nothing

he said it is all about nothingness. he won't explain. you'll just have to read on and find out for yourself the thoughts entangled within each line.

could someone then explain to me what he means by this:

Thoughts of you
Thinking about you day and night, well if you feel the same way to, just remember that I'm here
for you. Everyday I've always loved you, everyday I'm always thinking of
you, everyday another lonely day with you.....
April 13, 2007

this sounds stupid but i hope he's talking about his mother. i'm sure he's not talking about me. cripes. if he thinks about me day and night, why doesn't he send me messages more often? if everyday is always a lonely day without me, then why is he always going to here and there on his days off? if he's always here for me, then why does he complain when i ask for a glass of water or for him to buy me food? so it's definitely not me. i think it's from a song, but why put this specific song in your blog? is it because it is nothing?

see... this is the thing with having a blog. you share your thoughts with the rest of the world. you cannot simply label your thoughts as "nothing" because to some people they are not. people who know you will be able to read it will think... wtf is this? who is he thinking of everday? is it her? is it his friend abroad? or, horror of horrors, is it someone else? again??

a couple of weeks ago a dear friend of mine asked me if he was ok. i said yeah he's ok. we're ok. then my friend asked what his shoutout in friendster was all about: "everyday is a struggle, with you at the center of it". i have no freaking idea. when i look at what he writes and listens to, it's like he's always in pain. i never thought that he was so fucking angst-ridden. i asked him about it and he said he writes what he wants to write about and he doesn't care what people think. yeah right. i suppose he wouldn't mind if i start carrying on with some stud and people start calling him a cuckold. he doesn't care what people think right?

he won't explain and i certainly won't ask. if i ask him he'll just say it's nothing and i'll probably just upset myself and my baby. if he answers it's me, i'll know he's lying and i'll just be upset which in turn will upset my baby. if he says it's some bitch from whereever, then i'll be upset and so will my baby.

so, go on ahead and write about all the nothingness you can think of. oh... why don't you try this one on for size: if you're so fucking unhappy why don't you just leave?

and please, don't throw the question back at me. i may have put most of my unhappy thoughts into writing, but i have also shared my happiness.

in case you stumble upon this and wonder if i am upset or not, wonder not. this is nothing.