. my biological family would only see how different i am from them. so we said our goodbyes and spent another gureling 2 hour ride on a motorbike. yep. keith, my mom, me and my younger brother all on one motorbike driving thru rough terrain on a starless night.
this has been a day that i would as soon likely forget.
it took as an hour to get to the top and another hour and a half to get down. it's actually a little easier to climb because there are little steps carved on its sides now. the first time i climbed it, which was what? i guess some 6 or 8 years ago, the men would throw down a rope for the ladies to use. the mountain was steep and slippery. it still is but thanks to well-trodden path by the locals, there was no need for the rope.
ok... since i can't stand to see my mom in tears off we went to her little sister's place. it was a grueling 4 hours travel over rough, dry roads. when we got there, i said hello to everyone and kissed and hugged everyone. i behaved like the good little girl my mom raised me to be. i was a bit surprised when both my biological parents did not recognize me. my mom never failed to show them pictures of me when i was growing up. i even heard that they hung my graduation picture in their living room. that must have been fabrication because my face has not changed much over the years and they can't recognize me? don't they see the family resemblance?
oh well... my mom and her sister who happens to be my biological mom finally cried and hugged each other. they were insisting on us spending a night there but i don't feel like i belong there. i felt that i would only hurt them if i stay there longer. my biological family would only see how different i am from them. so we said our goodbyes and spent another gureling 2 hour ride on a motorbike. yep. keith, my mom, me and my younger brother all on one motorbike driving thru rough terrain on a starless night.
this has been a day that i would as soon likely forget.
my mother finally had the long overdue house blessing. the house looked great. the food was perfect. Both my parents are happy and at peace. i know it sounds weird but this is the first time i ever saw my mom and dad look so "settled in". when they were living in the city, they've always talked about getting away from the all the family bickering and squabbles. now they have finally did got away from it all.
another worry off my list.
another worry off my list.
clean house
my 4th day on leave. my 3rd day here at my parent's semi-grand house.
everybody's all preparing for the big event on wednesday. the long awaited house blessing is finally going to happen. keith and i decided to clean the house and rearrange the furniture. the house badly needed it. since my parents are into hog-raising, they no longer can't be bothered to clean up the place. besides, with 4 kids running around... why bother?
my mother seems to like keith enough. she likes him enough to talk about weddings. and for some reason, keith is only too happy to oblige her. we were folding clothes on the second floor sitting area when she went up and asked if we have enough time to pull this event off. keith assured her that there is enough time to get everything done. my mom, out of the blue, said to me in a tearful voice:" i am happy to see you and keith. i know that if you settle down with him, you will be in good hands. "
oh mom! i just so love you... and you just have no idea how good keith's hands are.*wink*
everybody's all preparing for the big event on wednesday. the long awaited house blessing is finally going to happen. keith and i decided to clean the house and rearrange the furniture. the house badly needed it. since my parents are into hog-raising, they no longer can't be bothered to clean up the place. besides, with 4 kids running around... why bother?
my mother seems to like keith enough. she likes him enough to talk about weddings. and for some reason, keith is only too happy to oblige her. we were folding clothes on the second floor sitting area when she went up and asked if we have enough time to pull this event off. keith assured her that there is enough time to get everything done. my mom, out of the blue, said to me in a tearful voice:" i am happy to see you and keith. i know that if you settle down with him, you will be in good hands. "
oh mom! i just so love you... and you just have no idea how good keith's hands are.*wink*
home sweet home
after a long and winding trip, we finally docked in bacolod. our arrival was a few hours delayed due to a storm and my sister drove me nuts. i wonder if there ever will be a time when we stop rubbing each other the wrong way. *sigh*
to cut a long story short, we got to my mom and dad's little farm. i wish i could also have cut the trip short the same way i did in the re-telling of my great adventure, but sadly, keith and i had to endure 4 hours of travel on smooth, rocky, semi-rocky roads of negros occidental. i was surprised at how big my mom's house was. it used to be a small, humble nipa hut. it is now a 3 bedroom, 2-storey concrete abode. i was also taken aback at how big my nieces and nephews have grown. the youngest, jordan, has gone from chubby to fat. i have a bad feeling the kid is overweight but there is simply nothing my mom could do about that. jordan throws a fit each time they tell him to lessen his food intake. elleine and jessamyn are turning to be 2 pretty sisters. they both have grown tall. jessamyn is almost as tall as i am. and she is only an incoming 6th grader! carlo, i am happy to note, has become more behaved and responsible. oh my darling little babies! they are all growing so fast...
my mom has gotten thin. the same goes for dad. they have aged a lot since the last time i saw them. well, with my sister living with them that is no surprise. but i sensed that despite the day-to-day problems and obstacles, they are happy. when all is said and done, the have the peace of mind here that they do not have in our place in manila. my grandfather, mom's dad, is still strong and goes about his daily routine without missing a beat. he is now 87 and counting...
i took in a deep breath of the sweet-smelling air. it feels great to be home.
to cut a long story short, we got to my mom and dad's little farm. i wish i could also have cut the trip short the same way i did in the re-telling of my great adventure, but sadly, keith and i had to endure 4 hours of travel on smooth, rocky, semi-rocky roads of negros occidental. i was surprised at how big my mom's house was. it used to be a small, humble nipa hut. it is now a 3 bedroom, 2-storey concrete abode. i was also taken aback at how big my nieces and nephews have grown. the youngest, jordan, has gone from chubby to fat. i have a bad feeling the kid is overweight but there is simply nothing my mom could do about that. jordan throws a fit each time they tell him to lessen his food intake. elleine and jessamyn are turning to be 2 pretty sisters. they both have grown tall. jessamyn is almost as tall as i am. and she is only an incoming 6th grader! carlo, i am happy to note, has become more behaved and responsible. oh my darling little babies! they are all growing so fast...
my mom has gotten thin. the same goes for dad. they have aged a lot since the last time i saw them. well, with my sister living with them that is no surprise. but i sensed that despite the day-to-day problems and obstacles, they are happy. when all is said and done, the have the peace of mind here that they do not have in our place in manila. my grandfather, mom's dad, is still strong and goes about his daily routine without missing a beat. he is now 87 and counting...
i took in a deep breath of the sweet-smelling air. it feels great to be home.
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