so i read them all and i just love her matter-of-fact writing. she explains all the technicalites with just enough humour and wit. it's entertaining, educational and funny all at the same time. below is my favorite of all her pieces of advice. it's for a young man named mark who broke up with his beloved girlfriend of three years. the girl dumped him for another man and he thought it was bad karma for him. this is part of what dra.holmes had to say:
think about what you had and ask yourself if it wasn't worth it. you had a good three years in which it seemed you were in heaven. you had terrific sex, not because of technical proficiency or some sophisticated gadgetry you picked up in europe or somewhere, but because the two of you really connected, heart to heart and soul to soul.
you had three wonderful years with her. that is three years more than most people have in their entire lives.
dr.ethel person, a psychologist-psychiatrist, wrote one of the truest things about romantic love in her book Dreams of Love and Other Fateful Encounters. She said that love transforms us. it makes us better, braver people, able to transcend petty concerns, able to stand up to situations we would ordinarily just let pass. this and not how long it lasts or whether it ends up in marriage is the essence of romantic love. this is what makes it so valuable. and when we're particularly blessed, as you seem to be (i shall tell you why later on), the transformation lasts way after the love has gone.
what was karmic were the three years that were so good, not the time after that was so bad. and these years were because, sometime in your life you "must've done something good."
the british author jeanette winterson says it in another way: " however it is debased or misinterpreted, love is a redemptive feature. to focus on one individual so that their desires become superior to yours is a very cleansing experience." (London Times, London,1992).
"do you want me to tell you something really subversive?" erica jong asks in her book how to save your own life(1997). "love is everything it's cracked up to be. that's why people are so cynical about it... it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."
and the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. how true mark. how very true. but you didn't, you see. you didn't hold back and play it safe. you took the risk, dared to plunge, and went right into the fracas. and now you are suffering a bit from the aftermath. like your friends, i too, wish you didn't have to.
but think about it a minute. if that is the price you had to pay for those three years, wouldn't you do it all over again? wasn't it worth it all?
ahhh... no wonder i've done what i did last year...
