i find myself visiting friendster less and less these days. i plain hate it sometimes. and it's all because of you. yes... you. you, of all people. but then again, why not you? i don't think i care about anyone else as much as i care about you.

i envy them, your friends and your so-called friends. buti pa sila. you could write them glowing testimonials. you go out of your way to tell them how good they are, how happy you are to be with them... how it is such a pleasure knowing them, being in their company. pero sa akin, may nasabi ka ba? wala. have you ever told me how intelligent i am? how nice i could be when i want to? or how about how strong i could be when the situation calls for it?

WALA. lagi na lang WALA. pakiramdam ko, lagi na lang ako huli sa buhay mo. pamilya mo, kaibigan mo, trabaho mo, ako. minsan, pakiramdam ko, pampalipas-oras na lang ako para sa'yo. someone to make you laugh, someone to boost your ego, someone to take care of you when no one else is, someone to keep you warm at nights...

yeah. you tell me i'm beautiful. but, funny as this may sound, i know that already. hindi mo naman ako papatulan kung pangit ako di ba? i may not be as glamorous or attractive as your other friends, but i do look ok. hindi naman kahiya-hiya ang hitsura ko sa lipunan di ba?

i could go on and on about this issue but i won't. i refuse to be sad now, the same way i refuse to be bitter. i have a lot of things going for me and the last thing i need is someone who claims to love me so much but can't be bothered to say one good thing about me. i don't need someone who does not see or maybe, refuses to see, my value. affirmation goes a long, long way. some things may go without saying, but most of the time, one kind word will do the trick.

someday... someone just might beat you right to it.

=============
P.S. to YOU... yes, YOU... just in case you happen to read this post. i just want to make it clear: hindi ako nagrereklamo. hindi ako naghahanap. and i'm definitely NOT nagging you. this is my blog and i am merely voicing out my hurts. you cannot help who and what you are. kung ganito ka talaga magmahal o kung hanggang dito lang ang kaya mo... okay lang. hindi kita paghahanapan ng iba.

mahal kita... at mamahalin kita hangga't kaya ko sa tanging paraang alam ko.

grooove to a different mooove

started work with a new company last monday, october 17. now isn't that a nice coincidence? 17 happens to be one of my favorite numbers. i won a lunch bag that day. i was dressed real nice. damn! i look good. =D not as pretty as those other girls but definitely better.

i'm looking forward to more of work. i have plans of becoming a performance coach or maybe a trainer. i'm going to pursue my dreams of being certified in spanish. i'm intent on saving money just for the heck of it and also, to help me when chin and i would build ashira's world. i'm going to pay off my debts as soon as i start receiving my pay regularly. i'm also redoing my wardrobe. chin said i need more pizazz. yah. i need some P on my sass. hehheheeeh. so i gave my old tank tops away, kept the ones i can't live without. i'll be buying blouses from now on. i have to anyway. we have a dress code in the office to follow.

i'm holding court at Middle Earth for now. with Darth of course. we're doing well. having fun with each other, enjoying each other's company, wallowing in some good, imperfectly perfect love. pain is a thing of the past but the lessons are remembered. Weekends are spent with chin and cokie at Olympus. conversations with pims are few and far between but full of affection and common sense. i take everything one day at a time. i only have one goal: settle down. with myself. make peace with everything and everyone. no need to pick up the pieces. i am reinventing myself. i'm moving to a different groove now.

it feels good to be able to say this once again: life is good.

Funny, but I've just realized that this song has been playing in the background as my life came undone, unfolded and rearranged itself.

White Flag
-Dido-

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet Which I'm sure we will
All that was there Will be there still
I'll let it pass And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be...

One Step Forward

This is a song that Cokie introduced to me. It's by her, or rather, our favorite group, Hi5.

One Step Forward
-Hi5-

Don't be afraid to try something new
Don't stop yourself from being 'you'
If you can't do it this way,then try another way and keep on saying 'I can do'
Dare yourself to jump up high,take your feet off the
ground,and reach for the sky....

(Take) one step forward,don't look back
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help, then I'm here for you
keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through

Whatever's in your wildest dream
Whatever's in your heart of hearts
Let yourself dream it,let yourself try it
There's no way of stopping you
Just keep on saying 'I can do it'
and watch your dreams come true

Just keep on trying and you'll get through

I can do this,I can do that
Just watch me and see
I can do lots and lots and lots of things
more than I ever believed (2x)

(Take) one step forward,don't look back
It won't take long till you're on that track
If you need a little help, then I'm here for you
keep on trying and you'll get through
Just keep on trying and you'll get through

Just keep on trying and you'll get through

I love you Cokie...*hugs*

Main Entry: Displaced Person

Main Entry: displaced person
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: individual forced to leave his or her native country or home; To move or shift from the usual place or position, especially to force to leave a homeland, i. e. millions of refugees who were displaced by the war.
Synonyms: DP, D.P., exile, expatriate, man without a country, persona non grata, stateless person, unacceptable person, undesirable,aimless, confused, cool, discontinuous, disordered, displaced, disunited, divided, far out, fitful, fuzzy, inchoate, incoherent, incohesive, irrational, loose, muddled, rambling, separated, spaced out, spacey, spasmodic, split, unattached, unconnected, unorganized

and the list goes on to about 14 other more entries for the word displaced. and yes, mari, i could figure it out.

a good friend of mine said that i could do whatever the hell i like with my life so long that i am happy. that whether i choose to move back in with darth, or if i run around in circles moving from one house to another, or if i shift from one job to next, or if i choose to slit my throat... it's fine. so long as i would be happy.

am i happy? some days, i am. do i choose to be unhappy some days? no. but if you are living in a roach and rat infested tiny house with no company but your books and a small radio, you would definitely feel a little blue. when you get to thinking about what you had then (which was a lot) and what you have now (which is very little), i'm sure you'd feel a little sad about about the way things turned out. why do i choose to live in squalid little house? because i have pride. i do not want to bother anyone for any more help and a little squalid house is all i can afford now, so it's what i'm going to have to settle for and live in.

everything in life is a choice. how true. that's exactly what neo said: "the problem is choice." i am now in the midst of choosing between what i want, what i am getting and what i am willing to settle for. now, do i really have a choice?

what i want most is to be able to stand on my own two feet without having to rely on anybody because what i hate most is asking anybody for help. i don't like owing anyone anything. what i am getting right now is help from the person who hurt me the most and from a few friends i consider as family. right now, i don't want their help but i am settling with seeking their assistance because i don't have any other way to survive but to take what is freely offered.

a lot of people will disagree when i say i have not lost my self-respect. but it was my self-respect that carried me along from breaking it off with him to making tiny steps to move on. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have killed myself four months ago. if i didn't love and respect myself, i would have been conveniently living in his house while i am still out of a job, regardless of the fact that he supposedly loves someone else. why did i take him back? because i believe that someone you have given your everything to is worth giving a second chance.

we all have one life to live. one heaven or one hell. am i living my life the way Bathala sees fit? let's see: i engage in pre-marital sex; i have a dirty mind and a dirtier mouth; i smoke a lot; i drink a lot;i forget to keep in touch with my friends and family; and the list of my sins go on. i know i make Bathala cringe but i also know that somehow, someway, i make Him proud. I'm sure that when He sees me, He shrugs and says:"there goes cecille, ever so strong, just keeping the stride despite all the burden. there she goes loving everyone, passionately and unconditionally."

=================
misplaced

adj 1: put in the wrong place or position; "She was penalized for a spelling mistake or a misplaced accent" 2: lost temporarily; as especially put in an unaccustomed or forgotten place; "the mislaid hat turned up eventually"; "misplaced tickets" [syn: mislaid]

i am no longer displaced. just misplaced. and i am working bit by bit to regain my rightful place. anyone can come and judge me, make fun or talk about what happened to me. but please... before you pass judgment, before you say anything, make sure you have gone thru what i have gone thru: no job, no house, no family, no boyfriend, no money. and then... go fish and figure.

i saw K in the office yesterday. i spoke with her. i felt so totally "wala lang". as in. she may be prettier, sexier, richer. she may be in a far better state than i am in. she may even still have darth's affection. yeah... at times i envy her so much it hurts. i even told darth how much i envy her. i said " it would be nice for someone to love me so much he would give up everything for me." yeah. it would be nice to find such a man...

anyway, she may be all that i could want. but i dare say that i am not so lost myself. i am cute in my own right. i am strong, a woman in a class of my own. i am smart with smarter friends who love me, care for me, and help me when i am down and out. she may have his affection until now. i could care less. i have the man. i have had his love for three years now. i am the woman he has promised forever to. i am the girl who's wearing the ring. most importantly, i never had to steal him from anyone. he was all mine to take. and he still is mine.

she was a nightmare i have woken up from. to have my beloved darth by my side when i woke up is a bonus. she was a wake up call for both of us. it taught me and darth to value each other, to take better care of our relationship and not take each other for granted.

i never thought i would learn so much from such a harrowing experience. but i am glad. i have woken up from the nightmare. i am wide awake.and regardless of whether i have my man next to me or not, i am moving on.

the first step is always the most difficult.

i just called my TL and told him that i'm resigning. i feel bad because he's been very nice. but i don't feel bad that i've resigned from work. i'm actually relieved. it's not really for me. what's the sense of trying to be good at something your heart is just not into?

i'm scared though. i'm scared that i might end up without a job. i'm scared of running out of money. but i have to take the risk. sometimes, like what keith said, you have to take the risk and know.

*sigh* it's going to be difficult for the next few weeks. i have to learn to hold on tight to my money. i have to learn to stick to the budget. chin said: we'll make it work. yeah. i have to make it work.

i have a house now. i'm sharing it with my new friend, sam. rent is low and the house is ok. i would prefer to be in a better neighborhood, in a better house.but beggars can't be choosers right? i'm thankful i have a roof above my head. it'll do for now.

i won't start with my new work till october. i really hope it pushes thru. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. it's a better job with better pay.

and i have a house to live in now.

things are finally taking a turn for the better.

i feel so alone at time. eventhough i'm with good company. i feel so scattered. or maybe shattered us the word. pieces of me are floating everywhere.

i'm tired. my feet are tired of walking. my mind is tired of thinking. my heart...sometimes, it feels like my heart us tired of loving.

i want to rest. some days, i juat want to sleep. just close out everything. just sleep and never wake up.

it's all so sad. my life was smooth-sailing. i was OK. now, everything just sucks. i was so sure then. now, i have no idea.

am i happy?

sometimes. some days are good. some days are bad. some days, it's the pits.

happiness is an old friend who drops by from time to time.

i get by...

i have been blessed with the most intelligent, empathetic, understanding friends. i don't get to say this to them much, but i am thankful everyday that they are at my side. they say that a friend in need is a friend indeed. along with the other lessons that i have gleaned from my recent "fall from grace", i now know who my friends are. with everything that they have done for me, especially to those two obstinate goddesses/fairy godmothers, thank you doesn't seem to be enough.

i know that they do not approve of the choices i have made. i know they want to beat some sense into me. i know thay want to kill darth so badly. para nga naman di na ko iiyak ulit. at di na ko aasa pa. but they love me so much so that they just shut up, hug me and whisper "everything's going to be all right."

so this goes out to my beloved friends, to my newfound family. i am standing tall once again, confident and full of hope, not because darth and i are together again. it's because of all of you, my fellow goddesses, that i get thru the day.

"i get by with a little help from my friends."

such a lovely couple...

such a lovely couple...
Originally uploaded by mistress_ice.

Taken 29 June 2005 at the FBM lobby, Makati. I remember that line in Pretty Woman: " It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful."

Ah yes... so difficult. You can put all the mementos, letters, and pictures in a box. You can throw away the flowers, even the dried ones you have so lovingly collected. You can take off the ring that he promised forever with. You can put everything in a pile and burn them...

Yet, a blast of cold air would remind you of how he held you close in his arms; how he kissed your shivers away; how he would carry you on his back when you can't or won't walk anymore. How he would dance with you under the moonlight and hum. How he would tickle you till you cry with laughter. You try and turn away, willing everything that reminds you of how good it all was to go away. You shut your eyes tight, hoping it's not his face you would see in your mind.

But it still is.

And even if you don't want to. You remember.

We make such a lovely couple. We make such a good team, great partners. All of our family, friends, and acquaintances say so. I think we are. Or rather, we were.

And that is why it is so difficult to let go. Dahil sayang...sayang.It was all good. Even now, it is still good.

Kaya kahit na may mga araw na gusto ko na siyang isuko, kalimutan... hindi ko magawa. Sayang...

Sayang.

This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies, My Sassy Girl. Who would've thought I'd ever be singing it with so much fervor and feeling? It's in Korean,by the way, and the following is the translation.

I Believe

I believe
That although you are gone
This cannot be the end, can it?
I believe
That your journey back to me
Is just delayed, isn't it?
I remember so well
That I hurt myself as I cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
I will wait for you, just you
I believe you should not cry
When you think about my pain
I believe my tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who make them cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
Before I met you
The world was not so beautiful
Beneath the same sky
All alone I cry
But I will wait here
Just for you
Even if waiting is hopeless
It's already enough
To think of love
Time means nothing to me
I will wait for you, just you...just you

stranded on the same ground

My love,
Its been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue.
Its hard leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game
Its strange i never would've
wanted it until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is beyond
what human can imagine,
the more it clears the more i have to let you go.

[Chorus:]
But now i don't understand why im feeling
so bad now when i know it was my idea.
i could've just denied the truth and
lied. but why am i the only one standing stranded
on the same ground?

My love because i have learned that love is a
word gets thrown a little bit too much.
the best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
i never have to if all else fail

would you be there to love me?
when all else fail, would you be brave to see right
through me?

why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?

the one

i got this in the mail today:

LADIES.....

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forhead,
who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you
of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends
And says, "...that's her."

he used to feel this way about me... maybe even now.but who's to tell? only he holds the answer. my beloved.

GUYS...

Find a i am the girl who calls you baby faced
instead of hot or sexy
who i can't stand it when you hang up on
her me and calls right back,
who i would sit there for hours looking into your eyes,
who i doesn't don't care what you look like, but what's
inside counts the most,
Who i looks at you with the twinkle in her my eyes and
kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips,
i Wants to be with you in public, even if you wear
those old grass stained and ripped pants with the
bleached jersey like always,
Wait for i am the girl who is a constant reminder of
your happiness and joy, who makes you smile just
by knowing she i loves you back.Wait for i am the girl who you give piggy back rides to
in public and she i still is in view of her my friends,
while she i gets off and you hear her me go: "you're
the one for me, for always"

he is all these and more to me. " you're the one for me, for always. "

siempre te amare, mi amor.mi querido.

for My Beloved Darth

Find Me Here, Speak To Me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light, That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

he terminado.

it is done.

i have packed all my belongings and left. with my head held high, tears streaming down my face. i left with all my earthly possessions,in a van provided for by my fellow goddesses. like what chin said... a goddess should always leave with as much grace and poise as possible. and i did.

to the very last minute, my heart was filled to overflowing with love. love for the people who has become second family to me. love for the mortal i have come down from the heavens to care for, worship and adore.

the last two days have been hell... as i have expected. his mother was hurt so much by his revelation she left, unable to see me pack and eventually leave. his father, aunt, sister... his entire family shed tears for our love and parting. ah! such sorrow all for you and for her... and for me...

i have nothing more to say. just everything to feel.

he terminado.

walanghiyang pare ko...

ampotah talagang buhay to... ngayun ko lang na-realize. wala akong trabaho, wala akong pamilya dito, wala akong tirahan, at wala akong boyfriend. hu-waw! may makukuha pa ba sa'kin?

wala na.

ka-swerte mo talaga. tangina. love na nga kita, in-love pa ko sa'yo. tsk!tsk! lahat na isinuko ko sa yo. letseng pag-ibig 'to...

sabi ni k. ang swerte ko daw kasi ang dami kong kaibigan na nagmamahal sa kin at nagpo-protekta sa 'kin. pero yun ang pinakamasakit... dahil ang pinakamamahal ko ang wala sa tabi ko... kinuha mo kasi...

ayoko na umasa na babalik pa siya. pero hindi ko lolokohin ang sarili ko at sasabihin na hindi nga ako umaasa. it's the hope that he would return to me that keeps me going everyday. gusto ko nang itigil ang lahat pero hindi ko kaya. ganun siguro talaga ang pagmamahal. love moves in mysterious ways sabi nga ng kanta. you want to give up and yet, day after day, you find it within yourself to move on. you wake up hoping he will text you, tell you all sorts of things... maybe one lie after another... and still you find reason to believe each and everyone of them. you find it in your heart, day after day to love him more and more.

ampotang pag-ibig 'to!! " kung kelan ka naging seryoso saka ka nya gagaguhin!!! "

i stumbled upon this interesting piece while looking for song lyrics. it tackles a very interesting subject: love vs. being in-love.

-------

NLOVE ka ba or LOVE mo sya? kala ko dati pareho lang pero iba pala!! basahin para
maliwanagan naman tayo.

"It's definitely different when you love someone and when you're inlove with someone"

explanation: alin nga ba ang mas malalim? Loving someone or Being in love with someone? marami sa atin ang na confuse tungkol dito.

Ikaw ba ay may girlfriend o boyfriend ngayon? Mahal mo ba siya pero parang may isang
tao na parang mahalaga din sayo? o may mahal ka na akala mo eh mahal mo nga siya
pero meron ka pa rin isang tao na minamahal ng totoo?

Kapag love mo ang isang tao masaya ka...Feeling mo ok na ang lahat...pero ang ma-inlove ka, ang siyang pinakamasakit sa lahat!

Kasi ang mga taong inlove ay ang mga taong nag-sasakripisyo at nagpaparaya. Teka bakit ka nga ba nagpaparaya? Dahil ba hindi ka niya mahal o dahil hindi ka siguradong ok lang sa kanya?

Kung yan ang dahilan mo, walang duda na inlove ka nga sa kanya. Kasi iniisip mo kung anong meron kayo sa ngayon ang tanging mahalaga at kontento ka na. Pero isipin mo paano kung mawala ang taong yon at talagang hindi na kayo mag-usap at magkita,kaya mo ba?

Paano naman kung sayo siya inlove at ibinigay niya ang lahat para sayo pero hindi mo napahalagahan ang lahat ng ito kaagad! Paano kung isang araw naguluhan na siya sayo ng husto at maisipang lumayo na lang?

Paano kung sa sobrang pagiging iba (indifferent) mo sa kanya di ka na niya kausapin at tuldukan na niya ng tuluyan kung ano na ang meron kayo?

Then bigla mong na realize kung gaano ka importante sayo ang bawat isa kaya lang
wala na siya!

Kaya mo ba?

Kung hindi ang sagot mo, malinaw na inlove ka nga...

Paano naman pag mahal mo lang, kapag mahal mo lang, alam mo na palagi kang may choice,ayaw mo siyang mawala dahil alam mong wala kang ipapalit. Yung masaya ka sa kanya pero sa gabi hindi naman siya ang iniisip mo. Mahal mo siya pero aminado ka sa sarili mo na balang araw hindi siya ang pakakasalan mo. Mahal mo siya pero ang puso mo hindi lang pra sa kanya..

Mahal mo at masasaktan ka pagnawala siya pero alm mo na kaya mo yon.

Ngayon anong nararamdaman mo ngayon: DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE or YOU'RE INLOVE WITH
SOMEONE?

Isang araw magigising ka na lang na INLOVE ka na nga pero kahit anong gawin mo ay huli na. Dahil maaaring yung taong INLOVE din sayo ay wala na pala.

Tandaan mo: Masyadong mapaglaro ang puso huwag tayo magpaloko!!!

We learn to love someone pero minsan lang dumating sa atin ang pagkakataong ma-inlove!!!

Kaya kapag dumating ito, ano ang gagawin mo?

Post mo ulit ito at tulungan natin na maliwanagan ang iba...

This is real, nkatulong na ito sa iba, at ito ang naging dahilan para masabi
niya ang totoo sa taong inlove siya.
-----

Sana sa kin sya in-love...

attack of the living dead

ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng buhay na patay. o patay na buhay?... wala na kong maramdaman. naiiyak ako pero wala na kong mailabas na luha. ang bigat ng dibdib ko. nagbibiro si mari kanina. natatawa ako pero ngiti lang ang nagawa ko. nagpa-exam si el profesor sa spanish class. hindi ko malaman kung pano ko nasagot basta ipinasa ko sa kanya. sana pasado.

siguro puyat lang ako. mahigit 24 oras na kong gising. hindi ako makatulog eh. gusto ko nang matulog pero hindi ko magawa. ayaw kasi tumigil ng isip ko sa kakaisip eh.

kelan ba matatapos to?! bakit ba pag kelangan mo ng blade wala kang makita? dyaskeng naman o. ang dali-daling matapos nito. blade lang.

ang tanong, pag may blade na sa tabi ko magawa ko kaya ang kinakailangan?...malamang hindi. kasi ganun ang buhay. pag nandyan sa tabi mo, hindi mo kailangan. pag wala, hahanapin mo. parang ikaw. nasa tabi mo na nga ako eh kulang pa rin.

naglalakad ako,nagsasalita ako pero pakiramdam ko hindi ako ito. there is a huge emty feling inside me. siguro ganito ang feeling ng namamatay. so bakit pa ko papakamatay? matagal na kong namatay. kasalukuyan na kong nakaburol. ilang araw na lang... ililibing na ko.

kahit ano... basta ikaw.

" and i'd do anything for you..."

your wish is my command. kaya heto ako. nakaubos na ng isang kahang yosi. nagpalipas ng gabi kasama si pims sa pansamantala kong tirahan.

marami kaming napag-usapan bukod sa iyo. naisip ko lahat ng kantang pwede kong ide-dicate sa yo. madami-dami din pala. naisip ko din kung ano ang pinakamagandang solusyon sa sitwasyon.

ano nga ba?...

alam ko na ang sagot. at alam kong hinihintay mo na lang na sabihin ko sa'yo. nararamdaman ko na buo na sa isip mo ang isang plano. palagay ko eh nakapagdesisyon ka na pero hindi mo masabi sa kin. i know you to be too much of a good man to say it to me. so what you're doing is slowly extricating yourself from me.

i am ever the contradictory person. i keep telling you that i will let you go because of my great love for you but here i am, unable to. pakiramdam ko pag pinalaya kita sa commitment mo sa kin, diretso ka na sa kanya. forever and ever till death do you part na kayo. pa'no naman ako?... pero ano pa nga ba ang mangyayari?...

wag ka mag-alala. i was little ms.independent once, i could regain that title. i will try to extricate myself from you no matter how painful. i will let you go because i cannot bear to see the man i love racked with guilt, frustration, and fear. i love you too much to just stand here and see you suffer.

kung sa pagbalik ko sa bahay nyo ay wala ka pa ring desisyon, ako na ang gagawa para sa 'ting tatlo.

may Bathala be with us.

me and K.

andito na sya. si K. she's sitting right in front of me. she is not the woman i thought or pictured to be. i thought she was different.

but she's just like me.

we share the same views. talk almost the same way. we have the same principles, the same moral values. she's fairer than i am, but still morena. her eyes are neither small nor big. they're just right.like mine. but her eyelashes are longer than mine. her lips thinner but just as wide as mine. her nose is a bit taller than mine. yah... she's pretty. prettier than i am.

we got to talk about things and the more we talked the more i felt like i was speaking with myself. we went down to smoke and we have the same habits. i happened to glance at her cheek, her right cheek. lo and behold! she also has a beauty mark somewhere along her right jaw line. well, well... don't i have a beauty mark on the same spot as well?

i could see why you are falling for her. she is just like me and you are falling for her the same way you fell for me. napakadali nyang mahalin. katulad ko di ba?

mahal kita at lahat ng mahal mo minahal ko. at pati si K. mamahalin ko rin. actually, we're friends now.

fate plays mortals for fools. naloloko na ata tayong 3. boyfriend kita at si K., kaibigan ko na.

the plot thickens.