i find myself visiting friendster less and less these days. i plain hate it sometimes. and it's all because of you. yes... you. you, of all people. but then again, why not you? i don't think i care about anyone else as much as i care about you.

i envy them, your friends and your so-called friends. buti pa sila. you could write them glowing testimonials. you go out of your way to tell them how good they are, how happy you are to be with them... how it is such a pleasure knowing them, being in their company. pero sa akin, may nasabi ka ba? wala. have you ever told me how intelligent i am? how nice i could be when i want to? or how about how strong i could be when the situation calls for it?

WALA. lagi na lang WALA. pakiramdam ko, lagi na lang ako huli sa buhay mo. pamilya mo, kaibigan mo, trabaho mo, ako. minsan, pakiramdam ko, pampalipas-oras na lang ako para sa'yo. someone to make you laugh, someone to boost your ego, someone to take care of you when no one else is, someone to keep you warm at nights...

yeah. you tell me i'm beautiful. but, funny as this may sound, i know that already. hindi mo naman ako papatulan kung pangit ako di ba? i may not be as glamorous or attractive as your other friends, but i do look ok. hindi naman kahiya-hiya ang hitsura ko sa lipunan di ba?

i could go on and on about this issue but i won't. i refuse to be sad now, the same way i refuse to be bitter. i have a lot of things going for me and the last thing i need is someone who claims to love me so much but can't be bothered to say one good thing about me. i don't need someone who does not see or maybe, refuses to see, my value. affirmation goes a long, long way. some things may go without saying, but most of the time, one kind word will do the trick.

someday... someone just might beat you right to it.

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P.S. to YOU... yes, YOU... just in case you happen to read this post. i just want to make it clear: hindi ako nagrereklamo. hindi ako naghahanap. and i'm definitely NOT nagging you. this is my blog and i am merely voicing out my hurts. you cannot help who and what you are. kung ganito ka talaga magmahal o kung hanggang dito lang ang kaya mo... okay lang. hindi kita paghahanapan ng iba.

mahal kita... at mamahalin kita hangga't kaya ko sa tanging paraang alam ko.