nemo... swimming down the aisle???

i caught up with nemo yesterday and she told me that her family would like to see her wed to Sars and that there might actually be a wedding. that is if she decides to marry him. i think she will. she loves the guy!

i was utterly rendered speechless. yes, it was one of those special moments when i absolutely was left with nothing to say. i was too shocked for words...

i know, i know. my bad. i'm being the usual know-it-all bitch. what was i supposed to say? congratulations? i mean, nemo is like a sister to me and i wouldn't want my sister to be tied to a man who keeps changing his mind every five minutes. it's a scary thought you know. i could just imagine him going thru all the wedding preparations with zeal and then suddenly, right on their wedding ceremony, he balks and says 'i need time for myself'. jeez!

but nemo is just so happy these days. everything is going OK in her life and that doesn't happen often...so i reached for her hand, squeezed it. i smiled and said "that's nice..."

yes i know... it' s a purple explosion!

but everybody knows i'm a purple freak! i like all shades of purple... lavender, violet,lilac... you name it...

anyway, this whole pre-marital sex thing i have going on with my beau is driving me nuts. just last night, i scoured the net for information on intercourse during a woman's "time of the month" and the chances of her getting pregnant if she does have sexual contact during her period. (now you know what i've been up to these past few days *wink*)i swear, i am losing my sense of inner peace. and all for what?... great sex... hiiihiiihhi.. =D

i checked jar-jar's what's missing in my life list and i have to say that i agree with her, 3 out of four. i definitely need a definite mission in my life. as for self-fulfillment... well... i'm contented with what i have but i guess i'd only know if i'm fulfilled if i've gone thru my mission and succeeded, right? i already have a very loving, caring partner who, hopefully, would last thru my life but i truly would like to have a baby.

yes. a baby.

i know, i know... times are hard and it's difficult to raise a child when you're not financially stable but... i love children! and i would love to have DK's baby.*sigh*

i think i'm done for.

do you know where you're going to...?

isn't it nice to feel that you are not alone after all? after reading jar-jar's post, i felt relieved to know that there is another person on the planet who has sentiments similar to mine.

unlike jar-jar though, i am not afraid to grow up. i do not shun my responsibilites although it would be nice to get away from it all once in a while. i've always believed that forever is a joke. i'm not scared to go thru life's journey alone even if that surely will be a long, lonely journey.but i'm afraid that despite the journey, i have not gotten to anywhere at all.

that is what's truly scary... and that's something i don't want to happen to me.

very high hopes...*wink*

i spent the day with DK... *sigh*
we attended the christening of his high school pal's son this morning. we dropped by his mom's office then went back to my place and we took a nice, cozy afternoon nap in each other's arms. we are just soooo in love!

the only thing that troubles me these days is work. i feel that i am going nowhere. i feel that i am stagnating in my job. and i am not saying this because i am about to be suspended. no, its not the impending suspension that makes me think and say this. although i have to admit that being suspended worries me. i mean, who wants to work without pay?

i've always had this nagging feeling that i belong somewhere. that i have done the best i could here. i want to move on and do something else aside from what i am doing now. i remember telling naomi the other day that despite the what my life might seem to be, i am not going anywhere. and part of the problem, or maybe the very source of the problem, is that i don't know where i am going. she texted me yesterday saying that in spite of what i think about my life, i really have everything going. she told me i'm in the 'right path'... hmmm... that didn't take care of my worries.

so with my roomie Geisha's urging's, i sent my resume to a training group. i am hoping to become something. i am hoping, wishing, praying that this is what i've been looking for all along... i'm keeping my fingers crossed... wish me luck!*wink*

i had it coming... she had it coming...

after a much needed break from all the crazy baloney here at work, i am back again. with a vengeance.

i came in 15 minutes late. and oh boy, am i gonna get it this time. i'm really gonna get it. i was talking to DK on the phone a while ago telling him how disappointing this is for me. time and again i have told myself repeatedly to get over this habit but i just can't. and that is all the more disappointing. oh well... i'm in high hopes of getting into a new job. hopefully a nice career change for me... i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

nemo and the rest of the team left for the company picnic this morning. i am just so bitter about it, that was before i read the note nemo left me. her pain is all over the darn note. she wouldn't appreciate my saying this but i knew Sars is going to pull the same stunt he's been doing for months. just 3 days ago, 3 friggin' days ago, nemo was happily chatting away saying that Sars has changed his mind and wants to keep her and nemo jr. after all. i just knew he'll be changing his tune soon. and he did.

i told nemo i have no comment at this time. i'll probably never say something concerning her and Sars and their impending child.

i can't believe i came back. just for this...

if they need to crash and burn...

naomi came to visit me today. i had the whole day off since my shift starts late at night.

she came over. i took one look at her and knew that she has changed. we exchanged our usual kisses nad hugs, she sat down and i notcied the weight she gained during the time we have not seen each other. she told me that she is now seeing a psychiatrist regularly shortly after suffering her nervous breakdown. i encouraged her to keep it up, to stop taking life's jokes too seriously. i warned her that this might become a cycle she didn't want, that this might be her undoing... she laughed impishly and said that she is hoping that this is her road to recovery.

i hope so too.

honestly, i am bothered to see naomi this way. she is quieter, has become more introverted and repressed. she laughs with me, but i see that the laughter never reaches her eyes. there are shadows there that are hidden by the calming drugs she has been prescribed. i fear for her... we have always teased her as a loony. this time, i'm afraid it might just be the case. i don't fear for myself. i love and care for her as much as i have before. in fact, i miss her... i terribly miss the old, crazy naomi...

i have recently decided to finally shut my sarcastic, witty mouth up when it comes to nemo and her plight. i don't think i am doing much in easing her pain. sometimes, i feel that i am adding more to it instead of the other way around. it is hard for me to shut up and not voice out what i deem as the only truth. it is painful for me to douse her clouds of hope with my witty cycnicism.

she cornered me today and excitedly told me that she and sars have worked everything out. sars has finally accepted the fact that she is intent on keeping the baby. i smiled and told her "good". it was on the tip of my tongue to say "i hope this time, he's keen on keeping his word. even for just a week." i kept the silly smile on my face and went on with work.

DK told me that this is affecting me more than necessary. i have begun to notice that he's right. it is affecting me a lot more than anybody would think possible. i am becoming frustrated with what i see as an endless quest to win back a lost loved-one. i am hoping the best for her but that guy she has given her heart, body, life and soul is a man that was never hers from the very start. i believe in fairytales, of happy-ever-afters... i am wishing, hoping, praying.. that after all this farce, they would be together. they would become a family in the truest sense of the word. but the reality is he left her and not even the gift of a new life will make him give up anything for her or make him stay with her. i hope i am wrong on this score. for her and her li'l one's sake.

he has broken his word to her numerous times, what's another more excuse or two?

i have said my piece to her. she knows where she stands. she knows my stand on this matter. she is the closest thing to a big sister that i could have. she has given me a lot. i am not turning my back on her on her time of need.

but i am not her savior. i am not her keeper. i am not leaving her nor will i stop listening to her.

i am merely silencing myself. i will save the both of us the pain of hearing from a sharp, truthful tongue.

nemo's amazing party!...

nemo threw a send-off party for dear dr.ed last saturday. he is going to the Big Apple to fulfill his one great American dream: be a Physical Therapist. all the Nocturnal peeps were there to cheer him on in this great endeavor, including headmistress Java. the only one missing was The Supermodel who sent us a text message saying she's caught on a very important photoshoot. even the Brat was there. rumor has it that she abandoned her own barbecue gig. well, we all share the opinin that the barbeuce wasn't that roastin'. i brought my boyfriend DK with me thinking that he would be a huge help if ever yours truly gets too much to drink. well, he could've been a huge help if he didn't get drunk first.

everybody digged sir ceasar's 'pantyliner' drink, a mixture of rhum and crushed ice. don't ask who joined DK in his merry stupor. they're too many to name. ask who didn't.

i couldn't even begin to imagine how i was able to bring him home and to his senses. much thanks goes to Xbox and her boyfriend and fellow gamer The Friar. they provided transportation for me and my dead-drunk beau.

i wasn't really pissed with DK. i just thought he'd be able to handle his drink like he always told me. i guess, there really is a first time for eveything.

anyway, he wasn't the only one drunk. most of the people there was. everybody really had a blast! and we enjoyed putting dr.ed on the spotlight by asking him to give us a farewell speech. he was sooooo drunk he couldn't put a single coherent sentence together. hahahahahaha...

i'm going to miss him...

weekend at last!!!

ah yes.. weekend. the entire team is happy and ecstatic today. one is because most of us will be taking our day-offs. two is because a fight is going on between two reps. it just has everybody on the know agog.

we will be giving Dr.Ed a farewell/send off party tonight. the venue for the event is real close to Shalom's house so i might drop by. catch up on things.

ahh.. i just feel oh-so-wonderful! weekend!!!

blog fever!!!

the team has caught the blog fever.
i just spent the last 2 hours editing the site and notifying the people involved. i hope all of them decides to join the caravan.
i'm so excited!!! hahaahhah...

how sweet it is to be loved by you...

DK's mom insisted i sleep on their bedroom when i came to visit DK yesterday morning. they knew i just got off work so they were very concerned about my health. i was deeply moved. DK told me I was the only one ever to be asked by his parents to sleep on their bed. he was so darn happy over that fact. so was i. hehehehehehe....that was a sign. his parents must truly like me.

just before i feel asleep (on DK's parents' bed...*wink*), DK told me that he would stop saying 'i love you' to me after he graduates. i asked why and he whispered in my ear that he's gonna start saying 'will you marry me' to me. i felt so loved and thrilled my toes curled.

is it a wonder why i love him so much?...*sigh*

Peyups get-together!

the online community i'm in is hosting a get-together this friday. i am just so psyched to go!!! one of the regulars there went so fas as to give me his cellphone number so i could confirm with him whether i'm going or not. how sweet!

i just don't know who i'm going to bring with me. i mean, i don't know these people personally and i haven't even met them so i need to have someone with me when i go. i can't bring DK along 'cause he's not really that, uhmmm.. 'supportive' about my being a member of this particular online group. i was propositioned there thrice by some of the perverted members they have there so, DK wouldn't be so excited about going there. truth of the matter is he made me swear i won't login to the site ever... but i just couldn't help myself so...

i can't bring naomi either. she just suffered from a nervous breakdown. i don't think she's up to any socializing these days. i actually haven't heard from her for a long time. hmmm... hibernating will do her good. i hope that when she comes out of her cave, she'll not only be feeling better but looking a lot fairer than she's been all her life... hehehehheheh...

i can't bring nemo or xbox or biba... i don't think any of them will be up to it... and i just don't have the guts to go alone....
arghhhhhh... i'm such a coward!

nemo is pregnant.

i remember about a month ago we were kidding around about her missed period. she was thinking of the what ifs... what if i get pregnant, what would Sars do? would he marry me?...

it was on the tip of my tongue to say 'as if!' with all the conviction i could muster... but i happen to love my sexy ass so i shut up and laughed with her.

now i am crying with her. all night long.

last week, when she told Sars she was pregnant, Sars came over the office and took her out to dinner. he told her he is so happy to be a dad and that he's so excited and all. nemo was practically beaming at me, such a happy fish. i was smiling at her, happy that she is happy. but at the back of my head was the thought that at some point Sars would get coldfeet and and get confused again and be forced to leave nemo under the pretext that he 'needs time for himself'. jerk!

well, well, well... how time flies. he buckled when he saw firsthand the life he and nemo made during nemo's ultrasound. he cried and told nemo to get rid of it (could he be any more of an ass than he already is???). nemo, bloated and upset, suggested maybe they should toss coin: heads and the baby stays, tails and the baby goes.

nemo is intent in keeping the baby. it's going to be a nightmare for her thru and thru. but she's strong. i feel her pain and i could only shake my head just thinking about what lies ahead for her. i know she'll make it thru this nightmare.

as for Sars... i could only pity him. it must be hard for one like him to be eternally confused and lost. always searching but never finding what he's looking for. maybe he does find it but he changes his mind and searches for another or maybe he doesn't really know what he's looking for...tsk...tsk... what an idiot!

wedding plans?!?...

DK and i celebrated our 11th monthsary last june 7th.

i find it amazing that we have gotten this far and from the looks of it, we'll be getting a lot farther than we are now. i am just so... happy! hahahah...

another thing i find amazing is the fact that we got to talk about marriage that day. and i didn't even cringe when he said the word 'marriage'. hmmm.. this truly must be love... i mean, just the thought of walking down the aisle and promising to take a man to be my husband till the day i die is enough to send shivers down my spine. yet there i was, describing to him the kind of wedding gown i want to wear....

now, here i am... a couple of days after, browsing for the gown, the flowers, the cake...

this is definitely LOVE...*sigh*

sick of tired... *wink*

Biba told me early tonight that she is resigning from her current position. she said that she is (and i quote) sick of tired about everything that has been going on in the office. my take on that is why become one of the best if you weren't planning to stick around long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labors? i mean, she happens to be one of the very best we have on the floor... she is until she decided to take her merry time getting to the office as late as she could get... and now she's ranting 'cause she's under evaluation...

i used to have the same sentiments but then i got to thinking that maybe it's time i take this challenge. you know...make myself a better person by facing the issues we are having on the team head on...so i'm giving myself till the end of my contract, which is a mere four months, to make the most of my stay here. a lot can happen in a happen in a week, what more in four months?...

still alive!

yes... yes... i'm back from the dead.. yep... and aren't i just so full of stories! i'll probably be making a couple of logs today...

first off...i was given a memo sometime last week due to my excessive tardiness. well... i don't think i would be me if i'm not fashionably late from time to time... of course that's not something i could use an excuse so i wrote something to the effect of i left early but still got in late because blah blah blah... it's either i write something or face some sort of sanction so there...

anyway, everybody in the office was in a rucus over the new policies being implemented. the management is suddenly pulling in the reins in the hopes that they could still prevent the disaster which, i hate to say, is upon the whole account/team... oh well...

Biba is just so full of angst and frustrations thsese days. she got some sort of performance evaluation which prohibits her from coming to work late as well as absenting from work for the next 2 months. the minute she got the 'white paper', she went over to my desk and started ranting off about this work killing her and sucking her dry. i definitely could relate...

later that night i found out from Xbox that Biba got that evaluation plan crap 'cause she was able to beat my record of 'excessive tardiness'. apparently, Biba is close to getting fired over this fact. i quote anjelica huston in ever after:' well, well, well... what have we here?'

indecent proposal...

i was speaking yesterday with TY, a guy i met on this online community over the phone.
he told me lotsa stories about the casual sex thing he has going on and even went so far as to 'incite' the wild woman in me to join him for a rendezvous. he was nice and sounded real sexy on the phone. hmmm.. tempting but sadly, i am in no mood to indulge him.

i proudly told him that i am very much in-love with my DK and i am not on the look-out for an extra 'partner'. i went so far as to tell him that casual sex is not for me and might never be for me. i know myself and i am not one to traipse about, going from one man to the next. he replied by saying'isn't it also part of knowing yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do?'...some men just don't give up.

hmmmm... he might have a point though, so i told him that i will accommodate him only after i have agreed to bungee-jump off a cliff. we then said our good-bye's and talk-to-you-tommorrows...

he sent me a message today asking if a day has changed (he used the word 'altered') my mindset. i promptly told him a day is not enough to change the mindset of a grown woman. i sent my reply to him and promptly deleted his number.

some men just won't give up.

me and my boyfriend... always me and my boyfriend

my boyfriend DK and i were together the whole day yesterday... i made love with him, cooked for him, swam with him, went to the mall with him, had dinner with him, made love with him again...

by the time he went home i was already in la-la land... love just tires you out..

and this is one of the reasons why i fear the words 'marry' and 'marriage'. Whenever i hear somebody say they are 'tying the knot', i always think either the bride-to-be or groom-to-be is getting that knot tied around her or his neck...