the bride was late for her wedding.
to no fault of hers. the rental car took its sweet time in picking her up at the hotel. but everyone, including the nervous groom, thought that she had decided to leave him at the altar. it would be fitting revenge given what happened to them last year. but no. that issue has long been settled between them. she was just fashionably late. she usually is for everything else in her life. why not at her own wedding?
the bride had nothing to look forward to in her wedding. she's been saying so to her best friends weeks before it was set to take place. her parents weren't able to make it due to financial difficulties. money was tight. she and her fiance were not seeing eye to eye anymore. some anonymous person was stalking her blog telling her to think twice about trying the knot. her migraine was back full force. worse of all, one of her best friend's sister died the same day her fiance's grandmother was rushed to the hospital and was buried the same day as her wedding day. yes. absolutely nothing to look forward to.
the bride wanted nothing more but to wallow in misery and despair. the wedding was costing her too much. it has cost her a very good friend. but she saw how another friend worked hard to make sure she has a place to stay the night before the wedding. she made sure the bride's beauty kit was in order. she gave the bride tips on how to slim down, told her what cream to put in her underarm so it'll be at its whitest and smoothest on her big day, threatened the anonymous stalker at the bride's blog to extinction, and plain told her to "chillax" while they were having their nails done and their eyelashes permed. her godmother and godfather volunteered themselves to walk her down the aisle in place of her parents. her fiance was up to his neck in debt to pay for the wedding. everything has been paid for her. everything has been done for her. her other friends, those who have never stepped foot in alabang their whole lives waved at her from the pew they occupied at the church. the wedding was at eight in the morning and everyone woke up early, dressed in their best and went to her wedding. she looked around her and everybody was busy trying to make this one, momentous event in her life truly happy and beautiful. and she just didn't have the heart to break theirs by screaming to hell with the wedding.
so... she quit crying and smoking in the corner of the car. she got out of the bridal car. straightened her wedding gown and took the arm her handsome godfather offered to her. her godmother took her other arm and the three of them walked down the aisle. her groom looked so happy and relieved to take her hand at the altar. she said her vows, smiled and posed for pictures. she smiled some more at the reception, wined, dined, laughed, joked and took part in the good time everyone was having.
at the end of the day, the bride told her groom how she didn't quite expect the wedding to turn out so wonderfully. but it did. it was one of the best days in her life. it was the happiest and the saddest. the most bittersweet. she remembered what her friend told her... happiness is always a trade off. the bride thought the price she paid for the happiness she had on her wedding day was pretty steep. but choices had been made and there was no going back.
she looked at the wedding ring on her finger and sighed. try as she might, things will never be the same for her...
happy sad
pwede ka ba maging masaya at malungkot ng sabay?
ako oo.
nang makita ko ang anak nya, sobrang saya ko. kamukhang-kamukha nya. ilong pa lang, hindi na maitatanggi. heheheehee...
nang makita ko kung sino ang ina na bumuhat sa anak nya nalungkot ako. bakit sya pa?
pero andito na eh... ano pa ba ang pwedeng magawa.
masaya ko dahil nagka-baby na siya sa wakas. malungkot dahil alam ko na hindi nya makukuha ang alam kong talagang gusto nya.
ako oo.
nang makita ko ang anak nya, sobrang saya ko. kamukhang-kamukha nya. ilong pa lang, hindi na maitatanggi. heheheehee...
nang makita ko kung sino ang ina na bumuhat sa anak nya nalungkot ako. bakit sya pa?
pero andito na eh... ano pa ba ang pwedeng magawa.
masaya ko dahil nagka-baby na siya sa wakas. malungkot dahil alam ko na hindi nya makukuha ang alam kong talagang gusto nya.
i find myself visiting friendster less and less these days. i plain hate it sometimes. and it's all because of you. yes... you. you, of all people. but then again, why not you? i don't think i care about anyone else as much as i care about you.
i envy them, your friends and your so-called friends. buti pa sila. you could write them glowing testimonials. you go out of your way to tell them how good they are, how happy you are to be with them... how it is such a pleasure knowing them, being in their company. pero sa akin, may nasabi ka ba? wala. have you ever told me how intelligent i am? how nice i could be when i want to? or how about how strong i could be when the situation calls for it?
WALA. lagi na lang WALA. pakiramdam ko, lagi na lang ako huli sa buhay mo. pamilya mo, kaibigan mo, trabaho mo, ako. minsan, pakiramdam ko, pampalipas-oras na lang ako para sa'yo. someone to make you laugh, someone to boost your ego, someone to take care of you when no one else is, someone to keep you warm at nights...
yeah. you tell me i'm beautiful. but, funny as this may sound, i know that already. hindi mo naman ako papatulan kung pangit ako di ba? i may not be as glamorous or attractive as your other friends, but i do look ok. hindi naman kahiya-hiya ang hitsura ko sa lipunan di ba?
i could go on and on about this issue but i won't. i refuse to be sad now, the same way i refuse to be bitter. i have a lot of things going for me and the last thing i need is someone who claims to love me so much but can't be bothered to say one good thing about me. i don't need someone who does not see or maybe, refuses to see, my value. affirmation goes a long, long way. some things may go without saying, but most of the time, one kind word will do the trick.
someday... someone just might beat you right to it.
=============
P.S. to YOU... yes, YOU... just in case you happen to read this post. i just want to make it clear: hindi ako nagrereklamo. hindi ako naghahanap. and i'm definitely NOT nagging you. this is my blog and i am merely voicing out my hurts. you cannot help who and what you are. kung ganito ka talaga magmahal o kung hanggang dito lang ang kaya mo... okay lang. hindi kita paghahanapan ng iba.
mahal kita... at mamahalin kita hangga't kaya ko sa tanging paraang alam ko.
i envy them, your friends and your so-called friends. buti pa sila. you could write them glowing testimonials. you go out of your way to tell them how good they are, how happy you are to be with them... how it is such a pleasure knowing them, being in their company. pero sa akin, may nasabi ka ba? wala. have you ever told me how intelligent i am? how nice i could be when i want to? or how about how strong i could be when the situation calls for it?
WALA. lagi na lang WALA. pakiramdam ko, lagi na lang ako huli sa buhay mo. pamilya mo, kaibigan mo, trabaho mo, ako. minsan, pakiramdam ko, pampalipas-oras na lang ako para sa'yo. someone to make you laugh, someone to boost your ego, someone to take care of you when no one else is, someone to keep you warm at nights...
yeah. you tell me i'm beautiful. but, funny as this may sound, i know that already. hindi mo naman ako papatulan kung pangit ako di ba? i may not be as glamorous or attractive as your other friends, but i do look ok. hindi naman kahiya-hiya ang hitsura ko sa lipunan di ba?
i could go on and on about this issue but i won't. i refuse to be sad now, the same way i refuse to be bitter. i have a lot of things going for me and the last thing i need is someone who claims to love me so much but can't be bothered to say one good thing about me. i don't need someone who does not see or maybe, refuses to see, my value. affirmation goes a long, long way. some things may go without saying, but most of the time, one kind word will do the trick.
someday... someone just might beat you right to it.
=============
P.S. to YOU... yes, YOU... just in case you happen to read this post. i just want to make it clear: hindi ako nagrereklamo. hindi ako naghahanap. and i'm definitely NOT nagging you. this is my blog and i am merely voicing out my hurts. you cannot help who and what you are. kung ganito ka talaga magmahal o kung hanggang dito lang ang kaya mo... okay lang. hindi kita paghahanapan ng iba.
mahal kita... at mamahalin kita hangga't kaya ko sa tanging paraang alam ko.
grooove to a different mooove
started work with a new company last monday, october 17. now isn't that a nice coincidence? 17 happens to be one of my favorite numbers. i won a lunch bag that day. i was dressed real nice. damn! i look good. =D not as pretty as those other girls but definitely better.
i'm looking forward to more of work. i have plans of becoming a performance coach or maybe a trainer. i'm going to pursue my dreams of being certified in spanish. i'm intent on saving money just for the heck of it and also, to help me when chin and i would build ashira's world. i'm going to pay off my debts as soon as i start receiving my pay regularly. i'm also redoing my wardrobe. chin said i need more pizazz. yah. i need some P on my sass. hehheheeeh. so i gave my old tank tops away, kept the ones i can't live without. i'll be buying blouses from now on. i have to anyway. we have a dress code in the office to follow.
i'm holding court at Middle Earth for now. with Darth of course. we're doing well. having fun with each other, enjoying each other's company, wallowing in some good, imperfectly perfect love. pain is a thing of the past but the lessons are remembered. Weekends are spent with chin and cokie at Olympus. conversations with pims are few and far between but full of affection and common sense. i take everything one day at a time. i only have one goal: settle down. with myself. make peace with everything and everyone. no need to pick up the pieces. i am reinventing myself. i'm moving to a different groove now.
it feels good to be able to say this once again: life is good.
i'm looking forward to more of work. i have plans of becoming a performance coach or maybe a trainer. i'm going to pursue my dreams of being certified in spanish. i'm intent on saving money just for the heck of it and also, to help me when chin and i would build ashira's world. i'm going to pay off my debts as soon as i start receiving my pay regularly. i'm also redoing my wardrobe. chin said i need more pizazz. yah. i need some P on my sass. hehheheeeh. so i gave my old tank tops away, kept the ones i can't live without. i'll be buying blouses from now on. i have to anyway. we have a dress code in the office to follow.
i'm holding court at Middle Earth for now. with Darth of course. we're doing well. having fun with each other, enjoying each other's company, wallowing in some good, imperfectly perfect love. pain is a thing of the past but the lessons are remembered. Weekends are spent with chin and cokie at Olympus. conversations with pims are few and far between but full of affection and common sense. i take everything one day at a time. i only have one goal: settle down. with myself. make peace with everything and everyone. no need to pick up the pieces. i am reinventing myself. i'm moving to a different groove now.
it feels good to be able to say this once again: life is good.
Funny, but I've just realized that this song has been playing in the background as my life came undone, unfolded and rearranged itself.
White Flag
-Dido-
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet Which I'm sure we will
All that was there Will be there still
I'll let it pass And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be...
White Flag
-Dido-
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet Which I'm sure we will
All that was there Will be there still
I'll let it pass And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be...
One Step Forward
This is a song that Cokie introduced to me. It's by her, or rather, our favorite group, Hi5.
One Step Forward
-Hi5-
Don't be afraid to try something new
Don't stop yourself from being 'you'
If you can't do it this way,then try another way and keep on saying 'I can do'
Dare yourself to jump up high,take your feet off the
ground,and reach for the sky....
(Take) one step forward,don't look back
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help, then I'm here for you
keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
Whatever's in your wildest dream
Whatever's in your heart of hearts
Let yourself dream it,let yourself try it
There's no way of stopping you
Just keep on saying 'I can do it'
and watch your dreams come true
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
I can do this,I can do that
Just watch me and see
I can do lots and lots and lots of things
more than I ever believed (2x)
(Take) one step forward,don't look back
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help, then I'm here for you
keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
I love you Cokie...*hugs*
One Step Forward
-Hi5-
Don't be afraid to try something new
Don't stop yourself from being 'you'
If you can't do it this way,then try another way and keep on saying 'I can do'
Dare yourself to jump up high,take your feet off the
ground,and reach for the sky....
(Take) one step forward,don't look back
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help, then I'm here for you
keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
Whatever's in your wildest dream
Whatever's in your heart of hearts
Let yourself dream it,let yourself try it
There's no way of stopping you
Just keep on saying 'I can do it'
and watch your dreams come true
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
I can do this,I can do that
Just watch me and see
I can do lots and lots and lots of things
more than I ever believed (2x)
(Take) one step forward,don't look back
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help, then I'm here for you
keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through
I love you Cokie...*hugs*
Main Entry: Displaced Person
Main Entry: displaced person
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: individual forced to leave his or her native country or home; To move or shift from the usual place or position, especially to force to leave a homeland, i. e. millions of refugees who were displaced by the war.
Synonyms: DP, D.P., exile, expatriate, man without a country, persona non grata, stateless person, unacceptable person, undesirable,aimless, confused, cool, discontinuous, disordered, displaced, disunited, divided, far out, fitful, fuzzy, inchoate, incoherent, incohesive, irrational, loose, muddled, rambling, separated, spaced out, spacey, spasmodic, split, unattached, unconnected, unorganized
and the list goes on to about 14 other more entries for the word displaced. and yes, mari, i could figure it out.
a good friend of mine said that i could do whatever the hell i like with my life so long that i am happy. that whether i choose to move back in with darth, or if i run around in circles moving from one house to another, or if i shift from one job to next, or if i choose to slit my throat... it's fine. so long as i would be happy.
am i happy? some days, i am. do i choose to be unhappy some days? no. but if you are living in a roach and rat infested tiny house with no company but your books and a small radio, you would definitely feel a little blue. when you get to thinking about what you had then (which was a lot) and what you have now (which is very little), i'm sure you'd feel a little sad about about the way things turned out. why do i choose to live in squalid little house? because i have pride. i do not want to bother anyone for any more help and a little squalid house is all i can afford now, so it's what i'm going to have to settle for and live in.
everything in life is a choice. how true. that's exactly what neo said: "the problem is choice." i am now in the midst of choosing between what i want, what i am getting and what i am willing to settle for. now, do i really have a choice?
what i want most is to be able to stand on my own two feet without having to rely on anybody because what i hate most is asking anybody for help. i don't like owing anyone anything. what i am getting right now is help from the person who hurt me the most and from a few friends i consider as family. right now, i don't want their help but i am settling with seeking their assistance because i don't have any other way to survive but to take what is freely offered.
a lot of people will disagree when i say i have not lost my self-respect. but it was my self-respect that carried me along from breaking it off with him to making tiny steps to move on. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have killed myself four months ago. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have been conveniently living in his house while i am still out of a job, regardless of the fact that he supposedly loves someone else. why did i take him back? because i believe that someone you have given your everything to is worth giving a second chance.
we all have one life to live. one heaven or one hell. am i living my life the way Bathala sees fit? let's see: i engage in pre-marital sex; i have a dirty mind and a dirtier mouth; i smoke a lot; i drink a lot;i forget to keep in touch with my friends and family; and the list of my sins go on. i know i make Bathala cringe but i also know that somehow, someway, i make Him proud. I'm sure that when He sees me, He shrugs and says:"there goes cecille, ever so strong, just keeping the stride despite all the burden. there she goes loving everyone, passionately and unconditionally."
=================
misplaced
adj 1: put in the wrong place or position; "She was penalized for a spelling mistake or a misplaced accent" 2: lost temporarily; as especially put in an unaccustomed or forgotten place; "the mislaid hat turned up eventually"; "misplaced tickets" [syn: mislaid]
i am no longer displaced. just misplaced. and i am working bit by bit to regain my rightful place. anyone can come and judge me, make fun or talk about what happened to me. but please... before you pass judgment, before you say anything, make sure you have gone thru what i have gone thru: no job, no house, no family, no boyfriend, no money. and then... go fish and figure.
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: individual forced to leave his or her native country or home; To move or shift from the usual place or position, especially to force to leave a homeland, i. e. millions of refugees who were displaced by the war.
Synonyms: DP, D.P., exile, expatriate, man without a country, persona non grata, stateless person, unacceptable person, undesirable,aimless, confused, cool, discontinuous, disordered, displaced, disunited, divided, far out, fitful, fuzzy, inchoate, incoherent, incohesive, irrational, loose, muddled, rambling, separated, spaced out, spacey, spasmodic, split, unattached, unconnected, unorganized
and the list goes on to about 14 other more entries for the word displaced. and yes, mari, i could figure it out.
a good friend of mine said that i could do whatever the hell i like with my life so long that i am happy. that whether i choose to move back in with darth, or if i run around in circles moving from one house to another, or if i shift from one job to next, or if i choose to slit my throat... it's fine. so long as i would be happy.
am i happy? some days, i am. do i choose to be unhappy some days? no. but if you are living in a roach and rat infested tiny house with no company but your books and a small radio, you would definitely feel a little blue. when you get to thinking about what you had then (which was a lot) and what you have now (which is very little), i'm sure you'd feel a little sad about about the way things turned out. why do i choose to live in squalid little house? because i have pride. i do not want to bother anyone for any more help and a little squalid house is all i can afford now, so it's what i'm going to have to settle for and live in.
everything in life is a choice. how true. that's exactly what neo said: "the problem is choice." i am now in the midst of choosing between what i want, what i am getting and what i am willing to settle for. now, do i really have a choice?
what i want most is to be able to stand on my own two feet without having to rely on anybody because what i hate most is asking anybody for help. i don't like owing anyone anything. what i am getting right now is help from the person who hurt me the most and from a few friends i consider as family. right now, i don't want their help but i am settling with seeking their assistance because i don't have any other way to survive but to take what is freely offered.
a lot of people will disagree when i say i have not lost my self-respect. but it was my self-respect that carried me along from breaking it off with him to making tiny steps to move on. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have killed myself four months ago. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have been conveniently living in his house while i am still out of a job, regardless of the fact that he supposedly loves someone else. why did i take him back? because i believe that someone you have given your everything to is worth giving a second chance.
we all have one life to live. one heaven or one hell. am i living my life the way Bathala sees fit? let's see: i engage in pre-marital sex; i have a dirty mind and a dirtier mouth; i smoke a lot; i drink a lot;i forget to keep in touch with my friends and family; and the list of my sins go on. i know i make Bathala cringe but i also know that somehow, someway, i make Him proud. I'm sure that when He sees me, He shrugs and says:"there goes cecille, ever so strong, just keeping the stride despite all the burden. there she goes loving everyone, passionately and unconditionally."
=================
misplaced
adj 1: put in the wrong place or position; "She was penalized for a spelling mistake or a misplaced accent" 2: lost temporarily; as especially put in an unaccustomed or forgotten place; "the mislaid hat turned up eventually"; "misplaced tickets" [syn: mislaid]
i am no longer displaced. just misplaced. and i am working bit by bit to regain my rightful place. anyone can come and judge me, make fun or talk about what happened to me. but please... before you pass judgment, before you say anything, make sure you have gone thru what i have gone thru: no job, no house, no family, no boyfriend, no money. and then... go fish and figure.
i saw K in the office yesterday. i spoke with her. i felt so totally "wala lang". as in. she may be prettier, sexier, richer. she may be in a far better state than i am in. she may even still have darth's affection. yeah... at times i envy her so much it hurts. i even told darth how much i envy her. i said " it would be nice for someone to love me so much he would give up everything for me." yeah. it would be nice to find such a man...
anyway, she may be all that i could want. but i dare say that i am not so lost myself. i am cute in my own right. i am strong, a woman in a class of my own. i am smart with smarter friends who love me, care for me, and help me when i am down and out. she may have his affection until now. i could care less. i have the man. i have had his love for three years now. i am the woman he has promised forever to. i am the girl who's wearing the ring. most importantly, i never had to steal him from anyone. he was all mine to take. and he still is mine.
she was a nightmare i have woken up from. to have my beloved darth by my side when i woke up is a bonus. she was a wake up call for both of us. it taught me and darth to value each other, to take better care of our relationship and not take each other for granted.
i never thought i would learn so much from such a harrowing experience. but i am glad. i have woken up from the nightmare. i am wide awake.and regardless of whether i have my man next to me or not, i am moving on.
anyway, she may be all that i could want. but i dare say that i am not so lost myself. i am cute in my own right. i am strong, a woman in a class of my own. i am smart with smarter friends who love me, care for me, and help me when i am down and out. she may have his affection until now. i could care less. i have the man. i have had his love for three years now. i am the woman he has promised forever to. i am the girl who's wearing the ring. most importantly, i never had to steal him from anyone. he was all mine to take. and he still is mine.
she was a nightmare i have woken up from. to have my beloved darth by my side when i woke up is a bonus. she was a wake up call for both of us. it taught me and darth to value each other, to take better care of our relationship and not take each other for granted.
i never thought i would learn so much from such a harrowing experience. but i am glad. i have woken up from the nightmare. i am wide awake.and regardless of whether i have my man next to me or not, i am moving on.
the first step is always the most difficult.
i just called my TL and told him that i'm resigning. i feel bad because he's been very nice. but i don't feel bad that i've resigned from work. i'm actually relieved. it's not really for me. what's the sense of trying to be good at something your heart is just not into?
i'm scared though. i'm scared that i might end up without a job. i'm scared of running out of money. but i have to take the risk. sometimes, like what keith said, you have to take the risk and know.
*sigh* it's going to be difficult for the next few weeks. i have to learn to hold on tight to my money. i have to learn to stick to the budget. chin said: we'll make it work. yeah. i have to make it work.
i have a house now. i'm sharing it with my new friend, sam. rent is low and the house is ok. i would prefer to be in a better neighborhood, in a better house.but beggars can't be choosers right? i'm thankful i have a roof above my head. it'll do for now.
i won't start with my new work till october. i really hope it pushes thru. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. it's a better job with better pay.
and i have a house to live in now.
things are finally taking a turn for the better.
i just called my TL and told him that i'm resigning. i feel bad because he's been very nice. but i don't feel bad that i've resigned from work. i'm actually relieved. it's not really for me. what's the sense of trying to be good at something your heart is just not into?
i'm scared though. i'm scared that i might end up without a job. i'm scared of running out of money. but i have to take the risk. sometimes, like what keith said, you have to take the risk and know.
*sigh* it's going to be difficult for the next few weeks. i have to learn to hold on tight to my money. i have to learn to stick to the budget. chin said: we'll make it work. yeah. i have to make it work.
i have a house now. i'm sharing it with my new friend, sam. rent is low and the house is ok. i would prefer to be in a better neighborhood, in a better house.but beggars can't be choosers right? i'm thankful i have a roof above my head. it'll do for now.
i won't start with my new work till october. i really hope it pushes thru. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. it's a better job with better pay.
and i have a house to live in now.
things are finally taking a turn for the better.
i feel so alone at time. eventhough i'm with good company. i feel so scattered. or maybe shattered us the word. pieces of me are floating everywhere.
i'm tired. my feet are tired of walking. my mind is tired of thinking. my heart...sometimes, it feels like my heart us tired of loving.
i want to rest. some days, i juat want to sleep. just close out everything. just sleep and never wake up.
it's all so sad. my life was smooth-sailing. i was OK. now, everything just sucks. i was so sure then. now, i have no idea.
am i happy?
sometimes. some days are good. some days are bad. some days, it's the pits.
happiness is an old friend who drops by from time to time.
i'm tired. my feet are tired of walking. my mind is tired of thinking. my heart...sometimes, it feels like my heart us tired of loving.
i want to rest. some days, i juat want to sleep. just close out everything. just sleep and never wake up.
it's all so sad. my life was smooth-sailing. i was OK. now, everything just sucks. i was so sure then. now, i have no idea.
am i happy?
sometimes. some days are good. some days are bad. some days, it's the pits.
happiness is an old friend who drops by from time to time.
i get by...
i have been blessed with the most intelligent, empathetic, understanding friends. i don't get to say this to them much, but i am thankful everyday that they are at my side. they say that a friend in need is a friend indeed. along with the other lessons that i have gleaned from my recent "fall from grace", i now know who my friends are. with everything that they have done for me, especially to those two obstinate goddesses/fairy godmothers, thank you doesn't seem to be enough.
i know that they do not approve of the choices i have made. i know they want to beat some sense into me. i know thay want to kill darth so badly. para nga naman di na ko iiyak ulit. at di na ko aasa pa. but they love me so much so that they just shut up, hug me and whisper "everything's going to be all right."
so this goes out to my beloved friends, to my newfound family. i am standing tall once again, confident and full of hope, not because darth and i are together again. it's because of all of you, my fellow goddesses, that i get thru the day.
"i get by with a little help from my friends."
i know that they do not approve of the choices i have made. i know they want to beat some sense into me. i know thay want to kill darth so badly. para nga naman di na ko iiyak ulit. at di na ko aasa pa. but they love me so much so that they just shut up, hug me and whisper "everything's going to be all right."
so this goes out to my beloved friends, to my newfound family. i am standing tall once again, confident and full of hope, not because darth and i are together again. it's because of all of you, my fellow goddesses, that i get thru the day.
"i get by with a little help from my friends."
such a lovely couple...
Taken 29 June 2005 at the FBM lobby, Makati. I remember that line in Pretty Woman: " It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful."
Ah yes... so difficult. You can put all the mementos, letters, and pictures in a box. You can throw away the flowers, even the dried ones you have so lovingly collected. You can take off the ring that he promised forever with. You can put everything in a pile and burn them...
Yet, a blast of cold air would remind you of how he held you close in his arms; how he kissed your shivers away; how he would carry you on his back when you can't or won't walk anymore. How he would dance with you under the moonlight and hum. How he would tickle you till you cry with laughter. You try and turn away, willing everything that reminds you of how good it all was to go away. You shut your eyes tight, hoping it's not his face you would see in your mind.
But it still is.
And even if you don't want to. You remember.
We make such a lovely couple. We make such a good team, great partners. All of our family, friends, and acquaintances say so. I think we are. Or rather, we were.
And that is why it is so difficult to let go. Dahil sayang...sayang.It was all good. Even now, it is still good.
Kaya kahit na may mga araw na gusto ko na siyang isuko, kalimutan... hindi ko magawa. Sayang...
Sayang.
This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies, My Sassy Girl. Who would've thought I'd ever be singing it with so much fervor and feeling? It's in Korean,by the way, and the following is the translation.
I Believe
I believe
That although you are gone
This cannot be the end, can it?
I believe
That your journey back to me
Is just delayed, isn't it?
I remember so well
That I hurt myself as I cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
I will wait for you, just you
I believe you should not cry
When you think about my pain
I believe my tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who make them cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
Before I met you
The world was not so beautiful
Beneath the same sky
All alone I cry
But I will wait here
Just for you
Even if waiting is hopeless
It's already enough
To think of love
Time means nothing to me
I will wait for you, just you...just you
I Believe
I believe
That although you are gone
This cannot be the end, can it?
I believe
That your journey back to me
Is just delayed, isn't it?
I remember so well
That I hurt myself as I cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
I will wait for you, just you
I believe you should not cry
When you think about my pain
I believe my tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who make them cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
Before I met you
The world was not so beautiful
Beneath the same sky
All alone I cry
But I will wait here
Just for you
Even if waiting is hopeless
It's already enough
To think of love
Time means nothing to me
I will wait for you, just you...just you
stranded on the same ground
My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would've
wanted it until there was you.
Because i have learned that love is beyond
what human can imagine,
the more it clears the more i have to let you go.
[Chorus:]
But now i don't understand why im feeling
so bad now when i know it was my idea.
i could've just denied the truth and
lied. but why am i the only one standing stranded
on the same ground?
My love because i have learned that love is a
word gets thrown a little bit too much.
the best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
i never have to if all else fail
would you be there to love me?
when all else fail, would you be brave to see right
through me?
why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would've
wanted it until there was you.
Because i have learned that love is beyond
what human can imagine,
the more it clears the more i have to let you go.
[Chorus:]
But now i don't understand why im feeling
so bad now when i know it was my idea.
i could've just denied the truth and
lied. but why am i the only one standing stranded
on the same ground?
My love because i have learned that love is a
word gets thrown a little bit too much.
the best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
i never have to if all else fail
would you be there to love me?
when all else fail, would you be brave to see right
through me?
why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?
the one
i got this in the mail today:
LADIES.....
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forhead,
who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you
of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends
And says, "...that's her."
he used to feel this way about me... maybe even now.but who's to tell? only he holds the answer. my beloved.
GUYS...
Find a i am the girl who calls you baby faced
instead of hot or sexy
who i can't stand it when you hang up on
her me and calls right back,
who i would sit there for hours looking into your eyes,
who i doesn't don't care what you look like, but what's
inside counts the most,
Who i looks at you with the twinkle in her my eyes and
kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips,
i Wants to be with you in public, even if you wear
those old grass stained and ripped pants with the
bleached jersey like always,
Wait for i am the girl who is a constant reminder of
your happiness and joy, who makes you smile just
by knowingshe i loves you back.Wait for i am the girl who you give piggy back rides to
in public andshe i still is in view of her my friends,
whileshe i gets off and you hear her me go: "you're
the one for me, for always"
he is all these and more to me. " you're the one for me, for always. "
siempre te amare, mi amor.mi querido.
LADIES.....
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forhead,
who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you
of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends
And says, "...that's her."
he used to feel this way about me... maybe even now.but who's to tell? only he holds the answer. my beloved.
GUYS...
instead of hot or sexy
inside counts the most,
kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips,
i Want
those old grass stained and ripped pants with the
bleached jersey like always,
your happiness and joy, who makes you smile just
by knowing
in public and
while
the one for me, for always"
he is all these and more to me. " you're the one for me, for always. "
siempre te amare, mi amor.mi querido.
for My Beloved Darth
Find Me Here, Speak To Me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light, That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light, That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
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