the miracle i was hoping for came. my vacation leave was approved.
now i feel so rotten because i've been a very bad girl. well... maybe not that bad. i suppose bad habits really do die hard. i've been late 5 times for the last 2 and a half weeks which warrants a memo as per company policy. and i am getting a memo. if not now, then soon. i guess, this is a little wake up call for me. i'm going downhill in my attendance again and that is not the way to go. i have big plans for myself this year and getting a memo anytime soon is a big disappointment for me. but i have no one to blame but my lazy ass. so there!
i was screaming mad at keith a few hours ago. i might have been a little cruel to him, after all, he is still suffering from the blow of not making it to the board passer's list but i am just so irritated with his indecisiveness. he can't give me a straight answer each time i ask him if he'll be coming with me to bacolod to see my family or not. he has a couple of job prospects lined up right now. This is very good for him because between now and the next board exam in november, he wants to make some moolah to support himself. there's nothing wrong with that really but we had this trip planned months ago. i feel like he wants to back out but just can't tell me how. well i just wish he would tell it to me straight. i am buying the tickets tomorrow and i find it a complete waste of time to buy tickets for him and request for it to be refunded later on when he is unable to go because he's got a job already. i just wish to god he would make up his mind and end my misery. i do hope he goes with me but if he can't there's nothing i can do about it. i'll just go as i planned early this year and try not to be miserable during my entire vacation.
so my miracle did come. i do hope god will send me another one real soon.
i went to the bank yesterday to encash a check. the bank required 3 IDs and i only had two on me when i got there so i went back to my place. i went upstairs, took out my big envelope of "important stuff" and rummaged for my new NBI clearance. i found it... right next to nhell's picture.
i took out the picture and stared at nhell's face long and hard. just like before, each time i came across something that reminded me of him - a picture, a place, a song - a thousand what if's and what could have been's floated thru my head. we could have made it. we could have worked it out. he's a good guy... he really is. he sings real well too. he's also one hell of a great kisser. yeah. no doubt about it. i'm no kiss and tell but i just have to say, this guy's real good at locking lips with a girl. he made me want him real bad.
but keith, although not as good as nhell in the smooching department, far exceeds him in making someone want something. the first time we ever kissed, i not only wanted keith real bad... keith made me want him with me for life.
having come to that conclusion, i sighed. i tore up all of nhell's photos into little bits and threw them in the trash can. no more reminiscing. no more thinking of what might have been and what could have been. my sould has found what it was looking for.
i took out the picture and stared at nhell's face long and hard. just like before, each time i came across something that reminded me of him - a picture, a place, a song - a thousand what if's and what could have been's floated thru my head. we could have made it. we could have worked it out. he's a good guy... he really is. he sings real well too. he's also one hell of a great kisser. yeah. no doubt about it. i'm no kiss and tell but i just have to say, this guy's real good at locking lips with a girl. he made me want him real bad.
but keith, although not as good as nhell in the smooching department, far exceeds him in making someone want something. the first time we ever kissed, i not only wanted keith real bad... keith made me want him with me for life.
having come to that conclusion, i sighed. i tore up all of nhell's photos into little bits and threw them in the trash can. no more reminiscing. no more thinking of what might have been and what could have been. my sould has found what it was looking for.
so it's like this...
you applied your vacation leave 3 months before you take off to the province to see your mom who you haven't seen for four years. you got a fairly good raise in your pay and your salary loan was recently approved. so you have all the moolah saved up for the trip and you're ready to buy your tickets and all. your sked's all set up for the coming month. everything's been set up real nice and all you're waiting for is approval from the big bosses.
then you accumulate more than the allowed number of lates per month. you either will get a verbal warning, a memo, or a lot worse than that... your leave will not be approved after all.
well... shit happens.
i've always believed that little miracles happen everyday. i am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that a miracle will come my way soon.
you applied your vacation leave 3 months before you take off to the province to see your mom who you haven't seen for four years. you got a fairly good raise in your pay and your salary loan was recently approved. so you have all the moolah saved up for the trip and you're ready to buy your tickets and all. your sked's all set up for the coming month. everything's been set up real nice and all you're waiting for is approval from the big bosses.
then you accumulate more than the allowed number of lates per month. you either will get a verbal warning, a memo, or a lot worse than that... your leave will not be approved after all.
well... shit happens.
i've always believed that little miracles happen everyday. i am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that a miracle will come my way soon.
keith is going to start his 2-day engineering licensure exams tomorrow. i feel more anxious and nervous than he is. i kept asking him during the weekend if he's feeling nervous or excited. he just shrugged each time and said he can't wait to get it all over with. he pored over 5 years worth of notes and lectures for the past 6 months in preparation for this major event. and now he can't wait to go thru it all and "empty his memory bin" as he would like to put it.
i can't wait for the exams to be over. i can't wait to see the results. i don't think i'll be able to truly relax until i see keith's name on the board passer's list. argghhh!!!
i can't wait for the exams to be over. i can't wait to see the results. i don't think i'll be able to truly relax until i see keith's name on the board passer's list. argghhh!!!
today is good friday.
and some dumb guy walking in my opposite direction just tried to grab my breasts while i was hurrying down the street towards my office. luckily, i was not walking fast enough not to notice his hand coming up and going for my boobies. i slapped the jerk's hand away and walked as fast as i could. the guy went on walking as well and when i looked back i saw him leering at me. i wanted to give him the good ol' dirty finger but as we were the only two people on the street, my common sense took over.
i was so shook up and startled i almost cried. but being the sane, mature young woman that in am, aside from a minute or two away from getting late for work, i fought the tears. i got into the office in time, i called keith to tell him i'm all ok, logged in and took calls.
life goes on...
and some dumb guy walking in my opposite direction just tried to grab my breasts while i was hurrying down the street towards my office. luckily, i was not walking fast enough not to notice his hand coming up and going for my boobies. i slapped the jerk's hand away and walked as fast as i could. the guy went on walking as well and when i looked back i saw him leering at me. i wanted to give him the good ol' dirty finger but as we were the only two people on the street, my common sense took over.
i was so shook up and startled i almost cried. but being the sane, mature young woman that in am, aside from a minute or two away from getting late for work, i fought the tears. i got into the office in time, i called keith to tell him i'm all ok, logged in and took calls.
life goes on...
1yr.9mos.
keith gave me a card with the following message:
"the generous, loving things you say and do are so much a part of you that sometimes i neglect to point out how much i appreciate each and every one. but i do.
you'd probably be amazed to realize all the things i notice. like the energy you put into keeping all the everyday things running smoothly. the "no big deal" way you take things in stride when something unexpected comes up, and the upbeat way you approach whatever it is that each day brings us.
and you still find time to let me know how much i'm loved.
you do all these things so naturally that i've come to count on them. and although they are familiar to me, they will never be taken for granted. i'm one lucky soul. and i won't let me forget it. today, i want you to see it spelled out and make sure you know it, too."
on the blank side of the card he wrote:
"took me a long time choosing the perfect card i want to give you. and this is it. got nothing more to say. it said it all!!! that's what i thought. it still left me something to say which i'm sure you know what that is. ^_^ "
*sigh* why do i even wonder why i love him?!? *sigh*
"the generous, loving things you say and do are so much a part of you that sometimes i neglect to point out how much i appreciate each and every one. but i do.
you'd probably be amazed to realize all the things i notice. like the energy you put into keeping all the everyday things running smoothly. the "no big deal" way you take things in stride when something unexpected comes up, and the upbeat way you approach whatever it is that each day brings us.
and you still find time to let me know how much i'm loved.
you do all these things so naturally that i've come to count on them. and although they are familiar to me, they will never be taken for granted. i'm one lucky soul. and i won't let me forget it. today, i want you to see it spelled out and make sure you know it, too."
on the blank side of the card he wrote:
"took me a long time choosing the perfect card i want to give you. and this is it. got nothing more to say. it said it all!!! that's what i thought. it still left me something to say which i'm sure you know what that is. ^_^ "
*sigh* why do i even wonder why i love him?!? *sigh*
fresh start
our office moved to a new building this week. i think it's all for the better. the workstations are bigger and amenities such as restrooms and pantries are all accessble from within our work area. we are using new computers as well and the internet connection couldn't be more faster. we have to go 44 floors down though to smoke. yep. it's an ear deafening slow descend from where we're located. it's all compensated by the wonderful view of a large chunk of manila though. not bad, really. not bad at all.
this transition to a better working environment has somewhat taken me up from my sudden fall into melanchloy. i remember saying to keith sometime last week that i will try to be more selfish than i normally am. i know that sounds absolutely rotten but everyone who truly knows me is aware of the fact that i am a true-blue hedonist. i only want to "live, love and eat" as famous chef wolfgang puck would say. starting today, i refuse to think of anyone or anything else but myself. i would only think about me, me, me. i refuse to worry about my close friends who couldn't be more farther away from me than they are now. i no longer want to be bothered by my mother's problems or my sister's frustrations and issues. i love them and sympathize with them and i would help them if i could. but since i am miles away from them, there really isn't much help i could offer other than a sympathetic ear and a few pieces of advice. i have finally realized that no matter how much i worry over my parents' or my friends' problems, it doesn't change the fact that i am not the person who would be able to resolve their issues.
i feel like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. i finally have a reason to smile...
this transition to a better working environment has somewhat taken me up from my sudden fall into melanchloy. i remember saying to keith sometime last week that i will try to be more selfish than i normally am. i know that sounds absolutely rotten but everyone who truly knows me is aware of the fact that i am a true-blue hedonist. i only want to "live, love and eat" as famous chef wolfgang puck would say. starting today, i refuse to think of anyone or anything else but myself. i would only think about me, me, me. i refuse to worry about my close friends who couldn't be more farther away from me than they are now. i no longer want to be bothered by my mother's problems or my sister's frustrations and issues. i love them and sympathize with them and i would help them if i could. but since i am miles away from them, there really isn't much help i could offer other than a sympathetic ear and a few pieces of advice. i have finally realized that no matter how much i worry over my parents' or my friends' problems, it doesn't change the fact that i am not the person who would be able to resolve their issues.
i feel like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. i finally have a reason to smile...
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